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“Yes,” Felix admitted, looking at me finally, the barest smile on his lips as though showing too much emotion would be even more embarrassing.

“Yes, we have. I don’t understand how it happened, only that it seemed very quick.

It’s the strangest thing. I knew I was capable of loving a man, but I never in my life thought I might love Rudy.

He has always seemed to me, well… boorish, I suppose.

There’s a strange kindness underneath it, though, and he has no patience for any sort of class issue that might arise. ”

“You’re positively giddy,” I said, entirely touched by the fact that Felix had confided in me about this. “Have you told Arthur?”

“It doesn’t feel right to tell him that Rudy and I have fallen in love when I know how much he’s struggling with losing you,” Felix said, looking at me. “I know you think he is strong enough to rebound, but he’s not right now. He’s not been right since you left.”

“Do you truly think he’ll be happy to see me?” I asked, my nerves at arriving at the estate unannounced and uninvited by the actual lord of the manor beginning to rise again. “You and Charles seem sure that he will be pleased, but I can’t imagine he’ll forgive me.”

“I’m sure he’s going to be happy,” Felix said, reaching across the space between us and squeezing my hand. “Even if it takes him some time to realize it.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said, squeezing his hand back gently. “Who will be meeting us at the station?”

“Harry, I believe,” he said, settling back into his seat.

“Really?” I asked, pleased despite myself. “I’ve missed him as well.”

“He’s a good man,” Felix agreed, and with that our conversation naturally turned to other topics, the remainder of our time on the train pleasant despite my growing anxiety that Arthur was not going to be at all excited to see me back in his home.

When we finally arrived and stepped off onto the station platform in Taunton, we were quickly greeted by Harry, who gave me a near-fatherly hug before leading us to the carriage.

From the station to Ashford Hall was not that much longer of a ride, and my nerves were now frayed, the conversation dried up as I focused instead on what I would say to Arthur when I saw him.

Would he even speak to me? Perhaps he would be so angered by the mere sight of me that he wouldn’t even let me set foot on the drive.

Thoughts of this nature occupied my mind until the familiar gate appeared, the trees right up to the wall of the estate and as beautiful as ever, and I was overcome by the desire to wander them again, to return to that easy companionship that had developed during my first sojourn here.

Felix seemed to sense my apprehension in some way, as he kept quiet once we passed the gate and entered the manor proper.

Despite how beautiful the weather was, how picturesque Ashford Hall remained, a great dread was growing in my chest, an awful and heavy weight on my shoulders.

I could only sit and wait as we drew closer to the source of my misgivings, the idea that Arthur would be terribly unhappy at my presence almost all-consuming.

As soon as we reached the roundabout drive that led up to the front door of the estate, I could see that Charles was already waiting for us, a figure pacing back and forth on the top of the stone steps.

He stopped as soon as he saw the carriage and hurried down the steps towards it, and the moment we had come to a full stop, he had pulled the carriage door open and grabbed me by the wrist. “Charles!” was basically all I had time to say before he was hauling me out of the carriage and hugging me with rib-crushing force.

Immediately my anxiety about Arthur was replaced by an overwhelming surge of sorrow as I hugged Charles back.

I’d missed him terribly; this was by far the longest we’d been apart since our friendship had first formed, and for two men who had been essentially inseparable for decades, three years of separation was far too much.

I grabbed him by the back of his blouse, holding on for dear life, and when he finally pulled back, I could see that his eyes were full of tears.

“Tom,” he said, sorrow absolutely oozing from his voice.

“I knew you’d come back. I’m so, so sorry for everything that happened.

I never meant any of it, not in a thousand years. Did Felix explain what he could?”

“Yes,” I said, still holding on to his shirt and looking up at him, utterly relieved to find him mostly unchanged from what I remembered. “Charles, I had no idea he had done that to you. If you’d said something—”

“It would have made everything worse,” Charles said.

“Trust me. So much more happened after you left that Felix doesn’t even know about yet.

” He squeezed me one last time before letting go completely, looking at Felix with clear relief on his face.

“Thank you so much for going to get him. I was sure you could get him to listen.”

“I’m more than happy to help,” Felix said, helping Harry get my luggage off the back of the carriage. “Where’s Arthur?”

“The library,” Charles said, glancing over his shoulder at the front door of the house. “I have a feeling he might be growing suspicious that something is taking place, but he certainly doesn’t know exactly what is happening. I haven’t told him anything about what James did.”

I looked up at the manor, the pit in my stomach growing wider and deeper as I thought about what Arthur would think when he saw me.

I was still convinced there was no recovery to be had when it came to our relationship, that the damage that had been done was the equivalent to a fatal wound.

There was no time to wallow, however, because a moment later Ida and Rudolph came around the corner of the house, having clearly heard the carriage and come to look.

“Tom!” Ida said, so surprised she came to a full stop. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah,” Rudolph said, a smug look crossing his face as he nudged his sister. “I told you.”

“The thing about James?” she asked, composing herself and continuing to approach. “Is it true, Tom? You were being blackmailed? Rudy’s been insisting on it since you left.”

“Yes,” I said, figuring Charles could fill her in later, although when I looked at my friend, he was not looking at Ida.

I realized that I had failed to ask Felix about the status of their relationship, too caught up in the information I could glean from him about Arthur, and wondered if their relationship had somehow not survived what had taken place all those years ago.

“I have Charles to thank for bringing me back, as I don’t think I’d have come on my own. ”

She finally reached me and pulled me into a hug, as warm and gentle as before I’d left. “I’m so, so glad to see you again. We were all upset when you left. Several times I’ve been in London and thought of coming to see you, but I wasn’t sure if you’d have been happy to see me.”

“I’m always happy to see you, Ida,” I said with the utmost conviction.

As soon as I let go of her, I was pulled into a hug by Rudolph as well, the clear joy the siblings had at my return making me feel worse about my trepidation.

I had already spent three miserable years without Arthur and without my friends.

If I had to have the latter without the former, it was my own fault. “You’ve both been well?”

“Of course,” Ida said, squeezing my hand as Rudolph let go of me. “I can’t believe you’ve come back.”

“Honestly, I’m having trouble believing it as well,” I said, starting slightly as Charles lay a hand on my shoulder.

“I promise I’ll give you all time to catch up with him later,” he said, his gaze not leaving Ida; surprisingly, she turned away from him and focused her attention entirely on me. “I have to clear some things up with Thomas before I want Arthur to know he’s here.”

At that, both Nelsons exchanged a look before Rudolph spoke, clearly disturbed. “Arthur doesn’t know?”

“No,” Charles admitted. “I swear I have my reasons for not telling him, but I need just an hour or two with Thomas before he can find out. Please trust me.”

Ida finally looked at him, and I wondered what had transpired between the two of them since the night of the ball to give her such an icy cast when it came to Charles. “Fine,” she said finally, glancing at the house. “But go quickly, because Arthur’s sure to realize something soon.”

“Thank you,” Charles said, his hand slipping to my elbow as he hurried me up the front steps and into the house.