Page 30

Morgan

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I ’m frozen as I watch Lillian hug the girls before leaving… Walking down the hall with a duffel bag over her shoulder, holding her friend’s hand as she saunters toward the garage.

Leaving. She’s leaving.

I run my fingers through my hair and close my eyes, blowing out a soft breath. I… I don’t know what happened. I was just hoping she would just choose me. Us. Everything I said came out wrong, I don’t even know what’s happening. I’m a fucking idiot.

Avery sighs and bends down to tell her sisters to go play and she will be there in a second.

She turns once Tilly and Nessa are scrambling down the hall and pierces me with a glare.

“What did you do, dad? Lillian loves us… and you forced her to leave, didn’t you?

Does she not want to be here because mom showed up? Does she not love us, just like mom?”

I drop to my knees before her and shake my head, pulling her into my arms. Fuck.

“Oh, Ave. No. Lillian and I… we’re having a little argument right now.

She’ll be back, she just wants space, I promise.

She loves you girls so much, you girls go to her when you want comfort at night.

She’s here with you three all day every day and is the best woman in the world. She absolutely loves you.”

She frowns and glances away from me. “Do you love her?”

My breath catches and I clear my throat. “I… I don’t know. I like her a lot. I want her to follow her dreams, though. She’s young, Avery. You’ll understand when you’re a little older. I’m older than her, have you three girls. What if she wants her own kids one day?”

She sighs. “But you don’t love her and don’t want to marry her? Is it because of us?”

I grimace. “We barely broached the subject of kids… Ave, I don’t even know what the he… heck is going on lately. Lillian and I have a lot to talk about but I promise it has nothing to do with you or your sisters. Let’s head into the playroom and I’ll order pizza or something.”

I’m out of it for the rest of the day. I barely manage to get Tilly on the toilet before she’s peeing all over me and the floor, but somehow we made it through the day. We had pizza, popcorn, juice and chips. I have no idea what we’ll do for dinner but probably more takeout.

I’ve been sending Lillian messages and calling her every so often, I’m a nervous wreck not knowing where she is. Avery’s words keep spinning through my addled mind… love?

Maybe? I know I care for her more than I ever let myself feel for Brittany. I think it was just too forced with my ex-wife, because she was pregnant. I used the puck bunnies as needed for sex. I never really had a serious relationship outside of college. There was no point.

No one wanted to be with me for my personality.

I was fond of Brittany after she delivered Avery. She's the mother of my children. But she’s a rotten, sick woman. I do fucking hope she’s in rehab on her own accord and wants a real relationship with the girls.

So far Malek and Andy haven’t told me anything about her stay there. Or I just haven’t been checking my emails as frequently as I used to.

I race across the room when my phone starts to ring and I furrow my brows when I see Andy’s name flashing. Maybe his ears were burning. I answer and step out into the backyard and collapse down onto a chair, staring out at the dark lake through the slats of the fence.

There’s a slight breeze, I close my eyes and breathe in the chilling air.

“Hey.”

“I’m trying to get in touch with Lillian, can I speak with her?”

I grunt. “She left earlier, she’s probably staying at a hotel. What’s up?”

Andy sighs. “I need to speak to her about it first. It’s…

a lot. She asked me if I was able to find anything on her birth parents.

I wasn’t even going to check until after our meeting this week but I decided to start on it anyway…

and there’s an update on the Wilder children, Betty’s kids. It’s all important.”

I tap my fingers against the metal table and let out a long breath. “I’ll try to call her.” I hang up and immediately try calling her over and over until she finally answers.

“Jesus, Morgan. Are the girls okay?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes… yes. Call Andy back… he says it’s important and he’s been trying to get ahold of you.”

She grumbles and sighs. “I told him we would go over everything at our meeting once I pay him and sign the paperwork, what the hell did he already come up with?”

“Something about your… birth parents and Betty’s kids. It’s urgent.”

She hangs up on me right away and I stare up at the darkening sky. I already miss the sound of her voice. I wish that I could be with her right now. What if she needs me?

I’ve gone about this the wrong way, I was an idiot. I was trying to protect her, obviously forgetting how much this woman has been through.

How she was controlled, sold… had to grow up at such a young age. Hell, even losing the ability to have children and then being cheated on, being fired from her job, and moved across the country, then everything with Betty.

It feels like I’ve been along for the ride and have known her for so much longer than I have. I feel like shit.

She’s magnificent and I’ve been treating her as if she’s still too young to make her own decisions. I told myself that I was just shielding her, but I think I was just protecting myself. The last time I let a woman into my heart she fucking scooped it out, ate it, then burned it in the backyard.

I wish she was here so that I could comfort her.

As soon as I step inside, I hear the doorbell ringing incessantly. Avery and the girls are in the kitchen drinking some water and eating some crackers. “Dad, the doorbell has been ringing for a few minutes.”

I grunt and shake my head, shuffling down the hall to the front door. Why didn’t they knock on the back door to let me know? I glance through the peephole and throw the door open, frowning at Nolan.

“What’s going on?”

He sighs and steps inside, handing me a six pack of beer on his way in. “I need to get out of my head, man. You’re right… I need to talk about Marie and James before I snap and ruin friendships.”

I glare at the ceiling and shut the front door, leading him to the kitchen. Of course, today of all days. “Well, I have the girls. You’re not the only one having… woman issues right now. Lillian and Mackenzie left earlier.”

He snaps his head towards me and frowns. “Who’s Mackenzie and what the fuck did you do? Lillian is perfect for you! How did you fuck this up?”

I send Avery a look and she lightly shoves the girls back towards the playroom. “Have a seat. What sounds good for dinner?”

________________

My phone is silent for the rest of the night. Not a peep from Lillian or Andy. My fingers are itching to call either of them for answers, or even a meager update. Just to hear her voice. Anything.

Nolan is sitting in the backyard starting up a fire as I get the girls ready for bed. Tilly and Nessa are on one tonight, not listening to anything I say. Refusing to get in the bath. Tilly pissed on my shoes when I asked her if she was ready for bed.

Avery has been in her room since we ate dinner and won’t come out when I knock.

All three of my girls are completely anti-dad tonight and I’m exhausted and defeated. Nolan and I barely got a word out before Nessa and Tilly came back into the living room and tackled him. We shoved the beer in the fridge, ordered dinner, and watched a few movies with the girls.

And I stared at my phone.

Now that it’s after eight and the girls were falling asleep on the couch, I thought bedtime would be a breeze.

Fuck, was I wrong.

I lay them down after rocking them again and try to sneak out of the room.

“I want Lily,” Nessa whispers and I chew on my inner cheek. Not in anger or annoyance, but to hold myself back from packing up the girls and searching for her.

“I know, baby. She’ll be back soon, okay?

I’ll go call her right now.” Nessa grunts and rolls over, pulling her pink comforter over her head.

At least Tilly is asleep finally. I softly close the door and walk across the hall to knock on Avery’s.

“I know you’re mad at me, Ave… I just want to say good night. ”

I hear a deep sigh and the soft steps from her feet before she swings the door open. Her hair is wet and braided to the side and she’s in pajamas. “I showered and brushed my teeth. I’m just reading and writing right now. When am I getting a phone? I want to call Lily myself.”

I wince and school my face before she can catch it. “How about for Christmas?”

She slowly blinks at me and shuts the door in my face, leaving me feeling even more empty and bereft as before. The four of us were a team when Brittany left and now I’m on the outside.

I pad down the hall and grab the beer before heading out to the back to join Nolan beside the fire, tossing him one.

“Talk to me, man.” Fuck… Anything besides what the hell is going on in my house right now.

Nolan lets out a slow breath and pops open the beer before chugging it down.

He stares into the flames and leans back in the chair.

“I don’t really know what else to say. I think I need to just go over there and hash this shit out.

I’m pissed that James fucked her and didn’t even remember the best sex of his life.

I’m pissed that I was prepared to step up and help raise those babies because James was a fucking idiot.

Man, even Landon was going to step up with me. It would have been weird but…

“I love her, man… and I have no idea how to make it stop. You know Marie, she’s, fuck, she’s perfect.

Gorgeous, fucking smart as hell. James doesn’t deserve her and I have no idea why she’s with him.

They’re engaged, planning on setting the date for next summer.

It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

I can fake it at the rink and on the ice.

In the locker room. But alone at home?” He shakes his head and tosses down the empty can between us on the grass before grabbing another. “Maybe I just can’t be here.”

My brows furrow and I tilt my head at him. “Are you thinking about removing your no-trade clause?”

He shrugs. “Maybe?”

“Fuck no, you’re not going to run away. You’re going to go over to their house and talk this out with them.

You’re going to congratulate them and tell them how you feel.

James will fucking agree with you, man. He was a fucking mess when he found out about the babies.

He went to therapy and busted his ass to be a better man, he did the right thing and stepped up.

You can’t disregard all of the good he’s done for himself and his family because he was a fucking idiot and an asshole before he knew the truth. ”

He grunts and sips from the can before sending me a look.

“That would be the logical thing, wouldn’t it?

But love isn’t logical. I was an idiot for years.

Marie and I had flings, one-night stands, and had fun at parties.

But I never asked for more. She slipped through my fingers and that’s on me.

I just feel like shit and can’t stand seeing them. ”

I nod slowly and glance at the flames, watching the smoke curl up towards the star-lit sky.

“Well, at least you can be honest about your shortcomings.” We stay outside, warming beside the fire until one AM.

We ran out of beer long ago, but I brought out a bottle of tequila from my freezer and we polished that off, too.

I told him everything about Lillian and me, nothing personal about her, aside from her not being able to have kids and how she had a hard childhood.

I told him that Mackenzie has been living here and he begs to know how she looks.

I give him a quick description and watch him contemplate making a move this weekend at the cookout.

This man seriously needs some mental help.

I told him to keep his fucking hands to himself because she’s been through a lot.

We talk about the girls, the upcoming cookout. And eventually everyone else outside of Lillian and Marie.

Thank fuck because I’m so damn close to drunk dialing her and begging her to come home.

To love me and never leave me. That I will send my sperm to the center her eggs are frozen at and we can pick a surrogate if that would make her happy.

How I will fire her and just offer her a ring, help her get a job, and find another nanny.

My mind is a fucking mess. I need Lillian.