Page 48

“Honestly,” Sidney said, poking a fork into his salad, “we couldn’t be happier with how this has turned out.”

Gavin told himself not to roll his eyes. This was his boss , and even though he was a bit of a patronizing dick, he was going to need all the goodwill he could get in a minute.

“Me too,” Gavin said.

“You seem to have fixed things with Zach,” Sidney said. “And the second power play. I never would’ve imagined moving McCoy to the second team would change things.”

Gavin nearly said that he’d been just about ready to move everyone back to their original positions, but Malcolm had argued against it.

But if Sidney thought he’d waved his magic wand and fixed everything, he wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

Not right now. Not when Sidney had given him the best way to broach the subject he needed to discuss.

“Yeah, everything’s good with me and Zach,” Gavin agreed. Hesitated, took a deep breath. He hadn’t told Zach he loved him yet, but wasn’t this him doing it just without using the specific words? “Better than ever, actually. That was what I wanted to talk to you about. ”

“You and Zach? I figured you didn’t want to meet up for lunch just to hear me blather on about how good the hockey team is,” Sidney said, his gaze knowing.

And ugh , it was worse, knowing that Sidney was aware of just how much Gavin disliked their lunch meetings, but Gavin pushed that embarrassment aside and went on.

“Yes, me and Zach. It’s actually, it’s really . . .uh . . .me and Zach, now,” Gavin said. Prayed that he wouldn’t have to go into anatomical detail in front of his boss just how much it was him and Zach, now.

Surely Sidney would appreciate him being circumspect, if a little vague, about the specifics.

“Wait,” Sidney said. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? You and Zach are together ?”

There was nothing else Gavin could do but nod.

“Well, that certainly adds clarity to why I got that crazy resignation from him a few weeks back.” Sidney shot him a jovial look. “You two get into a fight?”

“Uh, something like that,” Gavin said. God, please don’t ask. Please, please don’t ask.

“You’re sure it’s not going to interfere with your work again?” Sidney questioned.

Gavin internally groaned. “Really, no. Everything’s fine now. We worked it out, and I can promise you, there won’t be any more of that.”

“Good.” Sidney nodded sharply. “You two are too valuable to this organization to possibly lose one of you.”

“You won’t. Not over this. I can guarantee that. ”

“So you’re asking for . . .” Sidney trailed off, eyeing him steadily.

“Not permission, necessarily, since it’s already happening,” Gavin admitted. “And I suppose, not your blessing either, but I wanted to make you aware. And I did want to ask your opinion on us telling the team.”

Sidney set his fork down. “You’re very serious about this,” he said.

“Yes,” Gavin admitted. “Our guys have been very honest about their own lives, and I don’t want to hide in return.”

“As long as you’re sure the dramatics are over, I don’t see an issue,” Sidney said thoughtfully. “You’re leading by example, and I’ve always been a fan of that.”

“Very over,” Gavin reassured.

“Alright,” Sidney said, not looking particularly convinced by it, but then he’d been the one to receive Zach’s resignation and his phone call the next day, apologizing and saying he’d made a mistake.

Gavin thought that particular phrasing had been pretty damn generous of Zach, because it hadn’t been his mistake, but entirely Gavin’s.

When Gavin had pointed this out, Zach had only laughed and hugged him, saying he was so happy he’d have been okay claiming responsibility for just about anything.

Gavin had laughed, too. Happy, too, and relieved and so many other emotions filtering through him.

He should say something else to Sidney, now, so Sidney wouldn’t continue believing that Zach had nearly quit the team in a fit of breakup pique .

“To be clear, just so you’re aware, I . . .it was all my fault,” Gavin said.

Sidney raised an eyebrow.

“And it wasn’t a breakup,” Gavin continued, internally wincing at how he’d suddenly transformed into a gossiping teenager. “We weren’t together before, and now we are.”

Sidney chuckled under his breath. “You don’t owe me the details, Gavin.”

“I know. I was just . . .” He swallowed hard. “I was married a long time, and I didn’t think I’d be with anyone else. That I’d even want to be with someone else. This thing with Zach took me by surprise, and I didn’t handle it well, at first.”

“But you’ve got a handle on it now?” Sidney asked.

“Yes,” Gavin said confidently. He didn’t add, I wouldn’t be telling you otherwise , but he thought it sort of went without saying.

If I’d fucked this up, Zach wouldn’t be here anymore, and I’d be alone and miserable and we’d probably be losing, and I’d be sitting here in front of you for an entirely different reason.

“Good,” Sidney said, nodding. “That’s all that matters.”

“We appreciate the understanding and the grace to . . .live how we want to,” Gavin said. Because Sidney didn’t have to be this accepting. Gavin wasn’t stupid enough to believe it came from anything other than a desire to keep both of them happy, employed, and winning.

Sidney smirked. “I’d be stupid to piss you off when you’re about to take us to the Frozen Four.”

“That’s not a guarantee— ”

“Come now, Blackburn. You know what the team’s chances are. How they’re playing. Even the second power play team is better.”

“It is,” Gavin agreed.

“I’m just saying, winning covers a multitude of . . .I’ll say sins but I certainly don’t consider what you’re doing anything of the kind. We accept everyone here, at Portland U.”

Gavin nearly rolled his eyes and asked if they printed that on a T-shirt, but he’d gotten what he’d wanted, and it was better not to create additional waves.

“That’s great,” Gavin said instead and returned to his salad.

“I was thinking, there’s this other podcast we could get you on—”

He didn’t even think. He just lifted his eyes up, spearing Sidney with a look. “Don’t push your luck.”

For a second, Gavin worried that he should have kept making nice, but Sidney just laughed, slapping his arm and making some kind of foolish noise about how Gavin should never change.

Well, Gavin didn’t intend to.

Except for one important detail: now that the impossible had happened, and he’d fallen in love for a second time in his life, he was never letting Zach go.

It took Gavin ten minutes to figure out exactly why Jon was being so fucking cagey.

At first, he’d been sure it was him , because they were discussing his sex life, and Gavin hated that every single time it came up, in every single iteration.

Now that he was actually sharing it with Zach and it was so good, unexpectedly good, discussing it was actually worse.

He could barely tell his therapist with a straight face that he’d jerked off.

Nevermind explaining to him that apparently it made his dick as hard as it had ever been when Zach pinned him to the bed and didn’t let him come, no matter how much he begged for it.

“Have you discussed how far you two want to take things?” Jon asked.

He’d been weird, off almost, since the moment Gavin got on the call, like he kept expecting him to explode with some emotional drama that Jon would have to deal with. But there was nothing.

Unless you counted Gavin being required to discuss his sex life.

“Some, yeah. But I think we’re both pretty happy with how things are right now. Like . . .uh . . .I don’t want to be tied up, and I don’t want to tie him up. It’s just good sometimes, when he tells me not to move, and I can . . .” Gavin internally squirmed. “I can let him take all of it from me.”

“Take what exactly?”

Gavin exhaled and scrubbed a hand across his face. “I want to say my consent but that’s not true either, because he knows I’m consenting.”

“Did you have that conversation about safe words? ”

“Yeah, and I get why it might be something that could be needed, but for us—if I say stop, Zach knows I mean stop.”

“Does he?”

“Ugh, I hate it when you do that,” Gavin grumbled.

“Ask about your sex life? Force you to talk about it?”

“Answer a question you already know the answer to.”

“I think the most important thing is that you know the answer,” Jon said.

“Well, obviously I do,” Gavin retorted and then realized a second later, why Jon had even asked. He laughed, feeling that buoyant happiness seep through him again. “You wanted to know if I did.”

Jon nodded. “Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

Gavin shook his head. “Honestly, I’m . . .I can’t even believe I’m saying this sometimes, but I’m so happy. I didn’t think this was in the cards for me, again.”

“I’m glad it was,” Jon said, but he was hesitating again. Gavin could see it on his face. Maybe Jon was the therapist and Gavin was just the client, but for as long as Jon had been looking at him, Gavin had been looking back. And there was no question in Gavin’s mind that something was up.

“Are you concerned about what Zach and I are doing in bed?” Gavin asked it bluntly, because maybe he was. Normally he’d never expect Jon to hold back an opinion, but it was also such a weirdly awkward topic.

“No, no, though I don’t think it would be a bad thing, if you’re both into it, to try having some vanilla sex every once in awhile. ”

Gavin had considered that. He wanted Zach to fuck him, next time they were in bed together, and he had a feeling he wasn’t going to want it to be anything else other than what it was. Him and Zach, together, giving and taking.

“Alright,” Gavin said. Then he paused. “Are you really not gonna tell me what’s bothering you? Is everything okay?”

Jon chuckled awkwardly and rubbed a hand across his jaw. “I kept expecting to have to ask you that, Gavin,”

“What, why?”

Jon winced. “Gavin, it’s February 1.”

It was.