Page 36

Zach blinked, then blinked again.

He knew what he was seeing, but he couldn’t quite believe it.

Had he hallucinated or was Gavin here and was he kneeling at Zach’s feet, like he was pleading for Zach’s forgiveness?

“What—what are you doing?” He could barely get the question out.

“Begging you to forgive me. To reconsider. To . . .” Gavin gazed up at him. “I’m trying to tell you I fucked it up. I want to say I changed my mind, but it’s not even that. I didn’t change my mind . . .I saw it clearly, for the first time.”

Gavin pleading on his knees wasn’t something Zach had even thought to want, but now that it was happening, he couldn’t deny the heat pouring through him, the nearly savage satisfaction at having Gavin like this.

“You want me?”

Gavin choked out a laugh. “You make it sound so simple.”

Zach gazed down at him. He looked so fucking good like this. He’d look even better in Zach’s bed. “It is that simple.”

His head bowed then, his dark hair curling against the pale nape of his neck. If Zach had seen him like this back in Michigan, that skin would have been tanned from the sun, but after five months in Portland, with its overcast skies and drizzling weather, it was bleached white.

Zach realized he wanted to see Gavin’s skin in all its shades. Wanted to trace the subtle curve of his neck with his thumb so he reached down and did.

The skin there, on Gavin’s nape, was velvet soft. Gavin let out a hiccupping breath. “I fucked it all up,” he murmured, not looking up and not dislodging Zach’s fingers as they stroked him.

“Yeah, kind of, but I get it. I forgive you,” Zach said. There was no universe he could imagine where he wouldn’t. His other hand moved to Gavin’s shoulder and squeezed it. “You don’t need to do this, like uh . . .this.”

The problem was Zach didn’t even know what this was. Was this something Gavin was into? Was it something Zach was into? Before this, he’d have said no, absolutely not, but now he wasn’t entirely so sure.

Gavin didn’t move. The air between them grew thick, heavy.

“What if I like it?” Gavin asked, so quiet Zach could barely hear him.

There was no way if Gavin looked now that he’d miss that Zach’s cock was getting hard in his sweatpants. He was eye level with it, which honestly, it was a fucking miracle Zach hadn’t gotten hard before now.

But it was one thing for Gavin to say he wanted him, that he’d changed his mind, and another entirely for Zach to shove his dick into Gavin’s face .

“Then I like it,” Zach said and used the hand curled around Gavin’s shoulder to lift him up. “I like this too,” he added in a soft voice, leaning in. He slid his hands down his arms and tangled their fingers together.

It was almost terrifying, no matter what Gavin had just said, to lean in and kiss him again.

What if he changes his mind again? What if he pushes me away after it’s over?

Zach wanted to believe that Gavin wouldn’t. That part of what him pounding on the door and then going to his knees meant was that he wouldn’t , not ever again.

That he’d made up his mind and he was sticking to it.

Gavin swayed towards him, his gray eyes intent on Zach’s face. “You still want this?” he asked quietly.

Zach knew what he was asking. Do you still want me?

Part of him wanted to say, I’ve wanted you since I was eighteen and stupid, but that would probably freak Gavin out and they’d just got done un -freaking him out.

So instead of answering, Zach leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him.

Gavin’s mouth was hot and lush against his, Gavin groaning into the kiss as Zach pulled him in close, hands tightening around his waist.

As Gavin’s tongue slipped into his mouth, tangling with Zach’s, he wondered, dimly, if he should try to slow them down.

Focus on some nice polite making out. Not shove his hard cock against Gavin’s hip, reminding him that he was a guy, and if they had sex, it wouldn’t be like any sex Gavin had had before .

But then Gavin pulled back, mouth red and wet and pupils swallowing his eyes, and he said breathlessly, “I’ve thought so much about this.”

Jesus fucking Christ. Was Zach supposed to control himself when Gavin was basically serving himself up on a silver platter?

“Yeah?” Zach heard the rough, desperate edge in his voice as he asked the question. “You wanna tell me about it?”

Gavin flushed bright red. “Uh . . .”

Zach lifted a hand, stroking that soft skin at the nape of his neck again. Toying with the ends of the hair that curled over it. “Come on,” he cajoled.

“Kissing, yeah,” Gavin said with a soft exhale of resignation. “And uh . . .more. Definitely more.”

Zach’s eyebrow rose. “More?”

Gavin licked his lips. “Do I have to ask for it?”

“I don’t know, you were pretty eager to beg a few minutes ago,” Zach teased gently. And yeah, maybe this was out of his sphere of experience, but he kind of loved it.

“Is that what you want me to do?” Gavin didn’t look like he’d call him a sick fuck for it, or slap him or leave if he asked for it. Even if Zach demanded it.

“It sounds like a great start.”

Gavin nodded, like he was telling himself it was okay now, to do it. Because Zach had said it was okay. And suddenly Zach was lightheaded, arousal surging through him, making him harder than he could remember being in ages.

He’d always known Gavin could demolish him, but he’d never imagined Gavin would do it this easily, or with soft pleas falling from his lips .

“Zach, please take me to bed. I want it so bad. I wanted it before I even knew what it was, before I could even know how good it could feel.”

“Yeah?” Zach’s fingers found bare skin underneath Gavin’s T-shirt, stroking lightly at his sides. He was soft and firm and Zach wanted to touch him all over.

Actually, he wanted Gavin to ask him to touch him all over.

Beg him, even.

“I want it,” Gavin said, flushing again. He could barely meet Zach’s eyes but he had a feeling it wasn’t a lack of desire but a surplus of it.

“What do you want me to do?”

Gavin made a face. “Do I have to say it?”

“Oh yeah, you sure do,” Zach said, smiling, because he couldn’t not anymore. This was hot as hell, no question about it, but it was wonderful too, filling him with a buoyant happiness until he felt like a balloon, about to float away into the clouds.

Gavin leaned in, kissed him again. God, his mouth was incredible. Soft and wet and perfect, his tongue slipping into his mouth like there was where it belonged. Zach couldn’t get enough of kissing him, so he dragged the kiss out, one melting into the next.

He only pulled back when he felt Gavin begin to pant unsteadily, and then his hips flexed against Zach’s once and then twice.

Yeah, Gavin was definitely as into this as Zach was.

“I want you to touch me,” Gavin murmured. “I want you to give me an orgasm I’m going to think about every single night you’re not next to me. ”

Zach’s brain shut down.

“Cute you think you’re going to have any nights alone after this,” he said roughly. Probably it was too much to assume they were spending every night together, but Zach had wanted this too long and he felt insane with just how much he needed.

He pushed Gavin towards the bedroom and thanked God his apartment was small and the bedroom wasn’t that far away.

He could push Gavin right down onto the couch and blow his mind, but the bed would be better. More room, more options. Because he had a lot of things he wanted to do. A lot of ways he wanted Gavin to feel.

“Guess you like that,” Gavin observed, his hand sliding down Zach’s back and cupping his ass. Squeezing it. “God,” he exhaled sharply, suddenly, like the touch affected him as much—or more—than it had affected Zach.

And that was saying something.

“I fucking love it,” Zach said and pushed Gavin right up against the edge of the bed.

“I fucking—” He almost said it and only saved himself in the last moment by mashing their mouths together again.

Zach had told himself if he ever got a chance to do this, he’d have some finesse, but the urge to take and take and take was shredding his self-control.

Or maybe that was the way Gavin had fallen to his knees right in his fucking doorway.

Either way, Zach was basically losing the fight to get his hands on Gavin right now .

He broke the kiss for just long enough to pull Gavin’s shirt off, hands trailing down his curved collarbones to his pecs, lips finding the sharp perfect angle of his neck .

Gavin moaned, lighting up all of Zach’s nerves, as his fingertips found his nipples and circled. He’d done enough fantasizing of his own, and even in those daydreams, Gavin had never felt this good. Been this responsive, like warm putty in Zach’s hands.

“More, more,” Gavin groaned.

Zach could do that.

He pushed Gavin up onto the bed, made quick work of his shoes and socks, and then slid his palms up his calves, his thighs. Gavin’s hips twitched when he stopped just short of where he clearly wanted them—if the long hard length of his cock, so obvious in his jeans, was any indication.

“Oh, not yet,” Zach said, not sure if he was tormenting Gavin or himself. Or if it was a wicked combination of both.

Gavin whined, high and insistent in the back of his throat. “I can . . .I’ll beg again,” he promised.

And God, that did sound good, but maybe next time. Zach already knew what he wanted this time.

He resumed his upward movement, sliding up along Gavin’s gorgeous body, until his hands found his wrists. Grasped them firmly and then kept going, until they were stretched out together, their intertwined hands above Gavin’s head.

Gavin’s breath was coming in shallow, desperate pants now, so Zach had to assume this was doing it for him too.

But he wasn’t ever going to just assume. Not with G.

“You like this?” he asked, dropping a kiss against his mouth, then sliding his lips across his scruff to his neck. Nibbling there. He wanted to leave a mark, so everyone knew he’d been here, like planting a goddamn flag on an unexplored island, but he held back. For now.