“I often find myself out of doors when my family thinks it is much better to be indoors. The sights I have been able to see when I do so have been worth the occasional red nose. We ought to walk the paths. It will help us stay warm,” she advised.
“Elizabeth, I want to speak with you about something, but I fear I cannot do so without putting my boot in my mouth again.”
Elizabeth found his confession so endearing, she could not care less what subject he would bring up. “I am confident that I will decipher your meaning, even if your words may fall short. You may proceed.”
“I know that people in my position in society, and the ton, have certain expectations and perceptions; they look down on everyone. You have no connections and no dowry, I am told. Most people I know would view this as completely unacceptable. Even members of my family will deride me for wanting to form a connection with you. Yet, I am struggling in vain to find the words to express the depths of my love for you.” Darcy felt the weight of his inadequacy as he hung his head, knowing his words could never be called elegant or inspiring.
The touch of icy fingers on his chin brought his head up enough to look Elizabeth in the eyes. Ever expressive, their jeweled depths whispered to him of hope.
While Elizabeth questioned why he felt the need to bring up his domineering family’s opinions, that was unimportant.
What was important was that as she thought of his love, a feeling of warmth spread through her whole body, and her stomach fluttered with excitement.
“Now, I know you did not mean to say that my family and I are beneath you. Or that you see my place in society is unimportant. Or that my dowry and family are not good enough for you. Could you be saying that you love me despite having a very judgmental family and connections?”
Darcy grabbed onto the possibilities he saw in her eyes and his heart seemed to swell in his chest. “Thank you for understanding my garbled declaration. I do not want you to decide without understanding the potential hindrances.” Taking her icy hands in his, he held them to his chest, where she could feel the warmth of each beat of his heart.
“Are you asking me a question, Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth felt her fear of having a marriage like her mother’s raise its ugly head, though she tried to fight against it. She refused to tolerate the idea that Mr. Darcy was even remotely similar to her domineering father.
“Would you do me the honor of permitting a courtship? I would not want you to feel rushed into anything. I want to give you the opportunity to learn more about me and my family.” He presented his heart to her, and as he stood there, the sound of his pounding heart echoing in his ears.
He ardently hoped for an affirmative answer.
Elizabeth would take her future in her hands with her actions but believed it would turn out all right. She decided she would dare to hope. “I would treasure the opportunity to be courted by you, Mr. Darcy.”
After too short a time, enjoying the glory of fall and the delight of their burgeoning relationship, they went inside to the morning room.
There they found Mrs. Ansley busily stitching on a project.
“I know you are concerned about your family being an issue, but I am worried about my father being an issue.” They had many things to discuss, and they were both becoming chilled walking in the garden.
The morning room was comfortable, mostly because Caroline Bingley had not yet had the chance to redo it.
Despite the slight signs of wear, Elizabeth enjoyed the warmth and comfort of the forest green settee by the fire.
“I have heard that he is not the best of men, but I did not want to pry into a painful subject.” Darcy knew he had his share of memories of his parents that he did not like to think about.
He wished that she did not have that pain, but knew that was unlikely.
“How do you think he would react to my request to court you?”
“My father has never had to deal with interest in any of his daughters, so I do not know. I would think he would not be happy. He would jump at an offer if he thought you would make me miserable, but I really cannot say. I fear he might say yes, but forbid my mother or sisters any contact with me. Or something else like that.”
“Would you think it would work to our benefit to request to court you before or after you get home?” Darcy wanted to go about things correctly. However, that might not be possible.
“I could say nothing with certainty. I can only tell you he will want to cause pain to more than just me.” Elizabeth wished she could just take her sisters and escape from him.
“One of the worst things about living with my father is how he feels the need to be critical of everyone and everything around him. Every time we eat at the dinner table, especially if he knows we have enjoyed something recently, he gets especially nasty. He likes to make us all live a bleak life.”
“I cannot say how much it hurts me to hear you live like that. I wish I could help.” Darcy found it harder than had imagined picturing her going back home to that man.
“I wish we were able to just leave, but my father has control over us just as he does the books in his study. He has the power by law to decide where and how we live. Frankly, he could cast us all into the fire as easy as he would a book,” Elizabeth grumbled angrily at the situation they found themself in.
“But is not Jane of age? She could marry and lead a happy life somewhere.” Darcy wondered why Jane was still at home if things were that desperate. She was very striking, and she had spent time in London, or so she said.
“Yet she cannot because she knows what it is her family is experiencing back at home. She also knows how terrible Father can get when pushed.” The thought of leaving the others behind filled both Jane and Elizabeth with dread.
“What is your father capable of?” Darcy questioned with a sinking feeling.
“When Kitty was maybe eight, we had a dismal and wet winter, and she developed a hacking cough that never seemed to go away. We feared for her health, and that is when Jane became so fascinated with the stillroom, as she was looking for something to heal Kitty. One morning, Papa was suffering from a night of too much drinking; he had been in an argument about a blocked stream the day before and had not taken it well. I think his head ached something fierce and that morning at the breakfast table, when she could not stop her hacking for breath, he squeezed her wrist so tightly she cried out. By the time the screaming was over, and he finally let go, her little wrist was so blue it was almost black. Mr. Jones had a salve that helped her wrist, but everything has filled her with dread since then.” Elizabeth had felt guilty ever since that she could not protect her sister.
“Would it bother you if I tell you I think I detest your father?” Finding he could no longer remain still, Darcy stood and paced, drawing the attention of Mrs. Ansley.
“And now you understand why I am always walking or practicing archery. I have not the power to walk away or shoot him with an arrow, so I practice until I am ready to make a move.” She stretched out her toes towards the fire, feeling its warmth on her skin, and hoping that a solution would soon present itself.
Elizabeth had grown up knowing that knowledge was power.
As much as she hated to disclose the nasty details of her past and her father, she knew it was necessary to be prepared for the battle she knew was to come.
“I would be the one to help you make that move if you will let me. You have been a great help to me. You have enabled me to cope with my struggles. It would please me to return the favor,” Darcy soothed. returning to her side and taking her hand.
“If you want to help me stop my father, it is best to have all the pieces of the picture. I recall being around the age of eleven when I came to understand that my father had no concern for his tenants. He only cared for his port and his books and did not want to be bothered about leaky roofs or sick children or broken threshing equipment. Do not even ask about crop rotation or animal husbandry.” Elizabeth spoke about her father while picking at a run in the settee’s fabric with her thumbnail.
“If he had put the least effort into anything to improve the estate, he would have a greater profit margin. Why could he not see something that simple?” Such a lack of foresight confused Darcy.
“He knows that he could have increased dividends, but it was a matter of principle to him. My mother learned at the beginning of their marriage that my father was exceedingly angry about his lot in life. He was happy at Oxford and had hopes of becoming a fellow when there was an accident and that killed both his parents and his older brother. When his grandfather, who was still alive, summoned him back to Longbourn, he was furious. He did not want to leave the life he had built for himself at Oxford. When his grandfather forced the issue, he vowed to let Longbourn crumble as revenge.” Elizabeth often found her father frustrating, but his need for revenge made him petty and small in her eyes.
“Well, that is a case of cutting off your nose to spite your face if I ever heard of one.” Hardly anyone got exactly what they wanted in life, but it sounded like Mr. Bennet was acting like a cruel child.
“He picked my mother to marry because, as he later told her, she was the least suitable candidate he could find. She had never learned the skills necessary to manage an estate, as her father was the town solicitor. At sixteen, she was vibrant and na?ve, believing she was in love when he showered her with affection. It was only after they were married that she saw his true nature. He wanted her to fail and to bring disgrace on the Bennet name, but he did not anticipate his grandmother taking her under her wing. She helped my mother until her death, just after I was born. In remembrance of her, Mama gave Catherine her name.” Elizabeth often wished she could remember the lady who had been so kind to her mother and had helped them all in such a way.
“I have always thought well of your mother and that is doubly the case now. Would you care for tea? I can ask for some to be brought up.” Darcy could not imagine a young girl, only slightly older than Georgiana, having to deal with a petulant swine like that.
He sounded much like Wickham, wanting the world to fall to his demands and causing problems when he did not get what he wanted.
“Tea would be lovely.” Elizabeth smiled at Mr. Darcy sitting next to her.
He was very considerate. Watching his interaction with the maid, she felt grateful, knowing that he was considerate of people from all stations.
Not only had he asked for enough tea for Mrs. Ansley, but he was also thoughtful in asking after the maid’s mother, who had been sick.
“Though my father has great pride in his intelligence, he had a very limited field of study. My solicitor grandfather counted on this and wrote several things into the settlements that we ladies have used to our advantage. My father has suspected nothing, and we can help our tenants when they require it.”
“How so?” Darcy had heard that they supported the necessary things on their own, but he had never figured out the details of such an endeavor.
“The interest from my mother’s dowry goes back into the fund so that they reinvest it until my father dies or signs a form releasing the dividends to her.
She will not be penniless on my father’s death, which he often tells her, by the way.
Her dowry has doubled during their marriage, providing her with enough money to live on if needed.
Her pin money, which would normally come from her dowry, comes from his estate.
He never asked for advice from anyone, so he did not know this was unusual.
Also, the settlement states that her pin money would increase by twenty pounds a year with every child she bore.
After bearing him five daughters, her pin money has doubled.
All of us girls have a stipulated amount of pin money too, all coming from the estate and slightly larger than would be normal.
Since my father feels he is above managing his money, he has left the bookkeeping to his brother-in-law, the town solicitor.
As long as his money for port and books stays the same, he does not much care what happens.
” She shook her head in frustration at how carelessly he handled his management duties.
“I would say he is certainly not as intelligent as he presumes.” Darcy laughed and then prepared tea as Elizabeth liked it, as he had noticed she was having difficulty stirring the tea with a broken arm. Passing her the tea, he prepared himself for more of her father’s tomfoolery.
“Mother should be here to see me this morning after breakfast. I hope we could talk to her and see if there is a plan we could come up with. Mama has spent most of her life learning to deal with my father’s tantrums. She may have some words of wisdom for us.
” Elizabeth had missed her mother and was looking forward to being able to see her.
“Though I have enjoyed my time alone with you, I would hate to keep you from breakfast, and the others are probably gathering to eat now. What do you think of joining them?” Darcy suggested, offering his hand to help her stand.
“I would love to go to breakfast with you, Mr. Darcy.” She stood, taking his hand, and walked with him to the door.
“I do not want to appear too forward, but would you consider calling me by my first name?” Darcy requested, yearning to hear his name on her lips.
“Fitzwilliam takes up a lot of space on the tongue. How do you feel about a more succinct version?” Elizabeth looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with mirth.
“I would not have any qualms about it, so long as I receive the same opportunity. Would you be against the idea of me giving you a pet name?” Darcy liked the idea of being the only one to use the name he chose. He also liked the idea of her doing the same for him.
“I think that is a brilliant idea.” She placed her good hand into the crook of his elbow as they walked to breakfast. She tried out different variations of his name in her mind to determine the best option.
Table of Contents
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