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ANYA

ONE MOMENT, EVERYTHING was fine. The next, my whole life has been turned upside down ...

How can so many things go so wrong in such a short amount of time?

Those deep whisky eyes bore into mine as we stand under the carnival lights.

‘This is exactly why,’ Zayden snarls, hands shaking, ‘I don’t fucking trust men in general, Mase, and with everything you’ve been through, I didn’t even trust you with her.’ He shakes his head, jaw clenched, a storm in his eyes. ‘The risk of her being hurt is why I never wanted you to go there. How the fuck could you have done that to her?’

‘It’s not like that at all, Zay.’

‘Right.’ He scoffs.

‘Can we just go back home and talk about this?’ Mason pleads, looking distraught.

‘Nah,’ Zayden shakes his head, backing away. ‘You two enjoy spending so much time together. Who cares about me?’ Turning, he storms off.

Glancing around, I have no idea when Dylan left. I can’t even spark any energy to give one fuck about what he is up to now. All that matters in this moment is Mason, and the way he just found out my biggest secret. The part of my life I refuse to let myself grieve or wallow in, for fear it will utterly destroy me. He hasn’t looked away from me for a long time, and my stomach is in knots. Tears soak my face. A loud clap of thunder rumbles in the sky, and light drops of rain begin to fall, but neither of us moves.

I’ve run from this secret for a long time, never stopping to fully process it or let myself understand the true weight of what I went through. I thought this was something I would carry with me to the grave. I have a lot of regrets, and telling Phoebe is number one on the list. I don’t know if I made the right decision or not by never telling Mason, but he wasn’t here for me through any of it. I never expected our romance to blossom again, after everything. But maybe this secret should have stayed buried, because now he is going to hurt too. His dark hair falls onto his forehead, now damp from the rain. My eyes rake over his sharp jaw, those dark brows, the smoky-brown eyes I adore so much. My heart is tearing in two at the agony in his gaze.

‘You were pregnant?’ he whispers, voice raspy and deep. My tears intermingle with the rain on my skin, and I slowly nod. ‘From that night?’

‘Yes,’ I say, my voice thick with emotion.

‘What happened?’ he utters, walking towards me, looking hopelessly sad, making me cry harder.

‘I don’t know. I’d only just found out. I had an awful pain in my stomach one day, and then I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. When I went to the doctor the following week for my check-up, there was no baby anymore.’

His eyes fall to my stomach. ‘Who knows about this?’

‘Only Phoebe,’ I say, and release a sharp exhale. ‘Well, she was the only person who knew.’

‘You went through this. Alone.’ His words ring through to me, and my heart squeezes.

Zayden never told me his story. I never told him mine.

‘Well,’ I say, a little bluntly, ‘you weren’t here.’

He stares at me in that intense, scrutinising way he does when he seems to have a brand-new thought about me. The rain streaks his lightly tanned skin, making his eyes appear so much darker. He looks as crushed as I feel. ‘When did you find out?’ he asks, voice hoarse and desperate.

Swallowing, I shrug. ‘A few weeks after my birthday. I was eight weeks along when I miscarried.’

Mason looks distraught, combing his fingers through his hair as if needing to occupy his hands. ‘I’m so sorry I left. That I was too much of a coward to handle what was going on between us.’ He strides towards me, taking my hands in his. ‘I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never go through anything alone again. I’m here for you. Always .’

I nod, swallowing the emotion that is threatening to consume me. I squeeze his hands. ‘I know,’ I say softly.

‘I don’t think I can ever tell you how sorry I am.’

‘It’s okay, Mase. It’s all in the past now.’

‘It makes sense now. Why you were the way you were when you first saw me. Why you were so guarded. So different from the girl I used to know.’

Tearing my gaze from his, I stare out into the distance, watching everyone in motion, laughing, like my entire world hasn’t just fallen apart and shattered to pieces. I’m frozen, shivering in the harsh wind, the rain coming down harder now.

‘Let’s go home,’ I say quietly. ‘It’s freezing, and it looks like the storm is settling in.’ Tilting my head to look up at him, I offer him a small smile. ‘You’re not afraid of them anymore.’

The corner of his mouth lifts a minuscule amount. ‘No. Not when I’m with you.’

Curling his arm around my waist, he guides me back through the carnival and out to the car park. I feel numb and a little stunned. He helps me into the passenger seat, wordlessly offering to drive us back home. I’m glad, because my brain feels like it’s malfunctioning.

It’s too quiet in the car, despite the low rumbling of the radio and the rain hitting the windscreen.

‘I’m sorry I never told you,’ I whisper, voice shaky and small. ‘I didn’t know what to do, and you left. You didn’t answer any of my calls. You were just ... gone.’

‘I already feel so guilty about the selfish shit I did back then, and this just makes everything so much worse,’ he admits. ‘I can’t believe we’re here right now, talking about this. You really are putting up with me, after everything?’

I offer him a watery smile. ‘There is no one else, Mase.’

Capturing my hand in his, he pulls it over to his lap. His thumb strokes my knuckles, and I lean back in the seat.

‘The way it all came out ... Zayden must be reeling,’ I say.

‘He was already not coping. This has just made everything explode.’

‘What do we do? Should one of us stay home and try to call him, and the other go out looking for him?’ I suggest, dabbing my fingertips across my skin, trying to absorb the rain droplets.

‘That’s not a bad idea. Do you want to stay home? So you can have a shower and warm yourself up? I’ll go check a few spots he might’ve gone to.’

‘Sounds good.’

‘We need to talk more about this,’ Mason says. ‘But later, when we’re at home, where it’s less chaotic.’

I nod, agreeing with that.

Before Mason even fires up the engine, my heart stutters to a stop when Zayden appears in the car park, heading towards his car. His white t-shirt is completely soaked through and sticking to his skin. I rush out of the car, my feet sliding across the loose gravel. My eyes flash towards the busy road beside us, and back to him, where his keys are clutched in his palm.

‘Zayden!’ I cry out, relieved that he’s here and he’s okay. When he doesn’t react, I slow my steps and come to a complete halt in front of him. ‘Zayden ... I understand you’re feeling really hurt right now, and confused, and betrayed, and a lot more, probably, but please, I need you to hear us out and listen.’

‘Zay ...’ Mason says quietly when my brother doesn’t move or acknowledge that either of us are here, or what I just said.

Zayden’s chin jerks up, and his cool eyes settle on Mason. ‘I want your shit gone,’ he says.

I recoil, as if his words have hit me.

A muscle in Mason’s cheek jumps, and he nods, eyes shining with regret and acceptance of what the situation has come to. ‘Okay.’

‘What?’ I exclaim, reaching for Mason’s arm. ‘No.’ I turn to face Zayden, staring at him pleadingly. ‘I promise you, Dylan made this out to be a lot worse than it is. Please, please just hear us out before you make any hasty decisions.’

‘So you haven’t been lying to my face for years about your feelings for one another?’ he asks, and the calmness in his tone makes a prickle of wariness run through me.

‘We tried to fight our feelings out of respect for you.’

Zayden smiles, but it’s a smile I’ve never seen on his face before. Cold, empty and harsh. It doesn’t suit him at all. ‘Right. So you didn’t ever kiss, then? You didn’t sleep together the night of your eighteenth birthday? He didn’t leave because of it?’

Swallowing, I try my best to get the words out, to plead with him, but nothing escapes my throat – because he is right. We lied to him, and it was wrong, and we only have ourselves to blame for it. ‘I’m so sorry, Zayden,’ I whisper miserably, peering at him through sodden lashes. I don’t know how I can make any of this better. Sorry just isn’t enough .

‘I’ve always admired our great relationship, Anya. We’ve always been closer than most siblings. I thought we loved and respected each other enough to be able to discuss something like this. I know I’ve been unreasonable at times when it comes to my protectiveness over you, but I have good fucking reason,’ he snaps, gesturing to Mason. ‘Look what he did to you! This is why I didn’t trust him to be with you. You deserve someone who wouldn’t do what he did!’

I am so sick of crying. I don’t know how I possibly have any tears left at this point, but they keep streaming down my cheeks rapidly.

‘And you ,’ Zayden says, jabbing his finger in the air, aiming at Mason. ‘We would quite literally die for each other, and there aren’t many people who I can say that about. You’re not just my best friend; you’re my brother , and I trusted you with my life. I trusted you with her . How could you do that to her? And never, not once, speak to me about any of it?’

In two strides, Zayden is in front of Mason. He is trembling, and for a moment, I’m scared of what he might do, but he steps back just as fast, shaking his head, his hands flexing at his sides as he grapples with his anger. My brother is one to throw his fists and think about the consequences later, but he loves and respects Mason too much, and after everything he’s been through with his dad, Zayden would never lay a hand on him.

The sound of footsteps approaching makes me look up. Shadow covers almost every inch of Dylan as he steps towards us, still looking rather pleased with himself at all the drama he caused tonight.

‘Don’t mind me,’ he says, smirking. ‘Just on my way out.’

‘What the hell is your problem?’ Zayden snarls, stalking towards Dylan, getting almost nose-to-nose with him. ‘Why did you do all this? Does it really make you feel better? Huh? Does it make you feel good?’ Zayden’s cheeks redden, his hands shaking violently. ‘You never deserved a moment of her time.’

‘Zay!’ Mason warns, stepping towards him. ‘Don’t do this. Be better than him.’ Zayden glares at Mason. ‘You go on about dangerous men, but you’re being one right now.’

My brother jerks back at Mason’s words, as if he hadn’t realised how close he was to Dylan just now.

‘I’m done with all this,’ Zayden snarls, stalking towards his car and yanking the door open. He glares over his shoulder at us, swaying, looking far from sober.

‘No!’ I scream, racing after him. ‘You’ve been drinking. Give me the keys.’

‘Don’t,’ he warns, eyes flashing with a stormy fury that I’ve never seen before.

‘Everything is a mess, I know that, but please don’t do this. Don’t get in the car.’

Mason appears beside me. ‘Listen to her,’ Mason demands, sounding a little breathless. ‘Don’t be stupid. Give me the keys.’

‘Fuck off,’ Zayden snaps.

Mason lunges forward, and the two slam into the car, falling to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Zayden tries to push Mason’s body off his, knocking him down to the ground. The scream that leaves my throat is unrecognisable. I’m distraught and I feel helpless watching the two boys I love wrestle each other. Mason yanks the keys out of Zayden’s hand, and in his panic to get rid of them, launches them up into the air. They go flying just past my face, almost knocking straight into me. I rush forward to get them, my eyes filled with tears.

I choke on a sharp inhale as the side of my body knocks against a car I never saw coming. I bounce backwards, slamming into the ground, hitting it harshly. ‘Ow,’ I moan, clutching my head, black dots dancing across my vision.

‘Anya?’ Zayden shouts, scrambling to his feet. He rushes towards me as I slowly sit up, rubbing the back of my head.

‘You okay?’ Mason asks, dropping beside me, touching a hand to my shoulder.

‘Yes, fine,’ I mumble, wincing.

Zayden releases a breath, relieved, and grips my arm as he steadies himself.