Page 64 of Bluebird

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The rest of the day was spent either resting in bed, lying on the couch, or sitting on the back porch, watching my brother and father work. I took an aimless stroll around the farm to distract myself, but my thoughts continuously drifted back to Luke. It was a Saturday, and I knew he would be joining us for dinner. The tradition hadn’t changed in all the years I’d known him.

How was I going to tell him? How would he take it? I prayed he wouldn’t hate me, and that, after everything, he still wanted me. There were so many thoughts and scenarios running through my mind I was beginning to feel dizzy again. I needed to sit, before I fell. There was still a little time before dinner, so I decided to rest in the barn to calm my nerves.

A sense of peace rolled over me the moment I walked through the door. It had always been my safe place. My place of refuge. I rested on the pile of hay, where Luke used to sing with me and sighed. He was the only person I had ever shared this space with…until now. I ran my hand over my stomach and I wondered how long I could hide the truth.

Feeling a little better, I unhooked the brush on the wall, and slipped into Midnight’s stable. My horse appeared nervous at my unfamiliar presence, so I sang whilst I brushed him. My favourite Christmas carol ‘Silent Night’ floated from my lips, and my horse relaxed.

I finished my song, and gave Midnight one last pat before leaving the stable. As I hung the brush back up, my gaze shifted to a figure standing in the barn doorway. My heart stopped when my eyes collided with Luke’s hard expression. I gasped, frozen with guilt.

“Your mum asked me to come get you for dinner,” he stated, breaking our eye contact.

He didn’t smile, nor could I read any emotion in his eyes. He paused for a moment, before walking briskly back towards the house.

Anxiety overwhelmed me and I chased after him. “Luke, wait!”

He swung around and it stopped me dead in my tracks. “What do you want, Natalie?”

I stumbled on my words, thrown off track by his livid eyes. “I was…I was wondering if we could talk?”

Luke’s eyebrows rose and he chuckled in amusement. “You want to talk? Now?” he retorted in disgust. “I wanted to talk to you a couple of months ago, but you split. So, guess what, Nat? I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know I left things badly,” I confessed with remorse. “But things have changed…I’m—”

“I’ve moved on, Natalie.”

I completely lost my voice as I processed his words, and my heart began to crumble.

A familiar voice called out from the back veranda, “Dinner’s on the table, Luke!”

With a confused frown, I looked past Luke and spotted Marni, my ex-best friend, waiting for a response. Luke offered her a small wave of acknowledgement, and she hesitantly returned into the house.

His gaze remained on mine, daring me to react.

“What is she doing here?” I whispered in a daze. I hadn’t seen her since my graduation ball, and I would happily never see her again.

Luke held no expression. “I told you I wasn’t going to wait.”

I gritted my teeth. “So, what? You just jumped into bed with the next girl who walked into your bar?”

“Well it’s a hell of a lot less complicated then jumping into bed with you!” he retaliated, before storming back into the house.

My heart pounded against my chest and I struggled to breath. I stood motionless for some time, cooling myself down enough to return to the house.

I walked in to find everyone already seated and waiting for me to join them.

“Sorry,” I muttered quietly, sliding into my seat.

Mum smiled. “That’s okay, darling, I let everyone know you’re not feeling very well today.” She winked at me and I inwardly cringed. I wondered how long she could keep my secret.

I turned to Amanda and smiled warmly. We had been emailing each other weekly since I left and she already felt like family. “Hey, Mands.”

“Hey, Natalie,” she replied, frowning with underlying concern.

Luke didn’t look up at me. He sat in his usual spot, opposite me, but now Marni was by his side.

“Natalie, honey, this is Luke’s girlfriend. You remember Marni, don’t you?” Mum introduced, attempting to play the perfect host.