Page 54 of Breaking Sanity (Hell’s Asylum #1)

Alley

Hours earlier

I was finally allowed to take a hot shower after months of ice water or ice baths. Before this I used to love the cold, but I swear Vaughn has made it his fucking mission to ruin it for me. Mission Accomplished.

To be honest, I was actually surprised they even let me shower and didn’t throw me in solitary for starting a food fight this morning at breakfast. Eve, my new roommate, has become the object of fascination for Vaughn, which I can only assume is the reason for her horrible night terrors.

So this morning, I wanted to make her smile and laugh, because fuck them.

I have figured out that the more we push and have fun the less terrifying and soul crushing this place is.

Like don’t get me wrong, it is horrifying, but it doesn’t have to be that way 24/7.

We all know that we are going to die so we might as well make the best out of our situation.

Well, at least make it better for their situations, not sure if it’s great for mine.

I’ll admit that seeing what happened to Libby and the mind fucks from hell made this place real.

So much that I haven’t heard Raven or Ember’s voices in quite some time.

Their voices started to go quiet after the night I almost killed Carson.

I only heard Ember cry after watching my sweet baby take Annie to whatever peaceful place my mind has created for them. Raven, I haven’t heard for so long.

It has truly fucked my entire way of thinking and being stuck with Baron and Gunner for so long has me developing some form of Stockholm syndrome or something.

Granted I haven’t had sex with either one of them since I have been here.

The only true sexual act that has happened between myself and the fucked-up duo is Baron finger fucking me in the beginning.

Then the odd ass punishment after I castrated Carson.

Everything else has stayed above the clothes.

Gunner is a lot more forward about having to touch me than Baron is.

Honestly, that isn’t surprising. Out of all the guys I dated, he was the most hands on.

Baron though? He has kept a safe distance from me since Annie’s suicide.

I am not sure what happened in the bathroom that day, but whatever it was it changed the dynamic between us but I am not sure I am mad about it.

Though, nothing has changed my need to push his buttons and pretty much ignore him every session.

Nikolas, I swear, could be bipolar or something.

I do suspect that he may have DID, but what are the odds of that, right?

He switches his personality almost instantaneously.

Plus, the two different pet names he has for me makes me want to punch him and then have him chain me to the floor to fuck me senseless.

Like I said my head is so beyond warped that I am a million percent sure my sanity is almost gone.

As for Eagle and Shadow, I have no clue.

I don’t know how to be around them and show them how I feel without running the risk of getting them killed.

Or flipping on them just to push them away.

Bipolar mood swings are the fucking worst. I tell myself to calm down but it doesn’t work.

I just cannot control my own mood or calm myself.

When I woke up the day after Annie’s death, Shadow was the one who came to get me. I was so lost that I could barely function. He helped me take a shower and Eagle supervised, per Baron’s orders.

Six months ago

“Stay with me baby. We are right here.” Shadow’s whispered words ring through my head as I stare at the brushed grey tiles.

“Kill me,” I beg, turning towards him. I wish he would take off the damn mask. He and Vaughn are the only two who still wear them around me. Leo takes his off when it’s just us.

“No, Little Monster ,” he responds as he lathers my hair with the shampoo.

“Then get the fuck out,” I snap, pushing him away. “Both of you.”

“Don’t start this shit again, Alley,” Shadow growls, pinning me to the wall. “I am over you fucking pushing us away.”

“Fuck you! You handcuffed me and let him put a needle into my neck.”

“Baby Girl,” Leo interrupts.

“Both of you, get the fuck out. NOW!”

“NO! You don’t fucking get it do you?!”

“Shadow, stop.”

“Fuck off, Eagle.”

“Get what?! That you are their fucking lap dog! That what I thought you felt for me was never fucking real? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I understand that now.”

“Everything I feel for you is fucking real! You don’t think seeing you like this doesn’t kill me? Kill us?”

“Fuck both of you!” I start to sob.

“Little Monster ,” Shadow’s tone softens while the back of his hand caresses my cheek. “Look at me.”

“Get the fuck out,” I shout, swatting his hand away.

They ended up leaving me there in the shower.

Part of me was relieved and the other part, the true part of me, started to die.

I know that there is a lot more behind the scenes that I will never know.

Plus, I didn’t grow up like they did so their form of affection or whatever the fuck this is, is vastly different than the normal world.

I am just taking my anger out on them and that’s not fair.

They may not be stopping this, but he has helped me in ways.

I finish washing my hair, letting a few tears slip free. My mind is so chaotic, and my emotions have reached their boiling point. At a loss on what to do and needing a break, I pull myself back into the present and focus on my shower.

I’m shoved forward as I go to wash my body.

I go to catch myself but land awkwardly on my wrist, groaning in pain.

Before I can get myself off the tile, my hair is being yanked up painfully, forcing me to stand.

Then I am slammed into the stall wall. Melanie’s laughter rings through the room.

I fucking hate this bitch, but it’s not her pinning me to the wall.

“You took them from me,” A voice bites in my ear.

Fucking Carson.

“Think you did that to yourself, buddy,” I clarify.

I know it will only make things worse but if they are going to kill me, I’d rather be blind with rage and snap by either beating me to death or breaking my neck. Those seem like better options than what they probably actually have planned. I’ll take my own life before those plans come to fruition.

I swing my head back colliding with his face.

My head pounds with pain and my vision starts to get blurry.

To the best of my abilities, I grab the back of his head and bring it down at the same time I lift my knee.

Pain explodes through my leg but I don’t have time to focus on that.

I slide past him only to be grabbed by a green purge mask, Logan.

He grabs my wet arm but his hand slips causing him to bend down and give me a chance to elbow him into his face.

The mask cracks and so does his nose. I go to run again but get tripped up and go crashing to the tile knocking the wind out of me.

I roll onto my back coughing when Melanie places her foot on my throat keeping me in place.

She adds more pressure until she cuts off my circulation.

I could usually throw her off me but my hands are still wet so I can’t get a grip.

“Love, you can’t kill her yet.” Carson comes into my line of sight wiping the blood from his nose.

Love?

What the fuck?

I could almost cry hearing Ember and Raven’s voices, but the commotion by the stall snags my focus.

Piper is screaming my name, but it sounds so far away but I can see that she is standing less than two feet from me, her body flailing in midair.

My mind is so fuzzy that I close my eyes and everything goes dark.

“God, please stop,” Piper screams, waking me up from my haze. I slowly blink taking everything in.

It’s pitch black throughout the space, minus where the door is.

We are in my least favorite fucking room.

I start to roll my head on the concrete to get movement in my body.

My legs feel like paper weights, but I need to get myself moving.

The sandbags that are my arms start to lift with maximum effort.

Before I can get my left to extend all the way up, it goes limp and plops on to my bare belly.

I’M STILL NAKED?!

My fear and adrenaline start to course through me, giving my body energy to bolt upright.

I try to take in the surroundings that I can see.

Carson is standing halfway out the door staring down the hallway.

Mel and Green Mask, Logan, are dragging a screaming Piper to the single bed.

I turn my body slowly to get to my feet without alerting Carson when I notice the shredded clothes close to where my head was just at.

Fuck Piper!

“No, please,” Piper cries.

“Oh, you’re so pathetic Piper,” Mel laughs. “Trust me his dick is better than Beast’s.”

Alley, do something!

“I’m surprised you would even know Mel,” I smirk, using the wall to help me balance.

“I figured your vagina was so stretched, you would need a roll of summer sausages to feel anything, and I bet Logan has a penis that would make a toothpick look monstrous. So, I highly doubt you know what he feels like.”

That for sure gets their attention and they leave Piper to come after me.

I dart to the door. I need to create enough of a distraction so Piper can run.

Maybe she can get to Nik or even Baron and they can stop this.

As much as I hate them, I’d rather go up against them than these guys.

Whatever they are planning is probably mild compared to what those four assholes would do, but still doesn’t mean I want to experience it.