Page 4 of Blake University HBCU Chronicles: Azari & Chozen

“ I won’t be able to pick him up this weekend, because I have to go out of town for work,” Fabian said.

“This is the third time in a row you’ve flaked on our son, and I’m beyond sick of it. Next time he asks about you, I’m gon’ tell him the truth.”

“Well, why aren’t you telling him the truth? What are you telling him?”

“I’m telling him that you have to work, but the truth is that you don’t want to be bothered with him.

Quit wasting my damn time and just say the shit.

You could switch weekends or ask to spend time with him on weekdays, but no.

You too busy for him. I’m pretty sure you’re dedicating all your free time to your next victim. ”

“Azari, why you starting shit? And what’chu mean by victim?”

“You don’t know what a victim is? She gon’ end up with a broken heart just like the last woman. And since your job sending you on all these trips, I may need to request an increase on this pitiful ass child support. Xavier is growing like weeds, and three hundred a month ain’t cutting it.”

He huffed. “I ain’t got time for your shit today. I’ll call when I want to come get him.”

“Mm-hmm. I won’t hold my breath.”

I ended the call, feeling heartbroken for my baby.

He deserved better. It was only seven in the morning, and his bullshit had gotten my day off to a bad start.

We were just heading out so I could get Xavier to my mom’s house before making the drive to Cove City for class.

I’d put Xavier in the car and gone back inside to get my thermos.

I wanted to scream, but I knew I would have him crying if I did.

He was extremely sensitive to my emotions.

If I even looked pissed or emotional, he picked up on it easily.

Thankfully, we only lived a couple of miles from my mama, because pretending to be happy for his sake was getting harder and harder to do.

I wanted to cuss that muthafucka out. Had he heard that conversation between his dad and me, he would have been in tears.

After pulling into her driveway, he said, “Momo house!”

I gave him a smile then got out of the car and helped him out of his seat.

Today, I wasn’t trying to make a fashion statement with either of us.

I was tired, and my leg was hurting like it had just gotten amputated yesterday.

This fucking prosthesis was going to have me back in a wheelchair.

It was like the cushion had worn out. I didn’t have extra money to even buy cushions.

I put a towel inside it to relieve the pressure, but that shit was still hurting.

Before I could knock on the door, my mama opened it. “Hey, my favorite grandson!”

I chuckled as he hopped up and down, waiting for her to pick him up. It was too cute. He was her only grandson. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be another one, because she would have to stop saying that shit. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, then set Xavier on his feet. “Go find Papa!”

He took off toward the back of the house as my mama came to me and hugged me tightly. I took a deep breath and accepted her love. “What was that for?” I asked when she pulled away.

“You look like you needed that, baby.”

I felt terrible. Xavier still had on his pajamas, and I wore sweats and a T-shirt.

I didn’t want to miss a day of classes if I felt like I could thug it out.

I would use those days for when shit was unbearable.

I hated depending on my parents so much, despite them saying they didn’t mind.

Xavier’s father was able to pull his weight.

He just didn’t want to. I almost couldn’t wait to get back home so I could request an increase. Jackass .

“Thank you. I did. My leg is killing me. I left early so I could really take my time when I get to campus.”

“I hate you’re feeling like this, baby. You need to try to make your appointments so the doctor can look at your leg.”

“Mama, I don’t even want to use the extra gas to get over there. What if something is wrong? I can’t afford a better prosthetic. This is the one Medicaid paid for. At the rate this country is going, I won’t have that for much longer.”

“I wish there was more we could do, baby. Why don’t you move in with us? That will relieve rent for you, since you didn’t qualify for housing.”

“I’ll think about it, Mama. My lease is up in a couple of months.”

“Okay. Be careful on the road, baby.”

“I will.”

I carefully turned and made my way down the steps slowly.

There was only three of them; otherwise, I would have never attempted to climb them.

Once I got to the car and got inside, my mama waved and went inside.

She always made sure I got to the car. When I first started walking again, I fell quite a bit.

She got used to making sure I was good. I honked my horn and headed to school.

When I got there, I huffed, trying to mentally prepare myself for my journey to class.

I had two classes before my business class.

I was really wishing I would have put that damn wheelchair in my trunk.

That would have been so much easier. I called it a wheelchair, but it was a motorized scooter-like thing.

I was trying to get used to this fucking leg, but I knew without medical consults, I would have to resort to that.

After getting out and adjusting my cane, I took one last sip from my thermos, then grabbed my bookbag. As I started walking, I could feel the pain shooting through my leg. There was no way I would make it through the day like this.

“What’s up, Azari? You good?”

I looked up to see Chozen. I didn’t usually see him this early. Well, technically, I was earlier than usual. He had probably gotten to wherever he was going by the time I got here. “Hey. You have an eight o’clock class?”

“Naw. I have a nine thirty class, but I came to get in a workout at the gym. You need help? You look like you’re in pain.”

“If you don’t mind. My leg is killing me. I don’t have too far to walk, but one less thing weighing me down will help.”

“Okay.”

He stooped and gently scooped me up as I pulled my bag in front of me. “No, no, no! Chozen, what are you doing?”

I could feel my leg shift, and I knew he felt it too. “I’m giving you some relief, Azari. Hold on to your things and just tell me where your first class is.”

“No. Put me down.”

“Stop being stubborn. Tell me where to go.”

I huffed and allowed a tear to slide down my cheek. “It’s in the building before the one our business course is in. This is so embarrassing.”

“Why? I don’t mind helping you. I’m actually liking this.”

I buried my face in his chest. “I’m heavy.”

“Girl, please. I lift three sixty-five. You lightwork. Now why you hurting so badly today?”

I took a deep breath and shook my head against him.

“I already know you have a prosthetic leg, Azari. Now just tell me.”

“I need more cushion. It feels like it’s digging into my skin.”

He remained quiet, so I glanced up at him. He looked to be thinking. “We gon’ have to do something about that then.”

“That’s a definite no. You’re already going against my wishes by carrying me all over this campus.”

He looked down at me and smiled. “You know how interested I am in you. Why would I tuck tail and run the other way because you don’t wanna let me help you? I’m just gon’ help you anyway and dare you to turn the shit down. At the least, we’re developing somewhat of a friendship, right?”

“I never agreed to that, Chozen, but I guess it won’t be a bad thing.”

“Damn, girl. I thought you was finna let me down easy.”

I chuckled. He stopped walking, and I realized we’d already gotten to the building my class was in. This shit would have taken way longer had I walked. I directed him to the classroom. Once we got there, I looked up at him and said, “Thank you so much.”

“Anytime.”

He lowered me to my feet and even helped me adjust my leg. I wanted to cry. This was the type of shit I expected to get from Fabian. When he stood up straight, I asked, “Can you hold my bag and cane for a second?”

“Sure.”

He grabbed them from me, and I fell into him, wrapping my arms around him.

My body quaked, and I could no longer hold in my emotions.

Chozen pulled away from me then leaned my cane against the wall and set my bag on the floor.

When his eyes met mine, I could see his sadden somewhat.

He grabbed my hand and walked closer to me again and hugged me tightly.

“I can’t even pretend to understand what you’re going through, Azari. But damn if I don’t want to make everything better. It’s something about you that my soul craves. I don’t even really know who you are. Please let me be here for you. I don’t want to be in a friendship by myself.”

After gathering my emotions, I pulled away and stared up at him, giving him a tight smile.

“You won’t be in a friendship alone. I really appreciate what you did for me today.

You’re right. You don’t have a clue of everything I’m up against, but your act of kindness was just what I needed to improve the outlook of my day. Thank you again.”

I squeezed his hand, and he leaned over and kissed my forehead. My eyes closed as I relished the feel of his soft lips. “Okay. Put your number in here,” he said, handing me his phone.

I smiled and grabbed the phone from him as he said, “If you knew how much I thought about you since Monday, you would think I was crazy. Not having a way to communicate with you was driving me insane.”

I smiled bigger and handed him his phone. He looked at it as if making sure I did as he requested, then smiled. I chuckled. “You thought I didn’t put it in there?”

“Naw. It’s not that. I’m just happy to see it in there.”

He grabbed my hand as he bit his bottom lip.

I glanced at his chain, wondering how much that shit had to set him back, then looked up at him.

“I guess I should go in there. I got here early because I knew I would need the extra time to walk here with the way I was feeling. Plus, you have to go work out.”

“I don’t have to work out. I do that shit ’cause I want to. I wanna get to know you, so anytime you give me, I’m gon’ soak that shit up.”

He pulled me to the bench against the wall and helped me sit. Once he sat next to me, he grabbed my hand again and caressed it between his. “So what happened to cause you to lose your leg?”

I swallowed hard, not really wanting to get into it, but I would give him the short version.

“I got in a car wreck a few years ago and needed a knee replacement. I got it and a couple of years later, I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a form of cancer. Cancer attacks your red blood cells, so I have an overabundance of white blood cells. Infection set into the knee, and the antibiotics weren’t working because of cancer.

My only option was to get it amputated to rid my body of the infection. ”

He was staring at me wide-eyed. “Damn. You are so strong. Going through all of that and still being focused on bettering yourself is admirable. Did you have help? What about your son’s father?”

I slowly shook my head. “I don’t want to get into that right now.”

He placed his fingers under my chin and turned my head back to him. “It’s okay. I understand. Just know, I’m here. Whatever you need from me.”

He grabbed his phone and apparently called me since my phone was ringing. He smiled then ended the call. “Now you have my number too. I didn’t come out and ask last time, but how old are you?”

I frowned, causing him to laugh and lift his hands in surrender. I giggled like a schoolgirl. This was crazy that this man had me this soft. “I’m thirty-one. So I’m about two and a half years older than you if you’re turning twenty-nine this semester.”

“I knew we weren’t far apart in age. It seems we aren’t far apart intellectually either. That’s perfect for a friendship . . . or more.”

He licked his lips while staring at me, causing my face to heat up uncontrollably.

What in the hell was I doing? I couldn’t allow myself to go there with this man.

He was gorgeous, smart, caring, and funny.

I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head.

Why couldn’t I? I’d sworn off love and relationships.

They all started out perfect, but they somehow morphed into something else, leaving me disgusted, angry, and heartbroken.

Instead of shutting him down, I nodded then stood from my seat.

He immediately stood, too, placing his hand under my elbow to make sure I was steady.

He walked around me and got my cane. When he handed it to me, he said, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

I’ve always been expressive. I’ve been heartbroken, but I felt like it was because I didn’t express my desires for our relationship. It changed me for the better.”

“It’s okay. I’m expressive in a relationship, but this is only our second conversation. I don’t easily trust people with intimate details about my life.”

He swiped my cheek with his thumb as he stared down at me. “I understand. Can I take you to lunch after our business class? We can eat right here on campus.”

I gave him a one-sided smile. “I’ll think about it.”

He smiled then picked up my bookbag. “That’s better than you saying no, so I’ll take it. See you later, beautiful.”

He lifted my hand and kissed it, then opened the door for me to go inside my class. I turned to him and said, “Have a good workout.”

He winked at me, and I turned and walked inside the classroom.

I turned to see if he had left, but he was standing there still holding the door, watching me walk to my seat.

Continuing to my seat, I bit my bottom lip, trying to restrain the tears.

He cared enough to make sure I got to my seat.

When I sat, I looked back toward the door.

He smiled and winked again then left. God bless it.

I knew I deserved everything he seemed to want to offer me, but I didn’t know if this was a game, and he would show his true colors later.

The question was whether I wanted to take the risk or not.