Page 25 of Angel of Light (Lords of The Commission: New York #5)

Not from pain. Not even from the pleasure. But from the weight of what we were doing. From the vulnerability that came with this damn honesty. From what we so desperately wanted but couldn’t have.

Each other.

“I love you,” I gasped. “I love you, and I don’t know how to survive it.”

“I don’t think any of us can.”

I gave him everything. Every piece of my body. Every ounce of my soul. Every shard of my broken heart.

We moved together like our bodies were mourning already. Like we were saying goodbye through every touch, every grind of skin on skin, every breathless gasp.

Suddenly, Max sat back, pulling me up onto his lap, holding me by the waist as I straddled him. His cock slipped back inside like he belonged there, and I choked on a whimper at how full I felt.

He was so much deeper now. Maybe it was the notion that he’d buried himself in my heart and that no matter what would come, the roots of our love would forever remain.

Our chests were flush against each other. Heart to heart.

His forehead pressed to mine. Eye to eye. And he just rocked me.

Slow. Deep. Devastating.

Tears streamed down my face again, and Max kissed each one. Not a single word was spoken as our bodies said everything. Every “I’m sorry.” Every “I wish it were different.” Every “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”

It didn’t matter that I was set to marry someone else because he would own me forever.

Max came with my name on his lips, whispered like a prayer and a curse. His arms wrapped around me, crushing me into him as his cock throbbed deep inside, and I came apart in his arms.

There was more than pleasure coursing through me. There was anguish and inevitability. A deep regret even though I knew things wouldn’t change if I could go back in time.

Because I knew this was it. There was no way I could keep up with my charade.

This was the kind of love that ruined you. That carved your name into another soul and never let go.

When we finally collapsed together, tangled in sweat and silence and everything we couldn’t say, I knew I’d never belong to anyone else.

Max had branded himself into me.

And no one could ever tear him out.

I must have slept for an hour. Maybe just a minute. But when my eyes popped open, Max wasn’t in the bed with me.

“Your phone has been ringing non-stop,” He said from the other side of the room as he walked towards me. His hair was tamed back into place, his clothes impeccable as if I’d dreamt the whole thing.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Your brother. Francesca. Jackson.” The tone in his voice dropped to a deadly chill at that last one.

“Jackson?”

“Yes. Yakuza trash. Backstabbing motherfucker. Two-pump chump. Whatever you want to call him.”

I held back a snicker at the jealousy laced in the nicknames Max gave Jackson.

Moving off the bed, I put my camisole and skirt back on before grabbing my phone. I couldn’t help the low grumble from tumbling from my throat at the dull but delicious ache between my legs as I moved.

Of course Max noticed.

“Good. I’m glad you’re still feeling me especially if you're thinking about returning his call.” There was pride and glee mixed with a good dose of possession in that statement.

I smiled wide as I wrapped my arms around his neck and plastered a kiss on his lips. He made himself stiff at first, but soon enough, his hands were on my hips and he was opening up those plump lips of his, and welcoming my tongue into his mouth.

“Matt first, and then Jackson.”

“If that hierarchy is supposed to calm me down, you’re missing the fucking point. Why do you still even have his number?”

“He’s been away for so long now,” I said, ignoring his question and walking towards the window, scrolling on my phone, “I wonder why he’s calling.”

A growl, an actual growl, rumbled from Max’s chest as I stepped away from him, making me spin on my heel in surprise.

“What was that?” I asked, my voice rising from excitement as I marched back towards him. “That’s what yummy books with a ton of sex and alpha males are made of. Do it again.”

“I’m glad my anger amuses you. Let’s see that smug look on your face when I break his nose for calling you.”

“Alison? Are you there?” A voice beamed from my hand.

“Oh shit. Hi Matt.” I had dialed him and forgot. “Did you call?”

“About a dozen damn times. What the hell is happening?” I didn’t need an explanation to know he meant the fact that we’d both been ignoring our phones like never before.

“Nothing. Is there anything you need?” There was no hiding the annoyance in my voice.

I love my brother, but right now, I don’t like him so much. Him knowing that our father had a daughter and not telling me was like a knife to my chest, and I wasn’t about to let him off the hook. Big bad Mafia Don or not he was bound to get a piece of me once I got a chance.

“Yes. I need you and Max here. What’s the hold-up?”

“We’ll talk about that when I get there. I’m not having this conversation over the phone. We’ll be there in time for the damn dinner, don’t worry.”

“I might know why you’re pissed with me, but you don’t know why I did it.”

“I don’t, and yet it doesn’t change a damn thing. Like I said, I’m not discussing this over the phone. We’ll be back soon. Bye.”

Without giving him a chance to reply, I hung up with my heart squeezed tight. But that was an issue for later. Shaking my head and looking up into Max’s eyes, which were a lot softer now, I scrolled to Jackson’s number and returned his calls.

“ Principessa ,” He cooed in an excited tone.

And just like that, the darkness was back into Max’s eyes, along with murder and a bloodlust that had my pussy clenching. Why did I feel like he wanted to punish me? And why did that thought thrill me and make me wet?

“Hi, Jax. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you, Beautiful?”

Ticking jaw. Balled fists. Stiff muscles from Max and a damn smile on my face.

Yup, a punishment was due, and I couldn’t wait for it. Somehow it lightened my heart from the intensity of what we just went through before we went back to hiding our feelings behind fragile veils of honor and redemption.

“I’m perfect.” I winked at Max as I replied, “You called?”

“Yeah. I need to speak to you. It’s kinda urgent. I’m on my way to your apartment. Is that okay?”

More daggers from Max and another audible growl as I replied, “Sure. You’ll have to wait for me, though. I’ll be there in about three hours.”