Page 33

CHAPTER 33

Cami

Bestie Friend

You have a lot of explaining to do.

Me

Do you hate me?

Bestie Friend

Never. But I am a liiiittle confused why you didn’t just tell me.

Me

IDK it felt like if we did we would be distracting you and I knew how important Paris was to you. And then everything with Alex was happening and I didn’t want to bring down the mood

Bestie Friend

I get that, but you never bring down the mood. I’m grateful you’re helping him. We can talk more about the kissing and the hand holding when I get home though, because that shit is weird.

Me

I know, it’s absolutely so weird

Bestie Friend

Also, I got into a huge fight with Alex. But it’s fine now.

Me

Well, let’s talk about your drama and not mine

Christmas alone is depressing, so I’ve made it my mission to spruce the place up. Charlie didn’t tell me I could, but he did leave me his credit card, so I’ll take that as permission. Everything I’m buying is for his own benefit, so it’s only right he’d foot the bill. I guess it’s for my benefit as well because I’m staying here for the time being. Not only that, but the retail therapy has helped distract me from my thoughts when it comes to the owner of this penthouse.

Earlier this week I had photos printed and framed, then started placing them all around the apartment. I added a big canvas of Charlie, Alana, and I in the living room, put some framed 4x6s in the office on the bookshelves, and added one of he and I by his bedside. Don’t ask me why.

I took a risk and printed a team photo from when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup a few years ago and hung that in the gym, then added a picture I found on Soren’s Facebook of him, Charlie, and Theo Adams in there as well. Their arms are slung around one another and Charlie is sporting a rare grin. It was taken pretty recently, and it makes me smile to know that his efforts in building relationships on the team are paying off. It’s good for him.

I went to Target and got a few throw pillows and blankets, and that alone has also made a huge difference. I didn’t go for any crazy colors, no pinks or purples, but I kept it neutral with a few cream colored ones and some deep blues. It looks sophisticated and like Charlie.

I went to a tree farm nearby, picked one out, and had it delivered here last night. It’s Christmas Eve now and Mia is about to be here. Soren was away with the guys for the game, then his family had some kind of emergency so he had to fly to them in Michigan. It isn’t looking like he’ll be back for the holidays, so I found myself a buddy.

I’m glad I won’t be alone, but I haven’t been able to escape the calls from my mom. She is pretty frustrated with me deciding not to come home this year, but I really can’t deal with the constant judgmental comments and comparisons. I know she doesn’t mean to do it, but I know if I go she will and I don’t trust myself not to snap back. I don’t want to make my mom cry on a holiday, so I’d rather make her mad and just not attend.

I ordered take out from one of the Chinese restaurants that is open, and started a fire in the gas fireplace. That, plus the glow of the tree in the corner have created a cozy home whereas the place I walked into a few days ago was sterile and cold. I hope he likes it when he gets back, but worst case scenario I’ll send everything back.

Giovanna has been off for the week and with her family, so she hasn’t seen it either. I’m probably more excited to hear her opinions than I am to hear Charlie’s, but that’s because men walk in and don’t even realize there was a change while women notice when you’ve had an inch taken off of your hair.

I’m just finishing lighting the pine and spruce candle I purchased today when a knock sounds at the door. I head towards it and open it up, revealing a flushed Mia in red, green, and pink striped pajamas and fuzzy red slippers.

“Merry Christmas!” she shouts as she comes towards me. She hugs me with one arm, wine cradled in the other, and squeezes me tight. I’m happy she’s in such a good mood. Alana and I usually get into the holiday spirit—she’s really good at planning fun things for us to do—but with her in Paris, and Charlie and I so focused on this fake dating thing we just haven’t had the time.

“Merry Christmas. What do you have there?”

“Oh, just a Pinot Grigio. Just in case we need it,” she says with a wink.

“Takeout should be here shortly. I queued up a few Hallmark movies to choose from and we can eat in the living room. I’ll put this in the cooler,” I say as I take the wine from her and she makes her way into the living room. She’s staying the night tonight, so I grab her bag and take it to the guest room across from the one I’ve been staying in. I moved all of my stuff into Charlie’s room earlier today, knowing it would look strange if I was staying in a room that wasn’t his. I can’t tell if I’m excited or anxious to be sleeping in a bed that smells like him tonight.

I walk into his bedroom, just to be sure the painting I spotted earlier is still there and I wasn’t imaging it. My painting from hobby day is hung in his closet, tucked away where I wouldn’t have seen it the first time he showed me around. When I moved my things in here earlier I came across it while I was hanging up a few shirts. I smile and turn, leaving the room.

As I’m heading back to Mia our dinner arrives, so I grab that, take it to the living room, and sit down on the couch next to her. We dig into our boxes of sweet and sour pork and kung pao chicken and chat briefly about the guys’ game earlier in the week.

“Charlie seems more solid lately. I mean, not that he wasn’t solid before, but it seems like something has shifted in the last few weeks.”

“You think?” I ask, biting my bottom lip nervously.

“Yeah. He’s killing it.”

“He’s doing a pretty good job this year. Soren too.”

“Aw, I know. I’m so proud of him.”

“How did you know Soren was who you wanted to be with? What made it worth it to take the risk of possibly messing up your friendship?” I ask. It’s possibly an illuminating question, but she doesn’t seem surprised by it.

Mia is so much like me. She has a bubbly and outgoing personality, she’s a little chaotic and wild but can be serious when she needs to be. I love Alana like a sister, I’d die for the girl, but she’s always been the Type A of the two of us. As much as she sympathizes with my disorganized and impulsive lifestyle, she can’t understand it. I feel like Mia might, though.

“It was really scary, I’ll admit. It’s weird going from someone being your friend to someone being your partner. They were there for you in a lot of ways before, but when you decide to take it a step further the relationship changes and that’s weird.

“Soren and I had been friends since elementary school. He moved into my neighborhood in the sixth grade and we were in the same homeroom. He pulled on my braids one day and I called him an asshole, and we were immediate friends. I did get a folder sign for the curse word, but it was worth it.”

I laugh, pouring some of the wine I retrieved from the cooler a little ways into our meal, and take a sip.

“You would cuss at school, I can totally see that.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t get in trouble for language in school?”

“Oh, I totally did. More than once.”

She shakes her head in feigned disappointment.

“Anyway, after high school he got a scholarship to play hockey at Michigan, which is where we were living and grew up, so it was perfect. I applied, got in, and about three months into our freshman year we were out to dinner and he just kissed me.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, the psycho. Totally just leaned forward and planted one on me. I was shocked, it was probably the worst kiss ever because I was unresponsive, and he immediately pulled back and was like ‘oh no, what have I done?’ He completely freaked.”

“Poor thing. What did you do?”

“We talked about it and he told me he had been thinking about doing it for a while and I looked so beautiful sitting across from him that his body just took over. It was romantic and sweet, but I was too scared to start anything. I told him thanks but no thanks and we stayed friends for like two more years.”

“Seriously? I did not think the story was going in that direction.”

“Hah, yeah. I was scared of commitment and I thought more time would help. Spoiler alert, it didn’t. We were just in this limbo of uncomfortable physical attraction and sexual tension, but I had put a stop on all things romantic and he respected that. My refusal alone almost ripped us apart a few times, but eventually I came to my senses.”

“How did you get over the fear?” I hesitate, then decide to be a little bit transparent. “I am so terrified of commitment. I can’t stick to one thing for longer than like a month. I am constantly switching body washes, hobbies, favorite TV shows, music, OBGYNs.”

“Woah, switching OBGYNs? Those are hard to find too.”

“I know, but I keep thinking there might be a better one out there.”

“I get it. Listen, life is always full of options and that makes things hard. Wanting things to go well isn’t a crime, but when you are always on the go and never staying put in the areas that matter, it’s hard to feel settled and fulfilled. Switching body washes and coffee orders is absolutely fine, you do what makes you happy, but I can tell you that taking the leap to commit to someone is worth it. You just need to do the work to determine how you feel about committing to that person. When you think about Charlie, can you picture yourself on a porch with him when you’re old? Sipping coffee and bitching about your kids making stupid decisions?”

I smile at the picture that pops up in my mind.

“I can totally see us doing that.”

“And can you see the two of you in the in-between? Stressing over finances, working hard to put your kids through college, taking anniversary trips, building a home together, and fighting over the remote?”

“Yes,” I say in a small voice. “And that is terrifying because I have never been able to picture that before.”

“It doesn’t have to be terrifying, let it be exciting. It means you’ve found the right one.”

Yeah, except he’s my best friend’s brother and this whole thing is supposed to be fake.

“That’s good advice. Thanks Mia, you and Soren are lucky.”

“I know he sure is.”

We cozy up and watch a movie about two sisters, one who loves Christmas movies and one who hates them, who end up stuck in a Christmas movie. It’s cheesy and cute and romantic and the perfect thing to get my mind off of my conversation with Mia.

Eventually, we make our way upstairs and I crawl into Charlie’s bed, breathing in his woody and spicy scent. It makes me miss him, so I grab my phone and text him to tell him just that.

Me

Merry Christmas

Charles

Merry Christmas.

Me

How’s Lana?

Charles

She’s good. It’s early here, which means it’s pretty late there. You okay? Mia come over?

Me

Yeah. Missing you

Charles

Me too.

Me

Gonna go to sleep, just wanted to tell you that

Charles

Thanks for telling me. Sweet dreams.

I fall asleep thinking about porches and children and coffee with my fake boyfriend.