Page 87 of Bluebird

“It’s perfectly okay,” I whispered.

I lowered my eyes back to Amelie, as she tugged on one of my curls and watched it spring back in fascination.

“Don’t worry,” she said, with a sad smile. “My mummy will look after your baby.”

Dan sucked in his breath and turned away, whilst I blinked back tears. This kid was undeniably gorgeous.

“Well, that makes me feel much better.” I hugged her tightly, subtly wiping my face.

I stood back up and met Dan’s glistening eyes. “So, what are you guys up to today?” I asked, lightening the mood.

“Well, I’m on my way to work, and Amelie’s getting picked up by her babysitter in an hour.”

“But you promised me ice cream!” she wailed.

Dan’s eyes went round. “But, I promised her an ice cream.” He checked his watch, and his jaw clenched as he gazed over at Easton’s.

“You know, I feel like an ice cream too. Perhaps I could take her?” I offered, raising my eyebrows at Dan.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Amelie jumped up and down on her dad’s feet.

His shoulders relaxed. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely.” I smiled. “I’ll bring her back to Easton’s after. I need to speak to Luke anyway.”

Dan watched closely as Amelie wrapped her tiny hand around mine and beamed up at me. His expression saddened, but he shook it away. “Have fun, ladies.” He grinned and jogged across the road towards the pub.

Amelie led me to the ice-cream shop that had been there since I was her age. She ordered bubble gum of course, and I ordered cookies and cream. We strolled hand in hand to the park and sat on a picnic bench, where Amelie navigated her way around the melting rainbow.

“Are you going to have another one?” she asked, as she took a wide-eyed lick.

“Ice cream? No…one is plenty.” I laughed.

“No, silly,” she giggled. “A baby.”

My heart skipped. “Oh. Um…I don’t know…I hope so.”

“I think you should.”

“Well, I would really prefer to be married first.”

“You should marry Lukey. He would be a great daddy.”

My mouth fell open, and a drip of ice cream ran down my fingers.

“Can we go to the playground now?” she asked, excitedly.

“Sure,” I said. I picked up the napkin to wipe her face but she had already sped off.

I spent the next half hour chasing Amelie around the park, catching her at the bottom of the slide and helping her up the ropes and over the bars.

As I pushed her on the swing, I quietly observed all the mothers with their children and my heart burned. As much as I loved spending time with Amelie, something was missing. Something that was almost mine. I craved to see a reflection of my heart and soul in a child’s eyes, but knew it may never be.

* * *

Luke’s eyes bulged when he saw me wander in. Amelie jumped up into his arms, as he rushed around the bar to pull out a stool for me.

I laughed at his ridiculousness. “Luke, I’m not broken, I can pull out my own chair,” I said, but let him help me up.