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39

MASON

ZAYDEN HASN’T SPOKEN TO me in what feels like a lifetime. There’s a weird hollow absence in my chest. It’s an adjustment, since we’re usually with each other most of the time. Even when I was overseas, we FaceTimed so often it felt like we were catching up regularly.

The world around me moves in a blur as everyone shouts at each other, getting ramped up for the game. I stumble out to the field, the noise of the crowd barely audible to me as I scan the grandstands bordering the footy field, searching for her. My gaze connects with her pretty round eyes and she smiles, waving at me. She’s wearing my jersey. Warmth rushes through me. Despite everything, she’s here for me and with me. I love her, and it’s about time I get to announce that to the world.

A harsh jab to my shoulder almost knocks me off balance, and I shoot a glare at Andy, who seems to be targeting me now that Kai has been suspended from the team. They were very close, so I imagine he’s lashing out at me for getting his buddy in trouble. That is the least of my concerns right now.

‘Mature,’ I say with a sarcastic thumbs up. ‘I’m sure we’ll win with that attitude.’

Andy ignores the comment, jogging ahead. Zayden briefly meets my eyes and with a tight jaw, he looks away, making my stomach clench. I hate this. I always knew this would happen. My biggest fear has always been that I’d lose one of them.

Mentally shaking myself, I get my head in the game.

The entire first half is a write-off. Zayden and I often play effortlessly together, and we’re a deadly combination, but today, he’s avoiding me like I have some sort of disease, and the team is suffering as a result. Three times he gets the ball, and I’m ready for him to pass it to me like he always does, but he sends it the other way instead. I stare at him in disbelief when he throws the ball straight towards Andy, who gets tackled the moment his fingers graze it. I shake my head, grinding my molars. I would have got through their defence. They can’t catch me, but Zayden doesn’t want to give me the power.

‘Zayden!’ Coach bellows from the sideline, his words weighted with anger and disappointment. ‘Pull your head in!’

A few of the rival players snicker at each other, and Zayden glowers at me like it’s somehow my fault. I try not to let the frustration get the best of me and continue the game with a clear head, but when Zayden snubs me again, and again, I almost walk right off the field. The first half seems to drag on forever, and by the time I get back to the locker room, I feel dead on my feet.

‘What the hell is going on with you two?’ Coach barks at us, cheeks reddening in anger as his eyes ping-pong between me and Zayden. Heads swivel in our direction as the rest of the team listens in.

We are both silent.

The air crackles in the room. There is so much energy, so much anger, so much hostility. It’s radiating between everyone.

‘I expected much better from the both of you. Whatever this is’ – he gestures between us – ‘fix it, or don’t bother coming back out.’ With a deep frown marring his face, he stalks out of the room. I heave a sigh, hanging my head in my hands.

‘Lovers’ quarrel?’ Andy spits, eyebrows inching up.

‘Can it,’ Zayden gripes.

Running a hand through my sweat-drenched hair, I tug on it in agitation before forcing myself to my feet and removing myself from the group. I gulp down the fresh night air and lean against the wall, steadying myself before we head back out to commence the second half.

‘Zay,’ I exhale as he brushes by me. ‘I know you’re mad at me, but don’t let it ruin tonight. We need this win.’

He continues walking, as if I never spoke.

Closing my eyes briefly, I breathe in, before walking to my position.

Blinking the sweat out of my eyes, I run, I defend, I tackle and I pass. Switching my brain off, I go into autopilot. Weaving in and out of players, I slip through a gap and take off at a sprint. The wind whooshes over me as I pick up speed, until a body crashes into mine, sending me flying through the air. I hit the ground so hard, the air is knocked out of my lungs. I’m motionless for a second, trying to catch up with what just happened, when suddenly Zayden appears over me, his hand extended. Hesitantly, I reach for him, letting him help me up. He pulls me to my feet.

‘You good?’ he asks.

Swallowing, I nod, pointing to my chest. ‘Winded.’

‘That was a fucking hard hit,’ he says. ‘Are you hurt?’

I lethargically wave my hand. ‘Fine.’

‘Okay.’

‘Nice to know you care.’ I smirk.

Zayden side-eyes me for a moment, the corner of his mouth twitching with the slightest of movements, before heading back to where he was.

A small smile finds its way onto my face.

We scraped in the win.

Just .

I tap my fingers on the steering wheel as I drive. There were murmurs of a campus party, but I’m too tired to be out and about tonight. I don’t think any of us are in the mood – even Zayden, which is saying something.

My brows pull together when I recognise Zayden’s car pulled over on the side of the road. Swinging in behind him, I get out and wander over. Zayden is leaning back against the head rest, staring out at the road.

‘Well, this is tragic,’ I say.

Rolling his head to the side, he pins me with a narrowed stare. ‘Oh. It’s you.’

‘It’s me,’ I confirm, scanning the car, then spotting the very flat tyre. ‘Having fun?’

‘Loads,’ he replies. ‘No spare.’

‘I did tell you to replace it.’

‘I don’t really feel like a lecture right now.’

‘Fortunately for you, I have one.’ Zayden glares at me. ‘A spare, I mean. Not a lecture.’

Zayden huffs, and I head to my car’s boot. Silently, I get the tyre out and walk over to him, feeling the light patter of rainfall on my skin. Zayden glances up at the dark sky, scowling.

‘I got this. Thanks.’

‘I’ll be quicker,’ I mutter.

‘Because you’re just so much better than me?’ Zayden snaps.

‘Stop being a fuckwit for two seconds, will you?’ I retort. ‘I’m here because I love you, man. I miss you, and I fucking hate that this is what we’ve become. Can you just talk to me, so we can sort this out?’

Zayden stares ahead, stony-faced.

Exhaling, I drop to the ground to begin changing his tyre.

Zayden is silent for a long moment. He looks defeated and exhausted.

‘I’m in love with her, Zayden,’ I say. ‘Like, totally, utterly, sick to my stomach in love with her.’ Zayden turns his stare to meet mine, a shadow across his face. ‘It doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’re both my entire world, and I’m not going to ruin anything, I promise. I will always treat her right, no matter what. Her happiness is my number one priority.’

Silence stretches between us, and I sigh, continuing what I was doing.

‘You promise me you will never, ever hurt her?’ he murmurs.

Pausing, I turn, nodding. ‘I promise.’

Swallowing, he nods. ‘This has really rattled me. Rod dying, and then seeing Anya almost get hit by that car ... it’s made me realise how fucking easy it is to lose the people you love. Not that I loved Rod in any way. You know what I mean.’ He exhales, rubbing his jaw. ‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you and Anya like that.’

The pressure in my chest uncoils, and I feel air trickle down my body, releasing me from the anxiety and its tight grip on my heart.

‘I don’t know when I started to fuck up so much. I never had any intention to ruin things between us. In my head, I thought I was doing everything right to prevent things from happening with her. But then I’d see her ... be around her ... and everything just went out the window. I tried to fight it so fucking hard, Zay. I left the country to get away from her, and to run away from my feelings and the mess they were causing.’ I pause for a moment, trying to catch my breath.

‘I love her. So much. It scares me how much I love her. We decided that we wanted a relationship, and we were going to tell you everything. Then Rod had the accident, and everything got crazy after that.’ I look at my thumb; blood trickles down it from my picking at it so much. ‘There’s no excuse for being a bad friend and lying to you. I was so scared of losing one of you. And then there was the thought of losing both of you, and I ... can’t handle that, Zay. I really can’t.’

‘I feel like an idiot.’

Shocked, I look up and stare at him. He’s looking right back at me, his eyes such a bright emerald-green, so similar to Anya’s, under the soft glow of the streetlamp shining over us.

‘I could see it. I knew you loved her. I could see it written all over your face every time she entered the room, but I selfishly refused to let you to do anything about it, because I didn’t want to lose you, either. I know relationships often don’t work out, and I didn’t want that to affect our friendship. I also knew how much anger I had inside me, and I didn’t want to risk her being with someone who might suffer from what I do.’ He lets out a heavy exhale. ‘If you’re a bad friend, then I’m one too.’

‘I never meant to hurt her, or you. The love I have for both of you is more than I have for anything else in the world. It really scared me, knowing my love could be the reason I lost either of you. I was so scared you would hate me.’

‘I can’t hate you,’ Zayden says quietly. ‘And I can’t lose you, either.’ Hope swells inside me. ‘Can you promise me right now that you feel forever about her, and that you will never hurt her like that again?’ he asks firmly, his stare landing heavily on mine. ‘And that if anything happens between you two, it will not affect us?’

‘I feel more than forever about her,’ I admit. ‘I’m all in this time, and I need your blessing.’

His eyes search my face, staring intently at me for a few long seconds, as if trying to see through me, right to my very soul.

‘Okay,’ he says.

‘Okay?’ I repeat.

‘If you make each other happy, then you have my blessing.’

Rolling onto my back, I stare up at the stormy sky, smiling softly. Years and years of stress and anxiety, resolved in one simple conversation. Like it should have happened, long ago.

‘If you do hurt her again,’ Zayden adds, pointing a finger at me. ‘You won’t like what will happen.’

A small smile tugs at my lips. ‘I wouldn’t expect anything less.’