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“I will take whatever I can get,” I said, and I kissed him again, drawing him down towards me and dragging my tongue over his lower lip.

He kissed back, his breath soft against my cheek as he sighed out through his nose, and I could have had him right then and there in the library had the sound of one of the heavy oak doors opening not torn us away from one another.

Arthur moved with a rapidity I had not expected from him, flitting back around to the chair at his desk and sitting in it just as Felix came around the bookshelf that blocked where we were standing from sight.

“Felix!” I said with the most delight I could muster despite how shaken I was at the moment. “I’ve missed you dreadfully.”

“And I’ve missed you,” Felix said, and he looked at me briefly, searching my face before apparently deciding that whatever he saw there was not worth pursuing at the moment.

“Dinner is ready, if you’re both hungry.

It’s just something cold and small to tide everyone over.

” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Your suite is ready as well. I’ll stop by tonight to make sure everything has been set up to your liking. ”

I knew enough to realize that he was expecting to be told what had happened between myself and Arthur, and to be perfectly honest I wanted to tell him, finding the idea of hiding it from someone who knew me as well as Felix did quite miserable.

“I look forward to it,” I said, and he nodded, giving Arthur a look as well before leaving the library.

The moment the door closed again, Arthur looked up from the letters he was pretending to read.

I looked at him in return, my lips tingling as I remembered how it had felt to have his there, and managed a lopsided smile. “I suppose we should go to dinner.”

He got to his feet, coming around the desk once again and taking my chin in his hand as though inspecting me. “When we leave this room, Thomas, I’m not sure if I can act as though I haven’t kissed you.”

“You have to,” I said, and I leaned forward, resting my forehead briefly against his collarbone, breathing in the scent of him. “I’d like to take a walk with you this evening, if it’s all the same to you.”

“A walk,” he murmured, his breath hot against the shell of my ear, a chill going down my spine. “I’d like that. I’d like that quite a bit. And….” He paused, and I felt his fingers toying with the tail of my traveling coat, plucking gently at the fabric. “If you’d like to tell Felix, you may.”

“How—”

“I know he told you about me in the first place,” Arthur said.

“He trusts you, and I trust him. If you need a confidant, you could not ask for better. He won’t tell another soul.

” He sighed, and I knew that there was tension coiled beneath his skin, knew that he was holding himself back.

I recalled what Rudolph had told me—that Arthur would never allow himself to be wholly comfortable with me—and knew that I had made a Faustian bargain in agreeing to this time-limited relationship.

He would never grow comfortable with me, and I would never have the time to show him that he could, but in return I at least got a chance.

A man needed an outlet, and I was more than happy to provide it.

“Let’s go eat, then. I will do my best to contain myself around the others. ”

It turned out to be a non-issue. Arthur outside of the library was much the same as he had always been.

Dinner passed with good company, both of the Nelsons seemingly pleased to have me back and Charles obviously as thrilled as could be.

The only appreciable difference in Arthur’s attitude now and his attitude prior was that at one point during dinner he took my hand under the table, squeezing it tightly as though gaining some sort of emotional strength from the act.

The idea of Arthur—stoic, put-together, aloof—wanting to hold my hand left me dizzy, and it suddenly became difficult to hold my fork, but aside from that brief interlude there was little to worry about in terms of our companions discovering what had transpired since we’d arrived that afternoon.

It wasn’t until after dinner when we were preparing to move to the parlor, Ida having received some new sheet music she was eager to show off, that Rudolph caught me by the arm and held me back from the others.

“You kissed him,” he said, an accusation and not a question, and though I looked at him in surprise, I know that he was not convinced. “ Thomas .”

“It’s more like he kissed me,” I said quietly, cheeks flushing at the memory of his mouth on mine. “We were arguing, and then he just kissed me. Does he… do that?”

“I told you last night that you needed to talk to him,” Rudolph said, still holding my arm gently. “As much as I hope the two of you can work things out, I have my concerns. I don’t think Arthur can give you what you want, Tom.”

If I had taken the time then to think about it, if I had truly stopped to soak in those words, I would have agreed in a moment.

I knew that Arthur, as he was, could not let himself love me.

But the idea of passing up the opportunity to have him pretend, even if it was just for a month…

I could not bear it. “He said as much,” I admitted.

“That he would give me until I had to return to London.”

He looked at me, and there was something almost pitying in his gaze. “Do you want this?”

“I’ve done this before,” I said. “Had affairs that have not lasted long.”

“With men like Arthur?”

I looked at him in return, baleful. “You know the answer is no.”

“I’m happy for you, but I’m also just worried,” Rudolph said, moving to pat me gently on the cheek. “If it comes down to it, don’t let him break your heart, that’s all.”

“I won’t,” I said and moved to follow him up the hall towards the parlor, unaware that I had just made a promise I couldn’t possibly keep.