Page 34

CHAPTER 34

Cami

After Christmas, Charlie came home and freaked when he saw the apartment. Well, I say freaked, but his version of that is probably a little more tame than most. He came in and didn’t say a word for a solid five minutes, just walked around the house looking at all of the pictures and little touches I added. I was honestly scared he was mad, but I knew I was safe when he turned to me with glassy eyes and pulled me into his arms. He squeezed so tight I struggled to breathe, then kissed the top of my head and whispered a quiet “thanks” before letting me go and going into his room to change his clothes.

While there might have been a version of him in the past who would have shown his excitement in a much louder way, this version doesn’t do that. He’s quieter with his gratefulness and enthusiasm, but it almost means more to get those small moments from him now. I could tell he was really happy, and over the last few days he’s been asking me about the details I added and why I chose them.

Now, we’re headed to my apartment, because I need to grab a few things and Alex and Alana are going to be home any minute now. I’m thankful when we show up to the building and there are no photographers out in the front. I say as much to Charlie, but he isn’t as positive as I am.

“Just because they aren’t here now doesn’t mean this is a safe place for you.”

“Well, it seems pretty safe to me.”

“They’ve only stopped coming because you stopped going inside. I’m sure they have people watching the building to alert them once you’ve started coming back. It’s actually pretty crazy how they seem to know everything.”

“I can’t stay at your place forever.”

“We’ll see about that.”

I roll my eyes at him, which he ignores, and we walk inside the building and head up to my apartment. We’ve decided that, in order to avoid paparazzi, Alana and I will stay with our male counterparts. I refuse to say boyfriends, because technically I don’t have one. Mine is fake, and I am trying to remind myself of that, even though I think I’m failing miserably.

We make it to my doorstep and I unlock the door and push inside, smiling at the comforting smells of my home. It smells like me in here and I miss that. I miss the way this shoebox makes me feel secure, and while Charlie’s place is starting to be that for me, being here now makes me miss it.

“Can we go lay down in the bedroom for just a few minutes? When will Alex and Alana be here?” I ask, moving towards my bedroom door. Charlie looks at me quizzically.

“We have about forty-five minutes. We could lay down for maybe fifteen, but then we need to get to packing up some of the stuff you want to bring.” He follows behind me. “Why do you even want to lay down? And why do you need me for it?”

“Because”—I reach up and tug on his hand until he falls down next to me—“I miss my bed and my house and the way it smells and feels, and I get why I can’t stay here, but I want to be here for a few minutes and be comfy. With you.”

“With me.”

We haven’t picked the conversation back up from before he left for his away game, but things have been pretty cozy between the two of us ever since he’s been back. Easy affection and sneaky touches that have made things feel a lot more real than they should, and after my conversation with Mia on Christmas I’ve resigned to not stress so much about it, but to instead enjoy the way it feels to be comfortable with someone.

“Mmhmm. Now shut up and hold me.” I lay on my side, facing away from him, then reach back for his wrist, wrapping it around me and scooting back into him so he’s the big spoon and I’m the little one. I sigh in contentment and close my eyes.

We have cuddled in bed before when he’s accidentally stayed over, but it’s always been just that, an accident. This time I am asking him outright to cuddle with me, and I really can’t bring myself to be bashful about it. I’ve been feeling out of place the last few weeks and here in this place with him I feel grounded, so I’m asking for what I want.

He doesn’t fight me, and instead pulls me even closer against him. My eyes close and I drift off, only to be awoken by soft touches on my face. I’m confused for a second before I remember where I am and who I’m with, but his whispering helps everything click back into place.

“Hey, Cam, time to get up, baby. Alana is going to be here any minute.” I reach my arms above my head and stretch, loving the feeling of my striped forest green comforter wrapped around me.

“I thought you said fifteen minutes?”

“You were sleeping so well, so I let you go a little longer. We can pack while we talk to Alana.”

“Mmkay. Thanks, I needed that, I think.”

“You’re welcome,” he says as he presses a kiss to my temple. Every time he shows affection when we are in private, I get more and more comfortable with it.

I’m pulling the comforter back up my bed and he must see the longing on my face, because he asks, “What is it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s silly.”

“Nothing you need or want or are worried about is silly. What is it?”

“Um…I just miss my house. I miss my bedding and how cozy it is and I was just feeling a little sad about leaving it again.” He stares at me for a beat, then nods decisively before exiting the bedroom. I feel a little frustrated at his dismissal, but turn back to my task of making the bed instead of going after him, not wanting to start a fight right before his sister gets here.

A second later, he is waltzing into the room with trash bags. He snaps one in the air a few times so it opens up, then starts pulling on the comforter and messing up my just made bed.

“Hey, what are you doing? I just made that,” I say, trying to grab it back from him.

“I’m packing it for you,” he says as he starts to roll it up into something that looks like a large version of a sleeping bag. He then begins to shove it into the trash bag, then grabs my pillows and throws those in a second one.

“Why don’t you grab your sheets?”

“Charlie, stop. What are you doing?” He stops, his hands holding onto the edges of the, now stuffed, trash bag.

“You said you missed home, so let’s bring it to my place. It’s safer for you to be there right now, and I’m not budging on that, but I know what it’s like to be uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or out of place in my home, so let’s make it ours. What else do you need to feel at home?”

I stare at this giant six foot four man standing in my tiny room, clutching my forest green and pink pillows in his arms, and want to cry. I can tell how serious he is and how much he genuinely wants to help, so instead of crying I do what he asks and think about what else might make me feel at home.

The additions I made while he was in Paris have helped a ton, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a few more items. I grab a few knitting supplies, a fuzzy blanket, a few more clothing items, and some trinkets from my night stand and around the room. We compile it all into a few bags and are putting them by the front door when Alana bursts through it.

“Cam!” she shouts, and throws herself at me. Those tears I held at bay earlier come back tenfold now as I hold my best friend and sink into the familiar feeling of being with her. She was gone for a full month, the longest we’ve ever been apart, and every day sucked. Eventually we got into a rhythm of quick FaceTime calls and texting, but the time change and her busy schedule made it hard. It feels so good to have her home.

“I missed you so much, Lan.”

“I missed you more.”

“Not possible,” I say as I pull back to look at her face. She’s crying, too, and we both smile and laugh at our hysterics. “We’re pathetic.”

“I know, but it’s fine.”

“It’s so fine.”

I notice that Alex has stepped into my apartment and is looking around hesitantly, like he isn’t totally sure what to do with himself.

“Ashford, get over here and say hi to Cami. She isn’t a stranger and no one is going to bite.”

Alex laughs and shakes his head at his girlfriend before coming over and giving me a one armed hug. He clasps Charlie’s hand in his and then sorta slams against him in some kind of bro greeting.

The men take a seat in the living room and I pull Alana back into my bedroom, closing the door for a few minutes of privacy. I really haven’t had a chance to talk to her about this whole situation and I know we need to.

“Wait, where’s your bedding and stuff? This room looks weird,” she asks and she walks around before sitting on the bare mattress.

“Your brother is determined to make me feel at home in his penthouse, so he insisted we take some of my stuff there. It was actually really sweet.”

“Yeah, he is pretty sweet,” she says and smiles at me. “So, should we talk about it then?”

“Yeah we probably should.”

“He explained to me how it all started, or at least why he needed your help. But he said you also needed his?”

“Ugh yes,” I groan and sit down next to her. “I told my mom and sister I was bringing a date to the wedding because I was so tired of hearing them ask me over and over if I was, then giving me advice on why no one wanted me when I said I wasn’t. So I just said “I have a date” and they were both freaking out and then I was freaking out and then Charlie came to me with his proposition and it just ended up working.”

“Well, let’s not call it a proposition. Sounds scandalous.”

“I guess it kind of is scandalous,” I say with a laugh.

“But there’s no sex involved in your…contract?”

“Oh my word, no. No sex involved. I really don’t feel comfortable discussing physical encounters I might have with your brother with you.”

“I know it’s weird,” she says as she breaks out in an uncomfortable giggle. We make eye contact and soon I’m also laughing. Once we’ve settled down, she speaks again.

“I don’t love hearing about it either, but I feel like we need to talk about it. Otherwise, things will get bad-weird and not just uncomfortable-weird.”

“You’re probably right,” I say with a sigh. “Um, well we’ve agreed on no kissing or touching unless it’s in public and for show.”

“Okay, and have you held to that?”

How does she know? Can she read minds?

“Mostly. He’s started kissing me on the forehead and temple. Calling me baby, which isn’t against the rules but feels like it is.”

“Okaaaay,” she says, drawing out the word. “And how does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know. It’s complicated. This is all supposed to be for show, so it doesn’t really matter how I feel.”

“That’s not true, Cam. You know he cares about how you feel.” She reaches over and places her hand on top of mine and squeezes. “Do you have feelings for him? Feelings that are more than friends.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to say no, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to say yes. I think he’s physically attractive and oh my gosh this is such a weird conversation.”

“I know it is, but keep going. I’m good.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yep. Hit me with it, bestie friend.”

“Okay um.” I clear my throat. “I think he’s attractive, but I’m not sure if it’s more than that. I know I love him as a friend, but I haven’t let myself explore what that would be if he was something more than a friend.”

“That makes sense. Are you open to that?”

“It terrifies me, to be honest. I’ve never been able to envision myself staying with someone long term, and I can’t start something with Charlie if I don’t see it going in that direction. He’s going to be around for a long time no matter what, and I’m scared I’ll screw that up if I take it to a different level.”

“Yeah, I get that. You don’t want to put that friendship at risk.”

“Exactly. So I’m a bit stuck there right now. We’re just trying to make sure he gets signed with the Rangers for another contract and then I guess we’ll go from there.”

“That’s good, but I want you to know that if this does go anywhere that is in the more-than-friends territory, I’m okay with it.”

“Really?” I ask. I didn’t think she’d be upset about the prospect of Charlie and I being a couple, but I did think there would be at least some push back.

“Yeah.” She shrugs her shoulders as if to say why not? “I’ve had some time to process since that conversation in Paris and I love you both. Having you as a sister-in-law would be a dream come true.”

I burst out in laughter, the thought of getting married sounding comical.

“Let’s not go too fast there, Lan. I’d love to be your sister-in-law, but your brother and I are still playing pretend. I will let you know if that changes though.”

“That’s all I ask, just don’t keep it from me.”

“You got it, girlfriend. I love you. Thanks for being so cool about all of this.”

“I love you. I’m glad to be home, I missed you so much.”

“Same. Now, do you need help getting your stuff together so you can go stay at your hot coworkers house?”

“Oh shut up.”