Page 35 of Clashing

Chapter twenty-six

Normal

Scarlett

F inding a normal with Ryker was a challenge. We’d been attracted to each other from the beginning. It was our thing. Fight-flirting. I didn’t know how else to be around him. But not being around him sucked. It also opened up more free time.

I told my mom what happened with my ex. What he did, and how he continued contacting me. Though I hadn’t heard from him in a while. I hoped that meant he’d given up.

I never doubted that telling Mom would break her heart, and it did. At least I comforted her with the knowledge Todd seemed to be backing off, and I was getting help to heal. I had Ryker to thank for that.

Ryker. That frustrating part-time sweetheart, part-time asshole.

I was honest with my apology. While he was definitely an asshole, I didn’t handle things right either.

At first, I was too hurt and angry to think straight, but then I attended a therapy session and parking in front of the building reminded me I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to go if it weren’t for him.

Like I said, part-time asshole, part-time sweetheart. It’d be nice if he could pick one and stick with it.

Since that awkward conversation in Dan’s kitchen, things were as normal between us as they could be. He started coming in again, and we were polite to each other, but I missed our banter. I guess I can’t have that anymore.

Things with Collin continued. Spending time with him was always enjoyable, and he wasn’t a part-time sweetheart. He was full -time. There was nothing wrong with him but . . .

He didn’t set me on fire like Ryker did. Probably no one ever would, and I couldn’t use Ryker as a standard for other guys. Especially considering Ryker didn’t have it in him to do more than fuck.

I tried to avoid any run-ins between Ryker and Collin.

Whether or not it was the right thing to do, it seemed the safe thing to do.

If I didn’t enjoy seeing Ryker with Nat, I doubted Ryker enjoyed seeing me with Collin.

Collin did, however, meet Dan, who actually liked him.

That spoke volumes . Dan never approved of any guy I dated.

Him warming to Collin reinforced that I needed to try harder and stop pining after someone I couldn’t have.

Because I had to put effort into not thinking about Ryker, I didn’t allow things to move forward with Collin. We dated, but I told him we needed to wait on any official labels or commitments. I refused to be a girlfriend to one man while thinking about another. Which made progress slow.

Polar opposite to my experience with Ryker.

It’d been three weeks, and we hadn’t done anything but make out.

No sleeping over. I told him the truth—that I had some hang-ups and didn’t want to commit to him or ask him to commit to me until I worked them out.

The man had the patience of a saint. Patience I appreciated while my gut swam with nauseating guilt.

The only thing keeping me going was the fact I didn’t catch myself thinking about Ryker as often. I didn’t want to jump his bones as much. I needed to focus on Collin instead, anyway. Ergo, I was currently spending way more time dolling myself up for him than I ever had for Ryker.

We had a date tonight and I’d learned makeup tricks from Hannah. I got that smoky eye thing down and put on red lipstick to match the dress I’d picked out. Checking the time on my phone, I stilled. Dropped my lipstick.

A notification from an unknown number waited.

Chills racked my body. Not opening it wouldn’t make it go away. My thumb hovered over the screen for a moment before I tapped the notification. Unknown: Stop ignoring me. We need to talk. You can’t avoid me forever.

My stomach churned and I took a screenshot of the text, sent it to the officer in charge of the case, blocked the number, and deleted the text. Hands trembling, I lowered my phone to the counter and practiced the breathing exercises I’d learned in therapy.

I can’t be shaken before my date with Collin. He didn’t know Todd existed. I preferred it that way because I didn’t have to relive it and didn’t have to worry he’d look at me differently.

Allowing myself exactly three minutes to chill out, I took off my robe and retrieved my dress from the closet. The silky fabric chilled my body, and I stretched my hand back for a zipper I couldn’t reach. A knock on the door startled me.

Dammit. Collin was early. I intended to avoid Ryker witnessing him pick me up, so I usually rushed out before Collin arrived.

Unfortunately, Collin noticed that I always waited outside and insisted I wait for him to come to the door.

I blanched at the thought of explaining why I didn’t want him to, so I told him I was punctual. Total lie. I was late for everything .

I worked on the zipper on my way to the door but couldn’t catch it. Collin and I may not have had sex, but he had his hands under my shirt enough that zipping me up shouldn’t be a problem. I opened the door and turned.

“I’m almost ready. Can you zip me up?” I glanced back over my shoulder and the blood drained from my face.

Oh fuck . I spun around and held my dress closed behind me. “Ryker,” I squeaked.

His striking eyes might as well have conjured a bolt of lightning as they drifted up and down. “I don’t think I’m who you were expecting, but I’ll zip you up.”

“It’s o-okay.” I backed away and contorted my arm to reach the zipper. “What are you doing here?”

“Danny said you’ve got a problem with a light switch.” He held up his faded red toolbox. “He asked me to check it out for you.”

“Oh.” My finger almost grazed the stupid little metal slider but not quite . “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“I don’t want to bother you.”

“Jesus, Scarlett. If you want us to find a normal, me helping around here is normal. Now, stop being stubborn and turn around.” He snatched my wrist and twisted me. “I’ve seen and touched more of you than this.”

“You’re so annoying,” I huffed, ignoring the tingles as his hand rested on my back.

“There you go. That’s normal.” He glided the zipper up. “You accusing me of being what you are.”

“Asshole.” I snapped the word, though in reality, I internally cheered because this was normal. So much better than fake niceness.

“Takes one to know one,” he said. I scowled, and he almost smirked. “Which light switch?”

“In the dining room.”

He followed me and flipped the switch on and off a couple times, eventually leaving it off.

“Wow, that was amazing.” I folded my arms. “Are you an electrician?”

He glared at me and set his toolbox down. “Shut the fuck up and go turn off the breaker for this room.”

“So bossy .”

I did as he asked, though. I needed a functioning light, especially in my makeshift studio. When I returned, he had a flashlight mounted on the fixture, already working on wires behind the switch. Huh. I should learn more about electricity.

“Take a picture, Scar.” A hint of amusement danced in his eyes. “It’ll last longer.”

“I don’t want to break the camera.”

“I can’t be that bad, or you wouldn’t keep staring.”

“I have zero interest in you. It’s what you’re doing I’m curious about.”

“Oh, so you’re watching what my hands can do?”

Bastard. I bit back the grin and he almost smiled. Yeah, this was normal. Though also a little flirty. I should cool it. A knock eradicated Ryker’s amusement and shattered the moment. Probably for the best.

I hurried away, thankful for the distance from him. Opening the door, I gasped. Collin held a bouquet of roses, his eyes wide as they took me in.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That’s some dress.” He offered the flowers. “These are for you.”

“Thank you! That’s so sweet.” I pecked him on the cheek. “I’m basically ready. Only need my shoes.”

“You’re good.” He checked me out while I filled a vase with water for the roses. “Seriously, you look amazing.”

“Thanks.” Dropping the blooms in the water, I then spun and fanned out the skirt. “I do like this dress.”

“It’s a good dress.” Ryker emerged from the living room and my stomach dropped. I forgot this was the red dress I wore on one specific night with him. Shit.

“Uh.” I fiddled with my hair. “Ryker was fixing my light switch.”

“Oh.” Collin nodded. “What’s up, man?”

“What’s up?” Ryker strode between us and faced me. “It was a loose wire.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” He stalked out without another word of acknowledgment.

Collin’s gaze, however, burned into me as I fussed with the roses. I hadn’t told him about my history with Ryker.

“Shoes,” I murmured as I slipped past him for my bedroom. He followed and leaned against the doorframe while I retrieved my heels from the closet.

“How come you called him to fix your light?” Collin hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “I could’ve looked at it.”

“I didn’t call him.” I sat on the edge of my bed and worked a heel on. “Dan did. It’s nothing, Collin, honestly. Ryker fixes a lot around here. He was doing it for Dan long before I moved in.”

“So, there’s nothing between you two I should know about?”

I put on the second shoe, then stood and smoothed out my dress. The dress Ryker had done incredible things to me in. I should’ve chosen a different outfit.

“Full disclosure,” I held my hands up, “we hooked up a few times.” Several times. “But it was never serious.” For him, at least. “It wasn’t a relationship or anything. And it stopped before you asked me out.”

He pushed off the doorframe and approached. My nerves prickled when he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, expression unreadable. “You’re sure it’s over? It seems like he wants you.”

“It’s over. We talked. We agreed to be friends because I can’t avoid him. He and Dan are close, and I don’t want to come between them. Oh, also, Dan doesn’t know, and he should never know.”

“Got it. Shouldn’t be a problem since you’re with me now anyway.” He circled his arms around my waist and drew me close. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

He took my hand and led me toward the front door. “Come on.”

I resisted the urge to fuck up my lipstick by gnawing on my lip. “Are you mad?”

“Of course not. There were other guys before me. It’s fine. There were other girls before you too. It’s a little weird he’s in your apartment fixing things but you were honest with me, so,” he shrugged, “it’s cool.”

See, brain? Forget Ryker. Collin’s so much better for us. “Thanks.”

That was the best response he could’ve given. He wasn’t jealous like Ryker. He trusted me.

Once we survived escaping the bar with Ryker’s friends staring, we carried on with our night.

Dinner with Collin always went well. He had good taste and liked art, so we never ran out of things to discuss.

Our conversation continued outside, where we strolled downtown, observing the neon lights and advertisements for bars and shows.

“Are you going to try for that show René is doing?” Collin asked. “The charcoal anatomy one?”

I wish. “I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

“You’re ready. You’ve made amazing progress. Even Hera thinks so and that means a lot coming from her. What are you afraid of?”

My laugh held a touch of insecurity. “Failure. Always have been afraid of failure. It’s a problem. You might as well know. I almost never do anything unless there’s practically no risk of failure.”

“Live a little, Scar.” I hated that his words reminded me of Ryker convincing me to ride his motorcycle. “You can’t wait for things to be perfect or you’ll never do anything. You can only achieve great things if you take risks.”

He has a point. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, and he grasped my waist, pausing our walk.

“Besides, there’s practically no risk. You’re an amazing artist. Whatever’s holding you back, don’t let it.

Just jump.” He nuzzled my nose. “Not everything needs to be perfectly planned out. You don’t have to have all the answers right away.

Sometimes winging it works, and if not, at least you won’t regret not trying. ”

My nervous expression softened to a smile. He always said the right thing. He might even be right in more ways than one. I should try for the art show, but I was also holding back with him. Afraid I wasn’t ready to be with someone else. I’d been dodging his advances and . . .

Maybe it was time to stop thinking so hard and jump. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “You’re really sweet, you know?”

“I try. Come on.” He broke our kiss. “I’ll take you home.”

I hesitated. Just jump. Don’t overthink it.

My heart thundered against my chest. “Or we could go to your place.”

His eyebrows shot up, but a sultry smirk formed. He gripped my hips, and I let go, hating myself for having to force thoughts of Ryker to the background.