Page 18 of Cruel Alpha (Nightfire Islands Alphas #1)

Everything was chaos. The kettle was screaming at me from the stovetop, and the smell coming from the grill was starting to smell distinctly burnt, but I couldn’t deal with that because Emmy was running a toy car over every possible surface, and Jack was crying because that was his toy car, and we were barreling towards twin tantrums.

To make matters worse, someone was knocking on the door. If I was anywhere else, I would have just ignored it, but if it was one of the Betas checking in, then they’d only take my silence as a sign that the kids and I had been kidnapped or murdered or both. Caleb hadn’t been back in the last couple of days, not since—I wasn’t going to think about that. There was too much going on already.

“It’s open!” I yelled, turning my attention back to the twins. Emmy ignored every attempt to get her to stop, and Jack’s tearful protests only grew louder. I was a terrible mother, and whichever Beta had just wandered in would see that and judge me, and then the whole Pack would know. Caleb would know.

“You know something’s burning in here, right?”

The sound of Caleb’s voice sent my heart sinking. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t ready to face him again, let alone with dinner burning and ketchup on my shirt and the twins running around like they were determined to bring the house down. He’d probably decide he didn’t want us all over again.

“Yeah,” I said without turning to face him. “I’ve just got a few other things to deal with.”

To my surprise, he didn’t turn around and leave. I heard him drop something heavy onto the floor before he said,

“Okay. You go deal with the burning; I’ll deal with this.”

There wasn’t time to consider whether that was a good idea because the burning smell was getting worse.

“Be my guest,” I said as I rushed over to the stove, pulling the sausage links out from under the grill. They were pretty crispy but maybe salvageable. I set them down on the side before moving the screaming kettle off the heat and pouring it over the waiting pot of pasta. As I let out a breath of relief, I watched Caleb approaching Jack, crouching slowly down next to him. When he spoke, his voice was low and gentle.

“What’s up, little guy?”

I appreciated him trying, but I doubted Jack would respond. Unlike his sister, Jack was afraid of most people who weren’t me. To my surprise, Jack swallowed back his sobs with two pathetic little hiccups before he replied,

“That’s my car.”

“Oh, that’s your car, huh? Hey, my sister used to take my things, too.” He nudged Jack gently with his elbow, giving him a conspiratorial wink before he turned serious. “Alright. Emmy, come here.”

In her great benevolence, Emmy drove the toy car over the back of the easy chair and over the coffee table, coming to a stop in front of Caleb and Jack. I began to scrape the burnt bits off the sausages, watching intently.

“What?” Emmy asked, as if she had been interrupted doing something enormously important. Her sass had only gotten worse since we’d lived with Julia.

“Did you ask your brother before you took his toy car?”

“Everything ‘longs to everyone in the Pack,” Emmy replied. She’d been fascinated with the concept since we arrived on Lapine, having never really experienced that life on Arbor. She’d not quite gotten the hang of communal property, though.

“Sure,” said Caleb, clearly holding back a smile. “That doesn’t mean we can just take things, though. If everything belongs to everyone, then Jack gets to have a turn, too.” His words and his tone were gentle, but there was just a hint of Alpha authority in it, and Emmy looked at him hard, no doubt surprised to have encountered someone whose will was stronger than hers.

“I guess,” she acknowledged, eventually.

“I think you’ve had it for long enough. Maybe if Jack wants to, you can play with it together.”

Emmy scowled but held out the car for Jack to take. Then, as if nothing had occurred, they were both off, racing around the room and making cacophonous engine sounds.

“Wow,” I said, stirring the pot on the stove. “You’ve got a gift.”

“Oh yeah?” he replied. His chest puffed out a little at the praise, and it made me feel hideously soft. Shit. I was going to fold and give him whatever he wanted if he kept this up.

“So,” I said, trying to change the subject, “what have you got to report?”

“Nothing more than the usual. I just wanted to bring this over myself.”

Right. He’d been carrying something when he came in. Rushing back towards the door, Caleb picked up the pile of leather straps and buckles that he’d dropped on the welcome mat, holding it up with a smile.

“Jace brought it over this morning. Pretty cool, huh?” he said. “You need someone in human form to help put it on, but then you’re all set to go.”

The harness. It was such a sweet gift and something I would never have thought of myself. I remembered his gentle touch as he’d taken my wolf’s measurements, the desire in his eyes when I’d shifted right on top of him. I pushed the memory away.

“That’s great, thank you, Caleb,” I said, and he frowned.

“Why don’t you seem happy?”

Maybe it was my turn to be an asshole today, but I couldn’t deal with this. I hated seeing the joy flicker out of his eyes, but that was the way it had to be.

“I am—this is amazing,” I told him. “I just—having you here, it’s making me feel all soft and mushy, and then I start thinking with my heart instead of my head and—”

Oh God, he was smiling again, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked, stepping towards me. I wanted to let him take me in his arms again. I stepped back.

“It is for me. The last time I thought with my heart around you, it didn’t—it didn’t go so well.”

It was a low blow, and I saw it land. Caleb winced, his gorgeous, easy smile disappearing as his expression shuttered and he stepped away from me.

“Yeah. I get it,” he said. He looked so defeated that I could hardly bring myself to keep talking. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to be certain about this if it was ever going to work.

“I think it would be best if you just—just stayed away for a while,” I said. “Let me get my head on straight.”

Caleb’s hands were balled into fists at his sides, and for a moment, I thought he would refuse—then he took a deep breath, the sound of his exhale loud even above the twins’ babble.

“Okay,” he said. Then, “Before I go, though—do you have any pictures of them? From when they were babies?”

The request took me aback and softened my heart all over again.

“Yeah,” I choked, “Let me go get them.”

I was relieved to retreat up the stairs to our bedroom. The photo album was one of the few things I had taken from our home on Arbor, stashed in the diaper bag with everything else precious. My little Polaroid camera had cost me a full body massage for the human trader from the mainland, and it was worth every minute.

When I came back downstairs, Julia had returned. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, pretending to play with the twins, but her good eye was watching me intently.

“Here,” I said, pressing the album into Caleb’s hands. Caleb took it as though it was something impossibly precious, and there was that soft feeling. He needed to get out of there before I did something really stupid. Again.

Luckily, he didn’t say anything; he just nodded his thanks and retreated out of the door with one last longing look. For a moment, I could only stand and stare at the closed door, and I jumped when Julia spoke.

“Give me, like, an hour, and then I’m going to need some goddamn information.”

I sighed. There would be no getting out of this.

“I need to feed them and get them to bed anyway,” I told her, and Julia grinned.

“Perfect.”

It seemed like Emmy and Jack had worn themselves out with their antics because they began to flag pretty soon after they wolfed down their dinner. It was easy to stick them in the bath and scrub away the muck of the day before I wrapped them in blankets and brought them to bed with the same battered book I’d been reading them since they were born. At the time, it had been all I could afford, but now it was tradition.

Downstairs, Julia was waiting for me with two large glasses of red wine. She pressed one into my hands.

“Okay, spill.”

“It’s nothing,” I attempted, but Julia was having none of it.

“It’s definitely something. I didn’t wanna push you, but I heard through the grapevine that the guys knocked some sense into him about the kids.”

So that was how Caleb found out—I had been wondering.

“Which of them’s on your payroll?” I teased, and Julia mimed zipping her mouth shut.

“That would be telling,” she said. “I assume he came over to beg for forgiveness?”

“He did,” I confirmed. “Two days ago.”

That earned me a playful smack on my thigh.

“Two days ago? And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I just—I don’t know,” I admitted. “I felt like if I told someone, then I’d suddenly realize it had all just been a dream. Like it would stop being real.” It was a stupid fear and completely illogical, but the whole thing felt too good to be true.

“Well, it’s real,” Julia confirmed. “What happened?”

That was a much less simple question than she realized, but I supposed I should just start from the beginning.

“He came over, looking like he’d fallen off a cliff—”

“Leo beat the shit out of him,” Julia interjected, stopping me short.

“Really? Why?”

“Because Argent has better sex ed than we do, and Leo has daddy issues, it’s a whole thing. Continue.”

I definitely wanted the rest of that information out of her at some point, but I was in the hot seat now, and now the opportunity was before me; I needed to get this off my chest.

“Right,” I continued. “So he asked me if he was the twins’ father and I said I’d already told him he was and—well, it took a hot minute, but he came around. He apologized. Promised to make it up to me.”

I hoped she would let me leave it there and move on to Caleb’s visit today, but I had no such luck.

“And?” she prompted.

“And what?”

“Oh, come on. You’re beet red right now,” Julia said, and then her eyes widened. “Oh my god. Did you…?”

I wasn’t going to deny it, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit it, either.

“Maybe,” I said, unable to look her in the eye. Julia was quiet for a few moments, then she said,

“Wait—where were the twins at this point?”

“Napping.”

“Napping,” Julia repeated. “In your bed.”

“Yeah.” I knew exactly where this was headed, and I’d been banking on Julia really not wanting to know.

“So where did you…” Julia looked down at the couch we were both curled up on, a look of horror dawning on her face. I rushed to reassure her.

“No, no, no. It’s fine, you’re fine.”

“I am not fine,” Julia insisted. “Where?”

I must have been the color of a tomato as my gaze flickered over to the kitchen counter, and Julia’s jaw dropped. Setting her wine down on the coffee table, she leaned forward, placing her hands on my knees.

“Alys. Alys, look at me. I’m being so serious right now,” she said. “Did you. Have sex. With my brother. In my kitchen?”

Not wanting to lie to her, I nodded. Julia’s face cycled through the five stages of grief at an impressively rapid pace before she picked up her wine again, taking a large sip.

“You’re a terrible house guest,” she said.

“I know,” I said. “I cleaned it really well afterward, I promise.”

Julia grumbled.

“Well, at least that’s something.”

A comfortable silence descended as we each took another sip of wine. I felt another rush of gratitude for this little space and the warmth of Julia’s friendship.

“So, if he apologized and the two of you kissed and made up,” Julia said with a wince, “why hasn’t he been hanging around since then? And why was he leaving today like his ass was on fire?”

That was the real question, wasn’t it? I didn’t know if Julia would understand, but if anyone was going to, it would be her.

“I told him I needed some time,” I said. “I don’t exactly regret what happened after he found out, but—it all happened so fast, and I think it’s going to take more than that apology for me to really trust him. I know he’s changed since we were teenagers, but it’s so hard to reconcile these two versions of him. I’ve been on my own for three years, and in that time, I’ve tried to focus on the positives: I was independent, I wasn’t beholden to a mate or to a Pack or to rank. If I’m going to give all that up for the rest of my life, I need to know that it’s going to be worth it. He hasn’t even mentioned publicly claiming us.”

Perhaps it was stupid after everything he’d promised me, but I couldn’t help worrying that he never meant to claim us at all. I no longer doubted that he wanted me, but did he only want me in secret?

“Don’t be too hard on him about that,” Julia said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “Things in the Pack right now are pretty fractious. I’m sure he wants to claim you—all three of you—but it might only put you in more danger.”

“Wouldn’t it be the opposite?” I asked. “Surely, if we were the Alpha’s mate and his heirs, then people would think of us differently.”

Julia shrugged.

“Some of them, sure. Others… people like Leonard Pearce and his goons, would say that your weakness —” I could hear the air quotes she put around the word “—reflects on Cal. A strong Alpha would have a strong mate. The last thing he needs right now is for someone to challenge his position.”

It made sense. Everything about the Caleb I knew now pointed to it being true, but there was still part of me—that hurt, terrified teenager who had to face the world alone—that refused to acknowledge we were safe in his hands.

For now, though, I had the twins and Julia and this warm little cottage, and for the first time in a long time, I began to think that maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright.