Page 23

23

MASON

MY EYES ARE ON her as we re-enter the party like the world hasn’t just tipped on its axis.

She rejoins her friends in the corner of the room, and I reluctantly go in the opposite direction, finding the football guys gathered in the kitchen, a line of shots spread out across the counter.

‘Where have you been?’ Zayden asks, an eyebrow curved. He quickly assesses my messy hair and flushed cheeks, and smirks. ‘Ah, you dirty dog. Who was it?’

My stomach hardens into cement as the guilt hits me with the force of a B-double truck. ‘No one.’

Rolling his eyes, he claps his hand onto my back. ‘Okay, keep your secrets, then.’

I exhale, feeling even worse. I don’t keep secrets from Zayden, and this is one giant secret that has the potential to combust and detonate everything in its surroundings. Swiping the shot in front of me, I throw it down my throat, growling at the bitter taste it leaves in my mouth.

I can still taste her lips on my tongue.

My mind gets so hazy around her; it’s like I become someone possessed. Like I have no ability to control my emotions. Or my mouth. Or my hands.

Those glimmering emerald eyes, locked on mine, as she moved up and down my ...

Fuck. I’m in trouble. As usual, I acted on primal instinct without considering the consequences. But fuck the consequences. They’ve been a threat all my teenage and adult life. I just want her, that should be enough to eradicate all this other bullshit.

‘You good?’ Zayden’s voice snaps me back to reality and I blink, his concerned face coming into focus in front of me.

‘Uh,’ I say, ‘can I talk to you for a sec?’

‘Sure.’

We move off to the side a little, and anxiety swells inside my chest to the point my head starts to spin. Swallowing it, I take a deep breath, refusing to let it overcome me.

‘So, here’s the thing ...’ I trail off as movement over Zayden’s head captures my attention. Kai has Anya cornered in the living room, and it’s clear from all the way over here how uncomfortable she is.

Zayden turns, seeing the same thing. We look back at each other.

‘Nope,’ we both say, pushing off the counter and storming over to them.

‘Come on,’ I overhear Kai say. ‘Just a quick walk around the block. You owe me.’

‘She doesn’t owe you shit, Adams,’ I bite out, and Kai stiffens. He whirls around to face us, the smirk vanishing from his face.

‘What’s going on here?’ Zayden demands.

‘Kai is trying to pressure Anya into going for a walk ,’ Cami fills in, dramatically forming quotation marks with her fingers, making it evident what she thinks Kai’s true intentions are. ‘And Anya is too polite to tell him to fuck off.’

‘Fuck you, bitch,’ Kai snaps.

‘Hey!’ Zayden snarls, taking a threatening step in Kai’s direction. ‘You don’t speak to anyone like that in my house. If Anya doesn’t want to go, then she doesn’t want to go.’

‘You always going to fight her battles for her, big bro?’ Kai taunts, his slimy, leering smile etched on his face.

I’m moving before I realise what I’m doing.

‘No!’ Anya blurts, throwing her hands out and slamming them into my chest. ‘Think, Mase.’

‘I am thinking,’ I reply, my stare locked on Kai’s face.

‘Don’t blow your chance of ...’ she starts, and then stops.

‘Chance of what?’ Zayden asks.

‘Yeah, chance of?’ Kai says. ‘Looks to me like you’re bitching out.’

A low rumble emits from my throat as I sidestep Anya.

‘Don’t blow becoming captain on him!’ she whispers, but she may as well have shouted it with the way everyone looks at us.

‘What?’ Zayden asks quietly, his eyes ping-ponging between Anya and me. ‘Who? Captain?’ He’s not making any sense as he processes her words. ‘Coach asked you to be captain?’

Kai’s jaw is practically touching the floor as he gapes at me. He scoffs, taking a step back and holding up his hands. ‘Sorry there, Cap , didn’t mean to step on your toes.’ I bristle, heat inching up my neck as he glances suggestively at Anya. ‘Bitch doesn’t put out, anyway.’

I see red.

It takes everything inside me to hold back and not react to his words, even though that’s exactly what he wants me to do. My fingernails dig into my palms as I form fists with my hands, fighting for control. Meanwhile, Zayden’s fist launches straight into Kai’s face. His head snaps back, and he drops to the floor like he weighs nothing. His six-foot frame sprawls across the carpet, and the music comes to a screeching halt as everyone turns to see what’s going on.

‘Get the fuck out of my house,’ Zayden grounds out, an eerie calm settling across his face and shoulders, blood spread across his knuckles. My stomach roils at the sight of it. ‘ Now .’

Kai releases a dark laugh as he stumbles to his feet, blood trickling down his face and onto his white t-shirt. He shoves a finger in Zayden’s face, but I step in front of him, and his finger jabs my chest.

‘You’re going to regret that,’ he seethes, a sinister look in his pale eyes. His gaze lifts over my head, boring into Zayden’s. ‘Both of you.’

‘Yeah, I’m fucking shaking,’ I retort sarcastically. ‘You heard him. Get out .’

Spitting blood, Kai shoves his way through the crowd and kicks over an esky full of beer. Ice scatters across the floor and beer cans tumble out as Kai slams the front door shut, rattling the walls so hard a photo frame falls down.

Zayden’s lips are pressed together in a hard line, and I can see the disappointment in his eyes as he looks at Anya. He hates that he struggles with anger, especially in front of her, given everything their stepfather has done.

Exhaling, I rub my hand along the underside of my jaw, exchanging a weighted glance with Zayden. We both know that Kai is not someone to be underestimated.

The next morning, after hours of clearing out rubbish and cleaning, we are finally in the car on our way back to Bliss Bay, the small coastal town we all grew up in.

My thumb taps the steering wheel absently as we cruise down the highway. Zayden is sunk down in his seat, shades on. His head already lolls to the side as he sleeps, despite us being only ten minutes into the drive. As the one person in the car who actually partied last night, he now has the honour of nursing a hangover. Anya’s eyes meet mine in the reflection of the rear-view mirror, and I feel heat slithering through my veins as flashes of last night spin around my mind.

The rustling of a wrapper snaps my attention back to the girl behind me. She slowly twirls a lollipop in her fingers before placing her tongue on it, running it in a circle. I sit up a little straighter in my seat. Her lips twitch momentarily before she sucks the lollipop into her mouth, hollowing out her cheeks, before she releases it with a wet-sounding pop . I’m pretty sure all the blood flowing in my body is rushing to one spot right now.

Shaking my head, I force my eyes back to the road before I do something stupid.

The Airbnb is perfectly located close to town. Nudging Zayden awake, we pile out of the car and gravitate towards a room each, as there are three to choose from. It’s a relatively small place, but with the open-plan layout, it doesn’t feel cramped. Yanking open the windows, I let the warm air spill in. The beachy cosiness of it all reminds me of Anya and Zayden’s house. Crowded and rustic, but homey and comfortable. My safe place. Or maybe it was just Anya and Zayden who were my safe place.

‘Shotgun the biggest!’ Zayden whoops childishly as he zooms past Anya and me, disappearing down the hallway.

‘I’ll take the small one,’ I offer.

‘You’re used to small things,’ Anya teases, smiling sweetly.

Leaning down, I press my lips to her ear. ‘You didn’t think it was small when you were choking on me last night.’ I feel the whoosh of her breath as she exhales. Stepping back, I smirk down at her, smug.

Undeterred – or at least pretending to be – she steps away from me, brushing her hair from her eyes. ‘You mean gagging from repulsion?’

‘The way I remember it, you gladly swallowed every drop.’

‘I don’t recall that,’ she says dismissively. ‘Mustn’t have been very memorable.’

‘That’s okay, Blush.’ I flash her an easy grin. ‘I can remind you again tonight, if you like.’

Rolling her eyes, she dips into the room closest to us. Grinning to myself, I make my way down the hall and dump my things into the other room. I quickly rush to put music on when I hear Zayden start singing and soon we’re all lounging in the living room and it feels like old times.

I’m reminded of just how much it is like old times when the longing stares shared by Anya and me grow more heated by the moment. I’m highly aware of every movement she makes. Each brush of her hair, each stretch, each flicker of her eyes as she moves her gaze away when I catch her staring.

‘We better go soon,’ Anya says, glancing at her phone for the time.

‘Where are we going?’ Zayden asks.

‘To see Mum.’

Zayden’s expression hardens and he looks away from her, back at the TV, which is currently showing the film clip of a new rap song he is obsessed with. ‘I’m not going.’

‘What?’ Anya asks, frowning. ‘Why not?’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I know you guys had a big fight before you moved out, but I’m confused. What’s going on? Why don’t you speak anymore?’

My chest tightens uncomfortably. Zayden’s jaw tenses as he glares ahead, refusing to meet her eyes. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘I am,’ she snaps, getting to her feet and planting her hands on her hips. ‘Tell me.’

‘Drop it,’ he hisses, eyes flashing angrily. ‘Besides, I’m going with Mason. To see his old man.’

‘No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘It’s all good.’

‘What the fuck is going on right now?’ Anya protests.

‘You’re going to see Mum, and we are going to see Mason’s dad. End of discussion,’ Zayden retorts hotly.

Throwing her hands up, Anya stalks out of the room.

‘Don’t,’ Zayden warns as I open my mouth. ‘Not a word.’

Pressing my lips into a thin line, I nod, holding up my hands in surrender. After a moment, I get to my feet and slip into Anya’s room, where she’s shrugging into a denim jacket.

Brow furrowed, she turns to me. ‘Tell me what’s going on with him.’

‘I’m not involved,’ I say.

Her eyes narrow. ‘So you do know.’

‘I’m not involved,’ I repeat. I hold out my arms to her, and she pauses for a moment before falling into my chest. I press a kiss to the side of her head.

‘Is he okay?’ she whispers.

‘I don’t know,’ I admit. ‘I think he’s trying to be.’ Inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume, I hold her close for a few more seconds before releasing her.

She steps back and adjusts her ponytail, a concerned look on her face. ‘So, you’re going to see your dad,’ she says.

‘I have mail to collect,’ I answer.

‘I know you don’t like anyone knowing anything about your dad, but Zayden going with you is a good idea. Just to be on the safe side.’

I nod. ‘Yeah. You’re probably right.’

‘You don’t have to talk to him. If it’s too much.’

‘Yeah. I know.’

Sliding my hands down the sides of her face, I stare at her for a long moment, taking in her round, emerald eyes, the freckles dusted over the top of her cheeks, her cute-as-a-button nose.

‘What?’ she whispers. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’

‘I hope you know this isn’t just physical for me,’ I say, my voice raspy.

Her lips part and she steps back from me, forcing me to release her. Folding her arms over her chest, she looks down at her feet. ‘That’s all it can be, Mase.’

My heart plummets into my stomach. ‘Why?’

‘I can’t give my heart to you, not after everything.’

‘Blush ...’ I trail off, teetering on the edge of losing control. ‘I know I left last time, but things are different now.’

‘It doesn’t really feel different,’ she admits, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘I’m not making any decisions about anything right now. I don’t want to jeopardise hurting Zayden and mucking everything up, just in case this ...’ She waves a hand between our chests. ‘Isn’t serious.’

‘It’s serious,’ I say firmly.

‘I have to go,’ she murmurs, touching her hand to my arm. ‘Good luck with your dad.’

Exhaling, I step back and watch her walk out the door.

I don’t know how to feel about this awkward limbo we are in. We both want each other. We have no interest in anyone else, even if we lie to ourselves about it – that’s always been consistent. And same as before, there’s the sneakiness and forbidden nature of being together while no one knows about it. But unlike last time, I want to face this head on. I’m ready to own our relationship and take it on with everything I have. I just need her to be on the same page, so we don’t ruin everything.

I lean against the doorframe, unease nestling in my chest.

Within the hour, I pull up out the front of my childhood home. The house seems as if it has aged a lifetime since I left. The paint has peeled off in large chunks. The lawn has grown to the point it is almost knee-height and the pavement is cracked, with weeds sprouting through the gaps. The gate hangs off its hinges and is so rusty, it looks like one gust of wind would tear it apart.

‘Jesus,’ Zayden comments, peering out the windscreen. ‘This place has gone to shit.’

‘Was it ever not?’ I counter dryly.

‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘You’re always fine,’ he says quietly.

Unclipping the seatbelt, I hesitate a moment, mentally preparing myself for what I might be walking into. Given that Dad’s car is parked in the driveway, I’m guessing he’s home. He’s always home.

Zayden unbuckles and I look back at him, shaking my head.

‘No,’ I say. ‘Stay here and don’t come inside, even if you hear him yelling.’

Zayden stares at me before shifting his gaze to the house and then back to me. He offers a slow nod as he reaches for his belt, clipping it back in.

‘I’m right here,’ Zayden says. ‘If you need me.’

Heading first to the letterbox, I open it, sighing when I see that it’s empty. Of all the chores he completes around the house, or lack thereof, why must collecting the mail be the only thing he does? Trepidation fills me with each step I take. Hovering near the door, I can hear the faint rumble of the TV. It’s never switched off, no matter what time of day it is. Rapping my knuckles against the door, I wait. After knocking two more times to no avail, I blow out a breath and push the door open, stepping inside.

The room is dark and smells stale, as if it hasn’t breathed fresh air for months. Dust is settled on every surface in sight. Empty bottles are scattered across the floor, many of which have cigarette butts jammed down their necks. I shudder in repulsion. My heart squeezes, and I brace myself against the wall, feeling the panic rising.

Breathe in and out, in and out , I tell myself, not letting the anxiety of being back here overwhelm me. I need my mail – stupidly important mail that can’t go ignored – and then I’m out of here. Now I’m back in Australia, all my mail comes directly to me, but when I was travelling, I didn’t think about it. I should have redirected it to Zayden and Anya’s house.

‘Tony?’ I call out. ‘It’s me.’

A shadow moves, gaining my attention, and my father steps out from the hallway. I flinch involuntarily, taking in his overgrown, scruffy appearance. He’s gained a significant amount of weight, and he looks as if it’s been days since his last shower. His eyes are glassy and red-ringed. He peers at me, swaying on his feet.

‘You ain’t welcome here,’ he snarls gruffly.

Oh, I think, my grip on the wall tightening. He knows who I am today.

‘I need my mail, and then I’ll be gone,’ I say.

I wait a beat, to see what else he might throw at me, but to my surprise, he stays silent. Stepping back, he gestures towards the kitchen bench. A large jumble of envelopes is strewn across the surface. Moving slowly, without taking my eyes off him, I walk over to it and start quickly sifting through. There are more than I realise. I stack them into a neat pile and fold them in half, jamming them into my back pocket.

I don’t even hear him move. He shoves me hard, slamming me into the bench and sending dirty kitchen utensils flying onto the floor with a loud clang .

‘Fuck,’ I grunt, feeling him slice one of the knives across my stomach.

Gritting my teeth, I push as hard as I can and manage to get out from underneath him. I’m lunging for the front door when he yanks the hood of my jumper, reeling me backwards and off my feet. His fist slams into the side of my head, and black dots soak my vision as I blink rapidly, trying to stay conscious. His fists keep coming, harder and faster than I expect from him.

‘Dad!’ I shout, bringing up my arms to protect my head. ‘Stop! I’m going!’

‘You nothing, no good, piece of shit,’ he gripes, swatting my hand away. Curling his meaty hands around my throat, he squeezes. Blood drips into my eyes as I desperately try to pry his hands off me.

Two hands clamp down on my dad’s shoulders and pull him off me. Zayden swings, landing one solid hit on his nose. My dad staggers back, hitting his head on the corner of the bench before collapsing on the floor. Blood oozes down the side of his face and he groans, spitting onto the dirty ground. Then he gazes ahead, looking dazed.

Zayden pulls me to my feet and quickly inspects me, wincing at what he sees.

‘Come on,’ he says urgently. ‘Let’s go.’

Dragging the back of my hand across my face, I glare down at the man who was supposed to raise me. To mould me into a man worthy of being in this world. I feel sick to my stomach staring at those sunken eyes. My hands shake as I yank out a bunch of paper towels. When I hold them out to him, my father blinks at them, then at me, as if he doesn’t even know who I am. Maybe he doesn’t. It’s hard to tell.

‘You need help,’ I spit, sucking my teeth, tasting blood. ‘Take a good look, because you’ll never fucking see me again.’ As much as I hate myself for it, I wait, staring down at him, hoping he will say something. Apologise. Anything . ‘Did you hear me?’ I demand, closing my fists, attempting to reduce the trembling. ‘I’m never coming back here.’

The corner of my dad’s mouth twists. ‘Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.’

All the air leaves my lungs, and my heart breaks a little more. This is it. This is the last time my father and I will be in the same room. The man I’m supposed to love, respect and look up to. A scowling shell of a man who can’t even look me in the eye as I say goodbye.

I let Zayden steer me out of the house. I take in the faded wallpaper, the broken photo frames and my childhood paintings for the last time. I’ve said it many times before, but this time, I mean it: I’m not coming back.

I feel numb as I collapse into the passenger seat of my truck. Leaning forward, I cradle my head in my hands, the throbbing growing worse as the adrenaline fades.

‘Fuck,’ Zayden says softly, touching a hand to my back. ‘I’m so sorry, man. No one deserves that shit.’

‘Thank you,’ I exhale shakily. ‘For not listening.’

‘That’s the one thing I’m good at, you know.’

I can’t help but smile, but the pain that radiates through my head makes me feel I might pass out.

‘I think you should go to hospital,’ Zayden points out, gesturing to my side.

Pulling up my shirt, I look down at the cut. I shake my head. ‘Looks worse than it is. I’ll be fine.’

Zayden gives me a dubious look. ‘I’m not sure I agree with that.’

‘I’m fine. Trust me.’

Pressing his lips together, he nods, searching my face for a few long moments as I shove my shirt down and lean my head back.

‘Your mum leaving never had anything to do with you,’ Zayden says quietly. ‘Deep down, your dad knows that. He just needs someone else to blame.’

‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘It’s whatever.’

‘It’s not whatever, Mase.’

‘I don’t need her, or him. You and Anya are my family. You’re all I need.’

Zayden nods. ‘Always here for you, brother. No matter what.’

The rush of love and appreciation I have for my friends almost overwhelms me. But I clench my jaw and nod, holding in all the emotions threatening to release.

Turning my head, I take in the house for the last time.