Page 70 of Call the Shots (For The Arena #1)
JUNE
INTENSE, OVERSTIMULATING…
The problem with Bear’s family was a serious and complicated issue I wasn’t equipped to handle. I wanted to help but when I tried to explain, Bear insisted it was his fault.
I knew better.
I’d been a spectator to the neglect, so involved in myself that I never put the pieces together. Now that I was away from his family, I couldn’t believe I never realized what was going on. The truth was, Bear needed someone who wasn’t linked to his family. He needed a fresh start—that wasn’t me.
I left poli-sci to see him leaning against the wall, waiting for me. Before I said anything, he led me outside, his fingers intertwining with mine, something that’d become as easy as breathing.
Oh, god.
I pulled my hand away, sliding off my bag to pretend like I needed something in my backpack. “Can I see your phone? I want to update your dating profile questions.”
Bear glanced down. “Huh?”
“I picked out new pictures, we’re giving you an upgrade.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that.”
With a shrug, I fought to keep my voice light. “What are friends for?”
He grabbed the door to the physics building. “Friends?”
“Friends,” I repeated, avoiding his gaze.
We took our seats in astronomy and Bear was silent for a moment.
“Your plants are in my bedroom. I can count the freckles on your body from memory. I know what tampons to pick up from the store—not just day use, the overnight kind too—the orange ones, size four, bulk size because you hate how much plastic they use for the small boxes?—”
My cheeks burned. “Bear?—”
“How long are you going to pretend like we’re just friends?”
Dr. Schulman arrived and I hurried to take out a sheet of paper. The truth was, finding someone else would be an improvement for Bear. When he realized he could sleep with another girl, that’d be his opportunity to regain that trust, without reminders of the past.
“For the first time in my academic career,” Dr. Schulman said, “I’ve been persuaded towards extra credit.”
What?
Before my Austin trip, I’d asked my professors if there was anything I could do to make up for the days I was gone. Dr. Schulman was the only one who waved away my request. He never gave extra credit. That didn’t bother me—it was only eighteen points.
“The assignment will be for eighteen points.”
My pencil stilled.
“Write a one-page report on a personal stargazing expedition. Discern the beauty of a backyard sighting or enjoy that you live in Space City. The museums have fascinating options.”
My eyes darted to Bear to find him already gazing at me. I looked away.
Did he…?
I ripped out a piece of paper and started to scribble down the question. I tried to write it again but capped it at four words before I ripped it to pieces, brushing them in my backpack, averting my eyes.
Finally, Bear started writing the notes for the day and I joined him, barely listening to Dr. Schulman’s lecture on constellations. It was about how ancient societies used constellations like Leo and Phoenix to find their way home, but I could barely concentrate.
Did Bear ask him to reconsider his extra credit policy?
My thoughts were interrupted when Bear slid a piece of paper across the desk, folded in half. I touched it with the end of my pencil, bringing it closer.
june come on
you already know the answer
What was I supposed to do? The problem plagued me throughout the day, overwhelming me. We couldn’t go back to no sex, we couldn’t pretend like we were only friends, so…what? How could I do this when I knew eventually it’d hurt him?
In the middle of a meeting with Cleo, Coach Sémajuste, and his new interns, Bear’s texts came through.
forty
i realized your right
want to work on the hookup profile stuff tonight?
The words made me taste ash. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, tapping my fingers against my thigh. Great. That was what I wanted, for Bear to feel comfortable enough to branch out to other people. “This is good,” I repeated to myself. Maybe if I said it a thousand times, I’d actually believe it.
I opened the door to our dorm to see Bear fresh out of the shower. I faltered walking in. His muscles glistened from the water, and he dried his dark hair, looking so damn good in a pair of sweats. Unfairly gorgeous.
“Hi.” I plastered together a smile. “You’re making headway?”
He grunted.
“That’s great news,” I lied. “Happy for you.”
“I want to talk about, I guess, the new rules of the dorm.”
“New rules?”
“If I’m bringing girls over, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
For long seconds, I stared. When I pictured sprucing up his dating profile, I was thinking he’d go searching first and work up towards someone by the time I moved out. I didn’t think he’d be immediately inviting someone to our bed— his bed .
This was good, goddammit. If I saw him with somebody else, that’d cut the ties once and for all. This was the best possible option.
“Sure,” I managed.
“Do you want me to text you when someone’s coming over?”
“Mm.”
“We have thin walls.” He relaxed against the counter, watching me. “I can pick you up a pair of noise-canceling headphones.”
“Won’t be necessary.”
“Before you and I go back to condoms, I have a sex thing I want to try,” he said nonchalantly. “I was thinking we could do it tonight before we work on the hook-up app stuff.”
Oh, so I was supposed to bend over before we swiped through girls’ profiles? “You want freshly-fucked hair for your pictures or something?”
I tried to smooth the end of the sentence— haha, just joking!— but Bear’s eyebrows lifted and a smile played on his lips. “ Ooo, baby. You want to try a different tone?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re so jealous, I can hear you grinding your teeth.’
“Jealous? I’m not—no—” I quickly said while Bear’s grin widened with each passing second. “I shouldn’t be—I mean I’m not jealous?—”
“When you're mad, your hands ball up,” he remarked. “It’s adorable.”
“I’m not jealous. ”
“You’re not jealous, okay, sure, so you’re fine with us having sex? Because I have this position I want but you won’t be able to handle it, so we need to try it a couple of times to work you up to it.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’d like it, but it’ll be too much for you.”
“Too much for me? ”
He shrugged. “We’ll take it slow?—”
“Who says I can’t handle it? Because I definitely don’t remember me saying that.”
“We’re not arguing about this,” Bear said, with a wave of his hand that was so dismissive, I was shocked it came from him. “If you don’t want sex, fine by me.” He patted the couch. “It’s not like the supplies will expire.”
Supplies?
I walked around to check out the ‘supplies.’ The bottle of our favorite lube, a towel, folded like I’d taught him, and a white box the size of my hand, tied with a red bow.
“What’s in the box?” I asked.
“Part of the experience.”
I picked it up, but it disappeared from my hand. Bear grabbed the towel too, obviously moving to put them away, not even waiting for a response.
I didn’t like anything about this. Not the dating profile upgrade, not the changes between us, and not Bear’s goddamn attitude.
This wasn’t our usual dynamic—Bear was dominant but the sweet, caring type.
At the grocery store, if I started reading nutrition information on a box or a can, he took whatever it was from me and added it to the shopping cart.
I wanted that, not this aloof asshole routine.
“Wait.” I stopped him. “I can do it.”
“You can try?—”
“Trying isn’t part of the equation, I do what I want .”
He chuckled. “You want to do the profile shit?—”
“Take off your goddamn clothes.”
Slipping off my shirt, I watched him and his self-assured smirk. For what? In a couple of minutes, he’d be panting and desperate, and I’d be on top again. Why was he so damn smug?
Before I moved out, I’d have to listen to him doing this to somebody else.
Oh my god, don’t think about that.
Bear relaxed on the couch, completely naked. His eyes trailed down the hickeys on my stomach, hips, and thighs, before he tipped his chin to his cock, hard in his hand. “Get me ready. This starts with me inside of you.”
Fine. A blowjob would have him moaning in no time. I knelt down, ready to take him in my mouth when Bear stopped me, his hand in my hair.
“Did I say to put your mouth on my cock?”
My stomach swooped with his words, a blush heating my cheeks. “I—you—” My eyes slid to the bottle of lube in his hand. “You’re turning down a blowjob?”
“We have other plans.”
Something was…different. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was something I was supposed to realize and didn’t, like a word search or a sudoku puzzle. I took the lube from him, waiting for the reveal, but a crooked smile tugged up his lips, pleased about something I didn’t understand.