Page 46 of Clashing

Chapter thirty-four

Like You Missed Me

Scarlett

T hrobbing headaches were my least favorite way to wake up, but I supposed I’d earned it.

I rolled over in my bed, away from the blinding light of my window. My eyes fluttered against the pounding in my head. I needed water.

Whimpering, I sat up and massaged my scalp, eyes squeezed shut. When I reached a point I could open them without them popping out from the pressure in my skull, I did.

A glass of water sat on my nightstand. A bottle of painkillers beside it. As much as I wanted to believe I’d done that for my future self, it didn’t sound like me.

Then I remembered Ryker coming over. Me throwing myself at him.

I smacked my forehead. “Oh my God .”

Memories from the night before blurred too much for a clear image. Did he put me to bed? He must’ve put my robe back on me because the ties were tight around my waist.

Shit. Way to embarrass yourself, Scarlett. Retrieving the water and painkillers, I took both and gingerly rose to my feet, then gulped the remaining water. The aroma of eggs pulled me toward the kitchen, and I froze.

Ryker stood at my desk, rifling through drawings. Hopefully not the ones with him.

“What are you doing?”

He glanced back and shrugged, closing the sketchbook. “I missed seeing your new stuff.”

“Oh.” Not the answer I expected. “Um . . . what happened last night?”

A teasing smile played on his lips, and he approached me. “You tried to assault me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious. You kept coming on to me.” He gestured to the stove, where eggs waited in a pan covered by a lid. “Made you eggs. How do you feel?”

“Thank you.” I caught my lip between my teeth and moved to the sink to refill my glass. “Like shit.”

“Not surprised. Were you drinking because you can’t sleep here?”

I spun to face him, and my stomach flipped at the way he leaned one shoulder against the fridge, arms crossed. “Nosy much?”

“Danny’s worried about you.”

“Dan’s always worried. What happened last night?”

“Nothing.” He lifted the shoulder he wasn’t leaning on. “We kissed a little. That’s it.”

“You put me to bed?”

“Yeah. You thought I was rejecting you because I didn’t want you, which, by the way, will never be true.

” My heart skipped. “I kissed you until you passed out so I wouldn’t make you cry.

” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I hope that was the right thing to do. I hate seeing you cry. I wasn’t trying to get anywhere. ”

“I know you wouldn’t.” His expression softened, and his mouth opened, but my phone vibrated against the kitchen table. “Hold on.” I held up a finger to Ryker and answered the phone. “Hey, Dan.”

“Hey, honey, I made breakfast. You hungry?”

“You what ? You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“I was careful. Do you want some or not?”

“I’ll be right there.” I sighed and hung up. “Sorry. It was sweet of you to make breakfast, but Dan did too, and yeah. You didn’t do anything wrong. I mean—” My cheeks warmed. “I kissed you first. Sorry about that.”

“I’m only sorry that you were drunk and hurting. Not that you kissed me.”

Goose bumps spilled over my skin. “Did I cry?” He nodded, and I buried my face in my hands. “Shit. I’m sorry. I’m such a mess.”

“Don’t apologize, Scarlett.” Ryker peeled my hands from my face. “It wasn’t a problem. I told you I want to be here for you, and I mean it. Especially when you cry.”

Mind racing, I lost myself in those blue eyes that caught my attention the very first time I saw him.

I missed being close to him. I missed it like part of myself had been severed.

He didn’t let go of my hands, and his eyes never strayed from mine.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something. My phone rang again.

Breaking our eye contact, I picked it up, Dan’s name once again illuminating my screen. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m out of orange juice. Get some from downstairs on your way over, would you?”

“Sure thing. I’ll be right there.” I ended the call and wrung my hands together. “I, um . . .”

“Gotta go?”

I nodded and he did as well. Neither of us moved.

I couldn’t think of another time we’d stared into each other’s eyes so long without physical intimacy.

Either I was delusional, or something in our stare had altered.

It wasn’t pure heat anymore, though of course that crackled in the background. There was something deeper too.

I gnawed on my lip. “What were you going to say?”

“Hmm?”

“Before Dan called this second time. You looked like you were about to say something.”

“Oh.” He sucked in a breath and averted his eyes. Whatever he wanted to say, he clearly lost his nerve. After opening and closing his mouth several times, he muttered under his breath.

Stepping closer, Ryker pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“You’re not a mess, Scarlett. Your tears aren’t too much for me.

None of you is too much for me.” He stepped back but one of his hands lingered, his thumb brushing my cheek.

“I’ll, uh . . .” He cleared his throat, and his hand fell away from me. “I’ll talk to you later.”

The door thudded shut after him. What the hell was going on in that mind of his? He’d never been timid. Not to mention the need to know what he was about to say sparked curiosity that wouldn’t be satisfied by anything but a direct answer.

On a normal day, I would’ve spent too long trying to decipher the great Ryker mystery. Unfortunately, my head throbbed, and my stomach turned in a way that told me I needed food and water.

I eyed the eggs on my way to eat breakfast with Dan. Dammit. Of course, he and Dan chose to make me breakfast on the same day. Did he think I didn’t appreciate it?

It occupied my thoughts while I sat with Dan, unable to hide my hungover state.

I anticipated a lecture, but his energy was directed elsewhere.

He wanted me to move in with him and out of that apartment.

He worried about me not sleeping. I worried too, but I wouldn’t let fear control me.

I wanted to conquer it, even if it took time.

After breakfast, I returned to my apartment, locked the door, and showered. The more the day wore on, the more the night before came into focus. Parts were fuzzy but I remembered. His lips against mine. His hands on me.

I asked my therapist how I could want Ryker so soon after Todd’s death and she said that might be exactly why.

Because he was there . He not only protected me but eliminated the threat.

He made me feel empowered because he helped me enjoy sex again.

Helped me get to therapy so I could recover.

Reminded me I could be close to someone without being scared.

Maybe we could go back to how it was. For a little while.

The tender pieces of my heart argued about what a terrible idea that was, but he made me feel safe and good . I was desperate for that after drowning in sadness. Plus, I wanted to know what he was going to say earlier.

Before I overthought it, I got ready and drove to his house in the late afternoon. Didn’t even bother to verify he was home. His schedule wasn’t exactly normal. Being a bounty hunter, he made his own hours.

I’m trying anyway. I pulled in front of his place and the garage door opened as I climbed out of my truck. I grinned when the dogs rushed toward me, tails wagging and tongues lolling.

“Hi, sweeties,” I cooed, hugging both and planting kisses on their heads. “I missed you.”

They licked at me and nearly knocked me over trying to get close. I giggled and scratched behind their ears.

“We’ve been over the sweeties thing.” Ryker stepped outside and my mouth dried. Sweat dripped down his shirtless torso, catching between the ridges of his abs and around his taut chest. He slowly uncurled wraps from his fists. “Demon’s a retired military dog for fuck’s sake. They’re not sweeties.”

I tried not to drool at the tattoos decorating his sexy body.

“First of all, they are sweeties. I don’t care what you say.

Second of all, I wanted to say thanks. I remember parts of last night, and I appreciate you handling it like you did and staying with me.

Sorry I didn’t get to eat breakfast with you. ”

“Don’t apologize. Danny’s eggs were probably better anyway. And yeah, Scar. You can call me anytime. I’ll be there.” My breath trembled. He kept talking like he intended to always be near me. “You okay? You didn’t have to come here. You could’ve said that over the phone.”

“I wanted to talk.” I clutched my long jacket around my naked body. “Can we talk?”

He inclined his head for me to follow him into the garage. I gulped at the muscles on his back, all swollen and bulging from his workout. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“I want to know what you were going to say earlier when Dan called.”

Ryker hesitated in front of the door that led up to the house. He glanced at me over his shoulder. “It’s nothing. I don’t know why I was going to say it.”

“Well, say it anyway. I want to hear it.”

Ryker twisted the knob and pushed the door open, blowing out a long breath. “I’m back in therapy. Just . . . you know, you’re not alone. We’re both trying to fix our shit.”

My mouth fell open. “Really? Why?”

He faced me now, mouth in a thin line. “I should never be so angry I lash out and say shit like what I said to you.” I stopped breathing.

“I know an apology can only do so much, and I’m not asking you to praise me for doing something I should’ve done a while ago, but I wanted you to know my apology wasn’t just words. I’m doing the work too.”

“Why?”

Vulnerability flashed in his eyes—quick as a lightning bolt. “I want to be a better man.”

If any part of me doubted my next move, those simple words melted all hesitation. He ascended the stairs, and I blocked the dogs from following. I couldn’t take my clothes off around them. It weirded me out.

We entered his house and when I closed the dogs out, he glanced back.

“You don’t have to leave them down there. They miss you.”

“I don’t like them being in the room when we have sex.”

His posture went rigid. Slow and predatory, he turned toward me. One sweep of his gaze over my body ignited the sparks that’d turn into an explosion and obliterate us both. His voice lowered to a rasp as he took a step toward me. “Are we having sex?”

I opened my jacket to reveal my nakedness underneath. “That was the idea.”

I remembered what he’d said last night. His fantasy about me showing up in nothing but a jacket. He sucked in a breath, pupils overtaking his irises as he drank in my bare skin.

“You said you’d show me how much you wanted me.” I shrugged off the jacket and it pooled on the floor around me. “Here’s your chance. Unless you were bullshitting me.”

“I wasn’t bullshitting you,” he growled.

Grabbing the nape of my neck, he dragged our lips together. Electricity crackled, the charge coursing through us more potent than ever. He backed me into the wall and ran his hands down to my hips, then up to my breasts.

“Scarlett,” he murmured against my lips. “Let’s talk about this.”

“Since when do you want to talk?” I tugged at his shorts. “You’ve told me many times that I talk too much. Now look who’s talking instead of fucking?”

His movements slowed and he pressed his forehead against mine. “I thought you wanted a relationship.”

I very much did. But only with him. He was all I needed and right now, I’d take him however I could have him.

I didn’t want him to pull away because he thought I expected too much.

I hadn’t figured out what Ryker meant by more .

More could mean anything, but I didn’t care. I needed to be close to him.

“I only want you to fuck me.” I reached into his shorts and stroked his cock. He groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder. “Fuck me like you missed me, Ryker.”

He stared at me for so long without moving, insecurity bubbled up.

It died off when he slammed his lips over mine and cupped my pussy.

Two thick fingers pushed into me, and I whimpered as he thrust them in and out.

My nails dug into his shoulders, my head thudded back against the wall, and I moaned for more.

Ryker obliged. He kicked off his shorts, lifted me, and buried his cock in my pussy.

I almost cried when he plowed into me, pinning me to the wall with his cock inside me.

Like coming home after being away too long.

I clutched his shoulders, locked my legs around him, and begged him to fuck me until I was tender. I wanted to never forget how he felt.

He did as I asked. Fucked me against the wall, every thrust at the perfect angle. My nails pierced his skin as he moved harder, faster. Each thrust deliberate and calculated, like he wanted to show me he hadn’t forgotten the spots that threw me into ecstasy.

I’d been so desperate for him, it didn’t take long for me to reach my peak and scream his name. Ryker growled and sank into me faster while he finished. I loved his dirty talk, but we moved too quickly for it this time. Too desperate to feel each other again.

After a few minutes of catching our breaths, he carried me into the bedroom and dropped me onto the bed. I didn’t recognize the expression he wore. One so buried in conflict. I set my hands on his face and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He stroked my jaw. “I really fucking missed you, Scarlett.”

A flash of hurt I intended to ask about flickered in his eyes, but he sucked my nipple into his mouth before I could confront it, forcing a strangled moan from me instead of words.