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Jon rolled his eyes. “He’s clearly crazy about you, Gavin. He didn’t quit in a fit of pique because you turned him down. He quit because he can’t be around you and not date you.”

“How do you know that?”

Jon shot him a knowing look. “It’s not that hard to figure out. He didn’t quit before, when you told him point-blank you weren’t going to date him. He only quit now because he’d tired of watching you pretend that you’re just coworkers. Just friends.”

They weren’t just friends. Gavin could acknowledge that to himself, now .

They were friends, yes, but almost from the beginning, when he’d arrived back in Portland, he’d felt more.

Wanted more .

“I think you just need to lay out your feelings, your concerns, and your mental state. See if he’s still willing,” Jon said. “ And additionally, we’re going back to two appointments a week.”

“What?”

Jon made an impatient noise. “You’re not suddenly fine because you’ve figured out that you want this, Gavin.”

“I’ve done years of therapy, I do get that,” Gavin said dryly.

“And if you want this to work with Zach, I recommend you keep doing it,” Jon said. “That means actually talking about the shit you don’t want to talk about. Like your guilt. And why you didn’t want to date again in the first place. That shit doesn’t just go away.”

“Right. Yeah.” Gavin sighed. “So you think I should just . . .apologize? Say I’ve changed my mind? Grovel?”

“Maybe a combination of all those? Have some honest and open communication,” Jon said, smiling knowingly.

“You would say that,” Gavin said, rolling his eyes. “Such a fucking therapist.”

Jon barked out a laugh. “You’re not wrong. I’ll send some times and dates, to set up the appointments, alright? And keep me posted.”

“I will.” Gavin took an unsteady breath. “If I need an emergency session again . . .I don’t want to fuck this up even worse with him . . .”

“I’ve got you,” Jon said warmly. “And you’ve got this. Your heart’s in the right place, Gavin. ”

“I hope so.” God, I hope so.

After getting off the call, Gavin took a quick shower, threw some clothes on, and set off.

First he checked the library, weaving his way through the stacks and tables, checking each study room to make sure he hadn’t missed Zach.

But he wasn’t there. Next he swung by Sammy’s, and then Jimmy’s, but their regular tables were empty.

He had to give himself a pep talk after dropping by the gym. Still nothing. Classes weren’t starting up for another week, so he couldn’t be there.

Gavin supposed Zach could be at his apartment, but it felt like he was never there during the day, unless he couldn’t help it.

He always complained it was too quiet. Too lonely.

Gavin had never hesitated to give him his company in the evenings, when he couldn’t avoid going back there, during their nightly phone calls.

Unless you made him so fucking miserable he doesn’t want to leave.

Taking a deep breath, Gavin switched directions and headed towards the small complex Zach lived in.

His heart was racing, barely contained in his chest, when he knocked on Zach’s door.

Thirty seconds passed. He pounded on it again. And again.

No answer.

He was going to go out of his goddamn mind if he couldn’t find Zach—couldn’t see him and talk to him and make this right again.

Just when he’d about given up and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Zach and ask where he was, the door opened .

Zach’s hair was messed up, practically sticking up, and he squinted against the light pouring into his apartment.

“G?” he asked, his expression blossoming into hope before it shut down completely, leaving Gavin more worried and nervous than he’d been even a minute earlier.

“We need to talk,” Gavin said. “Can I come in?”

Zach hesitated.

“Please,” Gavin said. He wasn’t above begging. In fact, he wasn’t above it at all.

He wanted to beg. He wanted to show Zach that he was willing and ready to do whatever it took. Whatever Zach needed to believe that Gavin was serious, that Gavin cared about him, that Gavin wanted to make this right.

“I don’t know,” Zach said heavily. He looked like he wanted to shut the door in Gavin’s face. Like he was five seconds away from actually doing it. “Are you just here to get me to change my mind?”

At one point, if he hadn’t gotten his shit together, Gavin might’ve been. He might’ve come here just because he’d promised Sidney—given his word. Felt guilty because Zach had given so much and Gavin should at least meet him halfway.

But no, that wasn’t why he was really here. Not anymore.

His eyes had been opened and Gavin couldn’t deny it any longer.

Maybe this would mean Zach would take his resignation back. Maybe it wouldn’t. But that felt secondary to everything else.

“No,” Gavin said, “I’m here because I changed my mind. ”

Zach’s lips parted, like he was shocked, and that hurt, but it was an easy hurt to push away. He was going to make this right. Felt the certain weight of it.

“Alright, I guess you can,” Zach said and opened the door wider.

Gavin walked two steps in, heard the door close behind him, and he knew he was going to do it only a second before he did.

He fell to his knees, right in front of Zach, like his strings had just been cut.

“I’m here for you,” Gavin said, gazing up at him. Zach was beautiful, even like this, and so much everything that Gavin wanted and had been purposefully denying himself.

He wasn’t going to do it a second longer.