Page 32

CHAPTER 32

Charlie

Me

Taking off, should land this evening. Shoot me the address to the building.

Alex

No need. Marco will pick you up when you arrive. He’ll be at baggage claim with a sign with your name on it.

Me

How romantic.

Alex

Be safe, see you soon.

Alex went all out and purchased first class seats for me. I was grateful, because after our game against Seattle I needed to sleep. The game started out okay, we had a few shots on goal, but nothing made it in. In the second quarter though, things took a turn and we started sucking.

I really couldn’t tell you exactly what happened, but my guess is we all got a bit shaken when a rookie on their team got a breakaway at the end of the first and our defense struggled after that.

A bad game is a bad game, it happens, but with my contract hanging in the balance I feel them a little more than I have in the past.

I was grateful to be able to stretch out and get better sleep than I would have if I had been in coach, and I cling to that gratefulness as I talk on the phone with a guy who I liked five minutes ago, but it’s possible I hate him now. I called to tell him I landed, and he’s just dropped the bomb that my sister left.

“What do you mean she left? What did you do?”

“Well.” He sounds absolutely wrecked. “You know there’s a promotion available at the magazine?”

“Yeah,” I say, not liking where this is going.

“A few hours ago Heather called and let me know I was being offered a promotion.”

“So she found out you got the promotion she’s been working so hard for and that upset her?”

“No, no. The promotion is for me to stay in Paris. They want me to stay here and be managing editor. Heather told me to take the day to think about it and she’d send over the offer letter. I knew immediately I didn’t want it—I want to be with Alana.”

“Okay, that’s great. So what’s the issue?”

At this point, I’m maneuvering my bag with one hand and have my phone pressed to my ear in the other. I walk up to a line of greeters, and see a man with the last name Cade on it, so I walk up and nod my head at him in hello.

He does a little half bow and takes my bag from my hand, then motions for me to follow him.

“I went out to grab a gift for my mom and left my phone at the apartment. It must have gone off with the email notification and Alana must have seen the beginning of it because she wrote me this note and told me she needed time.”

“What does the note say?”

“She told me she saw the notification and promised she wasn’t snooping, which I believe, and said she needed time. She left me the hotel she’s going to and asked me not to follow or call. I want to honor that, but I’m going to have Marco take you to her instead of here.”

“I’m sorry, man, that’s tough. She probably got scared thinking you were leaving her and needed to process away from you.”

“Yeah, I get it. I just want to be sure she’s okay. She’ll be glad to see you.”

“Thanks for getting me here. I’ll go see what I can do.”

“Thanks. Text me if you need me. Marco knows where to go.”

We hang up and I look up at the rearview mirror.

“I’m guessing you’re Marco,” I say to the driver.

“That’s me. I’m taking you to Ms. Cade.”

“Perfect, thank you.”

I settle back into the leather seats and watch as we drive. It’s chilly here and the sun is going down, painting the city in a golden glow. A golden that reminds me of a certain blonde’s hair. That’s been happening more often lately, Cami just popping into my thoughts. I pull my phone out and shoot her a text.

Me

I landed and am in the car on the way to a hotel. Alana and Alex had a bit of a fight and she left, but I’m heading to her now.

Cami

Oh no, and on Christmas Eve? That sucks. Give her a big hug for me

Me

Can do. You burn the building down yet?

Cami

You’ll have to wait and find out

Me

I bet you’re sitting all cuddled up on the couch watching a Hallmark movie.

Cami

Do you have cameras set up in here?

I chuckle to myself and slip my phone into my backpack as we pull up to a very fancy looking hotel. Leave it to my sister to choose a place like this to escape to.

Marco helps me with my bags and speaks to the front desk before telling me Alana’s room number. I head up the elevator and find my way to the room, knocking on the door. When she pulls it open, she looks like an absolute mess. She has on a pair of pink silk pajamas with bows all over them, her face is blotchy and swollen, and her hair hangs past her shoulders in half dry waves.

As soon as she realizes it’s me at the door, she starts to sob. It breaks my heart to hear the broken noises coming from her, so I step forward and wrap her in my arms, shutting the door behind us and walking her to sit on the bed, rubbing her back until she can get control of her breathing again.

“How are you here?” she asks.

“There’s this thing, it’s really cool. You get inside and it flies you anywhere you want to go.”

She swats me with the back of her hand, and my goal is accomplished when a small smile pushes past her lips. I sigh a little in relief.

“Your boyfriend flew me here.”

“What do you mean he flew you here? All of this only just happened.”

“The trip has been planned for a few weeks. He wanted to complete the last thing on your list.”

Realization blooms on her face and I can tell she’s already feeling better, despite the fact that there are still unresolved issues and conversations that need to be had. She wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in my shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she says. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Lan. It’s really good to see you,” I reply, pushing some of her damp hair off of her face. “You gonna tell me what’s got you looking like that?”

“I saw something on Alex’s phone and got scared.” I nod my head in understanding.

“Did he tell you?”

“He did.”

“What did he say?”

“Well I think you might have a few things twisted up since you don’t have the full story, but I want to hear what’s going on in that head of yours. Then we can talk about what he said if you want. I’m here for you, not him. If you decide you want to talk to him about the situation, he needs to be the one to explain it to you.”

“I’m just scared. I don’t want to have to come back from heartbreak again. I’m worried about him taking this promotion and staying here while I’m in New York. It would be awful. Plus he didn’t tell me about it.”

I stroke her hair, trying to bring her comfort as she speaks her fears out loud. Alana has had such a bad experience with trusting people who are supposed to love her and be there for her. I don’t blame her for having a hard time not running at the first sign of abandonment.

“Lan, I think you’re maybe getting ahead of yourself here. Did he keep information from you? Yes. Should he have told you when he found out? Maybe. I also think he deserves a little time to download that information before sharing it. It’s not like he kept it a secret for months.”

“I guess you’re right. I just don’t want to jump into something if he’s not fully in it either.”

“I think you and I both know Alex is in this.”

She nods her head, and I know she knows I’m right. I can tell, even from the short interactions I’ve had with him over the last few weeks. Hell, Cami can tell.

“It’s so frustrating. I just want to stop being scared and throw caution to the wind, but then when I try, something like this happens.”

I chuckle at her. “You can stop being scared, while still being cautious. Those two things are not synonymous. I admire the way you look out for yourself and think before you make moves, it keeps you safe. Sometimes the right decision is the scary one, and you can step into that while still being aware of what is going on around you.”

“I hadn’t ever thought about it that way before. I was committed to just doing it even though I was afraid, but part of my fear was because it felt reckless.”

“I think that’s a common misunderstanding, but think about how much you’d get to experience if you stopped being scared. Or you let yourself be scared, but you did it anyway. You didn’t let the fear win.”

As I say the words, I feel a little hypocritical. I have this big life changing trauma that I won’t tell a single soul about, and it’s because I’m terrified. I know it’s keeping me from living a life that is free of fear, stress, and anxiety in relation to this specific situation. I know it affects my relationship with my sister and with Cami, but I’m just not quite there yet.

“How do you do that?”

“I’m not totally sure. I think it looks different in every situation. What do you think it looks like in this one?”

She pauses for a few moments to think.

“I think it would be giving this relationship my all, even though I know I might lose it one day. Diving in head first, even though I know it might end up hurting in the end.”

“What would happen if you ended up hurting in the end?” I ask, trying to bring forth all of the possible excuses running through her mind.

“If I ended up hurt, it would probably suck for a while.”

“Uh huh, and what else?”

“I might have to find a place to live if we moved in together and that would be weird.”

“Sure, anything else?”

“Work might be weird for a while, but Alex and I are mature so it would probably be okay.”

“Good. Then after all that, what would happen to you?”

“I’d be okay.”

I smile at her, proud of her for getting to that conclusion. It’s one I know I need to come to as well. If I share my trauma, it will be scary, but even if I end up getting hurt I’ll still be okay.

“I’d be okay and I would have had an incredible experience with an incredible person and we would have great memories,” she says.

“You would.”

“I think I need to go home.”

I laugh and toss a pillow at her. “I think you do too. But first let’s hang out for a little bit. I stopped downstairs and asked them to send a pizza up.”

“Oh, and I ordered chocolate cake.”

As if on cue, a knock sounds at the door and I open it to a man with a cart with wheels. He removes the covers sitting on the plates to reveal a seven layer chocolate cake and a large pizza with mozzarella and basil.

“That looks incredible,” Alana says, already standing and making her way to the cart. I join her and we dig in.

* * *

“So, I want to talk to you about something.”

It’s been a few hours, and we’ve eaten dinner and watched a movie. She seems to have come to a conclusion on the whole conflict with Alex and has settled into spending time with me. It’s been long enough, and I know she’s going to leave soon, so I need to talk to her about Cami.

“Okay,” she says and scoots to face me. “That sounds a little scary.”

“Only a little,” I say and wink. She waits, looking nervous for whatever I’m about to say.

“So you know my contract is up this year.”

“Oh, are you being traded?” The question comes out desperate and sad and it only furthers my resolve to continue this thing with Cami. “I really can’t take any more life changing news tonight.”

“No. Well, at least not that I know of.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, last month, Sophie came to me and told me she thought I needed to work on my public image. She said the fans didn’t know me well enough, and I needed to create some buzz in order to make me a household name when it comes to the New York Rangers. She thinks if I do that, the team will be less likely to trade me.”

“Okay, I’m still not sure where this is going.”

“She wanted me to publicly date someone. She said if I dated someone who was bubbly and charming, fans would enjoy hearing about our relationship and it would boost popularity. She also encouraged me to get closer to the guys, and I’ve been trying to do that.”

I throw that last bit in because I know it’ll make her happy. She’s been pushing me to build more relationships and make more friends besides her and Cam, and it’s always been something I was resistant to. But with the threat of a trade I am willing to do anything, and this particular thing has been good for me. I can admit that.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you’ve been working on your relationship with your teammates. Has that been going well?”

“Yeah. I’ve been going out with them after games for drinks and I’ve been texting with Soren.”

“Soren Wright? Left winger on your line?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Her knowledge of my team and the game makes me smile. She’s always put the effort in to know me and she’s the Rangers biggest fan. She does her best to not miss a game, even if she’s watching online, and if she does miss she always catches the highlights.

“Okay, that’s all great. Now let’s go back to the dating. So did you find someone? Did Sophie set you up?”

“She offered but I turned her down. I did end up finding someone, but the arrangement is just that, it’s an arrangement. She knows it isn’t real and has agreed to help me in order to get my last contract before retirement. We’ll end things in March, after trades are finalized.”

“Who is it?” She seems awfully suspicious now, and I wonder if she’s putting puzzle pieces together. She’s called on more than one occasion when Cam and I are together, and she acts so suspicious every time. I take a deep breath, and decide to just rip the Band-Aid off.

“It’s Cami.”

She doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, doesn’t say a word. I wait, terrified this is about to turn into more drama for me to resolve. We should have told her before now. We should have just been honest and made the damn phone call and not blindsided her like this.

“Cami, as in my best friend Cami?” I nod and wince.

“Our best friend, yeah. But it’s not real and we have an agreement. She’s helping me and I’m helping her. I’m going with her to Collette’s wedding next year to get her family off of her back.”

“I kind of suspected something might be happening, but I wasn’t sure.” She stands and starts pacing the room, running her hand through her hair. “Then Kaitlyn from work said something weird in an email, but I chalked it up to her being confused. It makes sense now.”

“Are you mad?”

“I don’t know, I’m a little surprised. Has it been working? The dating, I mean.”

“Yeah, it’s working, Lan. She is so good at social media and any time we go out she posts the best pictures. She came up with this whole list of stuff we can do to bring more positive attention my way. It’s been great, but…” I trail off, not sure how to say this next part. I decide it’s better to just state it plainly, so I do. “When you get home there are going to be articles and pictures. And you’re going to see us holding hands, and cuddling up next to each other, and probably kissing.”

“You kissed her!” she yells. “Oh my—EW.” She makes a gagging noise, and I let out a self deprecating laugh.

“Yeah, we kinda had to. And also the media knows where she lives, so she’s staying with me for the time being. I don’t want her there alone.”

“That’s smart and nice of you, but that’s also where I live.”

She continues pacing, not meeting my eye. I can tell she’s freaking out just a little bit, so I say whatever I can to calm her down.

“Yeah, I’m working on getting security for you both, at least until all of this dies down. She’s staying with me now, but she’s said she wants to go home. I don’t blame her, my place isn’t the most homey environment.”

“Well, we can change that.”

“Yeah, I guess. I just never felt like putting the effort in.”

She rolls her eyes at me.

“I have to be honest, I’m a little frustrated you didn’t tell me sooner. I don’t love that you two have been keeping things from me. It feels pretty shitty.”

“I know, I’m sorry. We just didn’t want to distract you while you were out here trying to work. I knew you missed us and I was afraid we’d make it worse, plus you’ve been so busy and we both know how important it was for you to do a good job here. We didn’t want to add to your stress.”

“I understand that, I do. Can you give me just a minute?”

She crosses the room to the bathroom, then shuts the door behind her. I stare at the spot she just vacated, praying I didn’t just drive a wedge between my sister and I. She is the only family I feel close to at this point in my life, and if I lost her I don’t know what I’d do. The hockey contract doesn’t even matter if I don’t have her.

I pull out my phone to text Cami while I wait.

Me

I told her. She said she needed a minute and left the room. I don’t know what to do.

Cami

OMG go after her

Me

She said she needed a minute. I want to give her time to process.

Cami

But not too much time

Me

How much time is too much time?

Cami

Just feel it out but don’t wait too long. She’s probably just feeling weird about the fact that she’s been gone for a month and not only has life continued without her, but now her brother and best friend are dating. Fake or not, that’s a lot

Me

You’re right. I’ll go check on her.

I stand outside the bathroom door, trying to get the nerve to knock. Hearing my sister’s quiet sniffle pushes me over the edge, and I skip straight past knocking and just push open the door. She’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her head in her hands and softly crying. I move to sit down next to her and drape my arm over her back, pulling her into my side.

“I’m sorry, Lan, I didn’t mean to make you cry. It’s Christmas Eve.”

“No, it’s okay. I think I’m just having a lot of emotions and I get that this whole thing isn’t real right now, but you two are perfect for each other. I’ve been sitting here for the past ten minutes thinking about how if I could pick someone for you it would be her, and vice versa. I hear you that it’s fake, but imagining you together is…magic.”

“Magic?”

“Mmhmm. And If I can see that, I guarantee you it isn’t long before one of you does, if you haven’t already. Then what happens when you become each other’s person and I’m left on the sidelines?”

“You would never be left on the sidelines. We might find and explore a new side to our friendship, which is not happening by the way,” I say as I give her a stern look. She doesn’t look convinced. “But we will both always need you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She gives me a watery smile and leans her head on my shoulder.

“Are you mad?” I ask again, hoping to get an honest answer this time.

“It stings a little, but I understand why you didn’t say anything. Work has been crazy and it would have added to that. I want you to know, though, if this changes course and it turns into something more than faking, I approve.”

“Alana, you were just sitting here crying and stressing about Cami and I fake dating. Are you sure you’d approve of it being real?”

“I just needed a minute to freak out, but I’m good now. The more I think about it, the more I see how well you compliment each other. Cami needs a little grounding in her life, and you could use some fun. Plus, you’re both phenomenal people.”

I stare at her, confused how we’re now considering this thing between Cami and I to be something real.

“I’m just saying, if either of you ever decides to make this more, you have my blessing, but if it does go that direction, please just tell me, okay? Don’t keep it from me.”

I sit there, staring down at her for longer than is considered polite, until she laughs at me and shakes her head.

“Um, okay. Okay I will.”

“Good.”

A little while later, she gathers her things and heads back to their apartment. I decide to stay here for the night to give them time to make up, because I certainly don’t want to be there for that, and I’ll go and join them in the morning.

I lay in bed for hours thinking about my sister’s words.

If either of you ever decides to make this more…