Page 5 of Angel of Light (Lords of The Commission: New York #5)

In a normal state, I wouldn’t have left this room with my tongue still attached to my body, but my words were real and nothing but the truth. Don Battaglia and simply Matt, Alison’s brother, had the humility to acknowledge that.

“That was never our choice to make,” Matt spat.

“She didn’t need the shove, either,” I yelled back, trying to rid myself of the blame that grew inside me, compressing my chest.

He opened his mouth to counter but shut it for the lack of words. Matt dropped his fists, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

“It’s my fault,” he confessed.

“Damn fucking right it is…” My sharp accusation felt like a short-lived victory. I was feeling just as guilty. I grabbed the bottle and took a long and deeply needed drink before handing it over to Matt.

“Rum?” He scrunched his nose in disapproval.

“It’s an acquired taste.” Telling him his sister tasted just as sweet wasn’t exactly the correct answer right now, but for some reason, I felt connected to her through this damn bottle. “It’s my fault, too, for not having the balls to stand up to you and your fucked up decisions.”

“You know damn well this is not only about my decisions. You are the one who brought the fucking loaded gun. He came after her because of you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I roared, my hands darting straight to my hair. Hearing it out loud made it much more real and much more painful.

Matt looked at me wearily. A look that told me he knew exactly why I was so livid. It was more than duty, more than protection instinct. More than the honor I had been hiding behind and using as a shield between my desires and doing the right fucking thing.

“For how long?”

I kept my silence, a deep sigh leaving my body, but the relief wasn’t in it. I had never tossed the weight of my real feelings onto her. For her sake only. It killed me inside to break her heart over and over again, but I couldn’t let my feelings for her threaten her well-being.

How fucking successful I turned out to be in that endeavor.

I hadn’t crossed that line except when I carried her out of that damn building, but I didn’t even know if she heard me.

“You love her.” He simply stated, certain of his judgment.

Those words rang true in my mind. They have for some time now, still I fought them with all the strength in me. They were a trap I couldn’t fall in.

Love. It was a weakness. An easy entry point for pain and destruction. Mine, but most importantly, hers.

“No… I… No.” Somehow, that merciful lie wouldn’t budge from the tip of my tongue. My heart blocking it from leaving my mouth.

“You do.” Matt was as certain as if it were his own truth to share.

“I…” I started, trying to find words to contest Matt’s statement. Any words. But there were none. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and let the truth run me over like a fucking bulldozer. “Fuck!” I roared in defeat.

There was knowing it to be true, and then there was speaking it out into the world. In that fire, it was raw. It was the lifeline I hoped Alison would cling to. Here? Now? It was a confession I shouldn’t make.

How could I have let it come to this? How could I have failed so miserably at reining my feelings before they reached the point of no return?

“I do,” I confessed, free-falling onto the leather couch, the weight of that truth bringing me down like a ton of fucking bricks.

I swallowed my heart that had lodged in my throat, together with the hard pill of admitting to what should have never happened.

“You can do whatever you feel is right. Kick me out, send Jimmy, Carl, or James to kill me, hunt me to fucking space and back. Whatever you choose to do is fine by me, but I’ll be following her wherever she goes, just to make sure she is safe. ”

“She’s my baby sister.” Matt sat behind his desk, holding his head in his hands.

“I am aware of the boundaries.”

“I couldn’t think of anyone more loyal and respectful, but…”

“It’s a death sentence,” I completed with the obvious.

“Pretty much,” he agreed. “You think the Colombians are behind this?”

“Bombs are dirty play. Reeks of Cartel business. But I feel there’s something more to this. There’s no way Diego could have known. Alison held her cards close to her heart that night, just like you taught her to.”

It was too obvious. At first glance, it was undeniable who was behind that damn bomb. Too straightforward .

“Get some feet on the ground. I want them landing in Bogotá tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Let them be seen. If Diego has nothing to do with this, he won’t take our visit as a threat. We’ve never had bad blood. Until now.”

“It's too obvious. He has no reason to–”

“She fucking danced with him, Max!” Matt interrupted me, slamming his fist on his desk. “Where were you when that happened? Hiding in the shadows?”

“I wasn’t the one who sent her into the fucking lion’s den! That shit’s on you. You condemned her to a life that wasn’t hers. Diego would have never set eyes on her if you hadn’t sold her off to Vincenzo.”

“Watch your mouth!” He warned me, his tone should have shaken me with the underlying danger, but it didn’t.

Not. One. Bit.

“I did. Look where that got us! I’m not going to sit back and wait for war to come knocking on our door.

She’s collateral that I can’t allow. Besides, Diego can be many things.

Impulsive and reckless, sure, but he’s not stupid.

Do you really think he would just barge into Battaglia turf and blow it the fuck up? ”

I stood back up, pacing harder than before, my hands running through my hair as I rummaged my brain for all the dots we needed to connect.

I suddenly stopped, frozen in place, looking deep into nothing. “Vincenzo!” I whispered.

“What? He’s marrying her. Marrying into the most powerful Mafiosi family in the fucking country for an alliance. What does he have to gain from hurting her?”

“Fuck if I know. But right now, your sister is lying on a hospital bed. And even that required divine fucking intervention. I still have no idea how I got to her. If I hadn’t…” That image alone was enough to send me to the darkest of hells, where no deed or action was grim enough to avenge her.

“But you did. I can’t decide if it’s best you stay away from her or stand guard.”

“With all due respect, Don Battaglia , at this point, I wouldn’t give a fuck if you pointed that gun to my head. I’m not leaving her safety in anyone else’s hands. You’d have to pull the trigger to have me back off. Even so, I’d still haunt her from the beyond.”

“Fuck, Max. This is bad.” Matt exhaled a heavy, guilt-drenched breath.

“You don’t say!” I chuckled ironically.

“I mean you. Her. There’s nothing we can do.”

“I know. I could say I’ve made my peace with that, but I’d be lying.”

“And her?”

“She’ll have her new life and forget I ever existed.

Besides, my monsters aren’t suited for princesses.

” I wasn’t quite sure who I was trying to convince, but from Matt’s expression, it was clear I was doing a poor job.

“I’ll set a schedule and take the night shift so she doesn’t have to deal with me. ”

“Just keep her safe, that’s all I’m asking.

” This wasn’t the Don, this was the desperate brother pleading for help in protecting one of his treasures.

“Send a party to California, too,” He ordered, regaining his normal authoritative tone.

“I’m listening to you, Max. But I need you to sing with all the words. No secrets.”

I nodded in agreement even though he wasn’t prepared for what those secrets were.

It went without saying that my life would be a small sacrifice for a cause as great as her.