Page 2

Lillian

_________

I glare at my camera at the top of my laptop, rolling my eyes at my best friend.

“As a dancer? Come the fuck on. You know better than I do that I have no rhythm. I don’t have the body for that shit, either. I’m not even coordinated! And the second someone touched me inappropriately I probably would have stabbed them… then I would have been arrested!”

She rolls her eyes and leans back against her headboard. She’s ready to head out to the club she works at tonight. Her hair is in two long braids, her see-through black, glittering bikini is doing nothing to support her massive breasts either. Gosh I’m so jealous of her body.

If I was truly a jealous person, I would be so envious of Mackenzie, but I think I’m at the point in my life now that I’m just done.

I was an elementary school teacher up until six months ago when I was fired, by my own boyfriend who only canned me because I caught him cheating on me. When I told him I was moving out, leaving his pathetic ass, he fired me. I just. I still don’t understand it, even all these months later.

Don’t date your bosses, kids.

“You would have been fine. You have an amazing body. So you have scars, so what? Most of us do. I have stretch marks on my boobs, my thighs, my ass and my stomach. Boohoo. I still make money. Still fuck who I want, when I want.”

I chuckle and shake my head, gosh I love her so much. “It was the right thing to do. I applied to a few school districts out here and filed all of the paperwork to prove I was wrongfully terminated by a disgruntled employer… or whatever my attorney put together.”

She leans over and grabs a lip gloss, using a compact mirror to spread the red paint on her lips.

“Well, the asshole got what was coming to him. You were smart to ask for help. I still can’t believe the district kept him on for as long as they did…

” I shrug and run my fingers through my curly hair, my fingers pull on the knots and I grunt as I try to comb through it.

“Well, it’s all over now. They offered me my job back, but I was too embarrassed to step foot in that building again. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore… plus the school year was already ending, it just made sense to get out of dodge.”

She sighs and stands up from her bed, turning her laptop so that she can still talk while she finishes up getting ready. “But why Minnesota? What the fuck is there to do out there?”

I frown and tilt my head, thinking about it. “There are lakes, mountains… Plus, it snows. There are professional sports teams, decent school districts. Shopping… My rent is way cheaper than it was in San Francisco, too.”

“Mmm. Fine. But when you leave that place next month, just come to me. I’ll show you a good time. I have to get going though, sweetie. Love you!”

I smile and wave. “I love you, too. Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

I close my laptop and roll onto my back onto the hard ass bed.

I haven’t heard back from any of the elementary schools around here, I even signed up to be a nanny through Lindahl’s Nannies as a last resort.

I’m not sure if I’ll even be able to get a job through them, but at least I was accepted to make the account after my background check, certifications, and fingerprints were cleared. They’re thorough as hell.

I check the time on my phone and notice that it’s already close to midnight. I wash my face and crawl into bed for another long ass, boring day of job searching and trying not to eat my feelings.

Bradley Patterson wrecked me. From the inside out. It never mattered to me that he was a lot older than me.

I started teaching at Peachland Elementary School when I was barely twenty-four years old.

I started with first graders, then was moved to fifth grade for my second year, and then back to first. Being the ‘new kid’ they just had me filling in open slots when teachers left or went on maternity leave.

Bradley started asking me to come to his office more and more.

It started out as a friendship with the principal, or so I thought.

Then there were drinks, dinners, and staying at his apartment on the weekends.

I eventually accepted to be exclusive and we kept it secret, he didn’t want the rest of the staff to know that he was with one of the teachers.

So we never made any promises. We still went on vacations, we went wine tasting, we even went on a cruise in March over Spring Break.

He convinced me to move in with him. But it wasn’t long after that, that shit went sideways. After I already upended my life for him and started paying most of the bills.

Literally two days after we got home from the cruise, my plans were canceled with a few friends and I came home to loud bangs and moans coming from our bedroom. I walked right in on Bradley and one of our neighbors going at it.

Turns out they’ve been together on and off for the last decade and a half, and she knew all about me.

Well, I sure as fuck didn’t know about her, or about any of the other women that Bradley was seeing on the nights that I went out, worked late, during conferences, or when he traveled to LA to ‘see his family’.

It was really a trip with another ‘side piece’.

It’s hard to think about the good times we had together, because he was an amazing friend, but he was obviously a shit boyfriend. He was there for me through so much, took care of me, and even drove me to appointments. I never thought that he could hurt me as badly as he did.

When I was twenty-five, I had several surgeries done to treat my endometriosis and adenomyosis.

Birth control, dozens of other medications and pain killers, physical therapy, all for nothing, all to end up with a hysterectomy and a whole lot of other -ectomies.

Never able to have children on my own now, but I was able to have my eggs frozen at least. So technically I still can. Just not inside of my own body.

At this point, I’m just going to be single for the rest of my life, especially in a place like Saint Paul, Minnesota. My eggs will probably be donated since it’s expensive as hell to find a surrogate, plus having to pay for IVF, their medical care, and hormones… It just doesn’t seem worth it.

The people seem friendly enough here though, even if they’re diehard hockey fans. I grew up going to the Sea Lions games in Northern California where I was from, but I don’t know anything about this local team. I’m more of a football fan anyway.

Good thing there’s a new minor team here, only about two years old. I looked them up a few days ago and they seemed to do pretty well last season. The tickets are crazy cheap, too.

I sigh as I roll around in bed, staring out the window as I try to figure out my life.

Maybe if I do get a nannying gig, I can start making a to-do list, like getting a makeover.

I want a new hair color and style, maybe a whole new wardrobe, something along the lines of ‘Things To Do Before I Turn Thirty’.

That’s a little over two years away, but still close enough to touch.

I close my eyes and cross my fingers, hoping for something that pays enough for me to save up for a new car, a better place to live, and that makeover.

I got this. I’ll prove Mackenzie wrong.

_____________

My phone starts ringing off the hook by eight AM. I grab for it, knocking it to the ground and groan out loud. “Why?” I croak and crawl off the bed before answering.

“Hello?” My voice is still scratchy. I sound more like I was out until three AM at a metal concert, screaming my head off, drinking shots of tequila, and chasing it with Redbull, instead of just being tired.

“Yes, may I speak to Lillian Sarsfield?”

I clear my throat and pull the phone away, not recognizing the number. “This is her.”

“Hi! It’s Mandi calling from Lindahl’s Nannies.

You had a few interviews with us and we found you a job.

You’re sort of our last hope. We’ve sent over literally twenty of our top candidates and have been turned away from this parent over the last two weeks.

If you can get over there within the next hour, you would be doing us a major solid, especially if you somehow land the job. ”

I scramble up and rush to my bathroom, grimacing at my reflection. “Where’s the location?”

She taps around, presumably on a keyboard.

Or maybe she’s clicking her nails against her desk, it’s hard to tell.

“It’s over by Pleasant Lake, North of Saint Paul.

I think they’re technically located in Shoreview.

If you do decide to go to the interview, I need you to sign the NDA forms before arrival. They’ve been sent your email.”

I frown and try to think of where the hell that is, I’ve barely been anywhere in Saint Paul. It’s been two weeks since I had my interview with this company and this is the first I’ve heard from them.

“All right, I’m hopping in the shower now.” I frown at my hair and sigh internally. There's no way I'm going to look professional or put together within the next twenty minutes.

“Thank you, Lillian! Read through the documents and send them back to me ASAP!” She hangs up and I jump in the shower before it even begins to warm up.

I scrub my body, jump out and brush my hair, and braid it to the side.

I don’t have time for makeup, so I just moisturize and brush my teeth, adding deodorant at the last second.

I drop my towel and race into my tiny closet, looking for something that is clean and not wrinkled.

Fuck.

Black leggings and mismatched socks, with a gray v-neck. Good enough. I tie up my Converse and grab my bag, shoving in my file with all of my certifications and credentials. I even toss in my damn diplomas. You never know.

Phone charger, iPad, and a book. I have no idea what I’m getting myself into here. How many kids? How old are they?