Page 14

14

MASON

I’M ALONE FOR THE drive back home. Zayden stayed with the boys, who were wanting to go for a drink. I thought he might try to pressure me into staying, but even he could tell I needed to go.

It’s only a fifteen-minute drive back, but with my mind so deep in thought, it feels I get there in seconds. Swinging into the driveway, I kill the engine and peer out at the darkening sky. As I get out of the car, raindrops bounce off me. It was an unusually humid day today, which means it will most likely storm tonight.

As a child, storms filled me with so much anxiety I would throw up for hours. It was all because of him: my father – a schizophrenic alcoholic – who was terrified of storms. As a little boy, he got caught outside in the middle of a bad thunderstorm, and lightning hit the tree he was cowering under. Whenever the storm clouds started to roll in, which was often, he would board up the house, unplug all the electronics and scream at me to hide. I would lie in puddles of my own vomit for hours until he unlocked my door. No other kid I knew had a bedroom door that locked from the outside .

When I started staying semi-permanently with the Starks, I couldn’t believe the difference. Their mum and stepfather would sit out the back of the house, share a drink and watch the storm pass over. It was a surreal moment when I realised I didn’t need to be afraid, unlike I always thought. Every time it storms, my mind reels back to childhood and everything I used to deal with. I hate it. I wish there was something I could do to forget it all.

The rain starts to fall harder. I dash inside and kick off my now-wet shoes. Shaking out my hair, I shrug off my jacket and hang it up to dry. ‘Numb to the Feeling’ by Chase Atlantic is playing softly through the speakers. Curiously, I wander into the kitchen and see a cocktail-mixing kit on the bench.

A splash draws my attention to the pool outside. Anya emerges from the water to float on her back. Rain splatters down on her, and she smiles up at the sky. Her dark hair billows behind her in a long coffee-coloured stream. Her navy bikini is tight over her body, showing off everything that’s been consuming my mind for the past few days.

Marching across the room, I yank the screen door open, casting a nervous glance at the almost-black sky.

‘Are you crazy?’ I shout.

Unfazed, she turns, paddling towards the edge. She wraps her fingers around her cocktail glass and takes a sip. She smiles. ‘What?’

‘It’s storming!’

‘No, it isn’t.’

‘It’s raining.’ I point at the sky, as if she hasn’t noticed the wind slapping against the plastic pool cover piled up on the side.

‘So? I’m already wet.’ She shrugs, a coy smile dancing on her lips.

I internally groan. I really don’t need my mind to go there right now.

‘Either join me or go away.’ She shrugs again, the teasing grin on her face remaining as she stares up at me.

I raise an eyebrow, surprised at being invited to stay, considering she asked me to leave her alone after the party. I watch her for a moment, then turn to the sky, which is darkening by the second.

‘Fuck it,’ I mutter. Peeling off my shirt, I toss it on the ground. The tiles are cold and slippery as I walk to the edge of the pool. The raindrops hit my shoulders and slide rapidly down my back.

Anya’s entire body is under the water. Her stare doesn’t leave mine as I step into the pool. With the low lighting and her dark hair pooling around her, she looks as terrifying as she does remarkable.

The water is surprisingly warm. Moving towards her, I don’t stop until I’m just inches away. She stays where she is, silent and watching. God, she is beautiful. No matter if she is dressed to the nines, in her pyjamas or head-to-toe covered in water.

‘How was your day?’ I ask. A droplet slides down her forehead, between her eyes, before sinking below the water’s surface.

‘Good,’ she answers. ‘Had classes, then went out to lunch with Nora and Cami.’

‘They seem nice,’ I say.

‘They are.’ She smiles, moving forward just the slightest bit.

‘Do you like your classes?’ I question, wading my hands softly through the water, causing small ripples across the surface.

‘Yeah. They’re very different from high school. So far so good. Do you like yours?’

‘They’re fine.’

‘And your day?’

‘Terrible.’

‘Why terrible?’ she asks curiously.

‘I want things I shouldn’t want. It’s messing with my head.’

‘What things?’ she murmurs, dipping a little further under the water. Her eyes are a piercing dark green in this lighting. Goosebumps scatter across my skin, and not because of the cool wind.

‘I think you know.’

‘Where’s Zayden?’ she asks, her arms slowly drifting underneath the water.

‘Out,’ I whisper, even though there is no need to be speaking so quietly.

‘Why aren’t you out?’

‘I wanted to be home,’ I reply. ‘I wanted to see you.’

Her expression doesn’t waver. She’s changed. A lot. She used to be an open book, but now I find it very difficult to guess what she’s thinking. Instead of telling me off – like I assumed she would – she tilts her head, staring openly at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers.

‘Why?’

‘Because I want you,’ I murmur, the words falling from my mouth before I can stop them. When I was growing up, I had to shut people out and keep my thoughts hidden to survive, but I’m tired of that. I don’t want to play this cat-and-mouse game with Anya anymore. After being separated for so long, and knowing I can’t fill the void she left, I want to be honest and real with her for the first time in my life. ‘Even though I shouldn’t.’

‘I see.’

Pausing, I wait in case she is going to elaborate. She doesn’t.

‘You used to want me,’ I choke out, and the weight of her gaze hits me like a sledgehammer. I feel it everywhere, all at once, settling deep in my bones. She is truly embedded in me. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, and why my love for her has twisted into this all-consuming obsession. She was on my mind from the moment I left the country, of course she was – she was ingrained in my thoughts for a long time before then – but ever since she turned up at this house, the obsession has been getting worse with every day. ‘Tell me, what do you want now?’

‘I want to be happy,’ she tells me earnestly. ‘I want to focus on myself. Achieve the goals I’ve set, make great friends and memories, and be truly, genuinely happy.’

‘I want that for you too,’ I agree, the water lapping over my chin as I sink lower, losing my concentration on treading water for a moment. Those long legs of hers softly kick under the surface, and they’re extremely distracting.

‘Good,’ she murmurs. ‘Then stop all of this.’

My heart sinks. ‘All of what?’

‘This chasing and possessiveness, when you probably just want one night of fun to get me out of your system.’

My jaw drops open at her words. I wait for her familiar smile to appear, or her warm laugh – one of my favourite sounds in the world. But her face remains impassive. This stoic expression, which she wears constantly around me now, isn’t her. This isn’t the Anya I remember. Hurt and betrayal shine in her eyes, and I want nothing more than to rid her of these feelings, but I know I’m one of the people who caused them in the first place.

‘You think that’s what I want?’ I ask, incredulously. ‘One night with you?’

She releases a bark of laughter. ‘Of course that’s what you want, Mason.’

‘Why the hell would you think that?’ I exclaim. Part of me is furious she thinks so little of herself, but mostly, that she thinks so little of me .

‘Why do you think?’

I swallow. ‘You think you mean as little as one night in my bed? You really think that of me?’

‘Yes, I do, Mason.’

‘Are you lying to me right now?’ I breathe hard as we face each other. Her dark, cool eyes bore into mine, making me feel as if a tendril of ice has wrapped itself around my heart, squeezing it until the pain punctures a hole inside my chest.

‘No.’

Closing my eyes, I clench my jaw, trying to process what she is saying. I know I hurt her, but I didn’t realise the extent of it until this moment. And I feel crushed all over again.

‘Look, Mase,’ Anya says after a minute, exhaling a sharp breath. ‘There’s a lot of tension and history here. I’m not denying that I was in love with you, but I’m a different person now, and too much time has passed. We live together and share some classes. Zayden is your best friend. We will always be in each other’s lives because we both love Zayden more than we love ourselves. I know that was my main reason for never letting my love for you consume me, but you never loved me like I loved you, and I’m sick of you acting like you did now that years have passed. What happened can’t just be swept under the rug and forgotten. You hurt me, more than I could have ever imagined, but I’m over it. Let’s just ... call a truce.’

I stiffen, hardly able to breathe any air into my lungs. The fact that she’s still gazing at me with that expression of nothing speaks volumes. I’m truly hearing her. What I did caused irreversible damage, and that knowledge is going to eat at me until there’s nothing left.

Usually, I have to stoop a little to look down at her, but here in the water, we’re eye-level, and it’s making this conversation much more confronting. Her eyes haven’t left mine, and I have no idea how my face looks right now.

‘A truce,’ I repeat, unable to digest all the other words she just threw at me.

‘Yeah. Let’s just ... go back to being friends.’

‘Friends.’ I don’t recognise my own voice.

‘Yeah. Since that’s all we ever were, anyway,’ she says. ‘Right? That’s what you used to tell everyone.’ She leans in close, her cold, empty smile looking all kinds of wrong on her pretty face. ‘I’m just a little sister to you. Remember?’

I flinch. I have never felt like this. Reduced to absolute fucking ruin. The silence is thick and suffocating. After a moment, she gives me a stiff nod, looking satisfied with my lack of response.

‘Yeah,’ she murmurs, rolling her lips into her mouth. ‘That’s what I thought.’

She moves away from me, and I’m too stunned to do or say anything.

I have never regretted anything more in my life than how I treated her. And I will never forgive myself for it.