Page 47

CHAPTER 47

Charlie

My grip on the steering wheel is concerning. My knuckles are white and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are indentations from my fingers on the leather. We’ve driven in silence for the last thirty minutes. I think Cami is giving me a second to breathe, but I know I need to check on her and I desperately want her comfort and support.

As if she can read my mind, she reaches over and places her hand on my thigh, rubbing back and forth soothingly. Instinctively, I soften and my grip loosens to something a little more normal. After a few seconds of her touch, she speaks softly.

“Well, that was something.”

“Hah,” I scoff. “Yeah, you could say that.”

She pauses, letting me come to terms with what happened and waiting for me to speak. Cami never speaks too quickly. She’s bubbly and bright and silly, but in a serious moment she is the most self aware person. She seems to know exactly what I need, and she never pushes me to talk faster or say more.

“I can’t believe he said that stuff about Lan,” I say in bewilderment. I knew that, for whatever reason, my parents didn’t pay attention to my sister the way they did me, but I never would have imagined the utter lack of care they have.

I keep saying the word they, but after tonight I can’t help but wonder if my mom has just been collateral damage in all of this. My dad is a strong man, and while she has free will to make her own decisions, I can absolutely see him telling her not to bother with calling my sister and her listening. I hope after tonight, though, she might start to realize how wrong their actions have been.

Cami sniffles next to me and I whip my head to look at her. She’s staring out the window, clearly trying to hide her emotions from me.

“Hey, baby, look at me. Why are you crying?” I grab her chin gently and turn her face towards me.

“I’m sorry, I’m fine, this isn’t about me,” she says and waves me off. She wipes the tears from her cheeks and takes a deep breath. My attention battles between her and the road, and I’m grateful when we roll up to a red light. I turn towards her.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It just makes me so sad to hear the way they talked about you and Alana. She’s my best friend and she has only ever wanted their love, and you’ve done all you can to be the best son yet they treat you so poorly. It makes me hate them, and I don’t want to feel that way.”

My heart softens at her care for my sister. One of my favorite things about Cami is the way she cares for those around her. Alana, me, Mia, the women at her knitting club, and even all of the hockey guys she’s met recently. Her love for my sister only draws us closer, because we share that in common.

“I know, it hurts me too. He pushed me over the edge tonight. I don’t think we’re ever going to be able to come back from that conversation. I won’t be able to forgive him, and he doesn’t look like he’s anywhere near ready to ask for forgiveness or realize he’s in the wrong.”

“I just don’t understand how someone can completely cast aside their child. She did nothing wrong, like literally nothing. And same with you, all he cares about is hockey.”

“Hockey and money.”

“Have you been giving them money?” she asks. The question has zero judgement behind it, but I tense at it regardless.

“I’ve sent some to my mom a few times when she’s asked, but nothing in the last year. I think he likes that he has access to it if he needs it, but I won’t be sending any more.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says. “I wish we were home so I could cuddle you.”

I laugh at the way she phrases it, but I feel all gooey at her desire to comfort me. I begin to think how much things have changed in the last few months. I don’t think I’ve ever been as close to the old version of myself as I am right now, even in the midst of the hurt, and a big portion of that is thanks to the woman sitting next to me.

Opening up to people and letting them in, trusting them, doesn’t have to be this big scary thing. Little by little, people earn their place in my life. The more I let in, the more love I get to experience. My life the last handful of years has been a pretty lonely place. I had my sister and I had Cami, but I hadn’t completely let either of them in. No one knew the extent of my trauma from the incident in high school, and I didn’t want anyone to know.

But day by day, Cami wormed her way into my heart and into my circle of people I can trust, and I am so grateful for it and for her.

“I am so lucky I have you,” I say, also wishing we were at home so I could look into her eyes and say this. I don’t think I can wait, though. “I am better off because you’re in my life and I don’t see a future where we aren’t us . I’m not sure how you’re feeling about all of this, but I don’t want this to end when we come to the end of our agreement.”

She stares at the side of my face, and I heat under her gaze. I’m unsure if that was too much to say all at once, but I need her to know how I feel, how serious I am. I pull up to another red light and the second the car stops, she pulls my face to hers and kisses me passionately.

“I don’t want it to end either. I don’t think my love for you could ever end,” she says, and I bristle at the word. We haven’t said those words to each other yet. “I love you, Charlie Cade.”

“You do?” I ask, staring into her eyes that slant up at the corners from the huge grin on her face.

“I do. I think I always have, if I’m being honest.”

I lean forward and take her lips again, only pausing to pull back and say the words back to her.

“I love you too. I love you so much.”

We kiss again, only to be startled by the honk of the car behind us signaling that the light has changed. We both jump apart, then break into giggles as I push on the gas and the car lurches forward.

“I need to talk to Alana,” Cami says next to me. “I want to be absolutely certain she’s okay with all of this.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You want me there for that?”

“No, I think it should just be me.”

“Whatever you think is best.”

She leans her head back on the headrest, turning it to look at me as I drive. We hold hands as she hums along to the music and I’ve felt more settled in my entire life, than I do with this woman by my side.