Page 46 of Coach Me (Boston Blues #2)

Lucie

So this is what pure terror feels like. Absolute utter terror.

It’s been maybe ten minutes since Miles went missing, but it feels like an eternity. I’ve sent people in every single direction. I just need someone to find him. My chest physically aches, and I feel like I’m on the verge of throwing up, but I have to keep going.

I think I’ve run every horrible scenario through my head, and with each passing minute, they just get worse and worse. Today’s crowd is thick; what if someone grabbed him in the shuffle? What if he got so turned around that he’s found his way out in the city?

I know this kid knows stadiums, but he’s only five years old, and this isn’t our stadium. He could have easily gotten overwhelmed by this place with the number of people here. Then, add on the fact that he hasn’t found anyone he knows. I know he has to be terrified.

I’m terrified.

Seeing Dex’s face…Will’s face. They both gutted me. I hate that I’ve put everyone in this situation .

Miles missing? My fault. I should never have let them walk away when we were in such a crowded area.

Dex having to learn his son is missing from someone who isn’t me? My fault. I know he needed to know, but I couldn’t physically take time out of getting this search started to tell him.

Will having to face our dad completely unprepared? Also my fault. My brother’s done everything for our family. The slip of “son” from our dad’s mouth, and I wanted to scream for Will.

The weight of everything threatens to make me crumble into nothing, but the pure adrenaline of finding Miles keeps me going.

I reach the halls on the far side where some of the onsite offices could be. I look up with closed eyes and take a deep breath. Please be here. I swear my next call is going to be the police if this comes up empty.

“Miles!” I call, swinging open doors and repeating his name louder with each room that shows up empty. I make it down three rooms, and my heart is sinking lower and lower.

Another room empty, and I’m dying.

“Lucie?” I hear from the end of the hall before there are footsteps charging toward me.

“Miles!” I fall to my knees as Miles launches himself in my arms. “Thank God, Miles. My heart couldn’t take another second of you being missing.”

“I didn’t know where to go. The crowds were so scary, Lucie.” Miles keeps his grip tight as he cries. “They don’t usually feel so scary. Is this stadium bigger?”

Tears now streaming down my face in relief, I squeeze him tighter. “It does feel that way, doesn’t it?”

I scoop him up, and he doesn’t let go, and I really don’t want him to. Pulling out my phone, I send a text to Dex that I found him and to meet me back at the concession stand. “How about we go find your dad, buddy. I know he’s going to be so happy to see you.”

Miles sniffles. “Are him and Mommy mad? I didn’t mean to, I just had to pee.” Sniffle . “I thought I saw Callie, but it wasn’t her.” Sniffle. “Then I got confused and I ran into Shannon, but she just told me to find you. But I couldn’t, Lucie, I couldn’t.” Miles cries so hard on my shoulder.

My feet slow as I process what he just said. “Miles, baby, did you say you talked to Shannon and she didn’t help you?”

“Y-yes, she said to find you, but the crowds were scaring me, so I tried to find an office like Daddy’s.”

I’m going to kill her, I swear. Miles sniffles again, which gets my feet back in motion.

“Miles, I promise you, your dad and mom are not mad at all. They are going to be so happy you’re okay.”

I can feel Miles fiddling with my hair. “I didn’t mean to get lost, Lucie. I thought it would be helpful if I went to the bathroom all by myself.”

I run my hand up and down his back. “I know, baby. It’s okay, we found you.”

“You found me. Thank you, Lucie.” Miles nestles his head in my neck.

Tears flow heavily as I carry him all the way back to the concession stand. The moment it comes into view, Dex is already racing to me with Kate not far behind.

Dex takes Miles from my arms, then reaches for me, but I step back as Kate rounds the front to look at Miles.

Miles’s tears start falling in full force again, and I can see the grip Dex has on Miles tighten before Kate’s arms come around Miles’s back .

They need this moment. I can handle talking to the security and volunteers while they have it. I’ll also be talking to Olsson as soon as possible.

I make my way over to the volunteer who stayed at the concession and have them radio to everyone that Miles has been found.

When I hear the girl repeat it out loud, I let out a shaky breath, and my knees wobble for a moment. But then I’m being turned around and engulfed in my brother’s arms. Yep, here come my tears.

“It’s okay, Luce. You found him.” Will’s grip tightens as he pulls me back to look in my eyes.

Will’s face flashes in my mind when he realized our dad was here, and I yelled at him. “I’m so sorry, Will.”

He lets out a small chuckle. “You managed to find the man who walked out on us two decades ago and then organized a twenty-plus person manhunt with a semi -cool head, just to find Miles yourself, and you're apologizing to me because?”

I can’t laugh at the irony of his words, I can barely manage a smile. “My head wasn’t cool at all.”

Will pulls me back in for another hug. “Well, it looked like it was. Not to mention—you found him.”

I sigh a breath of relief when my eyes find Dex over on the bench. Miles is moving his hands around—I’m sure recounting everything in heavy detail—while Dex and Kate sit on either side of him.

I think my panic attack is finally subsiding. I step back from Will and wipe my cheeks. “What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be pitching right now?”

“Are you fucking kidding? I heard your name and a ghost’s name in the same sentence. Miles missing upped my excuse to leave, but there was no way in hell I was pitching until I checked on you.”

“Will…I didn’t want you to have to face him like that, but he said he’s sober. He said he comes to your games. It might be good for us to hear him out.”

My brother deflates a bit in front of me. “I don’t know if I can do it. Not alone at least.”

Well, this is a rare occasion, Will needing someone else, not actually wanting to do something alone. I know he liked that Callie was independent, and he’s backed off on the take-control front since she’s been around, but asking for help…in an emotional situation? That’s not something Will does.

“I can do it. You can come with me.”

Will gives me a soft smile. “I can take Callie with me, if you want to stay with Dex.”

I look back over to where they’re sitting.

Miles is still talking while a security guard waits close by, likely waiting for a moment to cut in and make sure everything is okay.

I know today was scary for all of them. This isn’t about swallowing my pride or even attached to any jealousy that they all need a moment together.

I know Dex wants to be with me, or well, I know he did before I lost his kid. Either way, I’m secure enough to know that this isn’t about us right now.

“Let them have a minute.” I look around and realize we’re starting to get a lot of eyes and finger-pointing from fans. “You do realize you’re in full uniform, right?”

Will shakes his head and pulls my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go find…him and a quiet place to catch our breath.”

I nod, letting Will drape his arm over my shoulder as we walk. We don’t make it far before Callie comes up to my other side with a hug. “Thank goodness. I really wanted to let you guys have your sibling moment, but damn it, I want to hug you.”

I chuckle softly, returning her embrace. It only lasts a second before I feel Will stiffen beside me. Looking over, I see our dad watching us from the side. Slipping out of Callie’s hold, I nudge her to Will. If the people I love need me to be strong today, then that’s what I’ll be.

Walking up to our dad, I can see the deep breath he exhales. “I heard you found your kid.”

My heart aches in my chest. “Yeah, he’s with his parents, he’s good now.”

He glances from me to Will. “I can go now?—”

I hold my arm out for a second, then pull it back. “Actually, do you have a minute?”

He nods, and when I look back at Will, he gives me a nod as well. I guess I’ll be doing the initiating.

“Okay, let’s go down to the family waiting room?” I lead our dad while Callie drags Will behind us.

On the way, I shoot Dex a text telling him to take his time and where I’ll be. I don’t want him to think I’ve abandoned him, but I respect that Miles needs his parents more.

As we walk into the room, I hold the door open for everyone. Will holds on to Callie like she’s grounding him. She gives him a soft smile. “What is it with playing the Crimsons?”

Will manages a straggled laugh and mumbles, “They’re fucking cursed.”

When the door clicks behind me, I think over my words. I don’t want to push anyone too far. I get why Will is struggling, and maybe I should be struggling more. I guess it’s because I’m the youngest sibling—the person who had the least trauma with it, maybe .

I open my mouth to start with something simple—like, ya know, “So you said you were sober now.” But surprisingly, he speaks first.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of you to know I check up on you guys.

I have no right to anything you do, I know that.

I’m so proud of the people you’ve become.

With Reagan’s floral shop…Will, your pitching career…

and, Lucie, you may look like your mother, but it seems you got her incredible heart, too.

I don’t expect forgiveness—especially from you, Will.

I want you to know I’ve been sober for five years.

I will continue to be sober. I swear. I regret all of the moments I missed, but I know I’m not entitled to any new ones. I’m sorry for everything.”

Will’s sigh behind me sounds heavy. I wait to see if he wants to say anything, but he doesn’t.

It might be gullible for us to completely believe him, but I like the idea that he means what he says. Doesn’t mean I have to hold all my weight on it either.

“I’m glad you're sober. I can’t speak for Will or Reagan, but I can speak for myself.

I’m not against forming a relationship with you—taking it slow—but know that while you are my ‘dad,’ I don’t need you to be.

Will’s my dad. He took care of me when you left—he took care of everyone.

Reagan—in her own way—took on some of that role too.

So…if you want to talk sometimes, that’s great.

You can earn my respect along the way. If you don’t, that’s on you. I’ll be just fine with or without you.”

“I believe that. Thank you.” Our dad rocks on his feet and looks at Will. “Thank you for being the man I couldn’t be.”

Will whispers a string of curses. “I’m not quite where Lucie is yet, but…maybe one day. ”

I give Will a soft smile as Callie kisses his hand. Will looks at me and mouths a “thank you . ”

I didn’t need him to say it. I halfway don’t even feel like I deserve it, but Will deserves closure on this. When he’s ready, that is, and it’s nice I actually get to be there for him for a change.

I get his number, then slide my phone back in my pocket.

He doesn’t push any further; he simply nods to Will and Callie, then offers me a slanted smile. “I’ll find my way back.”

“Okay, I’ll reach out…soon.”

“And I’ll answer, no matter what.” Our dad looks one last time at Will, but no words come from either of them. Callie folds her lips together, and I know words are on the tip of her tongue, but she leans her head on Will’s arm as our dad walks out.

We all wait for the click of the door as he walks out. No one moves for another good five seconds after either, but then the door swings open and Dex steps in with Miles in his arms.

“Lucie!” Miles wiggles out of Dex’s hold to run to me. “I didn’t want you to leave again.”

Oh, my heart. I scoop him up and he fiddles with my hair while he hugs me.

Will finally lets go of Callie and comes around behind me to talk to Miles. “That was my fault, Miles. I wasn’t strong enough to do something on my own, and I needed Lucie’s help. She’s all yours now, though.”

Tears prick at my eyes. “Will, I was doing so good.”

Will kisses the top of my head. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Go take some time for you, okay? ”

I give him a thin-lipped smile because I know a nod isn’t enough for him as a response right now.

Will takes Callie’s hand, then stops in front of Dex. “I told you she’d find him.”

Dex looks at me for a moment—he’s got his stone walls back up, I can tell.

“You did. I talked to Olsson. I'm taking Miles and Lucie back to the hotel, and I’ll be talking to him again tomorrow. Considering he asked Callie to help search, I think you both know you’re not in trouble for leaving, but I want you to know that it means a lot to me. ”

Will shakes his shoulder. “I told you—important people needed me. Now they need you.”

Dex sighs with a slow nod. Oof, that’s not a good sign.

When Will and Callie walk out, Dex finally meets my eyes as I continue to hold Miles.

“Dex, I’m?—”

He holds up his hand, his tone clipped. “Lucie, are you okay?”

“I…um…” I’m not entirely sure how to answer that question. Physically, I am, but emotionally we’ve all been through the ringer and it’s not even dinner time.

Miles fiddles with my hair again. “Can we go back to the hotel now?”

I tighten my hold on him. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Dex doesn’t say anything as I walk past him. He doesn’t reach for Miles either, but as I reach the door, he’s there to pull it open. “Shuttle should be waiting for us out front. Heads-up, Kate’s coming too.”

“Okay,” I say softly.

Dex presses his lips together. Man, he really threw his walls back up fast. No matter, I think I’ve finally figured myself out. I know I’m capable of breaking them back down again if I need to.