Page 44 of Bloodbane

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

The Remnants of War

{ R U B Y }

“Can’t sleep?”

Startling at the quiet voice behind me, I twist in the doorway, away from the vision of Thayne and Grayson curled up together in bed. Rubbing my bleary eyes before meeting Ash’s gaze, I shrug. “Brain won’t shut down.”

“I’m surprised you’re not comatose after the workout you three just had,” Ash shoots back with a smirk.

Jesus, had we really been that loud? The flush blazing to life in my cheeks must short-circuit my brain because every witty remark and flippant denial deserts me completely. Thankfully, seeming to notice my abject mortification heating the cold night air, Ash lets me off the hook with a nudge of her elbow.

“I’m about to do a perimeter check, wanna join me?”

I hesitate. Ash notices.

“You’ll be safe with me. I won’t let you be wolfnapped.”

My answering smile wavers as I twist back toward the open cabin door. My gaze lingers on the two perfect forms on the bed, slotted together like puzzle pieces created for each other. I do my best to burn the image into my memory—moonlight streaming into the room through open curtains, falling in a loving embrace across hard bodies and beautiful faces softened in sleep. It makes my chest ache to know they are mine.

And they had made me the object of their desire all night long. Grayson had made good on his promise—I lost count of how many times Thayne emptied into me, sending me not tumbling over the cliff of pleasure but soaring high above it, again and again, until all I could do was lay on Thayne’s chest, wrecked and whimpering, holding on to keep from shattering apart completely.

After, I had been wrapped up in the two of them, their twined hands resting on my hips as two sets of lips, warm and cool, pressed kisses to my skin and whispered soft praises into my ear while I floated back down to reality. A reality so superior to even my wildest fantasies, it had taken me a few minutes to realize I wasn’t dreaming.

But though utterly spent, sleep remained elusive, hiding in the shadows, taunting me. Every time I reached for it, desperate fingers found purchase on nothing but horrible what-ifs. Finally, I’d climbed from the tangle of limbs to clean myself up, waving away offers of help, knowing where that help would lead, not sure my body could take more ecstasy without imploding. By the time I’d emerged from the bathroom, both men had already surrendered to sleep’s embrace.

I didn’t even know vampires could sleep. But then, what I don’t know could fill a book—hell, an entire library. Still, I hadn’t wanted to wake them, knowing they’ll need every advantage for the coming fight. The fight for me.

“Ruby?”

My gut clenches uncomfortably as I turn away from the intimate scene. I shoot Ash an apologetic look. “Yeah, a walk sounds nice. I could use the fresh air.”

I fall into step beside Ash, walking in companionable silence. The crisp air is both a balm to my nerves and a cog notching my anxiety higher. The ever-turning gear tightens more as we round the cabin and peace gives way to the remnants of war.

The bodies are gone, but with no new snowfall to hide it, the now-frozen pool of blood shines grotesquely in the moonlight. I wrench my gaze from Thayne’s life spilled across the ground, up to the clouds hiding the stars from view. They’re dark and swollen, hanging heavy and low in the sky like they, too, are holding their breath in anticipation of the coming fight. Maybe once it’s over, the skies will open, throw a blanket of white over the field of red, covering the bodies of the lost. Will I be among them? Will Thayne? Grayson? Ash and the twins?

A shiver trembles down my spine. It has nothing to do with the icy air, but I wrap my arms around myself all the same.

“Cold?” Ash’s eyes dart around our surroundings before settling on me.

I shake my head. If anything, I feel a little too warm. The lycan in my blood seems to be growing stronger with each passing hour that brings me closer to the full moon’s rise.

“I’m sorry for bringing you a fight that’s not yours.”

Ash waves her hand through the air as if swatting away my apology. “Nothing that’s happening is your fault. You didn’t ask for this. If anything, we should be apologizing to you; if it weren’t for Arlo attacking you on the lake, you might not be center stage for this shit show now.”

The acid of my dissent burns my tongue, but I fight to trap my objections behind clenched teeth. I’m self-aware enough to know I’m to blame for both what’s happened and for what’s yet to come. I also know my assertions will fall on deaf ears, so I remain silent as I keep pace beside Ash.

A thrill shoots through me at the realization I’m keeping pace easily. It’s a stark difference to how out of breath I’d been walking home with Grayson not so long ago—fighting the heavy ache of my muscles and the painful tightness in my chest. Now, my motions are swift, breaking through the knee-deep snow without effort or strain. And that’s not the only thing changing; my senses are sharpening too. If I squint, I can almost make out the patterns in the bark on the trees at the edge of the forest, and the thin green needles clinging to the branches. I can even smell the musky, heady scent of Thayne and the copper-tinged menthol scent of Grayson from all the way out here.

“It’s not all bad,” I say at last, pulling in a deep breath and lifting my face to the sky just as the clouds shift enough for the moon to peek into view. Almost full, hanging like a guillotine above my head. A glowing, inescapable reminder. I search for a thread of conversation not tied to our possible impending doom as the clouds swallow up the ticking time bomb once more. “How long have you known Thayne?”

“It feels like forever, but it’s only been a few years. Pretty much right after he took up out here.”

“Well, I’m glad he found you. I can tell you mean a lot to him.”

“ I found him , actually. We all did. That’s just the way things work—Betas sense an alpha’s presence and our instincts kick in to seek them out.”

“You mean you have to join their pack?”

I can feel horror twisting my features, but Ash just smiles.

“Joining a pack is voluntary, but we’re… biologically-baited, I suppose. There’s a kind of exhausting vulnerability and hypervigilance that comes with being on your own,” Ash explains with a casual shrug. “That disappears when you are part of a pack. When you find an alpha—the right alpha—it’s like your place in the world suddenly makes sense.” Ash’s appraising look is heavy, but I resist the urge to cower from it. My courage is rewarded with another small but genuine smile. “I’m glad that’s not how it was for the two of you. You came together by choice, not compulsion. I’m grateful he has you. And Blood Bag,” she adds grudgingly. “I’ve never seen him this happy. You’re a good look on him.”

My bravery falters under the earnest admission. I drop my chin to my chest, not quite sure how to respond. My eyes drift along the pristine white that covers the ground as if the words I seek are hiding there, but as moonlight escapes the clouds once more, soft beams catch on a glimmer of blue at my feet.

I bend and dust the powder coating away. Once freed from their frozen blanket, a trio of cerulean bell-shaped flowers sway gently. I frown down at the blooms, trying to put a name to them even as I break the brittle stem holding them aloft.

“I’d be careful with those if I were you.”

“Are they poisonous?”

“How do you not know this?” Ash quirks an eyebrow. “Aren’t you meant to be some kind of nature ranger?”

“Fauna, not flora. The only thing I know about plants is that I’ve killed every single one I’ve bought or been given.”

“Tragic,” Ash deadpans. “Well, let me introduce you to the one that may kill you first. Touching it won’t do damage to you like it does the normies, but if you ingest the petals, even your new supercharged healing abilities won't do you any good—you’ll be dead within the hour.”

“Normies?” I straighten, keeping hold of the stem.

“Normals. Humans. Sometimes you need to differentiate, and it just flows a little nicer off the tongue. Plus, it really annoys Thayne,” Ash adds with a delighted, melodic laugh.

My answering smile falters as I look at the flowers in my hand. Why are the most beautiful things the most deadly?

“What’s it called?”

“Depends on who you ask. The normies call it Wolfsbane, though they’re undoubtedly clueless as to why.” Ash rolls her eyes. “The Old Ones called it Bloodbane, owing to the way it kills you—boiling your blood as it hemorrhages. Think Ebola, but quicker acting and even more brutal. It’s not a nice way to go.“ Ash nudges me with a shoulder before turning away and resuming her brisk pace. “Toss it. Enough things are trying to kill you, let’s not tempt fate this late in the game, yeah?”

I hold the deadly blooms out, about to drop them back onto the snow, but I hesitate.

“Ruby? You coming?”

“Uh huh.” Hastily, I press the flowers into the back pocket of my jeans as I hurry to catch up. “How do you know everything?”

“Oh, trust me, there are a great many things I don’t know. For instance, why Ruby?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Arianella is unique, I get why you ditched it; that was smart. But why did you pick Ruby?”

The sudden subject change, putting my ghosts front and center, kicks my pulse into overdrive.

“Not that it’s any of my business,” Ash murmurs. “Sorry, unbridled curiosity is both my best and worst trait.”

“It’s okay,” I assure her quickly. I can’t fault her curiosity, and the last thing I want is for her to think I don’t appreciate her concern. Still, finding the answer to a question I’ve never been asked takes a moment. “I don’t have many memories from before the accident… of my parents, I mean. I think I was just too young, you know? Or maybe the trauma…” I shrug in a practiced, offhanded way, despite the tightening of my throat. “But I have a vivid memory of playing with a necklace. I don’t know why, but somehow I know it was my mom’s. It was beautiful—a golden chain with some type of milky, iridescent stones set in an intricate looped design around a heart-shaped Ruby.” The image that comes back to me often in dreams fills my mind now: my small fingers reaching for the glinting stone, giggling as my mom catches my hand and presses a flurry of kisses to my palm. Sometimes I think I remember the sweet scent of lilies and the flash of my father’s golden eyes.

I push the recollections away.

Ash is staring at me, an odd expression etched into her pinched face.

Uncertainty tugs at me. “It’s stupid, I know, but it was a way to keep them with me when I had to abandon the name they gave me.” The melancholy of the past and fear of the future swirl inside me until I can’t hold it in anymore. “You’ll look out for them, won’t you? Thayne and Gray. If… if something bad happens tonight, to me, I mean… I need to know that—”

Ash plants her hands on my shoulders. “Nothing is going to happen to you. Not to you, your alpha, not even the sexy mosquito. We’re all going to be fine. We’re stronger than they are, and we’re a hell of a lot smarter. We’ve got this.”

The conviction shining in Ash’s eyes has me spiraling. How can Ash believe we have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting through this without casualties? Desperate hope rises inside me, but I can’t bring myself to trust it. Not after what happened last time. No amount of reassuring words can shake the knowing in the back of my mind that nothing is going to be okay.

People are going to get hurt.

People are going to die.

Because of me.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back.”

Blinking out of my dread, I look up to see we’ve arrived at the front of the main house. “Oh, no, that’s okay.” I should return to the cabin, but wrapped in slumber and each other, Grayson and Thayne are better off without me right now. Sleep will remain elusive tonight, but the night doesn’t have to be a total waste. Loose threads of a plan are starting to knit together. “Actually, is there somewhere I could maybe work on a few things here? Tinker with a project or two? If it won’t disturb you or the twins, that is.”

“Consider the kitchen table all yours. And don’t worry about the noise.” Ash waves dismissively. “Pack-living in close quarters can get plenty rowdy, so we’re all pretty good at tuning out.”

I follow Ash up the stairs and into the house. I sink onto the same chair I’d sat in during my first visit. God, how can a few days feel like a lifetime?

“Is it okay if I ask a friend to bring me a few things?”

“As long as said friend doesn’t mind being summoned at three in the morning, go for it. Thayne will have my head if they come out here and murder you for waking them up at this hour.”

“It’s the lesser of two evils. He’ll kill me if I leave to get the gear myself. Cooper won’t mind too much if he thinks he can get another I-O-U out of it.”

“Cooper?” Ash’s lips twitch. “Your friendly neighborhood Deputy Jones?”

“You know Coop?”

“Not yet.” Ash starts walking backward, away from the house. “I’m going to do another loop. You all G?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I take my phone from my pocket and press the speed dial for Cooper. Uncertainty about tomorrow has been eating at me all day. Since the supernatural powers that be have ruled out chaining me up as a precaution, I’m going with plan B. I don’t know if I’m going to shift—or if I even can—but I have no intention of fading into the background like a useless wallflower, watching everyone fight for me while I wait, wonder, and twiddle my thumbs.

“Rubes? What’s wrong?” Cooper’s groggy voice adds another layer to my already thick guilt.

“I need a favor. Got a pen?”