Page 38

Lillian

__________

T hanksgiving is in two days and I’m a nervous wreck.

Not about the food or cooking, but the company.

Our initial plans were to head over to Nolan’s house, since he hosts the dinners there every year, but apparently Morgan wants to stay home this year since his parents fly in tomorrow night and I have no idea what to do with myself.

Mackenzie and I went shopping last weekend and she helped me fill up my closet with a new wardrobe. Morgan and I still have our separate bedrooms, but I have been sleeping in his room most nights for the past few weeks.

Winter hasn’t really hit us yet, I was hoping for some snow by now. It’s fucking cold enough for the white stuff.

I stare at myself in the mirror as I pull on some comfortable clothes before I start on breakfast. Avery has the week off, so all three girls slept in. At least Morgan is able to be here on Thursday and Friday before flying out to California for the weekend.

And his parents are staying here for a week… with us. Alone. Without Morgan.

I groan to myself as I leave my bedroom and start whipping up eggs and pancakes, flipping bacon, and frying up some sausage. I already chopped up a ton of fruit yesterday, so that makes my life a little easier today.

I hear Mackenzie chuckling as she leaves her room. She enters the kitchen with her face buried in her phone as she taps out a reply to whoever she’s talking to.

She snaps her gaze to me and her cheeks flush before she clears her throat. “I… Uh. I heard back from my lawyer this morning. The asshole that…” She presses her lips together and she glances away as tears fill her eyes. “They dropped the charges.”

My jaw drops and I hurry to turn off the burners before I race over to her and pull her into my arms. I can’t burn any of this food and have the smoke alarms going off again.

She wraps her arms around me and burrows her face into my neck, I feel her hot tears trailing down my chest. “What the fuck? Mack, I am so sorry. What can we do? Do you want to talk to Andy again?”

She shakes her head and steps back, wiping under her eyes.

“No, he’s done enough. The guy he set me up with has been incredible.

We’re going to be filing a motion and just…

hoping for the best. He has everything. The police reports, the photos, and even my clothes from that night that the cops finally shipped out to me a few weeks ago. ”

I sigh as I lean back against the island and stare up at the bright white ceiling. Shit. “Do you need to go back there?”

She shakes her head and scoffs, “Hell no. I’m never setting foot in Vegas again. I’m happier here… I’m working full time at the restaurant. I love my job. I have enough saved up for a condo closer to the arena…”

I frown and stare into her deep green eyes. “You’re moving out?”

She slowly smiles and nods. “Yes! I found the perfect place. Brand new building, and there’s elevators, a door man, top-notch security. Guards, the works. Nolan actually helped me find it.”

My brows raise and I smirk at her. “Nolan, huh? You’ve been keeping in touch with him?” I turn and finish up breakfast while she giggles.

“Not really, but he’s a nice guy, I guess. He comes into my work but I haven’t gone out with him. We exchanged numbers, that’s all.”

I chuckle under my breath as I begin plating everything and pull the fruit out from the fridge. “He’s handsome…”

She rolls her eyes and helps me fill up some glasses of juice and water before sitting down across from me. “He is. A friend,” she shoots me a look and shovels her eggs into her mouth.

I search her face and frown. A friend… Okay. Her face and body are healed, but heart and mind are not. I wish there was more I could do for her. At least she’s here. Safe.

I can’t believe that the piece of shit was just able to walk out of there. No charges whatsoever. I’m sickened, he could have killed her.

I grumble as I sit down beside her with my own plate and we eat in silence.

At least Avery’s school is only about ten minutes away from the arena, which is where Morgan has been searching for houses to buy for after he retires. I don’t really care where we live. I would be happy with them in a damn cardboard box out in the cold somewhere.

I’ve never been happier in my life.

I’m supported, loved, and cared for like I never have been before. Aside from the piles of bullshit from my past and the shit that Andy keeps sending me, that is.

I haven’t had another meeting with him since the first one a few weeks ago. We went over everything with the Wilders’, but nothing about my biological or adoptive families.

My last email from him a few days ago said that he has some updates and wants to set up a time for him to come over to go through it all. I just hope it’s not more bad news.

I just want to wash my hands of it all. My biological parents are dead. Richard and Lisa are in prison. Francis and Betty are dead. Why do I need to keep digging up my past?

The girls stalk in behind their dad and I send them all a wide smile. We all finish up breakfast and Morgan shoos us all out so that he can clean up. He has today and tomorrow off of practice, it’s strange having him here during the day when he’s been gone so much.

I blow a raspberry with my lips and corral the girls down to the playroom and wave off Mackenzie as she heads to her room to get ready. She said she’s going furniture shopping and to put down the down payment for the condo.

I bite down on my lip as I sit on the floor and paint with Tilly. I comb my fingers through her bright blonde bouncy curls and close my eyes after she sits down on my lap.

I kiss her head and breathe her in, relaxing into the sounds of their laughter and the TV blaring some show that Nessa chose.

I don’t know if I will ever actually, truly want a child of my own, but either way, these three girls have filled my heart with so much love and laughter, that it doesn’t even matter to me anymore if I can have biological children or not.

Mackenzie’s words strike my brain and I sigh. I need to sit Morgan down and tell him the whole truth. About the entirety of my childhood, how I really actually never wanted kids.

Sure, I love them. I want to teach them, nurture them, and save them all if I could. But I have no idea what I would do about raising one. Even if I’m fucking Morgan and falling for him more and more every day, I’m not really the girls’ mother.

I’m still technically their nanny. I cook, clean, and am there for them. I do everything a ‘mother’ would without the title. But when it comes to unconditional love? I have that in spades for them.

I just hope it will be enough.

______________

I buckle up my seat belt and feel like throwing up. Morgan chuckles from his seat beside me and starts to back up out of the garage. We’re taking his Escalade so that his parents will fit with the five of us comfortably. I’m a nervous wreck.

“Tell Lillian about grandma and grandpa, girls.”

Nessa claps and wiggles in her carseat. “They’re awesome, Lily! You’ll love them, I promise.”

Avery sighs from her seat and nods along to the song playing in the background. “They can be harsh, but they give us nice gifts for Christmas.”

I frown and stay facing forward as Morgan pulls onto the interstate.

“I just want them to like me.”

Avery snorts and kicks the back of my seat. “Stop worrying so much. What do you tell me when I’m nervous about a project or doing something new at school, worried about making friends in my after-school classes?”

I smile softly at her over my shoulder and flutter my lashes at her. “That you’re perfect the way you are, and if anyone gives you any trouble, to call me and I’ll kick their butts.”

She nods and smiles, “Exactly. So if grandma and grandpa are mean to you, then I’ll kick their butts!” All three girls cheer and Morgan just shakes his head.

“All right, girls. Calm down. No kicking anyone’s butts unless they hit you first,” he turns up the volume on the radio channel and wraps his hand around my thigh and squeezes. “You’re perfect, Lillian. Don’t worry about what my stuck up, hoity toity, asshole parents will think or say.”

I purse my lips and stay silent for the rest of the drive to the airport. We pull in and follow the signs for their arrival flight and we drive until his mother calls and lets him know where they’re waiting. I breathe in slowly through my nose and let it out of my mouth silently.

He pulls up to the curb in the darkened tunnel and I lick my dry lips. “Should I sit in the back?” I whisper to Morgan before he jumps out of the car.

His brows furrow and he shakes his head, he looks confused. “No. You’re fine where you are,” he exits the SUV and slams the door. I peek out of the tinted windows and find a gorgeous older couple waiting with at least twenty bags behind them on carts. My goodness. It’s just one week.

Avery snorts and shakes her head. “They always bring their entire wardrobes when they come, even if they’re only staying for a weekend.”

I hum and close my eyes and feel like screaming when the back doors open and they get settled.

The girls are talking over each other, greeting their grandparents.

I wait for them to settle before I turn and try to send them a welcoming smile as Morgan throws all of their bags in the trunk behind their seats.

I glance in between them as they buckle up in the third row. I send them a slight wave, clearing my throat. “Hi… I’m Lillian.”

Morgan’s mother takes one quick sweeping glance of me before she hums and pulls her tablet out of her massive purse, “Yes. I’ve heard about you, Ms. Sarsfield. You’re the nanny and also having inappropriate relations with my son.”

I slowly blink at her before moving my gaze to the three girls who are still talking and laughing with each other right behind me.