Page 40

CHAPTER 40

Cami

The car ride home is quiet and tense. Charlie doesn’t even ask me if I want to go to my place, he knows I would say no. The threat of some kind of danger from paparazzi is long gone at this point; they don’t seem interested in my whereabouts right now, but neither of us have talked about me moving back.

His big hand rests on my upper thigh, and mine on top of his. I rub the back of his hand and his forearm gently as we make our way back to his place. Everything in me wants more information, but the air feels fragile. Like if either of us speaks, something might happen. I have desperately wanted more information from him about everything that happened in high school for years. Not just me, but Alana too. We have had many conversations about the way he changed so abruptly since it all happened, but he’s been extremely closed off about the whole thing.

I know that whatever happened in the past is related to what happened tonight, because the only thing he would tell us is that we needed to stay away from Troy Price, but other than that I’m completely in the dark. He said he would tell me about it, and I’m grateful, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to keep dancing around the full truth. I hope he’ll tell me the whole story starting from his junior year when everything changed.

His phone rings over the bluetooth and his dad’s name pops up on the screen. He ignores it, as usual.

As we pull into the parking garage, he sends a soft smile my way that I am sure is meant to be reassuring, and it is somewhat. I know that he’s okay—I can tell by his demeanor—but I can also tell he’s gearing up for something and it worries me that the truth of his trauma is going to be much worse than I imagined.

If it’s not that, there’s only one other thing it could be. My first thought is that he’s going to stop all of this. I don’t know for sure, but I have a hunch that whatever Troy said tonight had something to do with me, and I could see Charlie breaking off our arrangement in order to try and keep me safe. I don’t need him to do that, but he’s just that kind of guy.

I try not to worry too much until I actually have something to worry about. I know whatever he’s got going on in his head, he’s going to share it with me. So I gather my things and step out of the car when he holds the door open for me. We walk hand in hand up to the penthouse, no longer caring that we have no one to perform in front of here in the solitude of his home.

“Do you want tea?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen.

“Sure, that would be great. I’m going to put this stuff away and then we can talk in the living room?”

“That sounds good,” I say as I turn away from him and towards the counter before pulling down two mugs. He steps up behind me and wraps his arms around my middle, pulling me back into him. He just holds me there for a minute, taking deep breaths.

“I love those mugs,” he says over my shoulder.

“I know. This was one of the best trips.” He takes one out of my hand and we look at them. We got them on a trip we took with Alana a few summers ago to Florida. We went to a sea turtle conservatory and we were so touched by the story of one of the sea turtles named Gili. All of the purchases we made went towards their efforts, so we each bought two mugs with Gili’s picture on them.

He places the mug back down next to the other and spins me around, hugging me close to him. I let my eyes fall shut and bury my face in his chest, then after a few seconds he presses a kiss into my hair and lets me go.

As I turn back around to make the tea, I can’t stop thinking about how this silly little routine has become so second nature to us. It must be because we were such close friends before we started all of this, but we went from friends to fake dating to whatever this is now seamlessly. I mean sure, maybe it was a little weird at first, but I don’t even second guess the quick innocent kisses or the way his eyes linger on me a little too long when we’re alone. It should be scary, but it isn’t. I’m not scared of the feeling, but I am scared of losing him. Of losing whatever this thing is that we have between us.

I put the kettle on to brew and as that is heating up, grab two bags of chamomile tea from the cabinet. Charlie started drinking it after games to wind down from the adrenaline. I suggested it a little while ago, back before all of this started when he told me he sometimes couldn’t sleep after a game despite being so exhausted. It’s always calmed me down, so I figured I would suggest he give it a try. I guess it worked, because I’ve noticed him drinking it while I’ve been staying here.

I take the two mugs over to the living room and sit them down on the coffee table, then head to my room to change out of the jersey and into something comfier. I go for a pink set of boxer shorts and a butter soft shirt, then slide on my slippers and go back into the living room. I find him sitting there looking down at his phone, and have to force myself not to stand and stare. He’s wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain black T-shirt, which sounds simple but he looks absolutely delicious. I remind myself we have a serious conversation to have, and that helps bring a little clarity back to my mind.

“You look so good in that, but I do miss the jersey dress. I didn’t get to appreciate it enough tonight.”

“Don’t worry, superstar. I’ll wear it for you again.”

“I’m holding you to that. Come, sit.”

I cross the room and sit down on the couch next to him. He grabs my tea and hands it to me. I wrap my hands around it, letting the warmth seep into my fingers and soothe the anxious feelings bubbling up inside me. I’m not entirely sure where this conversation is headed, but he seems far too calm for a breakup so hopefully not in that direction.

Listen to me, a breakup . We haven’t even made this official and I’m worried about him breaking up with me.

“So, tonight was something,” I say before taking a sip.

“Yeah, it was. You deserve an explanation, and I’m going to give you one. But I need you to be patient with me because this is hard for me to talk about. I haven’t ever told anyone the stuff I’m about to tell you, and that’s scary, so it might take me a minute to get it out.”

My heart breaks at the gentle way he is asking for my grace. He looks vulnerable and self-conscious and those are not two descriptors I would ever use for this man. Quiet and reserved, yes, but vulnerable? Never. He has always been the solid rock of our trio, even when things were hard for him he never disappeared or stopped showing up and protecting us.

“You can take all the time you need. I’m here to listen.”

He nods his head and takes another drink of his tea before taking a deep breath.

“So, I think I need to start back in high school, when things got weird, for this all to make sense. I know you know something happened, because things changed, and it’s honestly silly and I probably blew it way out of proportion but?—”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” I interrupt and place my hand on his knee. “You can tell me absolutely anything, but don’t downplay your emotions or what happened and call them silly. Whatever went down, no matter what that was or how big or small someone might think it is, it was a big deal to you. That’s all that matters.”

“You’re right. Thanks.” He takes another deep breath. “So you know I was captain in high school and had a good amount of buddies on the team. Everyone was always hanging out together and I was always spending time with them, nothing seemed off at all to me. I mean, I’m sure I pissed a few of them off here and there but it was high school and we were playing a sport together so that was bound to happen. Regardless, I felt really secure on that team. I thought I had earned the guys’ respect and friendship and I was excited to head into senior year with them.”

“I remember. You were always very loud and outgoing and there were people over at your house all the time. You almost never hung out with Alana and I.”

His eyes hold a sadness in them and I almost wish I never would have interjected, but I guess no matter what, this story would have brought that out in him.

“Yeah. So one day after practice I was in the locker room alone. I stayed late to run a few drills and brush up on a few things because we heard that there might be a few college coaches attending the next game and I wanted to be prepared. It was rare that they came, so it was important to do well.

“Anyway, I had just finished showering and getting dressed in one of the stalls and I heard this booming. It took me a second to realize it was a group of people running. The noise kept getting louder as they got closer, and I realized they were heading towards where I was. I’m not sure why, but my first instinct was to hide. I backed myself into the corner of the stall and waited for what felt like forever just praying that whoever it was would pass by me. I don’t know how I knew it was bad, they were just running, but something in me knew I needed to try and get away.”

“That must have been terrifying,” I interject and he smiles sadly at me.

“It was. Eventually, they found me and flung the curtain back. At first I was relieved because it was a group of guys from the team headed up by Troy, but when I saw their faces I realized they weren’t there to be my buddies. I got to my feet so fast, but they pounced on me and forced me back to the floor.”

He stops at this point to take a few deep breaths and run his hand through his hair. I set my tea down and climb into his lap, wanting to be closer. I sit with my legs draped over his lap, and he gathers me in his arms before placing a sweet kiss to my hair and continuing.

“They said a bunch of nasty stuff, stuff I really don’t need to repeat, but the gist was that all I had was hockey, I was too showy and prideful and arrogant, and I didn’t have any talents beyond what I could do on the ice. They brought my parents into it, saying they only loved me for my hockey ability, and of everything they said I knew that was true.”

“Your parents love you, Charlie.”

“Yeah, as long as I play a good game and keep bringing in money. They don’t care about me or Alana or how we are, all they care about is getting their five minutes of fame and claiming me when I do impressive things. You know how they’ve treated Lan.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But still, your teammates had no right to say that stuff to you.”

“They were jerks, but they told me that if I didn’t step down as captain and recommend Troy they’d make me regret it. Told me I wouldn’t be able to skate for any scouts if I was off the ice permanently from a career ending injury.”

“They threatened you?”

“Yeah. After the initial shock of that moment in the locker room, I decided I wasn’t going to let them push me around. I didn’t immediately step down, but they were determined and made my life hell.”

“What do you mean?” I ask in a quiet voice, unsure if I really want to know the answer.

“They started messing with me. At first it was small, they’d vandalize my locker or push my lunch off of the table and make a whole scene.”

“Wait, that’s not small. And why didn’t I notice that any of that was happening? You didn’t tell anyone?”

“We had different lunch periods, and I was cocky. I thought I could handle it on my own and if I stuck it out they’d eventually give it up. I was wrong though. After a few weeks of stuff like that, they started doing bigger things. Troy ran me off the road once, then scratched my car the next morning. They framed me for cheating and I was suspended for a few games. I knew it was time to give it up when they threatened to mess with Alana.”

“Oh, Charlie.”

“Yeah.” He runs his hands through his hair and breathes out a rough sigh. “Troy told me if I didn’t do what they wanted, they’d start doing the same stuff to her. He said they wouldn’t stop until she was expelled, and I couldn’t let them do that. I walked into the coach’s office half an hour later.”

“If it was so bad, why not just quit the team?”

“Well, there was no way my dad would have let me quit. Hockey was everything to him, plus I didn’t want to leave the team altogether. All I had was hockey and Alana, and eventually you.” He smiles down at me. I have a hard time returning it. The churning in my stomach only gets worse by the minute and I have to remind myself that he’s here now and he’s doing so well and he’s okay.

“So, I stepped down and recommended Troy. Coach made him captain the next week and I shut up and put my head down and did my job on the ice. It was like this total one eighty for me because I thought I had all these friends and could trust them, and they just betrayed me like it was nothing. It really messed me up, that’s why it’s been so hard for me to trust any of my teammates over the years.”

“But you’re getting better at that,” I say as I reach up and swoop back some of his dirty blond hair from his eyes.

“You’re helping me.”

“You’re helping yourself. I am more than happy to be along for the ride, but you’re doing the work all on your own.”

“Maybe. But you’re making it easier for sure,” he says and I smile.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Your parents or Alana or your coach?”

“I was a kid. They said if I told anyone they would make Alana’s life hell and I couldn’t risk it. I took care of it on my own.”

“And you’ve kept it a secret all these years?”

“I was embarrassed. I had everything—friends, captain, a bright future, a solid social calendar—and just like that it was all gone. I just sort of closed in on myself and didn’t want to make anyone else deal with my issues, so I kept them to myself.”

“I understand why you felt like you had to handle it alone, but we love you. We want to be there for you, no matter what. The only people who should be embarrassed by this story are the jerks from high school who thought it was cool of them to beat down one of the nicest guys in the world.”

“Thanks for saying that,” he says with a sad smile.

“You’re not alone anymore,” I say, taking his hand in mine and squeezing. “You’ve got me now. Let me carry some of the burden with you.”

“Thank you, Cam,” he says.

I smile at him. “So what happened with Troy tonight?”

He groans in frustration and shakes his head. “He said some shit about you, basically insinuating that you two were involved back in the day. Got pretty nasty and I got one punch in before Soren pulled me off of him and took over. Told him not to ever speak about you like that.”

“Wow, that’s really kind of him.”

“It was, and I’m glad he did it because if he hadn’t I probably would have kept going and I don’t know if I would have stopped. After all the shit he pulled in high school and then trying to stir stuff up now, I was beyond frustrated.” He hesitates before asking his next question. “Were you two ever involved?”

“Troy and I?” He nods. “No. I don’t think I’ve spoken more than two words to the man. He clearly was trying to get a rise out of you. He’s full of bullshit.”

“Woah, curse alert.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are. You broke the no cussing rule.”

I roll my eyes at him. “I’m sorry he said that and I am so sorry for what those guys said and did to you back in high school. I hate that you’ve had to hear those words over and over in your head for the past however many years, but I want to tell you that they aren’t true. You are more than hockey, you’re more than your ability. You are so much more, to all of your real friends and to Alana, and to me.”

He stares into my eyes, then lifts his hand and places it on my cheek before sliding it back into my hair and pulling me towards him. He presses his lips to mine in the slowest and most meaningful kiss we’ve shared. I melt into him and follow his lead, jumping a little when his tongue slips past his lips and presses against mine. I let him deepen the kiss as he pushes me back on the couch so I’m lying beneath him, then in a moment of clarity place my hands on his chest and apply a little pressure to get him to stop. He does immediately and looks down at me quizzically.

“Is this real?” I ask in a quiet voice. I need to know if this is us pretending, or if his actions are genuine and not for some kind of scheme or lie.

“It’s real, Cam. I think it’s always been real with you.”

I stare up at him for a few more seconds, letting the words settle in my mind and heart. I think it’s always been real with him too. Smiling, I pull him back down towards me and fall into the moment of being his.