Page 33

Morgan

___________

A fter I’m back in my room, I feel like punching myself in the face.

I shouldn’t have kissed her cheek or flirted with her until after I talked to her. I don’t even know if she will want to have a relationship with me after my epic fuck ups. Hell, if I was her I would have ran months ago.

I jump in the shower and check my phone when I’m done, noticing a text from Nolan from around five AM that he was heading home and didn’t want to be in the way when the girls got up to get ready for the day.

I dry off and wrap my towel around my waist before I work on shaving.

I frown at myself in the mirror and lean forward to stare at my face.

I think I could pull off a beard. I have more than a few gray hairs growing in along my jaw, and even some peppered through the rest of my hair, but it would still look good, I think.

I don’t feel almost forty, but my body sure looks like it. The toll hockey has put on my body for all these years will rear its ugly head soon enough. My knees and back ache most of my days, but as long as I keep up with my workouts and massages, I should be good for a bit.

Just for the rest of the season. I need to sit down and have a meeting with Daniel.

I focus on shaving my face as I go over what I want to talk to Lillian about tonight. First, she’s always welcome to live here, be our nanny, or help me find a replacement if she wants to leave.

If she will have me, have us, then she has the same offer. She can continue to be our nanny if she’d like, or we can find her a teaching job. She can get her own place if she wants her independence while we date. Or, preferably, she will stay here and move into my room.

Make my house a home. Hell, I’ll even move if she wants.

I frown as my phone vibrates again, seeing that it’s from Lillian. They went to the park and she will talk to me later.

I close my eyes and lean my forehead against my mirror. Should I just go ahead into the arena to skate and work out? Might as well.

I comb my hair and toss my towel in the hamper before I roll on some sweats and toss on a t-shirt. I’ll be on the ice, in my gear, for most of the day anyway, I don’t need to dress up.

I sit down to shove my feet into my shoes and socks, make my bed and pick up my room a bit. Hoping that Lillian will come back in here to me after our talk.

Fuck, I’m a mess. I still want to know how her talk went with Andy,what she found out about her birth parents and Betty’s kids.

She’s been through so much in such a short amount of time.

Fuck, her childhood was hell. I know I’m privileged.

I never had to worry about where my next meal was or when the designer clothes would be showing up in my closet.

Having a family that only cares about success and money wasn’t pleasant, but it was all I knew in Manhattan. Growing up in the city and raised by nannies, I thought I hated my life.

Then you hear the real horror stories. Lillian was sold by her adoptive parents, and lost a foster parent as a teen. Then basically lost Betty by eighteen and then held her hand as she passed away. She didn’t talk to her for almost ten years… all for what? Greed and money? Jealousy?

I have half a mind to drive my ass to California and just ask them why… Why would anyone treat Lillian that way? She’s a fucking angel.

Then there’s the whole children thing. Does she truly want kids? Is she just telling me what I want to hear? She’s so damn young, has so much time and life ahead of her, she deserves the world.

Literally anything and everything she wants and I just feel like my old ass with all of my baggage would be holding her back.

But she’s also right. It’s not up to me.

We have some sort of fucked-up connection. From the moment my eyes met her stormy gray ones, I knew she was going to be special.

I find the kitchen a bit of a mess, but I just smile. It smells fantastic. I open up the oven just to check and find a plate in there, ready and waiting for me. Scrambled eggs and toast, with a note on the oven to check the fridge for chopped fruit and avocado.

I sigh as I sit down and shovel it all in my mouth, then clean up the kitchen before I make a protein shake and grab a few bars to take with me for the road.

I grab a notebook and a pen from the drawer beside the fridge to write Lillian a note.

I chew on my lip as I sign it and hope that we can actually make this work.

I’ve never been that lucky.

The drive to the arena is mindless, I blast some music to clear my head and think about our upcoming games this week, thankful that we’re home.

Then the cookout, shit, I wonder what Lillian will throw together?

Hopefully she makes enough. Everything she touches is mouthwatering, the guys are going to go nuts.

I park in my spot and lock the truck after I grab my bag. I nod to Landon who is sitting on the hood of his car on the phone, he looks pissed and is shaking his head. Looks like most of the guys had the same idea I had.

We need to get out of our heads and work off the bad energy.

Unless I’m a dumbass and today was a practice day.

I slow and lean up against the wall of the building, waiting to see if he wants to talk about whatever that’s about. I don’t think he’s dated at all since the whole Drea/Alex bullshit from months ago. Damn Landon and James picking up the crazy bitches.

Ha. I’m one to talk. At least neither of them had a kid with her.

He groans out loud and shoves his phone in his pocket before stomping towards me. He sends me a look and shakes his head, running his fingers through his blonde hair before shoving his sunglasses up his nose.

“The damn cops still have no idea where Drea[9] is… She’s not in the state and they’re not calling other departments or asking for help in LA since it’s not a big enough case or some shit.”

I grunt and follow him through the doors after we get checked out by security. “Sorry, man. Maybe some others will come forward and push the local PD to call up LA?”

He shrugs and slams the doors open to the locker room before heading straight to his cubby. I slap Nolan’s back and do the same to James’s before I toss my bag into my space and start shucking out of my clothes.

Coach Williams saunters in after I finish up lacing my skates and he clears his throat. I groan internally. What now? Maybe today was mandatory. Thank fuck I came in.

“Daniel is going out of town for a week starting tomorrow, any issues or grievances can go to Charlie. Or come to me and we can work something out. Today we’re going to be doing some drills and tossing our rookies out on the ice in random teams. Lines one and two will start us off and we’ll go from there once we’re all exhausted and worked out from what I’m going to put you through.

Coach Mason will be in, in a few hours.”

He glances around and snaps his fingers at James. “Captain, any words?”

James shrugs and glances around at all of us with his steely gaze. “We have to win against Arizona on Thursday, no ifs, ands, or buts. Oh, and for the cookout this Saturday at Morgan’s house, shoot me a text if you’re coming so that I can work out who’s bringing or cooking what.”

Williams rolls his eyes and claps his hands. “Meet me out on the ice in five minutes, boys.” He leaves the room and we finish up gathering our gear before we head out to the halls. The first breath of the icy air hits my lungs and I finally relax.

After tonight, I’ll know what’s happening between Lillian and me for good… Either she’s going to be mine or I’m going to chase her.

I’m not letting her go. I can’t.

______________

I was a chicken shit for the last several hours, I haven’t spoken to Lillian at all since this morning. I close the garage door before I jump out and drop my bags beside the door before heading inside.

I inhale a deep breath, stretch out my sore limbs, and groan under my breath. Damn, either I’m getting old or Williams was just a dick today.

After we did an hour of drills on the ice, we played against each other for another several hours. James and I rocked it, making goal after goal, but once Williams started adding rookies on our teams and shuffling us around, I got a damn good workout.

Those kids are fast and brutal. I haven’t been thrown against the glass like that in years, my fucking ears are still ringing.

I step inside and kick the door shut before I stalk the halls looking for my girls. There’s a pot of simmering sauce on the stove and I test it with a clean spoon before my stomach clenches and lets out wild growls.

How does all of her food taste this damn good? Is she a witch?

Maybe she can just start writing up recipes and selling them instead of going back to teaching, because, damn.

All of my littlest girls rush into the kitchen to give me a hug and kiss, while Lillian stays back, leaning against the wall with a soft smile on her face. I lean down and smile, trying to pay attention to what the girls are yammering on about.

Avery is bouncing on her toes about her gymnastics competition coming up next month, while Nessa is screaming about her being able to write her name, and Tilly is just spinning in circles talking about rainbows.

This is the life. It’s my life.

Not wincing everytime my parents call to ask about my investment portfolio, not the paycheck. The house, the cars.

This. Just the girls smiling, screaming, and laughing about school and rainbows.

I stand up and lean against the island as Lillian guides them through setting the ‘table’, helping Tilly drag her high chair over to the end. I twist around and pull down the plates and glasses, grabbing some napkins and silverware and handing them over.

“We’re having pasta tonight with some homemade garlic bread that Avery and I baked.” Lillian announces as she turns off the stove and starts plating up our dishes. I open up the oven and find the bread in there, steaming and enveloping me in the scent of cheese, garlic, and herbs.

Fuck, I hope there’s enough, because I’m going to eat an entire loaf just by myself. It looks so thick, cheesy, and buttery.

Lillian chuckles and hands me the oven mitts so I can safely pull it out.

I set it down on the counter and groan when she plates everything up for me.

I can see the vegetables that are loaded in the sauce, the girls will never even know.

Not that they've been putting up much of a fuss since Lillian entered our lives.

“Where’s Mackenzie?” I murmur as I sit and shovel a massive bite into my mouth.

Lillian sighs and spins her pasta on her fork, slowly, showing the girls how to eat it. “She’ll be back shortly. She went out around town to hand out resumes. I think she’s going to all of the restaurants to find a waitressing job.”

I frown and sip my water as I think it over.

“Let me call Charlie after dinner, maybe we can get her a job at the arena… There's a restaurant that’s open every day, but it’s busiest on game days.

She’ll make good money in tips and I’ll put the word out to protect her.

Nolan eats there at least three times a week. ”

She hums and delicately takes another bite, while here I am, shoving it into my mouth like a beast. “That would be amazing, thank you. I’ll talk to her after she gets home to see if she wants to head there sometime to check it out.

I’m surprised she left the house, to be honest. Maybe our night away kicked her butt into gear. ”

“Well, she’s welcome to stay however long she wants.”

She turns and tosses me a smile, finally reaching her gray eyes. “Thank you.”

We finish up dinner and I wave her off when she starts to usher the girls down the hall. “I got it. I’ll get them bathed and changed into pajamas. Does anyone have homework tonight?”

Avery shakes her head. “Nope. I did all of mine earlier. Can we watch a movie?”

I smile at her and pick up Tilly before we head towards the bedrooms. “Sure. Or we can have a game night?”

She[10] groans and shoots me a look from over her shoulder. “The last time we tried to play a board game, Nessa and Tilly kept destroying everything and messing up the game… Maybe this weekend I can stay up later and we can play, then?”

I shrug and open up Tilly and Nessa’s door, turning to lean against the door jam before answering. “I have games on Thursday and Friday night, Saturday is the cookout… Maybe you can stay up until nine on Sunday, I just don’t want you to be too tired at school on Monday.”

She rolls her eyes at me before slinking towards her bedroom across the hall. “That’s only half an hour later than my usual ‘bedtime’, it’ll be fine.” She shuts her door and I guide the little ones towards the bathroom so they can have their bath.

“Well… who wants bubbles?”