Page 32 of Call the Shots (For The Arena #1)

BEAR

THE BIGGEST BAGGAGE I HAVE

The guys mumbled through drunk songs while I had my arm around June’s waist, walking her to our dorm. Once we were inside, it was quiet.

“I can handle it,” she repeated. I made sure she was on her bed and went for my ice pack and a paper towel. She hesitated. “I don’t need the?—”

“You can’t put it directly on your skin.”

“No, I—um—okay.” She slipped off her heels and winced at the cold.

I cleared my throat. “That looks like?—”

“It’s been a while since?—”

We stopped talking and an awkward silence settled. I wasn’t sober and I could feel it in every breath I took, leaving things fuzzy. I cleared my throat a second time.

“Tomorrow, I can?—”

“That was nice that?—”

We shared painful smiles.

“That was really nice,” June said finally. “That you defended Montoya like that.”

“It’s whatever.” I started untying my bed sheet. “I’ve never been to a party like that. Thanks for…Montoya had a great time.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Too bad your boyfriend had to miss it.” I slid in the remark like it was a casual thing to say, watching her face. “Where’d he spend the night anyway?”

June tilted her head, her smile gone. “Don’t.”

“What?”

“I know what you’re doing, Bear.”

“What am I doing?”

“When things are good, you make a comment, and ruin everything.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“You don’t talk shit about any of my friends. Ever. I don’t tolerate it, I certainly won’t tolerate it from you.”

“Your boyfriend doesn’t give a shit that we slept together.” I balled up the bed sheet in my hands. “Do you know who he’s hanging out with tonight?”

“No concha.”

Taken aback, I blinked. “What?”

“It’s something we said on the orientation team.

One of the guys’ moms made us conchas, the spiral Mexican rolls, we meant it as a reminder not to spiral.

Because you’re spiraling.” She finished pulling off her second heel and dropped it to the floor.

“Why do you do this? Don’t spiral, talk . What’s your problem with King?”

“No concha,” I echoed, drunk. “You have a shitty, shithead boyfriend.”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

“He’s never in our dorm?—”

“You don’t want him in our dorm.”

“We live in the same building—King’s seven or whatever floors above us—I see him more in the lobby than I see him with you. Hell, I see you more than he does.”

“His mom’s in and out of the hospital, is that what you want to hear?”

I froze. “What?”

“You heard me. That’s why he’s busy, that’s why he couldn’t make it tonight. His mom had to go to the hospital, and he took care of his little sister.”

“Like…you’ve met his mom and…?”

“She’s like a second mom to me. I call her every Sunday.”

My eyes dropped to the floor. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. ”

“I didn’t know.”

“So why are you assuming? Why do you think that’s any of your business?”

I met her eyes again. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“I’d do anything for him.” June picked at her dress, her voice suddenly soft.

“When he came to Marrs…a lot of these guys come from legacy families and King obviously didn’t.

I know he’s a big guy, I know he’s a grown man, but no one’s going to make snide comments behind his back again, especially not someone I’m living with. ”

I started to apologize but she wasn’t finished.

“The same thing is happening to Montoya. I know they think it’s just jokes, it’s not funny. He’s a kid.”

“It’s because they’re jealous, June.” I motioned to the dorms outside of ours, the floor full of hockey players. “If the accident didn’t happen, Montoya would’ve signed to a professional team. Half of these guys would kill for the kind of attention he had in high school?—”

“That’s the difference between the Gladiators and the Romans. You’re supposed to look out for each other, not tear each other down!”

“He needs tougher skin?—”

“He’s getting bullied!” she snapped. “He’s ostracized, he’s set apart, it’s not like his coach cares, you have no idea what he’s going through?—”

“ I have no idea what Montoya’s going through?” A hard laugh burst out of me. “Me?” At June’s puzzled silence, I scoffed. “Acting dumb is cute. What, you want details?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We’ve been dancing around it, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Paisley leaked my nudes, haha, it’s so funny.”

For silent seconds, June stared, eyes wide, and it was too confusing for me to handle while drunk. Of course June knew. If Xavier announced it at parties, he must’ve told June.

My heart slowed as I thought about the possibility…

“You…don’t know.”

“Paisley leaked your nudes?” she whispered.

Embarrassment clung to me. My biggest baggage hung out there, and I didn’t realize we were having this kind of conversation until I stumbled into it. I swallowed hard.

Fuck.

“I—uh—Wade was my best friend. We stayed in touch after camps in high school and we were incoming freshmen for North Dakota together. We got really close.” I shuffled back to the door, leaning against it again.

“During the summers, his parents let me crash at their place. I knew his sister had a crush on me—that’s Paisley, she’s a year older.

Everyone was waiting for us to get together.

Junior year, I thought—fuck it. They let me stay at their house, I was close to the family, why not. ”

I refused to answer any of the questions from my new teammates about why I left North Dakota. Talking about it out loud was fucking uncomfortable. Yet here I was, telling June.

“I put in effort, but I knew it wasn’t working out with her,” I continued.

“I kept trying to end it and she blew me off. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t want it to fuck with Wade and me, so I pulled back.

” I snorted, twisting the bed sheet between my hands.

“I thought she’d get the hint, and I guess she did because I missed her fundraiser, and she posted my nudes everywhere. ”

June’s mouth fell open.

“Videos, pictures, with my full name and school info—face included. They were on these revenge porn sites, which I didn’t know existed, and there was this ND group chat with like five thousand students. The moderators couldn’t handle every photo dump.”

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

“Then I check the profiles of this shit. The accounts had number five—Wade’s jersey number—and our mascot in the usernames, these breadcrumbs, it’s Wade too. It’s my best friend doing this shit.”

I had no idea I was this drunk, but I couldn’t stop talking.

“You really didn’t know?” I pressed. “I thought you knew. I mean, I don’t care that my dick’s out there, whatever. The comments are flattering, I had to turn off my DMs. But it’s…uh…the fact that she knew …” I hesitated. “She knew it’d hurt me, and she did it anyway.”

“Is that why you transferred?” June asked, her voice gentle.

“North Dakota socials had these innuendos. Girls showed up to games with pictures to flash on the boards. One day, I opened my locker, and it was stuffed full of prints. I figured out who did it—two seniors—and I beat the shit out of them. I sent them to the hospital.”

June watched me, eyes wide.

“I talked to my coach, nothing was getting done about the situation, whatever. I was going to the NHL, right? I didn’t give a shit.

Except my coach wanted me for another season.

I said no, so he contacted my new coaches about the fights.

Suddenly, the Bulldogs are telling me they need to determine if I would be a ‘healthy addition to the team.’”

“But you’re drafted?—”

“Drafted, not contracted. It works differently in the NHL. They have my player rights, and they can dangle them and I can’t do shit .” I smiled, humorless. “How funny is that? I’m drafted to a pro team, and it doesn’t fucking matter because of some nudes I didn’t even want to take.”

“Bear?”

“Yeah? Want an autograph? A signed copy?”

“I’m so sorry.”

I studied her face, searching for the jokes and the punchlines, but all I saw was her pale face and her bloodshot eyes. I didn’t know what to make of it.

“I’m really sorry.” Her hand curled against her chest. “That’s horrible.”

“I thought you knew. It feels like everyone knows.”

“There’s forty thousand students at Marrs, I promise that’s not true.” She untangled her crown of golden leaves from her hair. “How hard was it to take the video down from those sites?”

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “It’s the internet, June. That shit’s forever.”

“Your school didn’t…?”

“There’s nothing they can do.”

“My best friend, Kassie, she’s an animation major, and she volunteers for this archive site because there’s so many lost movies and so much missing footage—servers get old. Phones get broken. Things get deleted.”

“I don’t want to deal with it anymore.”

“What if I could do something about it?”

I kept waiting for the jokes to crack, but they didn’t come. There had to be some reason why June was saying this, but I didn’t know what that was.

“Do something?” I finally asked.

“I have friends in high places who owe me favors. Do I have your…um…permission to do something if I can figure out something to do?”

“There’s nothing?—”

“But if there is…?”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

I faced away from her. She wouldn’t do anything, it was one of those empty promises like my last coach gave. Was that June being nice? Because that was nice. After the shit I put her through, it was nicer than I deserved.

I nodded towards my bedroom. “I—uh—I’m going to pass out.”

“Do you…want a hug…?”

“Well, I’m not eight years old so no,” I said, sharper than I meant.

June’s eyes fell to her bed, and I mumbled through an apology before leaving. I should’ve offered to close her door, she always closed it before bed, but I didn’t.

I always closed mine too. I started to and stopped, holding it open.

My bed was against the wall, with no eyeline towards the living room.

Muttering, I pulled my mattress off, I was too drunk to do it properly, sliding it until it was as close to the door frame as I could make it.

The blankets were next, piled on me, and I turned to the right, in direct eyeline with June’s door.

If she needed anything, I’d hear her.

I put my hand to my chest, breathing in slowly. I felt sick. In that hazy temperature when you’re too warm but nothing cools you down.

I didn’t know what it was.