Page 32 of Coach Me (Boston Blues #2)
Lucie
I’m not sure what happened to Dex today, but clearly something’s gone wrong. Him giving me a hat should have been a sweet gesture, but the tone he did it in felt harsh.
I’m not sure if it was me suggesting that he could play again, or maybe it’s just not having Miles here. This is the first weekend I’ve been around when Miles goes to his mom’s house.
And add in the fact that he ignored my texts all day…I guess he doesn’t care to respond since I don’t have Miles? That seems so out of character for him, especially with the moments we’ve had lately.
I thought of waiting for him after the game, but that felt a little pathetic.
If this is how he is when Miles is gone, then maybe I should stay out of his way.
I knew doing this with him would be a slow process.
I’m learning that although I’m patient, I’m not a pushover.
If he wanted me to wait, then he would have made that clear.
Besides, I have a fun project waiting for me back at Dex’s house anyway. After my yoga class, I went around to some craft stores in search of animal crochet kits—specifically, two turtle ones.
It might not be as fun and exciting as bringing the actual Pip and Pop to away games, but at least it’ll help keep the real ones safe in their tank.
I probably should have bought backup stuffed animal ones, because based on the progress I made earlier…it’s not exactly going to be the hobby for me. But it’s the thought that counts, I suppose.
Back at Dex’s, I grab a blanket, my crochet kit, and head straight for the balcony to get settled in. I honestly can’t say that Miles will even be able to tell that these are turtles, but, eh, maybe it’s just because I’m not finished.
I lay everything out again as the instructions say and pick up where I left off.
Wrapping the yarn around with the needle seems like it should be so simple, but it takes me a few minutes to really get back into the groove of it.
Although the further along I get, the more I can actually see the turtle now. It’s not necessarily as pretty as the pictures on the instructions, but it’s coming along.
I’m not sure how long I work, but eventually I tune everything else out as I add the stuffing to close up the body. I pull the needle through the middle to tie it off when I hear the sliding door open, then close.
My heart starts to beat out of my chest. I look up as Dex walks toward me. He’s out of the uniform and back in athletic shorts and those T-shirts I love. It’s a blessing and a curse that I haven’t happened upon Dex with his shirt off yet.
I want to know what those tattoos look like, but with his mood at the baseball field, I’m not too sure I’ll ever see them.
“Hey, you’re back,” I say, barely above a whisper, and give him a cautious smile.
“I am.” Well, I see Dex’s stoic demeanor still stands, but he takes the seat in the chair next to me anyway. “What are you doing out here?”
“I’m attempting to crochet.” I shrug.
Maybe he just needs some normalcy. I’m not sure what happened to make him act so out of it earlier; maybe he needs a little light.
“I never claimed I was going to be the cool main character in the movie. I’m trying it out as a new hobby. What do you think it is?”
I hold up the little ball of green. I know there’s no way to tell without adding in the extra details, but the small scrunch of his nose makes it worth it.
“I…don’t think I like this game, Luce.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if I’m going to be the best at it, but it’s supposed to be a turtle. Miles said he misses Pip and Pop, and I know we’re another two-week away game rotation before he tries to sneak them out somewhere. I thought I could make him some travel ones to see if that helps.”
“Wait, these are for Miles? I thought the list was supposed to be for things that are just for you?”
“Eh, it’s still for me.” I gather up all of the stuff in my lap to set it in the bag next to me. “I probably should just get him already-made stuffies, but the idea to try out a new hobby while making him something seemed more fun.”
Dex sighs and shuffles in his seat. “I’m sorry for being a dick today.”
“That’s okay. Want to tell me why?”
Dex stares deep into my eyes. “Yes and no.”
“Okay.” I slide my legs off the lounger so I’m facing him. I lean my elbow on my knee, resting my chin on my hand. “Was it something I did?”
“Fuck.” Dex scoffs a laugh as he shoots up from where he was sitting. He puts a healthy distance between us before he speaks again. “I’m at my wits fucking end here. I want you, Luce. I have since I met you at the coffee shop.”
I’m frozen in my seat. Since the first time we met?
My brain is still trying to process this information when Dex drops the cardstock of my list on the lounger between us.
That definitely gets my body back in motion. Standing up, I pick up the paper and stalk toward him. “Where did you get this?”
Dex goes still. “Miles took this out of your purse today. I’m sorry he did, and I’m sorry I looked at it…but every time I think of you doing any of these things with someone else, I want to lose my damn mind.”
Dex grabs my hips and turns us to the side and backs me up against the window.
“But then I think about all the ways I could do these things with you. All the ways I could make you scream my name. All the ways I want to worship that damn light of yours that you somehow can’t see.
I fucking live to see your light, Lucie.
It’s taking over every fiber of my being.
“I know you said you don’t want to be with someone who tries to dim your light, or turn it into their own…but that’s not what’s happening here. Baby, I want yours. I want it so fucking badly, but I know I shouldn’t.”
All of the breath is knocked out of me as his eyes peer into mine. I can physically see him struggling to hold back.
Not leaning in to make the first move has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have to let him lead this if it’s ever going to work.
I don’t want to be Dex’s regret or something he blames himself over, but he has to want this—he has to want us enough.
I suck in a small breath as Dex tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear then trails his hand back down my jaw.
“Dex…” I breathe out.
“Tell me we shouldn’t do this, Luce. Tell me to stop.”
That I won’t do. My heart continues to beat out of my chest, but I try to keep my voice as calm as possible. “Dex, I have all the patience in the world, but I’m not going to lie to you. If you want to kiss me, do it when you’re ready because I want you just as badly.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop,” Dex whispers as his hands cup my face.
I stare deep into those eyes—the longing is practically written all over his face. He needs something to push him over the edge. I won’t make the first move, but if he wants reassurance that I’m just as much in this as he is, I can give him that.
“Then maybe you don’t. I trust you, Dex. I like being on your team.”
Dex’s hands tense against my cheeks, but then he pulls me in close. “Fuck it.”