Page 27 of Coach Me (Boston Blues #2)

Dex

“We’re going to people watch?” Lucie laughs as I bring one of the chairs around behind my desk to the window to watch Baltimore’s team warm up.

“You got any better ideas?”

Lucie shrugs and rolls my office chair next to me. “I guess not.”

She’s wearing that damn yellow dress she wore in the coffee shop the first time we met. Seeing her in yellow has been torture enough, but I’ve been simultaneously dreading and praying to see this dress on her again.

Lucie seems to notice my stare because when her eyes meet mine, there’s a small blush to her cheeks.

Clearing my throat, I turn to look back over the field as one of the hitters sends a ball out to right field.

“I feel like there’s some sort of betting game in here somewhere,” Lucie says softly.

I watch as the same hitter sends his next hit to right field again. “Okay, how about this— we bet questions. So if I bet the next hit lands in left field and it does, I get to ask you a question, but if it doesn’t, you get to ask.”

Lucie’s smile is soft, but I can see the excitement in her eyes. “Okay, let’s do it.”

We both turn back to the field as the ball gets hit into left field. “I win. Tell me more about figuring yourself out.”

Lucie hums. “That’s not a question.”

“Alright, fair. How are you figuring yourself out?” I’m still having a hard time understanding how Lucie thinks she’s not exactly who she needs to be.

Lucie shuffles in my office chair, angling slightly away from me. “Well, I have this list, or guidelines might be the better word. I guess it’s not necessarily that I don’t know anything about myself, it’s more that I feel like a lot of stuff stems from my siblings.”

“Is that why you’re going to try to go running tomorrow?”

Lucie’s face turns bright red. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Wh—”

“It’s my turn,” Lucie cuts me off as the next batter comes up. “I bet that he hits it to center field.”

The pitch comes and it’s hit to…left field.

“What are the guidelines?”

Lucie swallows. ‘Um, there’s venture out more?—”

“Running,” I offer, and Lucie shakes her head before continuing.

“Find a hobby, have a yes day, do something that scares me, and be more spontaneous. There’s not really a limit on them either, just to keep me on the path.”

“Does that path have an ending?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, a goal or some life milestone? ”

Lucie shrugs. “Do they have to have an ending?”

“I don’t know. I guess they don’t. I mean, you’re young?—”

Lucie snorts a laugh. “Oh no, not the ‘you’ve got your whole life ahead of you’ speech.”

The smirk tugs at my mouth. “God, I hated it the moment it came out of my mouth. How patronizing did that sound?”

“Eh, I think I cut you off in time.” Lucie laughs again. “Even though I believe I’m way past the bet requirements, there’s not necessarily this big end goal. It’s not that I’m doing any of this to be ready for a relationship or a big career move. It’s just for me.”

Shit. I don’t know if I like or hate that answer. I like that this is for her—hearing she wants to better herself for a guy would have pissed me the fuck off. But, then again, I kind of want to be that guy. That’s part of the damn problem.

My feelings for Lucie are getting too hard to ignore. We already had one close call, and I don’t see myself recovering from too many more moments like that with her.

Lucie continues on, not helping my internal downfall.

“It’s not to keep me from finding someone either, just making sure they don’t try to make their light my own or more likely, that I make their personality mine like I did with my siblings…I probably sound nuts.”

“No, you don’t.” I don’t see how anyone could ever outshine Lucie.

Hell, I hardly understand how she doesn’t see it herself.

She’s a nurturer, but she’s also resilient in the best way.

No matter how many times I tried to push her away, she’s stayed put.

She’s calm and even-tempered, but full of passion when it comes to the people she cares about.

She can claim she’s the side character—or extra…wh atever the fuck she said—all she wants. I think she’s a main character who just hasn’t found her story yet.

Lucie gives me a half smile. “Okay, it’s my turn. I bet two questions?—”

“Whoa, I never said you could wager multiple questions.”

“You never said I couldn’t. Plus, I just overpaid on that one.”

See, that’s light.

I hold out my hand for her to continue.

“I bet two questions that the next one lands in left field.”

The pitch comes and with the swing, the ball flies into left field where one of the players shagging balls makes a diving catch. Lucie mumbles a small celebratory “yes” and angles her chair back to me.

“First question. Why’d you retire?”

I lift an eyebrow and laugh. “Is that not obvious? I think having to hire you is part of the answer.”

Lucie nudges my arm. “Part of the answer, Dex. Come on, tell me the full answer.”

I fight the urge to push back on this question more if it means she’ll touch my arm again, but I know she was vulnerable with me just now. I can do the same, but only because it’s her .

“Alright. Not having someone to take care of Miles was a big part of it. The travel and schedule were hard enough as is—I missed him like crazy when my mom or Kate couldn’t travel with me to the away games.

“The other part is guilt. Kate and I were never going to work. There was no real love lost there, just two people who made decisions and are now dealing with the outcomes. Kate never really wanted to be a mother, and I knew that. When we found out she was pregnant, I told her I would support whatever decision she made moving forward with the pregnancy. It was her choice completely, and I respected it. It wasn’t until she decided to have Miles that I started fucking up.

“We should never have gotten married. I’m man enough to own that I played a bigger role in that than she did.

The idea of having that family dynamic was something I wanted.

The pressure from my own parents didn’t help—their hearts weren’t necessarily in the wrong place, more that generational bullshit of getting married when you have a baby and all that. ”

I sigh, running my hands over my face. Fuck, the shit I’m putting Miles through kills me.

I can’t say I’m putting him through it alone, but I’m the one who caused it.

Who knows if Kate and I could have just made co-parenting work better had we not gotten married.

Maybe I could have even taken on this full-time role sooner…

“I may not completely understand or even agree with how Kate’s handled the divorce when it comes to Miles, but I can’t blame her for it.”

“You blame yourself,” Lucie says the words that I couldn’t.

“Yeah, I blame myself. I just want him to have a happy life—the best life I can give him. Retiring felt like the only way to do that. Then Olsson made me this offer, and I selfishly took it.”

Lucie stays silent for a moment, but then shuffles in her chair to angle more toward me.

“You know, my dad left when I was six. He was a horrible alcoholic—it’s why Will doesn’t drink at all, actually.

With me being the youngest, I don’t have a lot of memories of him, and while I’ve seen pictures that my mom still has hidden in a box under her bed, I haven’t seen him since the day he left.

“If you asked my siblings if they thought him choosing to leave was selfish, you might get a different answer, but for me, I think it was the right one. It’s not really my story to tell, but with what happened to Will—him staying would have put all of us at risk.

” Lucie’s hand lands on top of mine. “So while I don’t completely understand or even agree with him, I won’t blame him for what I believe was the right decision at the core of it. ”

“Luce.” My voice is low, with what I can’t decide is a warning or plea, because her hand is still holding mine.

“I have one more question left,” Lucie whispers. “Why are you afraid of me?”

So many reasons, but the one that sums it up the most is that I don’t want to lose her if I ever were to get the pleasure of being hers.

I swallow hard. “I don’t want to ever blame myself over you.”