Page 45

CHAPTER 45

Charlie

Me

You see?

Cami

See what?

Me

Don’t be smart with me. You know.

Cami

OH, are you talking about the very subtle kiss you blew to me during post game interviews?

Cami

No, I must have missed that

Tonight’s game was a rough one. We lost, and we came out to try and lift our spirits but I’m not sure it’s helping. My thoughts are elsewhere, on a certain blonde and what she might be doing tonight, and on the dinner we’re set to have with my parents when I get back home.

I can’t believe I agreed to this. I haven’t seen them in a long time, and I have zero desire to. I can handle my mom, but my dad is another story. He still calls after every game—he called about an hour ago—but I continue to ignore it. I don’t want to talk to him and I know he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say if I was actually honest.

This is how all of our conversations go, or at least how they used to go when I picked up. He’d say hello, I’d say hello, and then he’d jump into a thirty minute unsolicited coaching session. He’d pick on every single mistake I made, like he was running down a list he wrote down. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a little notebook titled ‘Charlie’s mistakes.’

Then, I’d grunt in acknowledgement, he’d ask if I was even listening, I’d say ‘yes, I heard you,’ and then he’d say goodbye and hang up. No questions about my life, no conversation about my sister, no talk of what he’s up to or how he’s doing. These conversations are pure business, and after doing it for far too long I finally stopped picking up.

Cami understands why I don’t answer, and she’s never tried to pressure me to pick up the phone. I know, through her friendship with Alana, she’s seen the way they treat us and it tears her up almost as much as it does us. The three of us, and I guess four now with Alex, are really some of the only family we have.

Soren sits next to me, his head hanging low and the light from his phone reflecting on his face as he stares down at his texts with Mia. They got into an argument before the game and he played like shit because of it. It was one of the many reasons we struggled tonight. He’s been texting with her for the past hour because she doesn’t want to talk on the phone, and his usual easy going demeanor has all but disappeared.

Theo is across from us, worrying his lip. His kid got sick in the middle of the night last night and his nanny called him freaking out. Apparently their fever broke a little bit ago, but they still aren’t feeling very good and the dad guilt he’s feeling shows plainly on his face.

It’s normal that we each have a few bad nights here and there and that it shows in our game play, but it’s not normal that our bad nights all fall on the same night.

As if it could get any worse, Josh Murphy, the rookie I can’t stand, plops down in the seat next to Theo. The kid didn’t do anything specific to make me hate him, but he’s never been able to read the room. He constantly makes the worst comments at the worst times and I know I’m going to have to practice an insane amount of self control not to go off on him tonight. The way we’re all on edge isn’t helping matters.

“Is this the boring table or what? You guys are usually much more lively. Someone’s grandma die?” Josh shouts over the music in the bar. I flinch at his harsh tone and loud voice.

“Dude, what if they had?” Theo asks, already done with him.

“Then that would be really effing awkward,” he says before reaching over and grabbing my mostly full beer and taking a huge drink. That is why I hate him. He says ‘ effing ’ instead of just using the word. He pushes the beer back towards me, and I reach out and push it back at him.

“That’s yours now, man. No telling where that mouth has been,” I say with a grimace.

He winks at me. “I know that’s right.”

“That wasn’t a compliment,” Soren says from my right.

I huff a laugh at him and stand. “Gonna go grab another.”

By the time I make it back to the booth, beer in hand, Josh is gone and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can’t deal with him tonight and I know if I was around him for too long I would just end up saying something I regret. He’s awful, but he’s young and immature. I can only hope that with time he grows up a bit and figures it out. If he doesn’t do it himself, being a public figure will shape him up real quick.

“Okay, Cade, we know Soren is having lady troubles and I’m worried about my kid, but what’s your problem?” Theo asks. “You weren’t bad on the ice, but you aren’t looking too hot right now. It’s clear your mind is somewhere else.”

This is another one of those situations where, normally, I would deflect and close off. Actually, I wouldn’t have ever put myself in this situation in the first place. I never went out with the guys before, so they never really checked up on me. On the rare occasion they did ask questions, I never answered straight up. I have to make a conscious decision not to fall back into those habits. These two are real friends, and I can trust them. They aren’t going to turn on me.

“It’s stuff with my parents,” I pause and look up at each of them, gauging if they seem like they want me to go on. No one says anything, so I continue. “They basically only care about hockey.”

“That’s tough,” Soren says under his breath.

“Yeah, it sucks. When my sister and I were younger things were okay until I started getting good. Once they realized I might actually be able to take this further than my local team, they stopped paying attention to her and started pushing all of their attention my way. I grew really resentful of that, because I’ve always been extremely protective of my sister.”

“That’s good. I’m sure she’s glad she had you,” Theo says as he reaches over to pat my shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks. We got really close because of all of it, but our parents drew further and further from her, so I drew away from them too. It kind of became us versus them. Eventually when we went to college, they started traveling and were gone all the time. During the holidays we would go home to an empty house with no decorations or warmth. Eventually we started coming up with our own traditions to help with the hurt. Basically, what I’m trying to say is there’s a lot of baggage there.”

“Sounds like it,” Soren says.

“Anyway, my mom called me the other night while I was with Cami. They knew her when we lived at home because she and Alana became friends in high school, not that they cared much to actually get to know her. My mom’s calls are the only ones I answer at this point, and I felt guilty that I hadn’t seen them in a year and agreed to go to dinner. They asked me to bring her.”

“And you haven’t seen them in a year?” Theo asks. I shake my head no. “And you haven’t spoken to your dad the entire time?” he asks.

“I’ve spoken to him a handful of times. Every once in a while I feel like I should answer out of obligation, so I’ve spoken to him but very little and not about anything important.”

“So this is going to be quite the reunion. Are you feeling nervous?” Soren asks.

“Yeah, I mean I think so. I feel nervous and I also am so irritated that they have this hold over me. I want to be able to just cut them off and go no contact, but I also love them. My feelings are so complicated and I don’t know what to do or how to act.”

The table is silent, and I start to get self conscious as I wait to hear what they’re going to say. Before I can get too in my head, Theo speaks.

“Have you tried to talk to them and tell them how you’re feeling?”

“I haven’t. I just didn’t feel like I was in a place where I wanted a resolution with them, but I also know that I need to at least try before I completely shut them out.”

“Do you think you’re at a place now where you might be able to talk to them about all of it?” Soren asks.

I think about his question before I answer. I don’t think I’ve been in a more healthy spot in my life than I am right now. I know a lot of the credit for that goes to Sophie for pushing me and to Cami for helping me to feel safe and actually step out and trust people. I’ve been opening up to my teammates, and to my girl, and I wonder if my parents might be the next right step.

“Yeah, I actually think I am. I think I owe it to myself and to them to at least try.”

“And if it goes poorly and you need to draw a boundary and stop communicating with them, then you can make that call and feel good about the effort you made,” Theo says.

“I should just be coming to you two for weekly therapy sessions,” I say as I take a swig of my drink.

“Careful, we’ll start billing.”

We all break out in laughter and I feel a lightness now that I’ve talked this through with them. Obviously all of my problems aren’t solved. I still have to go to dinner and I still have to face them, and now I also need to have a hard conversation with them, but just talking about it makes me feel better.

I’ve kept things bottled up for so long, and it’s freeing to be able to let some of the pressure off. I convinced myself that talking about it would only make me feel worse, that the people who I share with will only use it against me. I know now, though, that that isn’t true.

“Alright, we’ve solved Cade’s problem. Soren, do we need to start helping you type out an apology text?”

“I wouldn’t turn down the help.”