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“Just let me suck your cock,” Gavin said. Like demanding Zach’s cock in his mouth was somehow less embarrassing than just putting a hand on himself.

Zach didn’t have to even point it out. He just raised an eyebrow, like he knew it and wasn’t even going to bother saying it.

“Fine, fine ,” Gavin said, horribly flustered. “I’ll . . .” He shoved his boxer briefs down his thighs before he could chicken out.

“Go on,” Zach encouraged, smiling now, like he’d really gotten everything he wanted.

Gavin made a face as he gave his cock a tentative stroke. It was dry and hardly flashy but it lit him up with pleasure. Just because Zach was watching, his gaze practically a caress.

“Feel good?” Zach asked softly.

“Yeah, but could . . .uh . . .feel better,” Gavin said.

“What did you think about, when you did this before?”

Gavin flushed again. “You, obviously.”

“What about me?” Zach asked with a smug grin .

“Uh.” He was already doing this, surely it couldn’t get any more awkward, even if he told Zach the truth. “You’re leaning over me. Kissing me. Touching me. Not letting me do anything but take it .”

Zach hummed under his breath, and suddenly there he was, finally climbing over Gavin, lips meeting Gavin’s and kissing him thoroughly.

The kiss spun out into long wet presses of their mouths until Gavin thought he might actually be losing his mind, and maybe he should’ve kept touching himself, because maybe he would’ve already come.

“Like you like this,” Zach murmured against his lips. “Pliant. Horny. All mine.”

Gavin had a vague idea that should embarrass him too, but he was too far gone to find that particular emotion anymore. Fuck dignity, anyway.

“I like it too,” Gavin confessed, the words dredged up from deep inside him.

“Maybe you’ll like this even more.”

That was all the warning Gavin got before Zach was sliding down his body, mouth closing around his straining cock, all perfect wet heat.

Getting exactly what he’d wanted—what he’d dreamed about, lying here alone so many times—was overwhelming, in the best possible way.

Zach sucked him hard and deep, and Gavin choked, already right up to the edge, trying to hang on to prolong the pleasure.

“Don’t come,” Zach said, letting Gavin’s cock slip out of his mouth. “Okay? ”

“Okay.” Gavin heard the strain in his voice.

That was not going to be easy but if Zach was asking him, it was for a good reason. He’d gone along with all of Zach’s ideas so far, and Gavin didn’t want to stop now.

“Get me the lube in the drawer,” Zach said, and that was something that lived next to Gavin’s bed now—lube and condoms. He’d flushed when a few nights ago Zach had deposited them matter-of-factly there.

They hadn’t used them yet, and as Gavin scrabbled to open the drawer with uncooperative fingers, he wondered if that was about to change. He should be nervous, but there was no room for nerves, not when Zach was teasing the head of his cock with his tongue.

But Zach just took the lube and ignored Gavin handing him the condom.

“Don’t need that,” he said, and Gavin let it fall to the comforter, groaning as Zach took him deep again.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to focus on the pleasure and yet not let it overtake him until he was back at that knife’s edge of orgasm again.

Just feeling made it a little easier, because watching Zach always unwound him. He was so Zach . Hot and focused and intense. Like he was getting every single thing he’d ever wanted handed to him.

He was so busy not watching Zach he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt the first touch against his hole.

“Fuck, are you—” Gavin bit off when he just swirled it around, not even pushing it in yet.

“Relax,” Zach said .

“Are you gonna fuck me?” Gavin asked again. He was totally relaxed.

Zach chuckled, the noise vibrating around his cock. “I told you relax . I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do.”

This was Zach so it was entirely possible by the time he let Gavin come, he was going to be begging him to fuck Gavin. That every bit of nerves and anxiety would be gone, washed away in a flood of desperation and desire.

But he didn’t. Only toyed, which was the best word Gavin could come up with, with his brain full of hot static. Zach’s finger dipped in, but only the tip, a handful of times, as he continued to suck Gavin’s cock.

Gavin realized he was babbling words, pleading for it, honestly, when Zach chuckled and said, “Want it now, huh?”

“ Yes, ” Gavin said with a sharp exhale.

Zach didn’t respond with words, only slid his finger in, with slow intent, and Gavin let out a moan.

He’d wondered if he would want this. But it turned out it was the hottest thing in the universe, and he was being burned up from the inside out.

“Wanna,” Gavin cried out as Zach finally slipped a second finger in alongside the first, hitting a spot inside him that made him see fucking stars.

“Not yet,” Zach coaxed.

Gavin ground his teeth together and tried to hold on. It felt so fucking good. Zach had nearly given up actually giving him any suction on his cock, was just teasing up and down its length with his tongue as he finger-fucked him so expertly Gavin wanted to cry with how good it was.

“Please, please,” he begged.

“Tell me one thing,” Zach said, and he was breathing heavy too. Maybe making Gavin lose it was making him lose it, and somehow that wrenched everything inside him tighter and hotter.

“What?” Gavin gasped.

“Was this what you imagined when you lay here alone, getting yourself off?”

Was it?. He couldn’t even think right now. “I . . .uh . . .I don’t know.”

“G,” Zach reprimanded, twisting his fingers in more insistently, making Gavin groan.

“I couldn’t have, because I didn’t even know, I couldn’t have even fucking imagined ,” Gavin said in a rush. “I didn’t even know to want this.”

“But I gave it to you,” Zach said smugly.

Gavin could only nod helplessly.

Zach fit another finger inside him, Gavin biting his lip hard as he felt the stretch. He was so close to coming he didn’t know how he hadn’t yet.

“You close?” Zach murmured.

Gavin tried not to laugh. If he did, he probably would come.

“ Yes ,” Gavin said.

Zach’s tongue did something absolutely devilish, and then he said, in a rush, “Then come.”

Gavin only had a moment to register it before he was letting go, pulse after pulse shooting down Zach’s throat .

It was the hardest orgasm he’d ever had—and that was before Zach twisted his fingers again and the pleasure kicked up again.

Gavin knew he should do something, help Zach get off, but he was a limp rag lying on the bed, as Zach crawled up again.

“Good?” Zach asked, and that smirk on his face was absolutely one-hundred-percent deserved.

“Yes,” Gavin panted. “I should—”

“Open wide,” Zach said and crawled up farther, legs bracketing Gavin’s shoulders. A moment later, he was opening his mouth and Zach was gently pushing his hard cock against Gavin’s outstretched tongue.

He’d just come his brains out, but something about this made another flash of heat pulse inside him.

“That’s it, I’m so fucking close already. It’s ’cause you’re so hot. So perfect. So mine,” Zach murmured.

He thrust once and then twice, Gavin trying his best to suck him, and then a second later, he was tensing and coming in Gavin’s mouth.

He swallowed, and a moment later, Zach collapsed next to him.

Zach’s finger tapped Gavin on the shoulder. “You good?” he asked breathlessly.

“Uh, yeah ,” Gavin said, still feeling a little out of it. “That was . . .wow.”

“It was pretty good, wasn’t it?” Zach still sounded smug, and Gavin still couldn’t blame him.

“Insanely good.” Gavin sighed happily as Zach curled into his arm. Zach might be bigger than him—taller and broader—but it didn’t matter like this. He just wanted to touch him .

Zach didn’t say anything for a long time, and Gavin listened as their exhales evened out and synced up, like they were one person, breathing for two bodies.

Gavin glanced over, then, and found Zach watching him. His expression happy and content, mirroring that same feeling blooming warm and undeniable inside Gavin’s chest.

He’d thought when he reached this point that he would be afraid.

Terrified, maybe, of feeling this way again and losing it.

But all he felt was lucky. He’d felt this way once before, and now he’d gotten somehow blessed enough to feel it a second time.

Gavin wasn’t sure he was special enough for that, but maybe it wasn’t about deserving it. Maybe it was more about accepting it.

Making sure that every day going forward, he never took it for granted.

Gavin wanted to believe that he’d never taken his wife for granted, but he knew he’d done it more than once. Gotten busy, gotten preoccupied with his job, with hockey, because he’d known she would be there whenever he managed to get free of the ice clogging his brain.

Their marriage hadn’t been perfect, but it had been happy.

And now, he was happy again.

“You make me really happy,” Gavin told Zach. “Happier than I ever thought I’d be again.”

It was worth pushing that last little bit of guilt away to see Zach’s face light up at his words. “Yeah? You make me really happy too.”

“I was thinking . . .I want this to be serious. ”

Like it was mirroring his words, Zach’s expression didn’t dim exactly, but it took on a more thoughtful flavor. “I kinda already thought it was.”

“It is. I just . . .I don’t want to hide it. Hide you.”

Zach barely blinked. “We just started dating.”

“I said it before; you were right. We didn’t just start dating. We just started taking advantage of all the benefits of dating,” Gavin said. “And if you meant what you said about um . . .your feelings . . .”

“I did, obviously,” Zach said. He pressed a kiss to Gavin’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“Then I want to tell Sidney about us. And maybe the team, too, if he’s good with it.”

“And if he’s not?” Zach raised an eyebrow.