The timing of Catherine’s inhale was quite unfortunate. She had just taken a bite of breakfast when Theodore entered the room, and her startled gasp firmly lodged the bite of bread firmly in her throat. Her eyes began to water, and her face grew hot with panic as she realized she could not breathe.
A hand grabbed Catherine, and she could feel the strong thuds on her back as they tried to dislodge the bread.
Things had started to turn hazy, and her knees gave out.
She was vaguely aware of an arm slipping around her waist, and then a sudden forceful blow to her back forcing the food from her throat.
Air rushed into her lungs and she coughed painfully, nearly gagging as she struggled to breathe.
Her cheeks were stained with tears as she fought to regain control of her breathing, each breath shaky and uneven.
Her eyes clenched tight as she focused only on the life-giving oxygen slipping into her abused lungs.
Eventually she realized that she was being supported, cradled really, against a large warm chest and there was a comforting murmur in her ear.
“That’s right, take slow breaths.” Theodore’s voice was a mere whisper, more to be felt than heard.
Catherine blinked several times, her eyes still hazy as she struggled to regain her bearings.
Across the room she could see Lydia, Mary, and Georgiana, each face etched with worry.
Looking down, she found an arm wrapped firmly around her waist. She was being held by Theodore.
One of his hands was caressing her hair, soothing her as she trembled.
Was it the lack of air making her feel this way, or just him?
Either way, the electric tingle was back and stronger than ever.
It radiated from every place he touched her and refused to be ignored.
He had saved her life and held her to his chest, whispering to her soothingly.
How would she ever be able to act unaffected around him now?
The moment passed too quickly, leaving a sense of longing. He took a step back and gently led her to a nearby chair. Crouching down in front of her, he stared into her eyes, seeming to search for something in their depths. “Are you well?”
If only his look meant what she hoped it would.
Catherine's heart ached with the desire to have his love, but she forced herself to move on.
She was a young woman with little to no connection to high society and he was a mature man who had just become an earl.
It was not possible he would ever see her that way.
She knew her hopes were naive and unattainable.
She felt her face burn with humiliation, and her heart lurched in her chest. What must he think?
“I am so embarrassed. I do not know how that happened.” Her voice was a mere whisper and sounded odd to her own ears.
“Just so long as you are well.” Theodore's response sounded hoarse and strained.
Catherine hesitated on hearing his voice, but she could not think too much about it before Elizabeth materialized and physically pushed him out of her way.
Theodore moved to the side and allowed Elizabeth to embrace her.
Catherine collapsed gratefully into her sister.
As much as she cherished her time with Theodore, it proved overwhelming.
Breathing in Elizabeth’s familiar sent, Catherine soaked in the comfort that her sister had always brought to her.
Leaning back, Elizabeth smoothed Catherine’s hair away from her face. “I thought we had lost you, sweet girl. You are not allowed to scare me like that again.”
“I will try my best. It not an experience I want to repeat.” As she looked up, Catherine saw Mary's reassuring smile as she handed her a steaming cup of tea. Taking it with a trembling hand, she smiled gratefully at her older sister. “Thank you, Mary.”
Elizabeth smiled at Mary in gratitude as well and then, standing, she kissed Catherine on the head and nodded to the teacup.
“You drink that and take a moment to gather yourself.” Turning to Theodore, she smiled tearfully.
“Thank you for your swift action in saving my sister. I am sure you had not intended for such excitement when you came calling this morning. Is there something we can help you with?”
“It wasn't possible for me to do anything else.” Catherine could feel Theodore’s eyes on her as he responded to her sister. “I had simply thought to come and see what you ladies were doing this morning. I wanted to break free from my mother's plans, if only for a moment.”
Lydia giggled from where she sat, but there was a slight edge of hysteria in it, a lingering effect of the morning's dramatic events. “I do not think that you will want to join us today. We are shopping.”
Mary went to sit next to her, wrapping her arm around the younger girl that had obviously been affected by the stress of the morning. “I am sure you will be welcome to accompany us if you want. We may have difficulty finding a hat that complements your outfit, however.”
“That is a risk I will have to take. I'll have to rely on the possibility of stopping at a teahouse, as finding a hat to match my cravat seems unlikely.”
“I think we have a wonderful morning planned,” Lydia said, smiling. “Especially if you buy the biscuits.”
Catherine smiled at the merriment, but under that she dreaded what was to come.
She was barely holding it together. Being this close to him and knowing how hopeless her feelings were left her feeling close to tears.
Standing up, she squeezed Lizzie’s hand.
“I am going to go wash my face and see about freshening up a bit before we go.”
Maybe she could look at it as if she was practicing how to live her life without him?
As she walked up the stairs, she absentmindedly ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out the loose pins.
Keeping her hands busy did not help the fact that she still felt the warmth of his embrace and the strength of his arms as he held her steady.
How could she live the rest of her life without that incredible feeling and still find joy?
Pretending to shop for the perfect capote bonnet was not so very hard.
She had spent many convivial hours shopping with her sisters in her nineteen years, so certain things were habitual.
She could not have said what any of the bonnets looked like if asked five minutes later, but she reassured herself in thinking that no one could tell that she was discomposed.
Lydia came up to her with a length of ribbon in her hands and studied the bonnet she held. “I think that bonnet would really suit you. Are you going to get it?”
“I could not say,” Catherine admitted. “I seem to be unable to decide.” Actually looking at the hat in her hands, she did contemplate purchasing it.
The brim was just the right angle and had a lovely green ribbon that would match her eyes, though it was too green to be considered peacock blue.
It was an unusual find, but did she really need another bonnet?
She had plenty of them at home. Did she even care?
Coming over, Colonel Theodore took the bonnet from her and looked at it, then back at Catherine.
“I think that bonnet would look stunning on you. It matches your eyes perfectly. You should get it.” Handing it back to her with a flourish, Theodore looked at her expectantly, one of his old grins back on his face.
“I think I will,” she decided. She could not help but get it, not with him smiling at her like that. She held the bonnet with numb fingers and tried not to gaze too intently into his smiling face. How did he know that it would complement her eyes? Exactly how close was he looking at her?
Forcing herself to smile at Theodore, she tried to walk casually over to Elizabeth and Georgiana to show them the bonnet. He was entirely too charming for her own good.
The times were gone when Catherine carried her own packages.
Some days, she missed not being able to carry her own things.
Ever since Elizabeth had married William, she had a footman who went with them on errands and carried packages.
Today she would have been grateful to have her hands full of packages instead of wrapped around Theodore’s arm. His very well-defined arm.
At least the depth of her bonnet’s brim prevented her flush from being seen by him.
She hoped so, at least. She would be mortified if it didn’t.
Elizabeth and Mary had gone into a bookshop as they always did, and now Catherine walked with Theodore, Lydia, and Georgiana, looking in the windows of the stores.
There was not anything she wanted to buy, though she could have sworn that she had made a list yesterday.
A commotion up ahead drew her attention.
Several young children were jeering at what appeared to be a fallen soldier whose crutch had either broken or had been kicked out from under him.
The soldier gave a fleeting attempt to get up, only to fall once more, resulting in even more sneers and laughter.
The way the soldier’s shoulders slumped at the children’s cruel words spoke of a pain that Catherine was all too familiar with.
Unable to watch the young soldier being abused any longer, Catherine made the snap decision to do something about it.
Letting go of Theodore’s arm, she rushed forward and confronted the boys.
“Can you explain what's going on? What would your mothers say?” she demanded, crossing her arms. Turning to the soldier, she looked him over to see if he was injured from his fall.
“I am sorry for being a trouble, miss.” The young, injured soldier hung his head, almost collapsing within himself.
His weary demeanor belied his youthful features, making her wonder if he had experienced more than his fair share of hardships.
The uniform that hung on his slight frame was faded and frayed at the edges.
Table of Contents
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