Page 47 of Angel of Light (Lords of The Commission: New York #5)

MAX

Breathing feels overrated when your heart is squeezed dry.

I knew this day would come, and yet nothing prepared me for the bleeding hole in my chest.

The bottle of Havana Club Máximo sat on the coffee table in front of me, half empty. Or was it half full? Completely fucking pointless, that’s what it was.

The amount I drank already should have numbed me down and soothed the sharp edges of the pain, but I was starting to understand that nothing could.

Still, I tried another full glass. I was drinking to silence the sound of her voice when she begged me not to break her. Drinking to forget how she went cold in my arms after kissing me like she was grossed out by my lips.

I inhaled the scent of the rum that would forever remind me of her. For as long as forever took. Placing the glass back down onto the table, I picked up one of the five bullets that I’d spread on it.

One for each of my sins.

One for the lies.

One for my silence.

One for loving her.

One for the brother I wanted to kill.

And the last one? Mine.

Before I could dive deeper into planning my next move, the office door burst open. Half a look towards him told me it was Don Battaglia entering the space, his fury following him like a living being. Or was it the begrudged brother? Maybe even the betrayed friend.

“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve coming here,” he snapped, his eyes flicking to the bullets on the table and the gleaming metal of my Glock.

“Drinking my shitty booze while contemplating if you should eat lead like it’s a fucking happy hour special?

I can shove it down your throat if you have trouble swallowing. ”

“Cheers,” I raised the glass and saluted. “To betrayal. And all the knives that follow.”

“Is that what you’ve come here to do? Push that fucking dagger further into my back?”

“No.” I met his eyes for the first time. “I want you to listen and judge later.”

“You were here to seduce my sister and bring her into a war with the fucking Cartel. To use her in your mafia games. Do I really need to hear any more?”

“I didn’t do it.”

“You came with the intent to use her. You looked me in the eye for three fucking years, infiltrated the ranks to become my right hand man, broke bread at my table, stood at my side like you were family. But you were just playing both sides.”

“I didn’t fucking touch her with that mission in mind,” I snapped, finally pushing up from the couch to level my gaze to his. “I turned down Vincenzo’s plan the second I saw her. The second she fucking looked at me.”

“You still fucking touched her when I told you not to. Imagine if I knew she was just bait. I should have snapped your neck long ago.”

“I love her. I’ve always fucking loved her.

There was no betrayal in the way I fought to stay away from her.

In the way I broke her heart more times than I can count to steer her clear from me and all my fucking demons, including my brother.

I never wanted this for her. This life or the burden you placed on her shoulders. ”

“So you’re telling me I gave her to the wrong Massimo? Because you’re so much fucking better?”

“Because I would die for her, while Vincenzo would kill her to survive. That’s the difference.”

“That doesn’t erase the intent.” His jaw ticked with a pulse as his voice crashed to somewhat of a normal tone. “That doesn’t undo what she heard today.”

“Because you never lied to save the ones you love? That’s hypocritical.

I was part of one of those lies that crashed and burned along with Francesca when you made her sign those divorce papers.

I did the same, just a different approach.

Everything I told Vincenzo three years ago was to save her.

To keep her away from his claws. And it worked, until you gave her to him. So now there’s only one way out.”

My eyes dropped back down to the table, assessing the only tools able to fix this mess before I looked back at him.

Matt’s eyes followed mine, dropping to the aligned bullets. A muscle twitched near his temple as he assessed the situation. “Don’t be a fucking idiot.”

“I’m not suicidal,” I said, but at the moment, I wasn’t sure that was the whole truth. “But I’m not exactly clinging to life, either. There is no life without her.”

Matt stood silent for a moment, studying me with the eyes of a man who knew what rock bottom looked like. He’d been there, bruised and bleeding, and clawed his way out. Only, he wasn’t alone. He only managed because Francesca infused him with the strength to carry on.

“So, what’s your next move?”

“I’ll leave New York if you want me to. Send the men after me if that’s what your heart desires. But right now? I want to put a bullet in Vincenzo so bad I can hear the echo before I pull the trigger. That’s the plan.”

Matt released an acidic chuckle, like I was saying the stupidest thing he’d ever heard in his life.

“Do you think it’s that simple? That you’ll walk in there, shoot him, and walk out alive?”

“I’m not planning that far ahead. If I don’t get out, we’ll both get what we deserve.”

“You said you weren’t suicidal.”

“I’m not. I’m done. There’s a difference.”

“And now you want vengeance.”

“I want blood. I want to cut the fucking binds that tie us together. I want to be free,” I confessed.

“What took you so long to grow a pair?” There was still disdain in his voice, but he was listening at least.

“Guilt. A heavy fucking conscience. A debt?”

“A debt?”

I sighed before slumping back on the couch, watching as Matt took a seat on the one in front of me, before I focused my gaze on the bottle as I spoke.

“When we were younger, our father used to think that I needed the little boy beaten out of me. For every mistake, for every slip-up, for every wrong breath I took, he would hit me until I couldn’t move.

I think he was trying to beat the bastardo out of me.

Vincenzo stepped in more than once. He took the beating for me on several occasions.

All the broken bones in his body are my fault.

Even though we fell out after that, I could never forget the tears that welled up in his eyes each time our father beat him within an inch of his life.

I lost count of how many times he ended up in the hospital instead of me. ”

“It’s like you’re talking about a different person than the one I know.”

“That’s because he is a different person.

Since he lost Camila, he’s never gone back to who he was, and even though that sick son of a bitch took pleasure in hurting us, Vincenzo had always felt the need to please him.

When I allowed Diego’s father to kill our father, our bond broke right on the spot. ”

I looked back up at Matt, his face was still hardened, but something had shifted.

“Coming here was a new start. A chance to finally belong. When I took the deal, it was nothing but a way to escape a place that never cared for me. You might not believe a single word that comes out of my mouth, but it doesn’t make them any less true.

But between my conscience and Alison’s safety, I’ll always choose the latter.

So if that means I have to kill Vincenzo for her to be free, safe, and happy, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. ”

“Very cute. But, no.”

“What?”

“You are not going to kill Vincenzo.” Matt stood up abruptly, heading to the drink cart to pour himself a glass of Macallan before resuming, “Because if you do, Fran’s left raising those twins alone.

The Commission will order a trial and gut me in front of a firing squad.

Diego will lose his leverage and retaliate.

Alison will pay the price for your revenge with her life.

The whole Battaglia family will crumble, because you couldn’t stand your own guilt.

” Slowly, he made his way back towards me.

“If you ever had any respect for us, Max, if you were ever loyal, this is the time to show it.”

“By not doing anything?” I hissed.

“Not taking action is an action,” Matt countered. “It’s knowing when a war needs patience more than bullets. You want to kill him? Fine. But not today. Not without taking measures to ensure the fallout doesn’t wipe us all out.”

I looked at the table.

At the bullets.

At my fucking hands.

“Then what the fuck do I do now?”

“You survive,” Matt said as if that wasn’t the hardest thing of all. “You live. You earn her back. One truth at a time.”

“She’s marrying him in two weeks.”

“Then that’s the time you have to set a fucking plan in motion and make sure if someone burns in your fire, that they fucking deserve it.”

“Is this you giving me permission to be with your sister?”

“Don’t push it, Gabriel. This is me giving you the benefit of the doubt, which is more than what you deserve at this point. And let me make this clear. Your life depends on this. Fuck it up, and I’ll be loading that gun for you.”

“Yes, Boss.”

“This is the last and final concession I’m making, and only because you saved her life.

And mine. And my wife’s. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness, because I’ll gut you like a fucking fish if you so much as breathe wrong.

” His tone was resolute, dripping with deadly intent and a promise I knew he’d make good on.

“Now, get the fuck out of my office and fix your mess while I try to fix mine.”

I looked at him, puzzled, trying to understand what he meant by that.

“Yes. Her marrying your brother is my fault, and I will do anything in my power to fix that. But this is something I can’t do alone. I’m counting on your insight and your help to avoid walking her down that aisle. If we fail, Alison becomes a Massimo, and not the kind you’ve been wishing for.”

“I know.” I did know the consequences of failing, and more so, I knew what kind of life Alison would be subject to, and even though the probability of him hurting her was slim after having his plan out in the open, I still wouldn’t put it past him.

“I’ve been there before. Thinking the woman you love is about to become your sister in-law.” I grit my teeth at that thought. Sister in-law.

Fuck no.

“I’ll get back to you as soon as I have a plan.”

“Good. I’ll do the same.” With a nod in agreement, I started for the door before Matt called me again. “And Max? Don’t you ever fucking lie to me again.”