Theodore sat sipping his tea and allowing the girlish chatter to flow around him.
There had been so much going on that he had little time to contemplate the scare he had that morning.
His first sight of Catherine sitting there chatting with her sisters and Georgiana had been quickly marred when she started choking.
Though she was fine now, those moments when he knew she was unable to breathe seemed to last an eternity.
His heart raced, still just thinking of how close he had come to losing her.
One thing was for certain: the question of how deep his emotions were had been answered.
This wasn't a casual inclination; it was an intense, emotionally charged longing.
He realized his racing heart and cold terror were directly related to how much he loved her.
Even now he found himself repeatedly glancing her way, as if to reassure himself that she was alive and well.
He was glad he had decided to come visit this morning.
Not only was there the possibility that Miss Catherine could have died without his aid, but he had also learned what he needed to know.
Though he had always enjoyed his time with all the Bennet ladies, he was realizing how much he thoroughly enjoyed conversing with Miss Catherine.
He had wanted to aid her when she first rushed off at the sight of the commotion, but Lydia had held him back, telling him to watch. She had reminded him that Miss Catherine had come a long way, and it was good to see her courage rising to the occasion. She would not want anything to hamper it.
Theodore was glad he had stood back. She had been a sight to behold, helping both the soldier and the boy and doing it without any condescension, treating them both with respect and kindness.
He was certain that both the soldier and young lad would be better for the interaction.
Her kindness alone had soothed something in him that was still injured from his time in the military.
A sudden giggle from Georgiana alerted him to the fact that he had missed something while he was lost in thought. “I am sorry, I was not attending. What did I miss?”
Georgiana smiled at his discomposure but filled him in on his lapse. “Do not worry, we were only talking about what kind of biscuits we preferred. It appears that we all made different selections for the most part. But you did not respond when asked about your preference.”
“Oh, that was rather rude of me. I must admit, I had my mind on other matters.” Theodore tugged slightly at his cravat and averted his gaze, but not before catching what appeared to be a blush on Catherine’s cheeks.
Mary, who sat next to him on his left, patted his hand reassuringly. “No harm done. Here, we will start again. I just love the lemon biscuits they have here. What is your favorite, Colonel Theodore?”
“I think I prefer the less sweet items, though this chocolate biscuit is quite good. I find the slight bitterness to be quite enjoyable.” Theodore resisted the temptation to let his mind wander again and directed his full attention to the conversation. He had ruminated enough for the morning.
Theodore waited until the others had gotten into a side conversation about the merits of some type of a new hat before turning to Miss Catherine, who sat on his right.
“I realize this is your first season, Miss Catherine, and you haven't been in London very much before now, but have you found yourself enjoying it? What do you enjoy doing while in London?” He knew it might not be nice, but he was wondering what she would say and how it would compare to Lady Lavinia’s vapid response from the night before.
“Though I most certainly prefer living in the country to the city, there are things I have found I was rather not fond of. I was at the menagerie they had, but I found it rather sad to see the beautiful animals all in cages, and I must admit we go to the museum rather more than I would like.” Pausing, she smiled broadly before continuing.
“The museum is something that Lizzie and William absolutely love, so we go rather frequently. Recently I have spent my time observing them instead of the exhibits. I rather enjoy watching them debate about whatever they are viewing. The love they have for each other is something special, something to be envied and sought after even.”
“Indeed, it is something for the record books, or better yet, the poets,” Theodore agreed wholeheartedly.
He desperately longed for the kind of love that Darcy had and believed that searching for it was worth the effort.
Knowing he wasn’t the only one on such a quest was heartening.
The mere idea of Miss Catherine wanting it too stirred something inside him.
“I am sure there are things you enjoy doing beyond watching Elizabeth and Darcy argue.”
Miss Catherine gave a slow grin. “My time in London does have its advantages. I am not the music lover that Georgiana, Mary, or even Lizzie is, but I enjoy the theater and symphony. Though, I wish that all the other attendees were less concerned with seeing and being seen. It can be quite distracting, all their gawping. All my masters are here and the lessons I receive are quite enjoyable. I know my painting has improved greatly as well as my work with pastels.”
It was most certainly a different answer from what he had heard from Lady Lavinia.
Miss Catherine had something so much more real about her.
She disregarded societal norms on acceptable conversation and boldly expressed her opinions, irrespective of popular views on the matter.
“I am glad that you have found things that you like while in London.
The country's slower pace of life and connection to nature make it more appealing to me than the fast-paced and artificial environment of the city. Would you believe I know people who stay here year-round? But I do not think I could do it.”
Miss Catherine shook her head disapprovingly. “Nor I. I truly doubt I will be able to maintain my equanimity for the whole of the season. The marriage mart events are rather less enjoyable than I would have hoped.”
Theodore found it interesting that neither of them were truly happy at the season's social events.
Though he would like to wash his hands of the whole thing, he knew he did not have that option.
“The thought that I will have to be active in the season regularly, and possibly the little season as well, has been rather daunting.”
“I had heard it mentioned that you were considering taking your brother's seat in parliament. I did not know you were fond of debates and putting forth legislation and the like.” Miss Catherine's eyebrows had drawn together, making the cutest little crease on her forehead.
As distracted as he was falling in love with the crease between Miss Catherine’s eyebrows, Theodore still managed to respond. “I never would have considered it if not for Cedric’s death, but I feel the need to be true to what he worked for in helping people.”
Miss Catherine paused and looked at him sharply for a moment before smiling softly. “Helping people is an admirable goal, and I hope you find a way to do it while being true to yourself. There are as many ways to help people as there are grains of sand on the seashore.”
Theodore hesitated and would have questioned her statement if Elizabeth had not drawn his attention.
She had taken the opportunity to remind them all that the proprietor would most likely want their table back, and they had dawdled over their tea long enough.
The clatter of dishes and chairs as they left the teashop drowned out the possibility of Theodore resuming their conversation. Perhaps it was for the best.
The first thing he heard when he returned home was, “Where have you been all day?”
Handing his outer things to the footman at the door, Theodore turned to spot his mother standing as she was prone to on the stairs.
He was starting to think she had sentinels to alert her when he was walking down the street so she could pounce on him as soon as he walked through the door.
Was this the only way she would greet him now that he was an earl?
He managed to keep his expression neutral, even though he felt like grimacing and rolling his eyes.
He faced her directly. “I was out. You did not have any dinners planned for us to attend this morning, did you?”
Huffing in exasperation, his mother looked down at him as she had when he was a child.
“Don’t be obtuse! I would hope that you would keep me informed of your social engagements.
I know you are trying to cultivate the right image I would hate for you to undo that unthinkingly.
Being seen with the wrong people can cause more harm than you understand at this point. ”
Looking up at his mother, he became distracted by the fact that she always seemed to confront him while she had the advantage of height.
It was a sound military strategy, though he did not appreciate it being used against him.
Climbing the stairs so they could speak at less of an angle, he responded to her claim.
“Mother, you are being unreasonable. I know Cedric never kept you informed of his every movement. You certainly do not tell me who you are meeting for tea.”
“Cedric was aware of the unwritten rules of society, while you are still trying to figure out the intricacies of it all.
I know you expressed a desire to follow in your brother's footsteps. I just do not want to see you disappointed.” His mother pressed her hand to her lips, her face contorted with emotion.
“Do not worry, Mother. It takes a lot to disappoint me. Besides, I was accompanying all the ladies from Darcy House on a shopping trip. Perfectly respectable, perfectly amiable, and I had a very enjoyable morning. In fact, I had a very interesting conversation with Miss Catherine.”
“Is that right?”
Theodore smiled at his mother. He knew she had said she wanted them to grow closer now that it was just the two of them.
She was quite prickly, but he hoped they could put forth the effort to bridge the gap.
“Yes, she is a remarkable woman. I have enjoyed coming to know her better this season. I want to wash up a bit from the grime of outdoors, but why don’t we sit down and have some tea? We can talk about our days.”
His mother remained motionless for a second, her smile appearing to be frozen in place, before she shook her head.
“No, I do not want to bother you. I know you complain you do not have enough time to yourself, and we do not have any dinner plans. Why don’t you relax, and I will see that the cook sends you a tray and some tea.
” Turning, his mother hurried down the stairs.
He stared after her for a moment, wondering if he should follow her, but he did not know what he would say. Turning back, he continued up the stairs and into his room. Perhaps he would finally have the time to finish the next section of The Art of War .
Theodore sat in his chair, staring at the words on the page.
He was normally a dab hand at reading French, but his mind could not seem to focus on the words.
They danced and flitted before his eyes, almost mocking his efforts to read and better himself.
He knew his mind was wandering, unable to focus on reading, as it was preoccupied with thoughts of Miss Catherine and the delightful morning they had spent together.
There had been something about her instant movement to aid the wounded soldier.
As the soldier moved away, Theodore noticed his limp was so pronounced that he was unable to walk without heavily relying on his crutch.
That could have been Theodore. Probably would have been him if not for his batman and his family’s money that provided a clean environment and medical care.
Theodore knew one of the reasons Cedric had been fighting to put forth benefits for wounded soldiers was his own injury.
Cedric had seen what the war had done to him and wanted to help others who likewise suffered.
It was a wonderful cause, and Theodore could not help but want to support his brother’s noble efforts.
Yet Miss Catherine had been very insistent that he did not lose himself in the attempt.
Was that a possibility? Was he at risk of losing who he was by trying to see to his brother's work? The task he had taken up, fulfilling his brother’s aspirations, was not a bad one.
He had been lost before his brother had died and with his death, Theodore saw a purpose that he could take up.
Having something to work towards was something he needed.
He was tired of wandering aimlessly through life.
In a fit of frustration, he huffed and threw himself out of his chair, causing it to scrape against the floor.
He was getting nowhere, trying to ponder if he was losing himself by trying to take on his brother’s legacy.
It was possible he was losing himself to the effort.
He would normally never put up with all the dinners and social events his mother was suggesting.
While he was doing it with the thought that it was for his brother, enough of those kinds of actions and he would not be able to recognize himself.
Pacing around the room, Theodore debated what he owed to his brother.
His brother did anything he could to help him.
Shouldn’t he return the favor? Somehow, the idea was less appealing than it once was.
After a fruitless period of pacing, Theodore surrendered to the fact that he wouldn't be deciphering the issue that day.
Instead of getting stuck in the quagmire of his confusing circumstances, Theodore shifted his focus to something more promising.
Miss Catherine was something much better to contemplate.
Now that he knew that he truly had feelings for her, what was he going to do about it?
He resolved to court her, and hopefully she would eventually come to reciprocate his feelings. He would also need to speak with Darcy and let him know of the development. Theodore could only hope that his feelings for Darcy’s sister-in-law wouldn't cause too much trouble.
Table of Contents
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