Page 30 of Bloodbane

CHAPTER THIRTY

Nothing But Memories

{ T H A Y N E }

I stand my ground as Eirik shoves to his feet, swaying slightly before grabbing hold of the towel rack, steadying himself.

“You just heard me say dog blood is the reason my stomach contents have staged a coup, and your brilliant solution is for me to drink more ?”

Annoyance bolts through me. “It’s not the blood making you sick, it’s the venom.”

“And you’re sure of that, how exactly?”

The heaviness of grief not yet processed swells inside me, and I shove my fists into my pockets as I will the emotion back down. I’ve never needed Phil’s guidance more than now, but seeing as that’s not an option, I settle for honoring the wisdom I’ve already been gifted—admitting I need help and accepting it, even if it comes from unorthodox sources.

“Someone gave me a crash course in lycanthropy.”

Eirik’s eyebrow quirks up at that. I can tell there’s a sarcastic retort burning his tongue, but he swallows it. “When did that happen?” He gestures to my body with a sharp nod before moving to the sink to rinse his mouth.

Pink liquid swirls down the drain: the last traces of infected blood washing away. The possibility of Ruby turning because of an attack is horrendous, but some small, secret, shameful piece of me mourns the lost chance—my only chance—to be with her. Humans are off-limits, but had she turned…

My gut turns rancid as the water runs clear.

“Thayne?”

“All whelped lycans turn on the first full moon after their twenty-fifth birthday,” I supply flatly, an echo of Phil’s words from years ago. “I never asked why. I figured it takes that long for the latent wolf genes to…”

“Corrupt your human ones?” Eirik’s words are muffled as he dries his mouth with the sleeve of his too-tight sweatshirt.

“Activate,” I finish, ignoring the barb.

“That must have come as a shock.”

I do my best to keep the past locked away. Most days, it works. But the prodding breaks the shackles from my memories and they overrun me once more. There’s no way to put into words how traumatic it had been—painful and terrifying—or how it had taken me far too many lunar cycles to believe what was happening, and more moons still to accept it. I’d come close to ending everything more than once, thinking I was losing my mind. But then Phil found me. Phil saved me. I still don’t know how he tracked me down; all he’d said was he had a nose for such things. At the time, I’d assumed it was simply a wolf pun and never pressed. Now I wish I had. Every shred of information I don’t have feels like a weapon Arlo can use against me.

“It wasn’t a highlight of my life,” I offer finally. “I did things… Let’s just say you’re not the only one with demons.” I blink away the images that still haunt my darkest hours: uncontrollable rage, claws and blood. “The point is, I think my plan will work. Alpha blood is pure. I doubt it’ll make you sick.”

“Think and doubt? Not quite the iron-clad argument I was looking to hang my hopes on.”

“Look, if you’ve got a better idea…”

Eirik’s eyes drift over to Ruby. “No. It’s just... a bit of déjà vu.”

I’m unprepared for the twinge in my chest when his eyes turn soft as they linger on the prone form in bed. The threads of jealousy are tangled up in confusion, and I’m not sure if I’m wishing to be the one claiming Ruby in such a way, or to be the one being claimed. It doesn’t matter either way: Eirik is my past and Ruby can never be my future. There’s no point torturing myself over things that can never be.

“What if we test the theory? A small taste in case I am wrong.” I hold out my finger. “Try it. If it doesn’t work, we’ll go to plan B.” I resist the urge to fidget under the scrutiny as silver eyes narrow.

“There is no plan B, is there?”

“Just try it,” I huff, holding my hand closer.

Cool fingers wrapping around my wrist sends a shiver racing down my spine. Eirik lifts my hand slowly, slowly, until a sharp point presses into the calloused pad of my index finger. A single, shiny crimson bead wells up from the wound. My breath catches as Eirik slides the offered finger into his mouth and suckles gently.

An unbidden gasp escapes my throat at the contact, and I cough roughly, trying to cover as my body has recollections all its own: the phantom touch of Eirik’s mouth on my body, sucking and licking and breaking me to pieces. I’m about to shatter again, to spill untouched to nothing but memories, but then Eirik releases me and the spell is broken. He runs a thumb over the spot where his fang had pierced, over the black-gray pinprick that remains.

Eirik’s usually bright eyes are clouded when they finally lift to mine. “You taste different.” He runs his tongue over his lower lip, leaving a glistening trail I want to sink my teeth into.

“Different how?” I fight to keep my voice as even and emotionless as I can.

“Sour rather than sweet. But you’re right, there’s no bitterness.” Eirik scowls at my small smile of victory. “If you say I told you so…”

My lips reset into a grim line quickly, not wanting to get caught up in the familiarity of old feelings. Eirik is merely a means to an end. I hold up my arm. “You know the drill.”

Eirik’s gaze fixes on the dark scar. “I’ll find another source.”

“Where? You’re in no condition to hunt, and animal blood isn’t going to cut it this time anyway. You look like you haven’t fed in weeks—your veins are starting to rise and turn to ash. Even you have limits. I still remember how your body works.”

“There seem to be a few things you have forgotten.”

“No, I haven’t.” I press closer, holding my nerve… and my breath. Whether it’s adrenaline or toxic desire surging through me, I’m not sure, but my hand trembles as I trail it over the familiar ridges of Eirik’s covered stomach, coming to rest against the fabric straining low between his hips. Despite his weakened state, his grip around my wrist is hard enough to leave bruises—if only for a moment—as he wrenches my hand away.

Dark energy charges the air between us as we stand, locking eyes and wills. What time passes before the pressure on my skin disappears, I can’t tell, but it’s only a breath later that Eirik turns and staggers from the room without a backward glance.

I grit my teeth and clock a silent ten count before I follow. After speeding down the stairs and into the entranceway, I find Eirik standing by the door, hands balled into fists at his sides. Without hesitation, I propel myself forward, leveraging off the floor and flying at him. The momentum sends us sprawling onto the floor in a tangle of grappling limbs. The hard body under me twists and turns, struggling to escape my hold, but I lock my thighs on either side of Eirik’s, bracketing him, keeping him pinned in place. I catch his wrists and force them down to the floor either side of his head. A thrill shoots through me at the realization I’m strong enough now to hold my own… even though it’s not exactly a fair fight.

“You… need… to… feed.” I spit each word out on its own, a whisper from Eirik’s face.

“Get off me before I do something we’ll both regret.”

The gravel in the words is familiar. Even after all these years, I still remember that rough tone, and the dark desire and delicious promise rolled up in it. I remember the nights spent splintered into a million pieces of indescribable pleasure... just as I’ll never forget the unfathomable pain when he ripped it all away.

The wall around my heart hardens.

“What’s the matter? Can’t work up an appetite unless you’re balls deep inside your meal?” I loosen my grip before lifting my hands away completely, rocking back on my heels, straddling Eirik’s thighs. I raise my arm once more and run my fingers over the old bite marks. “Stop acting like you don’t fucking need this. Like you don’t crave it.”

The silent stalemate stretches so long that I begin to lose hope. But if Eirik dies, so too does any chance of surviving the coming war.

I clamp my hands around his waist and lift him from the floor. Ignoring the protests, I throw him onto the couch, and in a heartbeat, I’m atop him, slotting my legs on either side of his thighs, pushing him into the cushioned backrest, and settling in his lap. The arousal pressing against me is obvious. I rock against it, needing to tip him over the edge one way or another.

Eirik grinds out my name in stern warning.

Undeterred, I raise my arm yet again. “ Drink .”

Cool fingers trace the scar reverently like Eirik is reading some form of braille—a secret language of memories that exists only between us. The pressure lifts as he leans forward. There’s a quick, sharp scratch but when he leans back, only a slow trickle of blood emerges from the reopened punctures. At this rate, it’ll take hours for him to get what he needs.

“What are you doing?”

Eirik’s eyes are all blown pupil but for a ring of silver as he pitches forward again, flattens his tongue, and drags it up, lifting the blood from my skin. He laps at me, slowly, lazily, like we have all the fucking time in the world.

I grind down in Eirik’s lap, pressing the buttons I’d discovered all those years ago. Whatever game he is playing, I plan to win. Even if I have to cheat.

“I know how much you want it, how much you need it.”

I rake my nails over the hidden ink seared into Eirik’s chest. I’m rewarded with a grunt as I scrape a pebbled nipple, but it’s not until my hand drifts down to the straining fabric of the sweatpants to squeeze the rigid cock beneath, that he growls and sinks his fangs fully into my offered flesh. The bite is quick and deep, his lips forming a tight seal, latching on and taking the blood as it rushes from my body.

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s better,” I whisper breathlessly, rocking my throbbing cock against Eirik’s thigh mindlessly.

The chemicals leeching into my bloodstream from Eirik’s mouth buzz through me, making my head swim and cock throb hard enough to hurt. A small voice whispers warnings in the back of my mind, urging me to fight it. No good can come from retreading old paths or rekindling old desires. I can’t allow myself to forget—forget the past, forget the pain, forget that if I’m not careful, I will end up alone and broken all over again.

I anchor my fingers to Eirik’s nape, tethering myself to the tangible source of my suffering.

The tension in his body coils tighter, still fighting the pleasure, though desperate sounds punch from his chest. I could stop: he’s taken enough blood to heal. I could pull away and leave him hard and wanting. But I’m gripped by the need to see Eirik shatter apart under my hand. The need to shed the feeling of being powerless that clings to me like a second skin. The need to hear him cry my name one final time, knowing I’m in control.

“How long’s it been since you’ve had a decent feed or fuck?”

The vibrations from Eirik’s deep moan shudder through me, and the heady rush of power turns my motions erratic. I work the now-damp fabric relentlessly, pulling and squeezing roughly. Probably too rough. But the thought of hurting him, even a little, gives me twisted pleasure that has my cock leaking continuously.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?”

Eirik’s hips jerk up, almost sending me toppling off his lap and onto the floor, but I tighten my grip on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, holding him in place. I remove my hand from his cock and grind down hard with my own.

Eirik stiffens, his fangs retracting before he lifts his face. Tortured silver eyes lock on me.

Seeing my own blood staining pale skin and dripping from those sinful lips shouldn’t be so arousing, but the sight has me throbbing messily, almost losing control completely.

“Thay… Stop.”

“No. There’s no stopping until you’re done.”

“You’ve already given me what I need.”

“But you haven’t given me what I need.”

I force Eirik’s mouth back to my arm. Extended fangs thrust back into my flesh, deeper this time. I cry out, only barely keeping my cock from painting the inside of my jeans as Eirik’s hands dig into my ass, pulling me closer, fucking up against me. The pressure building in my knot is bordering on torture—agonizing ecstasy I’ve never felt before. Eirik thrusts harder, seeking more friction, and I comply, rutting our trapped cocks together furiously until the body beneath me tenses and spasms. I can’t look away from Eirik’s beautiful face turning feral at the peak of his pleasure.

Fangs tear through my arm violently, shredding muscle as they drag down before jerking up, splashing warm blood over my face as I scream. The broken cry of my name on Eirik’s lips has me biting into my own to keep from following him over the edge.

The world spins, whether from bliss or blood loss, I’m not sure, but I let it dance around me as I pull wet gasps into my burning lungs, willing them to dampen my desire.

The slow swipe of a surprisingly gentle tongue on my arm commands my focus. The wounds are closed, but there’s a mess of tacky blood marring my skin—a perfect match to the red stains smeared around Eirik’s mouth.

“We should probably clean up.” I climb off Eirik stiffly, trying to hide my tell-tale swell of unattended desire as I straighten, swaying slightly. “You should go first. If Ruby wakes up and sees you like that, she’s likely to pass right back out again.”

Eirik doesn’t move. He keeps his eyes trained on my face. “And yet, you don’t seem to mind it.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” I retort, resisting the urge to glance at the mess lower down: the envy of my desperate, aching cock. “I’ll wait with Ruby and then we can switch.”

Without a backward glance, I turn and head up the stairs, ignoring the heavy thumping of my heart.

Suddenly, all the years of hard-won battles with my mind turn to ash, and I feel as small and insignificant as when I was nothing but a scrap of a kid, when all I could count on was my shadow. Part of me wants to disappear. Run from my responsibilities and the coming reckoning. Instead, I pause in the doorway, grabbing the frame to steady myself, and watch the rhythmic rise and fall of Ruby’s chest.

Running isn’t an option anymore. There are people in this world who depend on me now. It doesn’t matter what Eirik thinks of me; he’s going to leave, he said so himself. I hadn’t been reason enough to stick around before and nothing has changed. And Ruby… Ruby can never be mine. I can’t bond with a human. Even without a pack to appease, I could never be with Ruby in the ways I want to be. I’d kill her. It’s bad enough that I’m responsible for her being hurt already. The least I can do is protect her now. Nothing else matters.

“Your turn.”

I startle as Eirik’s voice sounds from directly behind me.

“Gray…” The name is a sleeping sigh on Ruby’s lips, and Eirik brushes past me, moving toward the unconscious summons.

The familiar ache is back in my chest, but it dissolves under the phantom screams as they slice into my mind— Ash’s screams.

“I have to go. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Ignoring Eirik’s questioning look, I turn on my heel and run from Ruby’s house. The howling wind that surrounds me is muted against the screeching inside my head. Visibility is near naught, but my legs stretch out, finding maximum speed quickly, relying on the link to guide me home, praying I’m not too late.