Page 88 of Call the Shots (For The Arena #1)

BEAR

NOT PARTICULARLY THANKFUL

Nobody wanted me around. My dad asked a dozen times if I was staying for the weekend, dropping as many hints as he could that it wouldn’t be a good idea. I didn’t know if I would. It hurt to stay but I couldn’t go. I couldn’t leave June alone with them.

Around nine, Shawna, Xavier, and June called it a night, and my dad sat on one of the porch chairs, sipping a drink. The backyard was littered with canopies. Fairy lights sparkled on every tree, everything was ready for a party I hadn’t been invited to.

As far as I could hear, we were the only two people outside. He motioned his glass to me. “You want one?”

I studied my father with the weirdest realization.

I didn’t want to see him anymore.

Was this our final conversation?

As soon as June left, I’d drive away too, and then…what? Goodbye to my dad? Wasn’t this supposed to be climatic? Some twinge of remorse? Nope. I was just weirdly impatient for this to be done with.

If this was our last conversation, what did I need to say? What was I supposed to ask if this was it?

“Why don’t we ever talk about my mom?”

He sighed, taking a drink. “You always know how to read a room.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s a celebratory weekend—what do you want from me?”

“The answer to my goddamn question?”

My dad stared at me incredulously. “Do you think you’re allowed to curse at me? Not under my roof—do you know how much money I’ve spent on you? Do you know how expensive hockey is?”

“You talked to June about her.”

“That’s different, June’s like family—” He stopped himself and exhaled through his nose. “June was a bright, young girl who was very interested in our family and me and what I had going on—she’s spirited, easy to talk to. You could learn some things from her.”

I didn’t want to admit it, but he had a point. I thought about how different June and I were. Whatever room June entered, she was immediately the star of the show, the main character. She dazzled. There wasn’t a better word for her.

And then there was me. I couldn’t shake the awkwardness, the stiffness that never really left me. I was never quite as comfortable as she was, never relaxed like she was.

That’s how she was with everyone, wasn’t it?

Was I just everyone to her?

“You didn’t really—” My dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you take your brother’s girlfriend?”

“Well, she’s not an object.”

“Did you take your brother’s girlfriend? I’m not asking again.”

I met his eyes. “I guess if I did, he didn’t deserve to keep her.”

“This is why I can’t talk to you. You say things like that and expect me to continue the conversation." He waved his glass at me. “Did I hit you? Choke you? There are parents out there who lock their children in closets, you should be thankful I’m not one of them.”

“I’m not feeling particularly thankful tonight.”

My dad finished the drink and didn’t hesitate pouring more. “Here’s the truth, Canadian judges are bullshit. I was paying an arm and a leg in child support before they found your mother’s tumor. Her brother got into her head about raising the child support and the amount listed was ludicrous.”

This was the first I’d ever heard about child support.

“Your uncle wanted to take you in, raising you on my salary.” He settled back in his chair, his mouth curled into a frown. “The way I saw it, you’re an investment. If I’m pouring money into an investment and I don’t directly see the growth, that’s called a scam.”

“You adopted me because you didn’t want to pay more child support?”

“Please—it’s not that simple. Don’t rearrange my words. And it wasn’t like raising you was cheap—I didn’t realize how expensive childcare actually is. That was a mistake on my part—always do your research before you take on a new project.”

“Then why didn’t you give me up?”

“You don’t have a real job—you can’t imagine the strain it would’ve put on me at work. What my partners would’ve said. You can’t just give a child back after you sign the paperwork. People talk.”

What was I expecting?

I watched the house through the windows. I couldn’t see June, but Shawna loudly said she’d set up the guest bedroom for her, which meant June would be down the hall from me.

My stomach clenched. I didn’t know how I was going to sleep tonight.

Our late-night conversations in our bed— my bed —became a part of my routine. June would murmur to me about her day and I’d bury my face in her neck, running my hands along her body to unwind, an unbelievable peace seeping into me.

Fuck, this was going to be a long night.

“June’s parents invited me to Christmas,” I said slowly. “I don’t know if they did it because they like me or because of the shit that went down and they want to keep an eye on me—I don’t know.”

“It’s probably the second possibility. Her mother is very shrewd.”

I ignored him. “I realized them inviting me to Christmas was nicer than anything my immediate family’s done in years. I even wondered why they bothered, and it didn’t matter because it felt good to be asked.”

“They could be doing it to upset me.”

“Why would they care about upsetting you?”

“June’s little stunt. She threatened to sue for harassment if Xavier didn’t drop the charges against you, as if I’d ever let you two file against each other.”

I paused. “What?”

“I don’t know, it was very unlike June.”

“She threatened to…?”

“It was a terrible decision on her part, she should’ve realized keeping you out of trouble is in my best interest too.”

My eyes flickered to the windows again, heart thudding in my chest. If none of this meant anything to her, why would she do that?