Page 29 of Bloodbane
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Quid Pro Quo
{ G R A Y S O N }
The path to Nástrond was forged with crimson blood and golden intent.
The words burn through my mind even as my fangs sink into soft flesh. Though I’m only taking what Ruby’s offering willingly, it’s impossible to ignore her racing heart beating against its bone cage with the same desperation as a captive hummingbird’s wings beating against unyielding steel—just as fragile, just as eager to escape. The erratic thumping pushes precious lifeblood through Ruby’s veins to my lips. It surrenders to my mouth eagerly. Warm hands come up to fist my hair, and the scent of arousal simmering on feverish skin spikes an immediate reaction beyond my control. Whether Ruby senses the mirrored desire or it’s just euphoria driven by the aphrodisiacs in my saliva, the keening moan that slips past her lips is almost my undoing.
It’s been so long since I’ve taken from a human, I’ve almost forgotten how it makes my body sing. But there’s a darker chorus building in the shadows—murmurs urging me to drink, devour, destroy. That , I remember all too well.
Bloodlust surges to the surface as Ruby’s life rushes over my tongue. I brace myself against the taste: the thick, acrid filth of shifter-tainted blood turning my mouth bitter. Still, the urge to take and take until there’s nothing left but an empty shell of collapsed arteries and a final shuddering breath is so powerful it almost overwhelms me.
Almost.
Ruby’s life drains over my tongue slower now. I force myself to swallow it down, sucking at the puncture marks without mercy. But the more foulness that slips down my throat, the more my stomach protests, rolling sickeningly, trying to push the vile liquid back up, to purge the poison.
I fight the urge, focusing on the thrum of Ruby’s pulse. I count the stuttering beats as her straining heart struggles to find enough volume to pump. The hands tangling in my hair fall away as Ruby goes lax in my arms. Her head lolls to the side and doubts run riot in my mind: a deafening squall of what-ifs.
What if the blood from the clinic is tainted with other, more human threats? What if Ruby’s heart gives out before I can refill her veins? What if by trying to save her, I kill her?
With a flick of a switch, the machine by the bed hums to life. Transparent tubes turn red as they ferry fresh blood into Ruby’s body through the IV jutting from her skin. I continue suckling, drawing harder now. The seconds tick by agonizingly slowly—an aeon passing in a single minute—until the bitter liquid from the wound turns sweet. Satisfied the last traces of lycan blood have been flushed from her system, I slice my tongue open before licking over the puncture wounds.
No longer heated by wolf-warm blood, Ruby’s skin blooms with goosebumps as I lower her gently back onto the bed. The weak but steady beat within her chest resonates in my ear, but I let my gaze linger nevertheless, waiting until ashen skin slowly refills with color before I rise.
It takes a moment too long for the new scent to filter through the metallic-scented fog filling the room: lycan. I don’t make it three steps clear of the bed before the world tilts around me, and my back collides with the ground.
“What the fuck did you do to her?”
I glower at the shifter atop me. I shove at the heavy weight on my chest, but Thayne catches my arms and pins them over my head easily.
“What did you do?” Thayne growls again, eyes narrowing.
“I saved her,” I spit back. “At least I’m attempting to, so either kill me and be done with it, or get off me and help.”
Thayne’s eyes dart from me to the crimson tubes and finally, Ruby, before he releases me. Without a word, he rises in one graceful movement.
I copy the action with much less grace. My aching body protests every motion as I turn on my heel and stagger to the bathroom. There, in front of the toilet, I fall back to the ground—hitting my knees and pushing the contaminated blood from my belly, wincing at the bitterness spilling over my tongue in reverse.
“What the hell is going on?” Thayne’s hulking figure fills the doorway, arms folded across his chest.
“Little busy,” I grunt, head still surrounded by a porcelain halo. I heave, again and again, pushing every last drop of corrupted blood from my system, inordinately grateful my skin can’t give away my abject mortification.
“Is that—is that Ruby’s blood?” Thayne asks, aghast.
“It’s mine, now,” I mutter darkly. “Finders keepers.”
“This isn’t a joke, Grayson. Did you drink from her? You didn’t… did you turn her?”
The last vestiges of the blood gush from my mouth before I collapse onto the tiles. I shuffle backward until I bump up against the wall, my head connecting with a solid thump. The pattering of paint chips raining onto the tiles around me draws another groan. The sound of flushing tempts my eyes open to find Thayne lifting his hand from the cistern.
“I want answers.”
The irony of our role reversal isn’t lost on me, but it is torture more than I can bear right now. “Hang another bag on the infuser.”
Thayne’s face is impassive as he stares down at me, but the challenge is clear. I hold his gaze, my eyelids only falling closed when he finally turns away to follow the order.
It’s almost poetic having Thayne here for this. In our years together, he’d worried his body failing would be the cause of our separation. I can almost imagine the look of glee on the Norn’s faces—amusement gleaned at my expense.
“Grayson?”
My eyelids lift, not without a worrying amount of effort.
The fine lines etched into Thayne’s sun-kissed skin are pushing a little deeper than a moment ago as he kneels beside me.
“I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Enjoying the show?”
Thayne’s scowl deepens. “Why aren’t you healing?”
“The shifter filth in my blood has triggered a torpid state. It slows the spread of the venom, but also my healing.”
“You look like death.”
I offer a wan smile. Death has been my constant companion for centuries—dealing it to others to stave off my own. And though I’m closer to ashes than ever, I’ve never been more at peace. Ruby will live. She won’t become a monster.
“How is she?”
“I don’t know, I’m not a doctor,” Thayne retorts flatly. “Her heartbeat is weak but mostly steady, and she doesn’t look on death’s door, which is more than I can say for you.”
“Hmm. You know me, no heart to beat.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
I avert my gaze, struggling to keep my face neutral. I hadn’t expected Thayne to remember the countless hours he’d spent curled up in my lap, head pressed against my chest, determined to hear the fluttering too swift for human ears to catch. I shove the memory away.
“I’m fine. It’s just a little—” My lips twitch as I recall Ruby’s words “— allergic reaction. ”
“Reaction to what?”
“Wolf blood. Ruby was bitten.”
“Bitten? Then why—” Thayne’s furrowed brows arch up toward his hairline. “You drained her to try to stop her turning? Are you insane? You could have fucking killed her! Was it worth risking your life and Ruby’s? You can’t still actually believe that being turned is worse than death.”
“It is worse. That’s what you never understood. That’s why I could never turn you, no matter how much you begged.”
“I didn’t beg.”
I don’t argue. There’s no point; we both know it’s not true. “I—we—shouldn’t exist. We’re aberrant, mistakes. We weren’t granted gifts, we were cursed. Bloodlust is seared into my veins—I crave the last drop of life on my tongue, a heart’s last beat singing in my ears. It tempts and haunts me, and I can’t escape it because it’s my nature. Just as yours is to lose yourself, surrendering your humanity to the whims of the moon, killing without thought or mercy, and damning every soul you put your jaws to. Ours isn’t a life we should wreak on anyone, even if they plead for it.”
“Yeah, yeah, the monster shtick. I’ve heard it all before. But you saved Ruby. You were willing to trade your life for hers. A monster wouldn’t do that.”
“I’m merely repaying an old debt.”
“I see the way you look at her, Eirik. Monsters can’t feel love.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap.
“I’m the only one that knows,” Thayne murmurs. “It’s the way you used to look at me.”
My gaze jerks back up to Thayne, meeting his stormy stare before drifting over the new angles of his face. So different, yet somehow unchanged: the same determination setting his jaw, the familiar flash of passionate indignation in those bright eyes, and the lips that had spent hours crushed against mine—forming my name in happiness and sadness, frustration and ecstasy—still the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. Regret weighs heavy on my shoulders. Odin knows I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes, but Thayne will never be listed among them. And now, with my innumerable days coming to an end, the Norns have granted me a mercy I don’t deserve: a second chance to say goodbye to Thayne.
“Leaving you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But ripping your life from you—stealing your heartbeat, your goodness, and warmth… I couldn’t do that. Not to you. You were born to soak in sunlight, not suffer in shadows.” I bark out a harsh, dark laugh as a tremor jerks through me. “And now, it doesn’t matter. None of it mattered. I should have known the Fates’ hooks are rarely escaped so easily. I gave you up to save you, and you lost yourself anyway.”
“Bullshit. I didn’t lose myself, I lost you . I never cared what you were or what I was, I just wanted to be with you. Not until sickness or old age separated us, but forever, and you could have given me that, given us that. But instead of telling me that isn’t what you wanted, you just threw me away like a toy you got tired of playing with. You took my choice from me and left without a word. You were just gone. You were my whole world, you were my home, and then you were just gone .”
“That’s not what—”
“At the station, you said that you never lied to me. Except that’s not true—you promised you’d never hurt me. You can lie to yourself all you want and pretend you left for me, to save me. Pretend you didn’t know losing you would almost kill me.” Thayne pushes to his feet, turning his back on me, body coiled tight. “I could feel you there, somewhere, lurking in the dark, watching me. Watching me search and plead and bleed for you. That’s when I realized you were right all those years ago—you are a monster,” Thayne murmurs, ice in every syllable. “But it has nothing to do with being a vampire. You were right then and you’re right now—the past is irrelevant. The only thing that matters now is Ruby,” he says evenly. Finally, he turns back to face me with dead eyes, all trace of emotion gone. “You said she was bitten?”
“Thayne…”
“Stop. Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear. I don’t care anymore, Grayson.” A muscle ticks over Thayne’s strong jaw. “I care about Ruby. Tell me everything.”
The curt dismissal has me wanting to lay my hands on those broad shoulders and shake Thayne, make him listen, make him understand. But I’ve imposed my will on him enough for two lifetimes, I can honor his wishes now. Doing my best to stow my regret, I follow Thayne’s lead.
“Arlo attacked her in dog-form on the lake.”
Thayne spits out a curse. “How did they shift?”
“I was expecting to lay that question at your feet, along with why? He’s your pack, surely you can order him to talk.”
“Not anymore. He left and took half the pack with him. I believe they’re planning an attack, but I’ve lost the link so I can’t sense the target. That’s why I’m here.” Thayne rakes a hand through his hair with a huff. “I don’t have enough resources to cover all fronts at once. I was coming to ask for your help, but with the state you’re in…”
“Why would he attack his own kind?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure I have time enough left to hear it,” I retort dryly.
Thayne turns to look at Ruby, and I can tell he’s searching out the soft heartbeat from the adjoining bedroom. After a moment, he speaks without turning back.
“An Alpha has three main responsibilities to their pack—providing, protecting, and procreating. The farm takes care of most provisions, and protection is easy being tucked away from the rest of the world. You’re the first threat to surface in the few years we’ve been here. But continuing the line—” Thayne clears his throat as red creeps up the back of his neck. “An alpha is expected to take an omega. That’s the only suitable bondmate and the only way to birth a new alpha. But I’ve never, uh, well… omegas are rare. I’ve only ever met one since the change, but to some, being unbonded makes me unworthy of my status. In Arlo’s eyes, I’m not half the leader he would be. He has a chip on his shoulder and wants everything I have—if only to prove he could do it better.”
The thought of Thayne taking a mate unleashes a swell of possessiveness inside me. Memories of Thayne—clinging to me, broken cries settling on sweat-slicked skin, taking what he wanted, and always, always giving me what I needed—throb through me. As much as I’d been able, with what traces of humanity remained in me, I had loved Thayne. And gods help me, I still do. The stirrings I feel for Ruby have done nothing to eclipse or dull my feelings for Thayne, just bloomed right alongside them: two bright spots in a world of eternal darkness. I can’t risk Arlo destroying the only precious things left in this accursed life. I’ll march into Nástrond willingly before another Pretorius takes anything from me ever again.
“You said you wanted my help.”
Thayne turns to me at that, blinking as if taken aback by the abrupt change in subject. “I was going to ask you and Ruby to come to the farm. It would be an armistice—quid pro quo. You help protect my pack, and we help protect Ruby… and you. All potential targets in the same location give us the advantage—Arlo won’t expect a unified front, and we’ll need the fortified farmhouse if they come before the full moon.”
“They won’t. The unnatural shift was slow and painful, and they were weak afterward. They may become stronger with practice, but for now, they won’t want a repeat of the lake.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Even with your heightened healing, Arlo’s arm won’t be fully mended before the moon rises. If he is angling for the alpha position, he won’t allow the others to attack without him, nor will he risk public defeat.”
“So you won’t help?”
Even though I’m certain there’ll be no attack before the moonrise, I can’t deny Thayne. Not when his life may hang in the balance. “Evans isn’t in any condition to go anywhere for at least a day. Once she’s healed, we’ll come with you if she consents. I’ll do what you ask on one condition: I need your word that you will protect Ruby after the fight, once I’m gone. Protect her, but never turn her.”
“You’re leaving?” Bitterness turns Thayne’s words sharp. The unspoken again rings loud and clear.
There’s little point to offering explanations. Thayne could never understand what it’s like to exist behind the veil of darkness. The agony of being forced to watch the ones I love wither away, lost to sickness or worse. I can’t endure it again. The infinite gift of time I have been given has stolen everything from me—not my life, but everything that makes it worth living.
“I can’t stay.”
“Fine. I’ll agree to your terms if you agree to mine.”
The chill on Thayne’s words makes me hesitate. “Which are?”
“I need you at full strength. For that, you need to feed.” Thayne pulls his shirt over his head and drops it to the floor. He trails his fingers over the impressive swell of his inner bicep. Blunt nails scrape over the familiar, dark twin scars.
My body reacts instinctively. It had been my favorite spot to take from Thayne. After fucking for hours, for an eternity—breaking him over and over until I’d been lost to everything but the feel of being inside him, casting him into oblivion and reeling him back with each rapturous thrust—I’d surrendered only when sinking my fangs into soft skin, pulling blood from Thayne’s body even as I pumped my release into it. The wounds were opened so often, the scar so deep, that even Thayne’s turning hasn’t seemed to be able to erase it.
Thayne’s voice is soft but his eyes are hard. “You’re going to feed from me.”