Page 80 of Attractive Forces

The guys continue to discuss mermaid procreation while my gut churns. It’s not caused by my fear about Brewer outing me though. Instead, I’m watching the guys coming up with more and more fantastical mermaid breeding strategies, and I can’t help but feel…protective. Some of these guys—Smithy, Adam, Mazza—are definitely not university material. Brewer was right. The exposure for winning the championship again could help them land a professional rugby contract. Which could be life-changing for them.

Would finding out I’m gay derail the team dynamics and affect our chances?

Most of these guys are good guys, but homophobia has always been lurking in the background of our lives. The word gay is still chucked around as an insult.

Even in the best scenarios, it definitely wouldn’t help. It would be a distraction we don’t need right now.

I swallow hard. I need to talk to Jake.

* * *

I messageJake the next morning, inviting him to my place while my parents are at church. I got out of going to church this morning by saying I have a ton of assignments I need to catch up on. But before he left, Dad gave me a stern look and said when he got home, we needed to have a talk about making good decisions. Which I’m guessing means that while he was watching my rugby game yesterday, he was updated on gossip about me and university girls.

But it’s not Annaliese I’m concerned about right now. It’s her brother.

When I open the door to find Jake standing on my doorstep, my heart pounds crazily in my chest.

Fuck, even though it’s only been two days since we last saw each other, I have a craving beyond anything I’ve ever known just to touch him.

His expression is guarded as he comes inside.

“Hey.” I tug him to me and kiss him softly. Something about having Jake’s lips on mine soothes some of the prickling unease I always seem to have inside me. Kissing Jake is my happy place. I pull back slightly, resting my forehead on his, our breath mingling.

Shit, I’ve missed him so much just in the few days we haven’t seen each other. Which makes the plan I’ve come up with even more ridiculous.

But I can’t think of any alternative.

“Come up to my room?” I suggest.

“Okay.”

As we climb the stairs, my mother’s cross-stitch of Psalm 374 catches my eye.

Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As soon as we’re inside my room with the door closed, I kiss him again. But unlike downstairs, there’s restraint in the way he kisses me back.

I pull away and thump down on my bed, propping myself against the pillows. I’m expecting Jake to sit next to me, but instead, he leans against my desk chair.

A heavy feeling settles in my stomach. Jake’s lack of enthusiasm kissing me, him deliberately putting distance between us. Shit. I don’t have to be good at Connect the Dots to see the picture emerging.

I sit up straight on my bed.

“I’m glad you were free today,” I say.

“When am I not available to see you?” There’s a shadow lurking in his voice, deep and dark.

Oh fuck. He’s definitely upset.

Which isn’t the best place to start this conversation, but I plunge on regardless. Because I need to say this. I need to get it out of the way.

“Brewer knows about us.” The words clunk out of my mouth.

Jake’s eyes widen. “What? How?”

“He guessed from seeing us together at school the other day.”

He blows out a breath. “Shit.”