Page 15 of Cruel Alpha (Nightfire Islands Alphas #1)

I was sick of doors closing in my face. I was sick of nothing I did being good enough. I was sick of distance and awkwardness and that hurt look in her eyes. I jabbed the punching bag with another hard one-two, imagining my younger self smirking back at me. This was all his fault. If he’d never been so weak, never given in to his stupid desires only to back out afterward, then none of this would have happened. If I’d only waited until I was Alpha, until I could claim her regardless of my father’s approval, then perhaps she would have forgiven the years of neglect. She couldn’t forgive an outright rejection, though, and I didn’t blame her.

Was that why she wanted me to claim the kids, too? Was that the price of her forgiveness, to claim children who weren’t mine, to name them my heirs? To sacrifice my pride for the sake of hers? If I were any other man, I’d do it, and gladly. But I wasn’t any other man, I was the Alpha of Lapine, and claiming her would already be a blow to my reputation—to claim the kids as well? I’d be admitting that I sent my pregnant mate out into the world alone, without my protection. If I couldn’t protect my mate and my own young, how could the Pack trust me to protect them?

My arms were burning with the effort, but I couldn’t stop. Rage and frustration poured out of me, an endless pool of it. I punched again and again, lost to the push-pull-pain of every blow until a voice pierced the fog of it.

“Dude, slow down,” said Noah. “You’re gonna fuck up your hands.”

Sure enough, when I finally pulled back and looked down at my hands, the knuckles were visibly bloody through their wraps. I shook them out, relishing the sharp burn of it.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Let’s go again.”

Noah dropped the bag and stepped away.

“Nah. You need to run off that energy or something. You’re gonna go feral if you keep this up.” His tone told me there would be no arguing with him on this. Noah might be a little smaller than the rest of us, a little less obviously Alpha, but he was stubborn as hell, and no amount of posturing would get him to back down when he’d made a decision.

When I took a breath and looked around the space, I saw that the rest of the guys were looking at me, too. Xander dropped his dumbbells onto the rack, picking up his towel to dry the back of his neck as he said,

“What crawled up your ass and died today?”

“What is it always?” said Jace, sitting up on the bench beside him. Xander clapped him on the shoulder.

“More mate shit.”

“More mate shit,” Jace agreed solemnly.

“Makes you feel grateful to be single,” said Xander, moving across to where Ethan was doing concentrated pull-ups. “No drama for us, huh?”

Ethan said nothing, but his pull-ups got a little faster. He and Xander weren’t always the best of friends—Ethan found Xander’s attitude grating, and Xander insisted that Ethan was a stick in the mud. Despite being the oldest of our group, and an Alpha in his own right, Xander never missed an opportunity to have fun like he was still just an Heir. I understood the urge; it could be freeing to be away from your own Pack and all the responsibilities of being Alpha. Ethan, however, had never let something as trivial as being away from his own Pack get in the way of his serious and stoic attitude.

Leo, however, was paying close attention. His gaze flicked from Xander to me and back again before he said,

“What’s the trouble this time?”

Part of me didn’t want to say anything about it. My wolf screamed at me that admitting weakness in front of other Alphas was a death sentence, but I knew I could trust my friends. They might even have something helpful to say about it—well, Leo and Ethan might. Maybe Noah.

“Every time I think we’re getting somewhere, she pulls back,” I told them. “I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing wrong now or if there’s just nothing I can do.”

Even with them, it was embarrassing to admit. Mates were supposed to be easy: fate picked out your person, and then they were yours forever. What did it say about me that my mate didn’t want anything to do with me?

“She’s your mate; she’ll come around,” Jace tried to reassure me. “It’s in our biology.”

“Yeah, it’s not like she’s vindictive or anything,” Noah added. “You don’t think she’s trying to get back at you, right?”

I must have hesitated slightly too long at that because Leo frowned.

“There’s something you’re not telling us,” he said. He was right, and even Ethan left off doing his pull-ups, leaning against the bar’s frame to watch me. I didn’t want to say it, but letting it sit and fester in my brain wasn’t doing me any favors either. A problem shared is a problem halved, or whatever the elders say.

“She wants me to claim her and the kids,” I admitted. The was a sharp intake of breath from the group before Xander exclaimed,

“No way, man. You can’t claim some other guy’s kids.”

Something that was tight inside me loosened just a little. I should have known my friends would understand; more than anyone else, they knew exactly what was at stake for me.

“I tried to tell her that, but she doesn’t want to listen,” I said. I’d even tried going over to Julia’s the previous night, but Alyssa had refused to see me. Another misstep and another door closed in my face.

“Sounds like you’ve got some steam to let off,” said Leo. His usual easy smile was absent, and there was a coldness in his voice that I’d rarely heard before. “Come on. I could do with a one-on-one.”

The strangeness of his demeanor should have put me off, but I wasn’t going to turn down a round in the ring. Leo was right, I did need to let off steam.

The rest of the guys sidled over to the ring, always keen to watch a bout. I clicked my neck, raising my fists in readiness. I knew Leo’s style: he was wily. He’d dodge and weave, taunting me until I tired myself out, and then he’d go in for the kill. When I met his eyes across the space, though, there was an unfamiliar aggression flashing in them.

I didn’t have time to parse that out before Xander rang the bell, and Leo rushed forward. I only just got my guard up in time to deflect his first blow, but his second made contact with my cheekbone, sending a burst of white pain through my head. I dodged the third, dancing out of his range to get my bearings. Now it was my turn to be on the offense, darting forward with a blow to Leo’s unguarded side, but rather than twisting out of its path as he usually would, Leo took the blow, sending one to my jaw in return.

Again, I disengaged, spitting out a mouthful of blood.

“What the hell, Man?” I said. We didn’t usually go for faces in friendly bouts, let alone draw blood. Leo only shrugged.

“You want to keep going, or are you just as much of a coward as I think you are?”

A growl ripped itself from my throat. Leo knew my flaws better than most people, and cowardice wasn’t one of them. What had gotten into him?

The atmosphere in the gym had turned tense, the others no longer simply watching from the sidelines but coiled and ready to step in if necessary. My wolf, too, was coiled and ready. He wanted to get out, wanted a real fight, and by the looks of it, Leo felt the same. His answering growl was accompanied by another burst of energy as he darted forward, going for my stomach and sides. In my moment of hesitation—did I take the blow and use the opening, or dodge and attack from a new angle—my wolf took the reins.

The cracking of bone and the creak of overexerted muscle were audible for only a second before the wolf was standing in my place, and Leo didn’t even stop his attack to shift himself. When his body landed against mine, it was in the form of a huge russet wolf, teeth bared. I ducked under his jump, skidding around to bring us face to face once more. Teeth snapping, I lashed out with my claws, only to be met with the snapping of jaws, nearly catching my outstretched limb.

After that, it was a blur of teeth and claws—we may not have been fighting to kill, but the sting of his accusations made my blood run hot, and Leo was clearly no less set on ripping me a new one. It might have been a few seconds or several long minutes of flashing teeth and ripping claws before an authority-laden voice rang out:

“Stop.”

We didn’t bend the neck to it, but Alphas at least respected each others’ authority. Leo and I both respected Ethan enough to pause, just for a moment, each of us panting heavily.

“Shift back. We can handle this like men.”

I met Leo’s eyes across the ring—like mine, they were human eyes, bright and green. They were the eyes of my friend. With my wolf tired of the fight, though far from exhausted, it was easy to wrestle back control and return to my human skin. After a few moments, Leo followed my lead. In his human form, it was easy to see the scratch I’d left on his chest. The cut wasn’t deep, but the red lines were raised and angry. In return, I could feel a throbbing above my eyebrow and a warm dampness that I recognized as blood. Neither were significant wounds—our shifter healing would have them gone in a few days—but it was far more than any members of the A-Team had inflicted on each other before.

“What the hell is wrong with the two of you?” Ethan rumbled, and I tried to step forward, but Xander’s hand was on my bicep, holding me in place.

“You heard him call me a coward,” I said. Any Alpha—any shifter, for that matter—should understand what a grave insult had been offered. Ethan didn’t have the chance to reply, though, because Leo was already biting back,

“Because you are.” Noah and Jace hovered behind him, ready to hold him back, but he didn’t move. “You know those kids are yours; you just won’t admit it.”

That’s what this was about? Leo might have been upset by the situation, but I hadn’t thought he’d bring his own issues into my business. Leo’s father was an asshole who overlooked him, sure, but he was indisputably Leo’s father, and he’d never claimed to be anything else.

“They’re not mine, Leo,” I said. It never got less painful to say, but it was the truth. “I’m not running away from anything. They can’t be mine.”

Leo rolled his eyes, and another growl began to grow in my chest.

“Why not?” he taunted. “Come on, why can’t they be yours?”

“Because I didn’t knot her!” It had taken all my adolescent willpower, but I hadn’t let my knot form, hadn’t bound us together the way real mates should be. I hadn’t done it precisely because I didn’t want to risk a child. “I don’t know if you paid attention in middle school bio,” I continued, “but she couldn’t get pregnant if I didn’t knot her.”

From behind Leo, Noah was nodding in agreement, but Ethan, Jace, and Leo’s faces all dropped into shock.

“Did, uh—did you guys not get human bio classes?” Jace said eventually, and I frowned.

“No. Dad didn’t think it was necessary.” I didn’t know what human biology had to do with any of this, but my stomach flipped at the look that Jace and Ethan exchanged.

“Of course he didn’t,” Leo sighed, and my hackles rose again. It was me who snapped back, though, but Xander.

“We didn’t get any of that, either,” he said, dropping his hold on my arms. “What does it matter?”

“Because humans don’t need to knot to reproduce,” Ethan explained. “I know old-fashioned Packs teach you that half-breeds are common because witches put spells on shifters or some shit, but that’s not it. Witches are biologically closer to humans, so you don’t need to knot a witch to knock her up.” He looked at me, his expression heavy with meaning. “It’s the same for half-breed women.”

The earth dropped out from under me.

Alyssa had told the truth.

Alyssa had told the truth, and she’d been banished.

She’d been banished with my children in her belly and left to fend for herself.

I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run until I met the sea and still not stop. I wanted to go back in time and rip out my own throat.

I needed to go to her.

I was moving before I even realized it, crossing the space to pull open the door and go find my mate. She needed me, needed to know how sorry I was and how stupid; she needed to know I’d do anything to make it up to her.

“Cal.” Leo’s voice rang through the space, and I froze at the door.

“Whatever it is, it can wait,” I growled, my knuckles white on the door handle. Leo’s familiar, easy laugh came from behind me, and I whirled around to see him smiling and holding out a pair of sweatpants.

“I just thought you’d want to be clothed when you went to her,” he said. For a second, I could only stare at the sweatpants, so consumed with the need to go to my mate that I didn’t understand their significance.

Then I remembered I was naked.

“Oh, yeah,” I muttered as I grabbed the pants from Leo’s outstretched hand, pulling them on hastily. When I stood back up, he reached out to grip the back of my neck, bringing his forehead to mine. I’d make this whole mess up to him, too. Later, though.

“Good luck,” Leo said. His grip on my neck was grounding, and I took a deep, steadying breath.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I’m gonna need it.”