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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

NEW WAYS

ADELINE

It’s the day before this week’s away game.

So much to do. When I get to work, I go to Lorelai’s office, feeling like I’m barely hanging by a thread.

My talk with Penn helped. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear those things either, but I’ve felt better ever since.

I still feel like I have to get things in order though…

like maybe I won’t be able to rest until I do.

Lorelai looks at me like she knows what’s coming. She shuts the door behind me and motions for me to sit down.

“Are you not happy with your position here, Adeline?” she asks.

I let out a sharp breath, pushing my hands through my hair.

“I’ve loved my job. I still feel so lucky to be here.

But…so much has changed since I took it…

and in such a short amount of time.” My throat tightens, and I take a steadying breath.

I do not want to cry in front of my boss.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be here. It’s just—there’s so much going on.

Penn and I are trying to adopt Sam and Winnie.

And Winnie…she’s still crying and asking me if I’m going to come back every time I leave. ”

Lorelai clutches her heart. “Oh.”

“I feel like I’m letting everyone down, no matter where I am.”

Her eyes soften. She leans back in her chair, tapping a manicured nail on her desk. “You know,” she says thoughtfully, “I used to love traveling with the team before I was the director.”

I blink. “Yeah?”

She smiles faintly. “Maybe I could cover some of the away games. You could work on getting ahead with that Mustangs Magic all our guys are addicted to.” Her mouth twitches.

“And dig into the mound of new products we’re being sent all the time.

There’s lots you could be covering here or at home, and I could feel young again. ”

My jaw drops. “You’d really be willing to do that?”

Her expression warms. “Adeline, I have a lot of regrets. I missed out on a lot, having kids being a huge one. My marriages suffered, yes, plural. I set myself up to not be needed and it’s showing now.

” Her gaze sharpens. “If you want more time at home, let’s figure out how to make that happen.

I love having you here. Our players are happy and healthy, and they’re winning.

I give you credit for being part of making that happen. ”

My cheeks flush at the praise. I don’t know about all that, but I do feel like I’ve gotten the players on a great trajectory, nutrition-wise.

“I’d rather keep you happy than lose you,” she adds.

I exhale shakily, feeling the massive weight that’s been smothering me let up just a little bit.

“And besides,” she smirks, “Toby is like a robot. That kid gets shit done.”

I laugh for the first time in what feels like weeks. “He’s amazing. You’re serious about this?”

“Absolutely. Let me take this weekend. I didn’t have much planned for tomorrow around here anyway. Get me up to speed on the plan.”

I walk her through the meal plans for the next couple of days while the team is traveling, and she seems excited at the thought of being back in the game , her words not mine.

“Thank you,” I tell her again when I leave her office.

She waves me off. “We’ll try it and if it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.”

“You’re the best.” I smile at her, eyes welling up again.

“Don’t you forget it.”

Later that night, I tell Penn about it. We’re sitting on the couch. Sam is asleep in his room, and Winnie is sleeping curled up on my lap. Penn’s arm is stretched behind me, his fingers lazily combing through my hair.

“I talked to Lorelai,” I say quietly. “She’s going to cover some of the away games. This weekend, in fact.”

His hand stills and when I look over at him, his brows lift. “Really?”

I smile. “If it goes well, I’ll cover some of her responsibilities here and I’ll be home more. For Sam and Winnie.” I glance down at her sleeping face and brush her hair away from her cheek.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. His hand slides down the back of my neck, his thumb sweeping over my skin.

“I thought you’d be happy about it,” I say carefully.

“I am,” he says, but his voice is strained. He looks at me, his gaze intense. “It just worries me.”

My stomach twists. “Why?”

His jaw works. “Because you’re overwhelmed and I want to help. I’m afraid you’re burning out.”

I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. “I’m trying to fix it.”

“I know.” His arm tightens around me. “I just don’t like the idea of you choosing between your job and…everything else.”

“I’m not,” I whisper. “I’m just trying to find a better balance.”

“You know, I’ve actually thought about quitting football.”

I lean back and stare at him in shock. “What are you saying?”

“It’s not fair for you to give up a job you love. I’ve gotten to do this for years now, and I’d be going out on a high note. It’s not like we need the money.”

“But you love the game so much.” I put my hand on his face and he leans into it.

“And you love your job.”

Tears fall down my cheeks. “I love you so much right now.”

He leans his forehead against mine. “Let me help.”

“You’re not quitting your job. Not until you’re fully ready. Let me try this with Lorelai. It might be awesome.”

“Let’s keep talking about it,” he says. “I don’t want things to be distant between us. We’re in this together.”

“Together,” I promise.

The house is quiet without Penn. And we miss him terribly, but things feel lighter.

The kids are so sweet, so happy that I’m home. I yell my head off at Sam’s game and take tons of pictures at the game and Winnie’s dance class. Winnie’s been spinning around the house nonstop, trying to perfect her version of a ballet move.

“I’m gonna be a prima ballerina,” she announces as we’re about to watch the game. She balances precariously on one foot while holding her stuffed unicorn over her head.

“You can be whatever you want to be,” I say, adjusting her headband.

“A ballerina!” she shouts and falls sideways onto the couch, laughing hard.

My insides get all twisty and mushy, tears still all too close to the surface these days, but seeing her so happy, having a moment to breathe…it feels like I’m doing something right.

The girls have been texting me. Penn told me the other night that they really want to hang out and want to help in any way they can. He also mentioned that he ran into my dad and that the conversation between them was surprisingly great. They’re coming over for dinner after they’re back in town.

My phone lights up and Winnie bounces as she carries it over.

Tru

Addy, are we watching the game together? It’s a tradition, you know!

I’d love that! Wanna come over here?

Elle

Do you even need to ask?

Sadie

What’s the theme? Charcuterie with wine, sushi with champagne, or wings and guac with beer and Coca-Cola?

Whew. Those are hard choices. I think I need some cheese and chocolate in my life. I’ve got lots of stuff that will work on a charcuterie board.

Tru

Done. I’ll bring the good cheese…and wings for the kids.

Elle

I’ll bring cupcakes and guac.

Poppy

I know this probably only sounds good to me, but I’m craving those ham roll-ups that have cream cheese and pickles.

My friend Goldie always made those in college! I love those.

Poppy

When is she coming back? I knew she was a good time.

I wish I knew. I owe her a call, several calls.

I sigh. Everyone in my life has been put on hold while I’ve tried to get it together. Tomorrow, I’ll call Goldie and catch up with her.

Sadie

I’ll bring wine, and the only chocolate I have is chocolate-covered pretzels.

That works for me. And I’ve got all the drinks the kids could possibly want. Come on over. I can’t wait.

By the time they show up for the game, I’m bouncing along with Sam and Winnie, so excited for everyone to get here. We pile onto the couches in front of the TV and the girls dance around the living room. Sam tosses the soft football to Levi and Caleb.

Winnie goes spinning by, giggling until she face-plants onto the rug. I sit up, about to rush to check on her, but she rushes to her feet, arms wide like she’s sticking a landing.

“Ten out of ten!” Elle claps.

Winnie beams and launches herself at me, climbing into my lap and resting her head against my chest. My arms tighten around her.

Sadie is curled into the armchair with a glass of wine and she watches us with a soft smile. “She’s happy,” she says quietly.

“She is,” I agree, brushing my fingers through Winnie’s curls. “Hopefully we’re figuring it out.”

“And how are you?” Elle asks, tilting her head as she looks at me.

I let out a long exhale. “I think I’m getting there.”

“Well, you’re Wonder Woman in our eyes, I hope you know that,” Tru says.

“And I hope you know that we are here, anytime , for whatever you need,” Poppy adds. “You’re not alone.”

My eyes well up, again, ugh, and I smile around the room. “I can’t believe how lucky I am,” I say, my voice shaky. “You guys are so great. Thank you.”

It’s late when my phone buzzes.

The girls left an hour and a half ago, after they helped me clean everything up. The kids are asleep, and the house is a settled, content quiet.

I’ve just gotten into bed when I see Penn’s name flash across the screen. My heart does that ridiculous skip it always does when it’s him.

“Hey,” I answer, my voice soft.

“Hey, beautiful,” His voice is low and rough. He looks tired.

“You were incredible tonight,” I tell him.

“You were watching?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it. The girls and the kids came over too. It was a lot of fun.”

“Tru sent me a picture of Winnie spinning in her ballet shoes.” Even if I couldn’t see it, I’d be able to hear the smile in his voice.

“She’s convinced she’s going to be a ballerina.”

He chuckles and the sound skitters over my skin like he’s sitting right here. “She probably will be. She doesn’t do anything halfway.”

“Kind of like someone else I know.”

He points at me.

I point back at him.

He grins. “I miss you,” he says. “Miss my bed.” His voice drops lower. “Miss you in it.”

I can hear the heat in his tone.

“I miss you too,” I admit.

“I love it when you wear that tank top.” He pulls the phone closer. “I can see your nipples so well in that one.”

I bite back my smile.

“Let me see what you’re wearing under that blanket.”

I let the blanket slide down, exposing my bare legs. “You already know what I’m wearing.”

“Because I’m not there to take them off.”

He grins when he sees my black lacy underwear.

“Goddamn,” he whispers. “You know what those do to me.”

“Yes, I do.” My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Take them off.”

My pulse pounds between my legs.

Slowly, I slip them off and toss them aside.

“Touch yourself,” he says, his voice strained.

I exhale when I do.

“Are you wet?” he asks.

“Yes,” I whisper. I bite my lip and a sharp gasp slips out when my fingers move faster.

He lets out a low, dark sound.

“Fuck, Addy. You’re so beautiful. I wish I was there. Wish I could feel you. I’m pretending my hand is your mouth working me over.”

“Penn,” I cry out. My hips arch slightly off the bed.

“You’re close, aren’t you?”

I breathe into the phone, my hand moving faster.

“So close.”

“Let go,” he says, his voice rough. “Let me see you.”

My whole body tightens, and my head falls back. I try to stay quiet as I come apart, shuddering.

I hear his breath hitch and a sharp curse. “ Fuck .”

My breath slows, my body going lax. “That was…”

“So fucking hot,” he finishes. “I miss you even more though, if that’s possible.”

I smile, heart thudding again.

“I love you,” he says.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that. I love you too.”

“You look good. Are you okay?” he asks.

“I am,” I say, still a little dazed. “We’ve missed you so much, but it’s been a really good weekend.”

“I’m glad. So glad.” His gaze is so warm it makes my insides melt.

“You okay?”

He chuckles low. “Better than I’ve been all weekend.”

I sigh, a slow smile taking over my face. “Hurry home.”

“I’m already counting the hours.”