Page 29

CHAPTER 29

anna

M y hand ran along the top wire on the high tensile fence by Momma’s grave at Dupree Ranch. I glanced over at Mom, her marble headstone bright in the distance, even against the cold, gray winter sky. “Hey, Momma,” I whispered but I didn’t stop. Dr. Atkins was in the barn, treating an abscess on Fred, Gramps’s old quarter horse, and he’d asked me to assist. But as I walked past my mom’s final resting place, I felt her absence as deeply as when she’d first passed.

Momma had done her best, making sure Lemon and Silas were my “parents” after she went. But sometimes, a girl really needs to talk to her mom and only her mom. I’d felt it keenly over the last few weeks.

I loved Blue. All the way to my core. Somehow I just knew I was supposed to be with him. That we belonged together. But there was another part of my soul that was fighting against giving up vet school. I’d told myself over and over to let it go. Blue was more important. But I couldn’t completely shake it from my system.

If I told Lemon or Silas how I was feeling, they’d tell me to choose vet school over Blue. Well, Lemon probably wouldn’t. But Silas definitely would. I was a big girl. I could figure it out on my own. But I sure could’ve used Momma’s listening ear right then. And her advice.

I shoved the barn door open, and slid it just far enough to slip inside, before closing it behind me. It was too cold to leave it cracked even a little.

“Anna!” James, my four-and-a-half year old cousin-brother, waved when he saw me. He ran over and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward Fred and the group of people surrounding him.

“Oh, am I not walking fast enough for you?” I laughed.

“Come see! Come see!” James’s little cowboy boots kicked up dust with every step he took. His tiny Wranglers always made me laugh. And his wavy brown hair and cowboy hat. He was basically a mini clone of Silas—and not just in body. This kid would’ve ditched any and every activity to hang out with the horses, just like his dad.

“Ah, Anna.” Dr. Atkins waved, beaming proudly at me. The sixty-year-old gentleman had taken me under his wing in high school, giving me hundreds of hours of volunteer time, and every bit of knowledge my brain could possibly hold.

Holden, Silas, Ashton, and Gramps were there too. All wearing their boots and cowboy hats. Along with adorable towhead Liam, Holden’s three-year-old boy. I shoved my hands into my back pockets and walked toward them.

“AnnaMation.”

“AnnaTomic.”

“AnnaGeddon.”

My uncles called out.

“Hey, sugar pie,” Gramps said, stepping toward me, his warm eyes twinkling. He placed a whiskered kiss to my cheek.

“Hey, Gramps.” I squeezed him tight. Hugging Gramps always felt like safety and peace. “Hey, everybody.” I waved. They grinned. Good gracious, the men in my life were so good. How could I ask for better than the men in this room?

As if the universe heard my question, the barn door slid open and Blue walked in. My heart stuttered as he came toward us. But it always did that whenever I saw him. His smile was present but not enough for the dimple to appear. I frowned. The way he was walking, slightly hunched over, looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

The round of greetings started all over. They slapped Blue on the back, made small talk about his upcoming bowl game, and just generally gave him a hard time.

I reached for his hand. “Can you stay a few minutes? This should be pretty cool.” He was on his way back to Knoxville. He’d stopped to say goodbye.

“Yeah.” He pecked me on the mouth. “Of course.”

My head tilted as I studied him. He looked worn out. “Are you okay?” I whispered.

He gave me a soft smile. “Yeah. Just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” Then he kissed me on the cheek.

Dr. Atkins looked up from where he was kneeling, getting supplies out of his toolbox. “Who’s this?”

I smiled. “Uh, this is Blue Bishop. My boyfriend.”

“Ooh,” Dr. Atkins nodded, with a surprised look. “Blue Bishop, the Knoxville Mountaineers quarterback?”

“Yes, sir.” Blue smiled but it looked forced. Still no dimple.

I rubbed my fingers over his knuckles. “Blue, this is Dr. Atkins. He’s the vet here in Seddledowne.”

Blue nodded. “I remember.” And then it clicked in my mind. Blue had gone with me a few times in high school when I’d volunteered at the clinic. Looked like his memory was doing better than mine.

James tugged on my hand. I let go of Blue and let him lead me to Fred. “Look.” He pointed to a massive bulge in Fred’s coat right over his left shoulder. It looked like there was a gallon of loose liquid just hanging out with nowhere to go.

“Geez.” I whistled. “Gramps, why’d you let it get so big?”

“Just woke up this morning and there it was.” He shrugged. “It looks like one of the other horses bit him.” He clicked his tongue. “Probably Maisy. She has a thing against poor Fred.”

“Sometimes it happens.” Dr. Atkins rubbed his hands together, his eyes dancing. “Been waiting for you to get here,” he said to me. “James helped me give Fred a local.” James puffed his chest proudly. Dr. Atkins smiled. “But I thought you’d like to make the incision. It’ll be good practice for vet school.”

Blue’s gaze flashed to me and I made sure not to meet it. My face heated and I turned quickly. I hurried over to the sink by the wall, turning the water up to full heat. Then I scrubbed my hands, getting between each finger the way Dr. Atkins had taught me. I ripped two latex gloves from the box he was offering and peeled them over my fingers, stretching to situate them just right. I held my hand out so he could place the scalpel handle in my palm.

I felt around Fred’s coat and everybody went quiet with anticipation. I looked up at Dr. Atkins and pointed to the spot I thought should be the point of entry. “Right here?”

He winked. “What do you think?”

I knew this. I’d watched him drain at least fifty abscesses. “Yes. There.”

He nodded his approval.

I tried to bite back a smile, but it was a rush of excitement. I slowly and carefully made a small slice in Fred’s skin and jumped back just in time for the geyser of yellow pus to narrowly miss my boots.

“Eew,” James and Liam yelled at the same time. “Eeeeeewww,” they yelled again, when the smell hit their adorable little noses.

My eyes widened at them. “Watch this.” I wiggled my finger into the hole, making it bigger. The liquid came out faster and harder, leaving a large puddle on the ground.

The boys giggled and my uncles let out sounds of approval.

“Poor Fred,” I said to the horse, petting him with my hand that wasn’t covered in bacteria-ridden goo. “You’re going to feel better so quick. Aren’t you, boy?” After three minutes of a steady stream of pus, I thought the littles might lose interest. But they didn’t. They just stayed, awed that so much nastiness could come out of Fred. When the stream slowed to a trickle, I gently massaged in downward motions, helping the rest of the fluid find its way out. The bit at the tail end had a little blood mixed in. But Dr. Atkins had taught me a long time ago that was normal. The area made by the abscess hung loose, but at least the infection was out. The skin would tighten back up eventually.

Everyone looked over when the barn door opened. Tally and Madden walked in, hands in their pockets. I watched as Blue’s eyes went to Ash who exhaled like he was steeling himself. Watching Tally date Madden had been tough for me. I liked Madden a lot. He was a really great guy and Tally deserved that. But I also knew Ashton was in love with her and he didn’t deserve the constant hurt of watching her with someone else. It hurt me to watch him hurt.

Sorry , Blue mouthed. I told him to wait in the car. Madden had just finished a tryout with a new AHL team in Richmond. Tally was dropping him off to ride back with Blue. From the excitement on their faces, the tryout had gone well.

“Hey, guys,” Gramps waved them over. “Just watching Dr. Anna drain Fred’s abscess.”

Tally and I shared a look. She knew the pain it had caused for me to give up vet school. The pain it was still causing.

“You mean Vet Tech, Anna,” Madden grinned, shooting double finger pistols at me.

My entire face squeezed and there was an instant pit in my stomach.

Silas scowled. “No. Anna’s going to vet school to be an actual vet. She just had her interview.” He looked at me for reassurance. “Right?”

Everyone’s eyes landed on me.

“Sorry,” Madden shook his head and looked at Blue. “Maybe I was confused?”

Silas’s gaze ping-ponged between me, Blue, Tally, and Madden. At least one of us must’ve been a bad actor because his eyes narrowed. “Anna?”

I winced. “I was thinking of switching to a vet tech program.”

“Why would you downgrade to vet tech?” Silas said in a careful tone that sat at the edge of terrifying. He looked at Dr. Atkins, who appeared as sideswiped as him.

Dr. Atkins glanced at me, a question in his eyes. “I was kind of expecting you to take over for me when I retire.”

That had definitely been the plan.

I turned and pulled my ponytail from my hair, trying to shield my face, which wasn’t cooperating in being cool and calm. “Uh, can we talk about it later?”

“Blue?” Silas said, a bite to his voice.

My need to protect came out and I turned to face Silas, folding my arms. “He doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Really?” Silas looked downright pissed. “Because the only reason I can think of you doing something like that would be so you could go with him when he’s drafted in the spring.” He aimed himself at Blue. “So, let’s try this again. Blue, why would Anna switch to a vet tech track?”

For a second, Blue looked like he wanted to run. But then a hardness came over his face as if he’d told himself to cowboy up. “She’s going to vet school.”

Madden chuckled and ran a hand over his face. “I’m so confused right now. I thought she told you?—”

Tally shook her head and did a slicing motion across her throat. Too bad Silas saw it.

He put a hand on his hip. “Why do I feel like the four of you are trying to sneak out past curfew and you’re doing a very poor job of it?”

Holden, Ashton, and Gramps all had wide eyes.

I held my hands up, my heart racing. “I mean, I don’t even know if I’ll get into vet school. There were over seventeen hundred applicants this year and only a hundred and thirty spots.

Dr. Atkins put his hands on his hips. “I’d be shocked if you didn’t get in. The dean of the Virginia-Maryland College of Veterinary Medicine and I were roommates during our time there, remember? I’ve talked you up, big time. Not that you needed it. He was already impressed. He told me you aced the interview. And you have a 4.0 still, right?” I aced the interview? My heart soared. And immediately slammed back to earth. Because I wasn’t going. I couldn’t give Blue up. I wouldn’t.

“Yes,” I said feeling so ashamed. Nobody with a 4.0 should downgrade their plans. Especially if they pulled that in Biochemistry.

Silas aimed himself at me. “You have more than five hundred vet volunteer hours. And more than seven hundred medical hours from when you ran with the rescue squad. Are you telling me you put all that time in for nothing? You didn’t even do volleyball your senior year because you wanted to focus on this and now you’re quitting?”

The shame hung over me like a cloud of darkness.

“You don’t need to worry,” Blue said quietly, looking as guilty as I felt. “She’s going to vet school.”

My head tilted and my eyes burned. “Blue, you know I can’t.”

“What?” Silas shouted, looking like he wanted to rip something apart.

“Hey,” Gramps said gently, waving Silas off. “What do you mean you can’t?”

So I told them. I told them everything the coaches’ wives had told me. “If Blue goes to the NFL, I have to go with him.”

Silas’s hands shoved into his hair and he turned away from me.

“Hey, Anna,” Holden said, scratching his brow. “You gotta hear how crazy this sounds, right?”

I gulped. “What’s crazy about it? If I learned to go after my heart from anyone, I learned it from the two of you.” I pointed between him and Silas.

“Yeah.” Silas let out an angry chuckle as he turned back around. “But not at the age of nineteen and at the expense of your entire future.”

“I’ll be twenty.” I nodded firmly.

“It’s too young,” Holden said softly.

Blue’s hands were at the back of his head and his chest was rising and falling too quickly.

I threw my hands out. “Do you see how ridiculous you all are? Blue’s old enough to go pro at the age of twenty but?—”

“Twenty-one. My birthday’s in March, remember?” he said, almost too low for me to hear, which was good because I plowed right over his comment anyway.

“—I’m too young to decide if I want to go with him? Why? Because he’s a guy? Y’all need to stop treating me like a child.”

Ashton lifted a hand. “What would your mom tell you?”

“I have no idea!” I half-yelled. “That doesn’t work this time! You think I haven’t asked myself that same question? Do you know what she’d tell me? Would she tell me to go after my heart? Or would she tell me not to give up on my dreams? She was a hopeless romantic and a raging feminist. It doesn’t reconcile. And none of it matters anyway because she’s. Not. Here!” I threw my hands out even wider. Everyone stared at me, tight-lipped for a long, uncomfortable moment. “Exactly. None of you know the right answer either.” I huffed and stormed past all of them, choking on my tears.

“Anna!” Silas yelled when I was five feet from the door. “You have to go to vet school!”

I yanked the door open. “No! I actually don’t!” Then I walked outside and slammed it shut. I jogged through the grass, toward Mom, fighting back tears. I didn’t even bother opening the gate, just hurled myself over it and kept going. Running until I collapsed on top of the grass in front of her grave.

“Mom.” I lay my cheek against the cold ground above her. “I don’t know what to do.” My heart was kicking like a bucking bronco. “I love him. So much. But I want to be a vet so badly.”

Somebody dropped behind me and I already knew it was Blue. I could tell by his breathing, the sandalwood smell, and the gentleness of his hand on my back. “Hey.” He pulled me into his lap. I turned, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pressing my face into his neck just as I had at the first Knoxville game.

My voice shook. “Let’s just get married. We’ll elope and then they won’t be able to tell us what to do.”

His fingers traced along my spine. “No. We’re not doing that. Hey.” He pushed me back so he could look at my face. “You need to be a vet.”

“But—”

He put a finger to my lips. “No buts. You need to be a vet. I saw you in there. How happy you looked? That’s your jam, just like football is mine.”

“But you’re my jam.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, looking so helpless, like his heart was breaking. “You’re mine too.”

“Blue,” I said in a hush, my fingers trailing over the crinkles by his eyes. “What are we gonna do?”

“Long distance?” he pleaded.

But with the NFL’s schedule, he’d be here, there, and everywhere. I had no idea how we’d ever see each other, especially once vet school started. It was rigorous and there was no way I’d be flying all over to watch him play. “I can’t.” I shook my head. “I can’t do that for four and a half more years.”

His nose brushed mine. “Brooklyn says I have to let you go,” he said in a hush. “Maybe we aren’t meant to be.”

I huffed. “Forget Brooklyn. She doesn’t get a say.”

He sniffed. “I’m so relieved to hear you say that. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t give you up. I already tried and it just about ripped my heart out. Life was nothing but a suckfest.”

“Same.” My fingers scratched his scalp over his ears, as I stayed my nose to his. My heart was settling, calming. Being in his arms always did that. “Something will work out. It has to. We belong together.”

“You really think so?” His voice was soft and hopeful.

I laid a hand on his heart. “What did you feel right here the first time you saw me when you woke up in the hospital?”

“That I knew you. That we had a connection. And you were everything I would ever need to be happy in this life.”

My thumb tugged on his bottom lip. “You don’t get two love-at-first-sights unless it’s meant to be. Right?”

“Right.” He forced a smile. “So we’re going to ride this wave and see where it takes us? Where God, or whoever’s running this show, wants us to end up?”

“It’s God, babe. I promise. And don’t worry. My momma will make sure He figures it out.”

His arms wound tight around my back. “Do you think she minds that we’re sitting on top of her grave?”

“I think this is exactly where she’d want us to be. Figuring this out together.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Yeah. We’re riding this wave to the very end. All to pieces.”

He let out a haggard exhale. “All to pieces.”