Page 7 of Blake University HBCU Chronicles: Azari & Chozen

Trying to stand again, I got my bearings and made my way to the kitchen to see Mama putting food in containers.

She did that as soon as she was done cooking so she could wash the pots.

She knew they wouldn’t eat it all, even after giving me a plate to take home.

She typically cooked every other day, making sure there would be enough for two days.

She turned to look at me and immediately frowned. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“You’re lying. I can always tell.”

I lowered my head and sat at the table. “I think my cancer is getting worse. My hips and back were hurting so badly a minute ago, I could barely stand.”

“You are going to have to go to the doctor. Worry about bills later. Pay your light bill for sure, but worry about everything else after your health. Please, baby. I need you to take care of you. If you don’t, you won’t be here to pay bills.”

I lowered my face to my hands as I heard my phone chime again.

Chozen was too good of a man to have to deal with this shit, but I would definitely let him know what was going on.

He needed to make an informed decision. I didn’t think he would withdraw his friendship, but it could make him change his mind about wanting a relationship with me.

Just by the way he stared at me earlier, I could tell he wanted to kiss me.

As happy as I was feeling, I probably would have let him.

Feeling my mama’s hand on my back, rubbing it in a circular motion, coaxed the tears right out of me.

I was already worried, and I wasn’t sure if that was even what it was.

It could be something less serious. I lifted my head and smiled at her as I heard my dad’s truck pull into the driveway.

I had to put on a front for my baby. She was well-aware of how I faked it for him.

One day I would be where I was supposed to be, physically, mentally, educationally, emotionally, and financially.

I could use improvement spiritually as well.

So my plan would have to be to fake it until I make it.

My mindset would have to remain as positive as possible.

This was going to be a hard journey, but it was something I not only had to do for my own well-being but my son’s as well.

I briefly thought about Chozen and what he could add to my life as far as happiness went, but I had to be happy on my own first.

My mama went back to what she was doing, just as my baby ran through the back door. “Mommy!”

“Hey, baby! How are you? I heard you were at the hardware store. Are you going to build something?”

“I sure am! Papa bought me a tool belt!”

I chuckled. “What are you going to build?”

“A house! We can live in it!” he said with his hands in the air.

“Oh, wow! I can’t wait to see it!”

He ran off, and my thoughts immediately went to Chozen. He was getting a degree in architecture. Closing my eyes for a moment, I gathered my emotions once again. Grabbing my phone after hearing it chime, I looked at Chozen’s message.

How are you feeling? Is your leg still hurting?

“Is that him texting you?”

“Yeah. He’s asking how I’m feeling.”

She nodded, her eyebrows scrunched together.

I hated that expression on her face. I knew it was one of sympathy.

I didn’t need sympathy, but I knew I would get it anyway because she was my mother.

I knew how much she loved me, Daddy too, and they would take this from me in a heartbeat if they could.

I was their only child now. My brother had gotten killed on the streets years ago, thinking he was big shit in the drug game. They showed him he didn’t mean shit.

“I’m going to be okay, Mama. I can’t worry about it if I don’t even know what it is yet. I’m gonna call my doctor and make an appointment.”

“Good. I’ll go with you whenever you go.”

I nodded then was about to text Chozen back, when he texted again. Can I call you now? Are you busy?

I smiled slightly. I’ll call you when I get home.

There was no way I would talk to him through Bluetooth and let Xavier hear me talking to a man, other than his father, before I had a chance to explain things to him.

He was a smart kid, but I knew as soon as he heard the voice, he would automatically ask if it was his punk ass daddy.

Standing slowly, I fixed my clothes. I was grateful no one was in STK Steakhouse earlier, being that I was in sweats and a T-shirt.

I was completely underdressed for the ambiance.

“I’m going to head home, Mama. I just want to take a shower and lay in bed, rubbing my legs together while eating ice and scrolling TikTok. I truly miss rubbing my feet together.”

She chuckled. “You and that ice. I’m glad you’re going to make an appointment. They will do blood work and check your iron level. You could be anemic eating all that ice.”

That was another symptom of multiple myeloma. I nodded and gave her a tight smile. I grabbed my to-go container then walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for always being here for me, Mama.”

She frowned. “Girl, where the hell else I’m gon’ be? I’m your mama. I love you so much.”

She pulled me in her arms and hugged me tightly. When she released me, she said, “Instead of TikTok-ing, you need to call Chozen. He was probably chosen by God just for you. Boop!”

I rolled my eyes at her foolery as she laughed. “Mama, don’t ever in your life say that again.”

She laughed even louder as I made my way out of the door. “See you later, and I love you too.”

When I got outside, Xavier was taking off his tool belt for his papa to put up in the storage house. My dad turned to see me and smiled. “Hey, baby. You leaving already?”

“Yes, sir. I’m tired,” I said, refusing to tell him I wasn’t feeling well.

My mama could handle the truth better than he could.

He worried so much until he would make himself sick.

His blood pressure was through the roof when I had to get my leg amputated.

He ended up getting admitted into the same hospital I was in.

I slowly made my way to him and hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

“Be careful, baby. See you later.”

“Okay, Daddy. I love you. Come on, Xavier. Go tell Momo bye.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“I love you too, sweetness,” my daddy said.

I went to the car and started it, letting the A/C cool it off a bit and leaned against it, waiting for Xavier. Things had to get better. I thought I’d already experienced the worst with the amputation. God, please intervene.