Page 9 of Blake University HBCU Chronicles: Azari & Chozen

“ B aby, are you going to try to make it to class Monday?”

I hadn’t said a word in my full voice in days, and I’d been staring at the bouquet of roses Chozen sent to me yesterday.

They were so beautiful, but it was his message that literally had me crying my eyes out.

My cancer was worsening, and I would have to start treatment.

I had an appointment with the oncologist Friday of next week.

I didn’t know how I would continue going to school.

It would depend on how my body responded to the treatment.

“I’m going to try, Mama,” I whispered.

She sat on the bed and grabbed my hand. “He found out where you live, baby. He’s determined to be with you.

That note was so emotion-filled. That man said he didn’t care about your illnesses.

He only cared about your heart. Azari, if he wants to be here for you, please let him.

I hate to see you like this. Ever since you got the results from your blood work last week, you’ve been in a funk that no one can seem to pull you out of. ”

I nodded. I knew she was right. This was just so hard.

I didn’t want to hinder anyone else’s life.

My life was already at a standstill. I couldn’t even take care of myself, let alone Xavier.

He’d been staying with my parents. The last thing I wanted him to see was me in this mindset.

I glanced at the flowers again as the doorbell rang. My eyebrows hiked up, as did my mama’s.

Chozen.

I knew it was him. X was with my dad, so I knew it wasn’t them, and Fabian wouldn’t dare.

I swallowed hard as my mama stood and went to the door.

I didn’t know how he got my address, but somehow, he’d tracked me down.

He was related to Noah, and famous people had all sorts of ways to find people.

I wanted to get up and disappear into the bathroom, but my hips were hurting so badly, I didn’t want to even move. Going to the bathroom was hell.

When my mama walked back into my bedroom, she gave me a soft smile. “It’s Chozen, baby. Can I let him come back here?”

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her to make him leave.

Not that I looked like a supermodel any of the other times he’d seen me, but today, I looked like death warmed over.

My hair was all over my head, and my lips were dry.

My appetite was nonexistent. I had to force myself to drink water.

I nodded, and she turned to leave the room.

I grabbed the bottle of water on my nightstand and took a sip, then tried to sit up more in the bed.

When she led him inside, his eyebrows lifted slightly. He looked even better than I remembered. “Azari, . . . damn, girl.”

He came to my bedside and sat on the edge of the bed.

My mama smiled then left the room to give us privacy.

He slid his fingers over my cheek as I closed my eyes, doing my best to keep the tears from falling.

After grabbing my hand, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.

I knew he was angry because I hadn’t reached out, but it seemed his sense of relief was overpowering it right now.

“I was so worried. I hate thinking the worst, but I had begun doing just that. I thought we had a good time the last time we were together, so I was thrown for a loop.” He glanced at the flowers then turned back to me. “What’s going on, baby?”

I could see his nose redden a bit, and I knew it was because he called me baby.

He rubbed my hand between his as I took a deep breath.

“The multiple myeloma has gotten worse,” I whispered.

“My hips and back hurt all the time, and I probably have a low-grade fever right now, because I feel like I’m freezing.

My appetite is gone. It’s a struggle just trying to drink water. ”

He brought his hand to my hair and gently played in it. “I missed you. Let me be here to help you through this shit. Before you say no, just think about it. I want to be here. Since I want to be here, I can handle it. Please.”

“I’ll think about it,” I whispered.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose.

I smiled slightly. When I saw him staring at my lips, I licked them.

His eyes lifted to mine, then he leaned in again and softly pecked my lips.

My eyes remained closed as I relished the moment.

I’d been trying to imagine what his lips would feel like against mine for the past couple of weeks.

Now I knew. They were soft with passion.

It was like I could feel his heart through that kiss, no matter how short it was.

When he pulled back, he grabbed my hand and kissed it again. “When do you go back to the doctor?”

“Friday next week. They will discuss treatment options,” I said, noticing my voice trying to come through.

“Can I take you?”

I nodded hesitantly. He said he wanted to be involved. I tried pushing him away already. Since he found a way to get to me, I had to believe his words. “How did you find me?”

“My uncle is extremely resourceful. He could have been a P.I. if he wanted to be. He also works for RJ but at the Palm Beach office. That’s where I transferred from. I think I told you all that already though, right?”

“Yeah. I had forgotten though. I umm, . . . I stopped talking to you because I didn’t think you deserved to go through this with me. This is going to be a hell of a journey. I don’t know how the treatment will affect me. It’s not something I even want to go through.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re letting me in. I really like you. I know you said we would be friends, but I know you know I want way more than that.”

“I know, but I barely have anything to give to a friendship. I surely don’t have energy to put into a relationship.”

“You have plenty to give.” He kissed my hand. “Your heart and spirit are more than enough. Just being in your presence makes my heart light.”

I gave him a soft smile. “I have to admit, it feels good having you here, Chozen.”

He smiled. “So, I brought you something to eat, but your mom said your appetite has been nonexistent, just as you said a minute ago, so I left it in the kitchen. If you wanna try to eat some of it, though, I can go get it.”

“What did you bring?”

“Well, since you got a seafood pasta at a steakhouse, I had to believe that you really love seafood pasta. I went to Olive Garden and got a shrimp fettuccine alfredo. I hope that’s cool with you.”

“That’s more than cool with me. I’ll try a little bit.”

He smiled again and stood to go get it. He was only gone for a moment before he came back in. “Your mom said she would prepare it for you. She’s really nice.”

“Mm-hmm. When I told her I met Noah, she nearly had a fit. She’s a huge fan.”

“Oh really? Well next time he’s in town, we’ll have to arrange something. Don’t tell her though.”

“I won’t. She will lose her mind.”

Right after I said that, she walked in with the food and a tray.

Chozen helped her get it situated over my lap after helping me sit up straight.

She left out to get some water for the both of us.

Chozen took the fork from me and began feeding me.

After the first forkful, I giggled. “I am more than capable of feeding myself, Chozen.”

“I’m sure you are, but maybe I was chosen to do this at this very moment. Let me cater to you. Do you plan to go to your classes Monday?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Well, if you do, I don’t mind picking you up.

I live about fifteen minutes from you. I go and work out anyway.

So, it won’t be an inconvenience, if that’s what you’re thinking.

I want to make things as easy as possible for you.

You’re going to have enough to handle. I also have the notes for the classes you missed.

I went to your first class and asked someone if they could make copies of their notes from Monday and Wednesday. ”

I allowed a few tears to fall from my cheeks as I opened my mouth for more food like a little kid.

It was so good. Chozen had to be right about being chosen.

God had to have chosen him to help me through this, just as my mama had said as well.

He was so perfect. I just hoped His placement of him in my life wasn’t temporary.

“So where’s your little prince?”

I smiled. “He’s with my dad, working on the house.”

I chuckled, and he did too. “So I guess I better get me a tool belt so I can be official when I meet him. I don’t think he’ll be impressed with knowing my actual role in architecture. I’ll be designing buildings and homes soon enough, but I’ll never be on the manual labor side of things.”

I smiled at him as he gave me another forkful of food. After swallowing, I said, “Thank you, Chozen. This is somewhat overwhelming. I’ve never had anyone to care so much about my well-being besides my parents.”

“Get used to it. If I’m here for you, I can promise you that you will have a whole family that will have your back. Whatever or whoever is important to me, is important to my family. You will want for nothing. Okay?”

“Chozen, I don’t want to feel like a user. I didn’t say you could be around so you can?—”

“Azari, I want to be your man, baby. What man do you know allow their woman to struggle, especially if they have the means to keep her from doing so?”

“There are plenty men?—”

“Nah. That’s not men. That’s boys trying to be men. Like a middle school boy thinking he could hang with high schoolers. I’m all man, and I’m gonna take care of you. I meant everything I said on that card. Did you read it?”

“Yeah.”

“Where is it?”

I leaned over and couldn’t control my facial expression.

I winced from the pain in my hip, and I believed he noticed.

When I had the card in my hand, he said, “First, if something is uncomfortable or painful, please don’t do it, especially if I’m sitting right here, woman. Now, I want you to read it out loud.”

My eyebrows went up. There was no way I would be able to keep my emotions in check if I read this card aloud. I couldn’t keep them in check reading it silently. “Why?” I asked.

“Because I want my words to sink in. I want you to feel me, baby. I want you to be mine, Az.”

I took a deep breath and pulled the card from the envelope, my hands trembling. Closing my eyes briefly, I did my best to subdue my emotions. My eyes were already watering just from what I knew the card said.

“Azari, you are so special to me. I don’t know why, but my heart is calling for you.

My soul craves you. It’s not that I feel sorry for you.

I was feeling you before I knew anything was wrong in your life.

I just want to be for you what you are to me.

Your presence makes me excited to live life to its fullest. You have to be the one God made for me, because I swear, I wasn’t actively searching. ”

I closed my eyes again, and a slight smile made its way to my lips.

When I reopened them, Chozen was staring at me, waiting for me to finish.

“I feel like I’m suffocating without you.

I’m worried sick, baby. Let me be there.

Let me help you through whatever it is you’re going through.

I promise, your heart is safe with me, no matter what obstacles present themselves.

You just have to let me be there. I need you, and despite your silence, I know you need me too.

Please call me. Chozen . . . to be yours. ”

The tears were falling down my cheeks uncontrollably as he tenderly swiped them away. When my eyes lifted to his, he said, “I want to be here.”

I nodded as he closed in the distance between us and kissed my lips.

As he was about to pull away, I brought my hand to his cheek, holding him to me.

I slid my tongue to his, and he reciprocated, then slowly brought his hands to either side of my face.

My eyes were closed, but I could feel them roll to the back of my head.

As badly as I was hurting, I still wanted to know what it felt like for him to make love to me.

His kiss was so passionate. I didn’t want it to end.

When he pulled away, he said, “Your kiss softens me even more. Damn, your lips gotta be as close to God as I’m gon’ get here on Earth.”

He took my breath away with his words. My lips were dry and damn near cracking, and here he was comparing them to God’s.

Going back to my plate, he twirled the fork, gathering noodles, then stabbed a shrimp at the end and brought it to my mouth.

My eyes were glued to his as I accepted the food. Jesus.

I noticed my mama standing in the doorway with a smile on her face, watching us. Once I finished chewing and swallowing my food, I said, “What’s wrong, Mama?”

She smiled bigger. “Just seeing you look better warms my heart. He’s got to be the one if he can pull you out of your stubbornness.”

I slightly rolled my eyes as Chozen chuckled. Grabbing the water bottle, I took a sip, then told Chozen I was done. I couldn’t force any more food down. I was grateful to be able to get any of it in. When she walked away, I brought my gaze to his. “Thank you, Chozen.”