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ANYA

MY HANDS WON’T STOP shaking as I attempt to slide my dress up my hips. Mason’s fingers touch mine, and I close my eyes softly, enjoying the simplest of touches from him. My anxiety levels are through the roof today, but having him here makes everything so much better.

‘Let me,’ he says softly.

Pulling my dress up the rest of the way, he gently eases the thick straps over my shoulders. His warm breath spills across the back of my neck as he inches the zipper up my back, until the dress hugs me tightly.

‘Thank you,’ I murmur.

Mason was a dream the past two weeks while I mentally recovered from everything. I had a concussion, but thankfully no long-lasting physical injuries from the accident, just some minor bruising. He is the best partner I could have asked for. He’s everything I always wanted and more. I can’t believe we’re finally together, after all this time.

‘I know you didn’t sign up for this,’ I say weakly, gesturing to my glistening eyes. I’ve been so emotional since the big fight with Zayden, and learning everything about Rod, my mother and what happened between them all.

Running his fingers down the side of my face, he pushes my hair back behind my ear. Leaning forward, he lightly presses his lips across the freckles on both of my cheeks. ‘When it comes to you, I’ve signed up for everything.’

A soppy grin takes over my face, and a traitorous tear leaks from the corner of my eye. He captures it, smoothing it out across my cheek. The corners of his mouth inch up, offering that sexy, crooked smile of his. My heart thumps loudly when his heated gaze runs down the length of my body.

‘I think you get more beautiful every day.’

‘Are you saying that because you’re the one who brushed and straightened my hair?’ I tease, smiling. He is much better at getting it perfectly straight than I am; since it’s so long now, it’s hard for me to reach.

‘Don’t go spreading that rumour around campus, I have a reputation, you know.’

I snort. ‘Right.’

He grins for a moment before his face sobers. ‘Are you ready for today?’

Shaking my head, I heave a sigh. ‘No, not really. I don’t know how to face her after everything, and I don’t know how to process everything Rod did, or his death ...’ Rolling my lips inwards, I softly shake my head. ‘I just don’t have the energy in me to do any of this right now, but I know I have to. I need to be strong for Zayden.’

‘He’s not going to go.’

I feel light-headed, and I move to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘He needs to.’

‘I know he does, but it’s going to take a hell of a lot to convince him.’

‘Maybe you should talk to him. He listens to you.’

Mason twirls the end of my hair around his finger, looking thoughtful. ‘I think we should do it together. We’re a team, me and you.’

Warmth spreads through my chest at his words. ‘Okay.’

Mason captures my hand, and I let him guide me down the stairs towards the kitchen. My eyes wander to the giant bunch of flowers Cami and Nora bought me. They have been spoiling me with such nice, thoughtful gifts. I appreciate them so much. They are such beautiful people, and I’m very lucky to have become their friend.

I move to Zayden, who is sitting at the kitchen island, a textbook sprawled across the bench as he watches a lecture from his laptop. He looks up, pausing the video. Slowly, he removes his AirPods, jaw hardening when he takes in my outfit.

‘Guess you’re off, then,’ he says, voice bland and emotionless. Despite him and Mason making up, it’s still been a little tense around here as he comes to terms with everything. It’s also been a bit of an issue that I’m attending Rod’s funeral.

‘I think you should go, Zay,’ I say softly. ‘You don’t have to celebrate his life or make a statement or anything, but it might give you the closure that you need to move on from this.’

‘I’m not going,’ he snaps, slamming the textbook closed with a distinct slap. ‘He can rot in hell for all I care.’

‘You don’t think it might help you?’ Mason’s voice is cautious as he eyes my brother with concern.

Zayden’s chin twitches and his eyes slice to Mason’s. ‘How would it help?’

Mason shrugs. ‘I think seeing that fucker be put in the ground could really help you move past this. Seeing first-hand that he no longer has any power over your family. It might feel really good, honestly.’

I glance at Mason in surprise, impressed. He knows how to speak Zayden’s language. He just gets him in a way that I can’t. My brother looks like he is mulling this information over, and I partly want to roll my eyes. I knew Mason would get through to him, but I’m also aware how monumental this moment could be for him. I want him to heal from this as best he can, and this is hopefully a step in the right direction to start that process.

Zayden rubs his eyes. ‘I don’t know if I can do it.’

‘I get that, man. It’s okay not to go, but think about it.’ Mason glances down at his watch. ‘We need to leave now, but come later, if you’re up for it. We’ll be right there with you.’

Zayden nods, eyes dropping to his notebook. ‘Maybe.’

‘Or we can all stay home,’ I suggest.

Zayden shakes his head. ‘You should go. For Mum.’

My stomach clenches. I’ve been nauseous for days at the thought of seeing her. She is the woman who raised me, the one who always took care of me. I look up to her for everything. And now, after hearing about what she did, I don’t know how I can face her, or how to process it all.

‘I don’t want you to be alone.’

‘I’m not,’ Zaydon replies, lazily gesturing to the laptop. ‘Me and Mrs Bottom-Cheeks are having a fabulous time.’

‘Bottom-Cheeks?’ Mason snickers. ‘Is that her actual name, or are you doing that thing where you make up stupid names for people you think are annoying?’

Zayden points at him. ‘The latter.’

I smile, but it’s slow and a little weary. ‘Okay. Well, I’ll see you later, Zay.’

‘Yeah,’ he says. Re-opening his textbook, he stares ahead, and my heart cleaves in two at the pain in his eyes.

Wandering over to him, I wrap my arms around him, holding him as tightly as I can. ‘I love you.’

‘Love you, too,’ he says quietly.

As we drive to the church, the sun pierces through the car window, seeming way too bright for the day ahead. I squint, pulling the sun-visor down and settling back into the seat, unable to shake the sickly feeling that has been plaguing me all morning.

By the time we get there, it’s nearly starting. The church is packed; almost every seat is taken. I can barely meet the eyes of our family friends and distant relatives, making me grateful we got here just in time.

We head towards the first row, to sit next to Mum. She stands to greet us, looking pale and unlike herself. Her usual golden hair, which often flows down her shoulders, is pulled back off her face, making her features look striking, in a confronting sort of way. My throat feels tight as I look at her. Her eyes widen as she takes in my bruises.

‘My baby,’ she whispers.

Mason has kept her up to date with everything, but I asked her not to come see me, since Zayden has been by my side so much, and he isn’t handling everything that’s going on. And I also just needed space to think things through.

‘I’m okay, Ma,’ I murmur.

She extends her hand to me, pulling me into a hug, and I tense when her long thin arms wrap around me.

‘It’s so good to see you,’ she says, cupping my face, inspecting it with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable. Her eyes close for a moment, and then slowly reopen, a pained look falling across her tired face. ‘He told you.’

‘Yes,’ I whisper.

She nods, stepping back, her hands dropping to her sides. ‘I’m sure you’re very upset and confused, but we will discuss this later. Okay?’

‘Okay,’ I say weakly.

‘Hi Mason, honey,’ she says affectionately, touching Mason’s arm. ‘Thank you for being here.’

He offers her a polite smile and a stiff nod. Turning, he runs his hand down my back and gazes ahead, towards the coffin. Mum’s eyes catch the movement, and they widen when she makes the connection.

‘You two?’ she asks, motioning between us.

‘Yep,’ I blurt, and then make a bizarre gesture with my hands. ‘We are what you think. Yep.’

Mason gives me an amused look, and Mum arches a brow at my very obvious awkwardness.

Despite the circumstances, a smile breaks out onto her face. ‘Finally.’

I barely have time to react before everyone is asked to be seated. My leg is bouncing restlessly, and Mason places his hand on top of it. His warmth seeps through my stockings, and I move subconsciously closer to him, seeking his comfort. My eyes are glued to the photo of Rod at the front of the room. My stomach roils as I stare into his eyes, questioning so many little things he said and did over the years, that at the time, I never realised were red flags. Flashes upon flashes bombard my mind, and I close my eyes, begging my mind to clear them. I can’t handle all this right now.

The funeral officiant is mid-sentence when the large wooden doors bang open with a loud screech that has every head swivelling to see who the late guest is. My stomach hits the floor when I see Zayden remove his sunglasses, tucking them into the collar of his shirt as he strides down the aisle, not making eye contact with anyone. He looks handsome, dressed in all black. While everyone else has taken on a formal look, my brother sports his just-rolled-out-of-bed look, but he has the effortless swagger to pull it off. Honestly, my brother could wear a garbage bag and he would still have girls turning their heads as he walks past.

‘Oh, God.’ Mum’s voice is a broken murmur of concern and heartache as she watches her son make his way over to us. He drops into the seat beside Mason. I offer him a small, encouraging smile, and his mouth twitches. Not quite a smile, but an acknowledgement that he knows I’m offering him support.

I’m on edge throughout the entire service. My stomach is in knots and I feel light-headed, having not eaten or drank anything much for the last few days. I just keep thinking of Rod’s hands on my brother, those same hands possibly hurting my mother over and over again, while I was under the same roof, completely oblivious to it all. Other than a few creepy comments here and there, he tended to leave me alone.

When the service is over and everyone stands, Mum reaches out for Zayden, and he stumbles backwards, hitting the pew behind him. Her lower lip trembles as she flinches, her eyes filling with tears.

‘I can’t do this,’ he chokes out, almost falling over his feet to get away from her, his usually relaxed face tense with hard lines. He is looking paler by the second, as if all the blood is draining out of his body and the air is being yanked from his lungs. My heart seems to stop and start again with a painful rhythm as I grapple with getting to my feet, fighting through the anxiety coursing through my body. Mason looks torn with who to reach for at this moment, and it’s all happening fast. Zayden bumps into the person behind him, almost sending them flying.

‘Zayden,’ Mum gasps, her hands flying to cover her mouth.

Zayden turns, fleeing the church, and Mum rushes out after him.

‘Fuck,’ I mutter.

‘Come on,’ Mason murmurs, leaning down and collecting my bag, fingers lightly pressing on my elbow. ‘We’re going with them.’

The number of eyes on us is staggering, but I push forward, unable to stomach meeting any of their curious, sympathy-filled gazes.

Mum and Zayden are outside, around the corner and away from prying eyes. We slowly walk towards them, and my bones feel chilled when I see my brother’s pained face and my mother’s tears.

‘I will tell you everything, Zayden, and one day, I hope we can move past this, but not right now. Not here,’ she says on a huffed breath, wiping her eyes.

‘I came to you,’ he whispers, and my own tears burn my eyes. ‘And you turned your back on me.’

‘Zayden,’ she mumbles, reaching for him, but he steps back just as fast.

‘I can’t stand the sight of you,’ he says, turning away and raking a hand through his messy hair. ‘Go back inside. Please.’

‘I can’t have you hate me, Zayden.’

‘You should have fucking thought about that before,’ he snaps, whirling around to face her, jabbing a finger in the air, his cheeks reddening. ‘But you fucking chose him. He hurt me. He threatened to kill me. He threatened to do the same to Anya. I came to you, I asked for your help, and you failed me.’

‘I had no choice,’ she whispers miserably.

‘There is always a choice. You made the wrong one.’

A hiccup leaves her as she cries, and Zayden turns his back on her, striding away from us with stormy fury.

Slowly, Mum turns, facing us. ‘Anya ...’ Mum says, her hand outstretched towards me, but I let Mason tug me along as we try to keep up with a hastily retreating Zayden.

My mouth feels dry, and a strange rush of heat blasts through me. Mason curls his arm around me, dragging me towards a tree that will protect me from the sun’s harsh rays. I blink the dots away, swallowing down the nausea, desperate to not make this extremely awful moment for my brother about me.

When I look back over my shoulder, Mum is walking back towards the church, shoulders slumped, looking like she carries the weight of the world.

‘Anya,’ Zayden exclaims, reaching for me as I stagger sideways. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Fine,’ I say weakly.

‘Let’s get out of here,’ Mason suggests. He glances at Zayden. ‘Come with us,’ Mason says. ‘We’ll get your car later.’

Zayden agrees to this, probably not wanting to be alone right now. We pile into the car, and I rest my head back, feeling exhausted and drained, even though it’s hardly even midday. The car is sweltering, and I immediately jab my finger on the button to bring the window down, readily gulping in the fresh air that spills in through the gap.

Later, we are by the pool, ice creams in hand, sprawled out in the shade, and I’m feeling much better for it.

‘An hour ago, we were at our stepdad’s funeral, and now we’re by the pool, pretending he never fucking existed,’ Zayden says, inspecting the cone of his ice cream for an unnecessary amount of time.

‘We’ve never been super conventional,’ I reply.

‘Mmhmm.’

‘How do you feel?’

Zayden is silent for a few moments, staring up at the cloudless sky. ‘Okay,’ he finally answers. ‘I have a lot of resentment and anger towards Mum that I’m trying to deal with, but I’m okay.’

‘We need to talk to her,’ I admit with an exhale. ‘She needs us.’

‘Yeah,’ Zayden says dryly. ‘I needed her, too.’

My heart squeezes. ‘I didn’t mean for that to sound how it did.’

‘You’re right. She does need us. But I won’t need her ever again. I learned my lesson the hard way.’ His mouth is tense. ‘I don’t want to talk or think about this anymore.’

Zayden pushes to his feet, and exchanges a knowing look with Mason, which makes me sit bolt upright, scrambling to get away from them as they both bomb-jump into the pool, sending a giant wave crashing over my legs. I manage to protect my face, but my hair seems to cop the brunt of it.

‘Aw, man!’ I grumble, looking at my soaked towel. ‘You guys are so annoying.’

‘You love us anyway.’ Mason grins.

My brother and my boyfriend – it still feels so weird to say and think, after all this time – begin play-fighting, as they always do when they’re in the water. Settling back on my elbow, I smile as I watch them. They laugh and wrestle with each other, and I tilt my head back, bathing in the warm sunshine.

Everything is going to be okay. Eventually.

When I wake, the sunlight filters through my room, and the anxiety that has been weighing on me so heavily feels like it’s lifted. Maybe it isn’t completely non-existent, but I certainly feel better.

I spend an hour or so painting by the window in my room, and it makes my heart feel light in my chest. It’s so nice to be inspired again. I truly do love it.

Mason’s door is open, and when I poke my head inside, his bed is made, the room is freakishly clean as usual, and there’s no sign of him. Glancing at the time, I realise he’s probably out for his morning run. That man and his routine. The one commitment he never lets falter.

By the time I get downstairs, my brother is there, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

‘Good morning,’ I say chirpily.

He side-eyes me. He raises his hand, hovering his thumb and pointer finger together, making the movement of turning a dial down. ‘Too early,’ he grumbles.

I grin. My brother and I are polar opposites. I like to go to bed early, and when I wake up, I’m ready to start the day. My brother likes to stay up all night and sleep until lunchtime. It’s like his body doesn’t start functioning until after 1 p.m.

‘It’s not even early,’ I say, glancing out the window. Clear blue skies and minimal wind. It looks like it’s going to be a gorgeous day. ‘Well, early for you, I suppose.’

‘Mm.’

‘What are you up to for the day?’

‘I’m going to go for a swim. Have classes all afternoon,’ he says. He eyes my hands. ‘Have you been painting?’

‘Yeah,’ I reply.

‘I thought for a while that you’d given up,’ he murmurs.

‘Me too.’

‘You quit when he left. Right?’

Slowly, I nod.

‘Hm,’ Zayden murmurs, eyeing me for a second. ‘Interesting.’

Shaking my head, I lean against the counter. ‘I might go grab us takeaway breakfast and coffee,’ I suggest. ‘I feel like a walk.’

Zayden points at me. ‘This is why you’re my favourite sister.’

‘I’m your only sister.’

‘Favourite, nonetheless.’ He grins. ‘Can you carry everything on your own?’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘I can drive you.’

‘Good point. I’ll take the car.’

My brother yanks off his shirt and heads out to the backyard. The drive to the closest cafe is only five minutes, and I lean on the car after I order. The sunlight feels amazing on my skin, and the air is warm.

Mason is back by the time I get home, and I get an excited swooping sensation in my stomach at the sight of him.

‘Morning, Captain,’ I smile, my eyes catching Mason’s as he’s mid-strip. He pauses, flashing his handsome smirk at me. ‘Please, don’t stop on my account.’

Grinning, he removes his shirt, and my eyes rake over his torso. I might have felt it – and run my tongue over it – an umpteenth number of times recently, but it still makes me stop and stare. Those defined muscles, the dark tattoos, his smooth, tanned skin. He really is beautiful. Inside and out.

‘Hi, Blush.’ Strolling towards me, he captures my mouth with his. I hand him his breakfast and coffee. ‘Thank you, my love.’ My heart skips a beat at those words, and I feel a little giddy as I place the rest of the items down on the kitchen bench.

Zayden enters, his towel looped around his shoulders, his hair wet. He makes grabby hands at the coffee, and I pass it to him.

‘Thank you, dear sister. I apologise for all the times I talked shit about you.’

Mason snickers, and I roll my eyes. ‘Yeah, yeah.’

‘You want a ride to class today?’ Mason asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

I shake my head. ‘I’m just going to watch it online. I’m going to go see Mum.’

Zayden stiffens and lowers his cup. He stares at me for a moment before nodding. ‘That’s good. You should check on her. Make sure she’s okay.’

My heart melts at his words. Despite everything that’s happened between them, he still cares. ‘I feel very conflicted about seeing her, but I know it’s the right thing to do. Thank you for understanding.’

‘Of course,’ he says.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask.

‘Yeah.’

‘Promise?’

‘I promise.’

‘You okay driving back there on your own?’ Mason asks.

Our hometown isn’t very far, but I appreciate his concern. ‘Yeah, all good.’

‘Okay,’ he says, turning to Zayden. ‘I thought we could go check out the new golf simulator in town. At the driving range.’

‘Oh!’ Zayden’s face lights up, and I feel relief trickle down my spine at seeing how relaxed and carefree my brother seems to be after everything that’s happened. I’m so glad Mason and Zayden’s relationship is back to normal. ‘Yeah, for sure. Let’s do it.’

‘Sweet.’

Mason walks over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He kisses me on the temple.

‘Have a good day, Blush. Call if you need me.’

‘I will. You too.’

We look over to Zayden, who is practising his golf swing. I roll my eyes before turning to head up the stairs to get everything I need, trying not to think about the day ahead of me.

I walk up the porch steps to the house I spent years of my life in, my stomach churning uncomfortably. The front door opens just as my foot reaches the top step. Mum looks tired. She’s dressed in her track pants and a t-shirt with ‘Only Judy Can Judge Me’ plastered across the front. Seeing her hurts my heart, but when she opens her arms, I fall into her chest. She hugs me tightly before we step inside.

I debated whether to come see her for weeks, but as much as it hurts me to be here, she is my mother. Her husband died, and her son isn’t speaking to her. I might not forgive her for what she did, but I would never forgive myself if anything were to happen to her because I wasn’t there for her.

‘You’ve been busy,’ I comment, taking in the new furniture.

‘This place needed a major makeover,’ Mum replies, sitting down and heaving an exhale. ‘Rearranging the place and cleaning helps keep my mind off things.’

‘Does it feel better, having all his things gone?’

‘Yes,’ she replies, nodding. ‘I didn’t think it would, but it’s been like a cleanse.’

I study her for a moment. There are so many things I want to ask her – about Rod, about Zayden – but I can’t get any of the words out of my mouth. Did she suffer, being with him? I never got that impression, but I also never picked up on anything happening between Rod and Zayden, either.

‘Are you okay?’ I eventually ask.

‘I’ve certainly been better,’ she replies, fingers tapping restlessly on her thighs, a nervous habit I inherited from her. ‘But, yes, I’m okay. I miss you a lot, and your brother.’

Chewing my lip, I nod. There are so many emotions swirling inside me, I’m unable to decipher exactly how I’m feeling.

‘I know things will never be the same, and I don’t expect you to understand everything that’s going on or forgive me for the things I’ve done ... but I need you in my life, Anya. I appreciate you coming to see me today.’

Swallowing the emotion clogging my throat, I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

‘I’m going to make some tea. You want one?’ she asks, jumping to her feet, as if desperate to escape the tension-filled room.

‘Yes,’ I force out. ‘Thanks.’

As she disappears around the corner, I lean back, pressing a hand to my chest. Feeling my phone vibrate, I pull it out and reply to Mason’s text. Noticing a new email, I click on the app and begin to skim through it. My jaw hits the floor as I gape at the screen, not believing what it says.

‘What?’ Mum exclaims, rushing back into the room.

‘Oh my God ...’ I trail off, blinking in shock. ‘They want to put my artwork in the gallery show next weekend. They had someone pull out at the last minute and my teacher suggested my piece!’ My heart rattles against my ribcage as I read the words over and over, cementing them into my brain until it slowly sinks in.

‘Oh, honey, that’s wonderful!’ Mum beams.

Immediately, I bring up the group chat I have with Zayden and Mason and press the video-call button. Mum’s face falls when I step outside. I know she wants to be there when I tell Zayden, but he’s not ready to face her yet, and I’m not going to be the person who forces either of their hands.

‘What’s gooood,’ Zayden answers, taking a long slurp of his frozen Coke as he lazes by the pool.

Mason leans in, bumping shoulders with Zayden, his handsome face appearing on the screen. ‘Yo,’ he says.

The words burst out of me, all at once, and they blink at me at first, unable to understand, so I force myself to repeat what I said, coherently this time.

‘No fucking way!’ Zayden exclaims, knocking over his drink as he grapples with not dropping his phone.

‘Yes way!’

‘No surprise there, your art is amazing, Blush.’ Mason grins at me, looking genuinely proud.

‘Book me a ticket, sis, I’m coming to the show.’ Zayden grins, giving me a thumbs up.

‘Me too!’ Mason pipes up. ‘Get tickets for everyone!’

‘Okay!’ I grin back.

When I tried to make and sell art before coming to university, it had been hard not to give up on my dream. It seemed impossible for me to achieve what I wanted. But now, here I am, my art going into a gallery with amazing artists that I admire and look up to. It seems totally surreal that my art is going to be on display. Tears spill over my eyes, and I smile at the two boys I love more than anything.

Everything feels like it’s falling into place.