Page 41

CHAPTER 41

Cami

I wake slowly, stretch my arms up above my head, and then rub at the sleep in my eyes. It feels like it’s pretty early in the morning—the light streaming into the room is still faint and not yet sunny. Wait , the light streaming into the room? My room doesn’t have a big window near the bed. Where am I?

I startle as I realize there’s a body next to me, and in an instant the entire night comes back to me. My conversation with Charlie last night, his story, the kiss, I think it’s always been real with you .

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to fend off the panic, but I’m not successful. I took things further with my best friend’s brother last night, with my best friend. I sit up and breathe a sigh of relief when it doesn’t wake him. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and place my head in my hands before taking a few deep breaths and trying to calm down.

The last twenty-four hours have felt very real and up until now I have run very, very far from anything real.

I am terrified that if I let him in and make him a permanent fixture in my life, I will eventually get bored and want to move on to someone else. The thing is, he’s already been a permanent fixture in my life for the last handful of years and I haven’t wanted to change that. He’s stuck around longer than any man in my life ever has.

I try to push aside the words my family have spoken over me throughout my youth and young adulthood. I never decided getting “bored” of people and things was a personality trait of mine. It’s just what my mom has always said, and I’ve allowed her viewpoint of me to become my reality. I don’t want that to be the story here. I want to feel confident in my decision, whether that is to keep things platonic between he and I or whether that is to take this into something serious. I want to make that decision for myself.

About the time I start to get my breathing back in order, two arms wrap around me and pull me back into the middle of the bed. I giggle at the way he manhandles me, but I don’t fight it as he places one hand on either side of me and buries his face in my neck placing little kisses there.

“You freaking out on me?”

“Only a little bit.”

He stares down at me and tries to bring his head down for a kiss, but I block it and he ends up kissing my palm.

“Morning breath.”

He rolls his eyes then sits back beside me.

“Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” he says as he brushes the hair from my face. I turn on my side to face him and prop my head up on my fist. He mirrors the position.

“My mom always says I get bored of things and drop them, and that’s why I can’t ever hold down a relationship.”

“You know I think the stuff your mom says about you is bullshit. I love her, but that’s just not true.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you get bored, that isn’t a fair word to use. That implies that you decide you aren’t entertained by someone or something anymore, so you drop it and move on to something flashier. You aren’t getting bored, you just know what you want and you refuse to settle for anything less.”

The look on my face must communicate that I don’t fully understand what he’s saying, so he explains further.

“Let’s take the last three guys you’ve dated. First”—he ticks it off on his fingers—“Asshole Asher, way too preppy of a name by the way. That guy didn’t pay on your first date, then you gave him a second chance and went on a second one to which he showed up over a half hour late and still didn’t pay.”

“Yeah that sucked.”

“Second, douchebag Daniel. All he talked about was politics and he still lived at home. Which isn’t a crime in and of itself, but that wasn’t what you were looking for in a partner. And finally third, bad breath Benji. Enough said.”

I explode in a fit of giggles and he looks pleased with himself.

“All that to say, it’s not that you got bored with those guys, you just knew after one or two dates that they were not anywhere near what you were looking for. You don’t get bored, you just have standards.”

“You sure do pay a lot of attention to the guys I date.”

He blushes at that and rolls his eyes. “It’s impossible not to, it’s all you and Alana talk about.”

“Mmmhmm, sure. That may be true for relationships, but my mom seems to think that’s true about my entire life, like my hobbies.”

“Babe, tell me why it would be a bad thing that you have lots of hobbies? There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying a bunch of different things, or hell even people, until you find something that makes you happy. It is okay to want to find something worth keeping.”

“Hmm,” is my only response. What he’s saying makes sense, but it’s hard to break through the words that have been said about me since I was a young girl.

“So the question is, do you think I’m worth keeping?” he asks. The question breaks me, because how could he ever think he wouldn’t be?

“Of course, more than worth it.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he says as his face breaks out in a grin. “Can we press play on that conversation we paused before?”

I take a deep breath before replying, “Sure.”

“I know this is a weird situation on all fronts. Alana is involved, plus the press, and the fact that this was fake to begin with. It all started a bit rocky, but I’m ready to try it out for real if you are.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“If it doesn’t work, we’ll figure that out when we get there. There’s no way to predict all of the ways this might go, but if we’re both honest about how we’re feeling and when we need reassurance we can make sure we do it right.”

I nod my head, still feeling just a little bit cautious about all of this. I want nothing more than to fall into a permanent and serious relationship with the most stable and respectful man in my life, but the doubts won’t fully quiet. I’m sure they never will completely, and I might just have to be okay with that. He must sense my hesitation, because he speaks again.

“How about this, why don’t we take the time between now and the trade deadline and try this out for real? We’ll take away all of the performing and any pretenses that we might be faking and see how it goes. Then we can re-evaluate when we get to the end of our agreement period and see if we want to keep going.”

That sounds reasonable and gives me some small semblance of relief to know we’re only making a decision to try until the wedding, then see where things are.

“I think that works. I can do that.”

“Okay, good. Now come here,” he says, pulling me into him and cuddling close. “I’m not ready to let you get up just yet.”